SUNSHINE65   67,276
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Dealing With Telemarketers

Saturday, August 03, 2013

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . “

If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

(This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with XYZ Company. ” You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, “What are you wearing?”

Cry out in surprise, “Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

Say “No” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends, would you be my friend?”

If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?”

After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can’t just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, “OH MY GOSH!” and then hang up.

Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The Telemarketer will agree and you say, “Me either!” and proceed to hang up.

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.

Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I’ll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”

Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up… louder… louder!

Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CYBERCITYSHELL 8/7/2013 1:56AM

    You have some great ideas there.
That should stop them telemarketers!!
emoticon


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LADYIRISH317 8/4/2013 10:22PM

    I'm an old poop -- I just hang up. Funny post, though!

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DALID414 8/4/2013 5:53PM

    emoticon

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1GR8FULGAL 8/3/2013 9:23PM

    My dad's friend used to REALLY mess with 'em when they called him from a competitor's company. He'd tie them up FOREVER!!! He'd tell them that he gets a certain deal and can they beat it; all kinds of goofy things to keep them from calling real customers!! This is too funny!!!

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PDSLIM 8/3/2013 5:51PM

    Great ideas

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MARYB73 8/3/2013 5:44PM

    Our son-in-law has been doing this for years. I just hang up.


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COLLEENROSTE 8/3/2013 5:13PM

    so much fun........I've also heard that if you hang up when you are in the middle of a sentence to them they will figure something is wrong with the line.
In Canada we have the "Do Not Call" registry-effective for telemarketers-they can be fined if they call a registered number; unfortunately it doesn't apply to political campaigners- during the last election we stopped answering our phone altogether

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JTREMBATH 8/3/2013 3:15PM

    I hate tellimarketers I normally hang up in there ears.

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KACAR51 8/3/2013 2:42PM

    emoticon Do you have any for bill collectors? emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/3/2013 2:43:36 PM

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STEVEN_D 8/3/2013 2:16PM

    Ha that's funny. You must be retired to be able to enjoy so much fun time harrassing them. I just hang up

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WOUBBIE 8/3/2013 2:15PM

    Love all of these!

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ECONLADY 8/3/2013 2:07PM

    emoticon LOL!!!

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A man was sick and tired of going ...

Thursday, August 01, 2013

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies." God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love -- which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll have to wait 9 months, though. You got pregnant last night!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIGER_LILY_613 8/4/2013 11:01PM

    LMAO ! emoticon emoticon

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DALID414 8/4/2013 5:56PM

    emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 8/2/2013 12:47PM

    emoticon

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BECKYSFRIEND 8/2/2013 10:39AM

    emoticon cute

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GARDENCHRIS 8/2/2013 7:17AM

    don't we wish!!

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2BDYNAMIC 8/2/2013 6:48AM

    Happy ending! .............. I was hoping he would at LEAST experience cramps!!! emoticon

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ECONLADY 8/2/2013 12:15AM

    LOL!!!

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PDSLIM 8/2/2013 12:14AM

    emoticon

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NICKLESPICKLES 8/1/2013 11:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

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NANCYPAT1 8/1/2013 11:13PM

    LOL - too cute

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EVIE4NOW 8/1/2013 11:12PM

  LMAO ... good one!

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Undeniable Adult Truths

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection, again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1 .7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CECE0330 7/31/2013 10:31AM

    I've ALWAYS thought that about #8 but that it was too morbid to admit to. emoticon

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PDSLIM 7/31/2013 9:32AM

    love #24

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UWPALUM 7/31/2013 7:58AM

    I'm a little concerned about how many of this really seem true for me...:) Good laugh in the morning!

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CAROLCRC 7/31/2013 7:54AM

    Love it!!!!

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CMCGRUN 7/31/2013 6:43AM

    I saw your blog in the list scrolling on the indygirl discussion forum and I'm glad i read it. Ha ha ha, too funny!!!! I sure needed a giggle today :) thanks!!

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EDDYMEESE 7/31/2013 1:57AM

    LMAO!

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PHYLISSCR 7/31/2013 1:32AM

    emoticon thanks for the laugh I needed that..

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BETZYGIRL 7/30/2013 10:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Thanks for the laugh of the day!

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ECONLADY 7/30/2013 10:39PM

    emoticon
Thanks for the laugh!

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DALID414 7/30/2013 10:29PM

    emoticon

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MOMMAPAM1 7/30/2013 10:20PM

    emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 7/30/2013 10:01PM

    I agree about the sarcasm font, but I love the one about cups vs helmets.

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TIME-4-TINA 7/30/2013 9:56PM

    I just finished reading this on Facebook. I love the one about the sarcasm font! I'd be using it all the time!

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Funnies

Monday, July 29, 2013

There's a new Anthony Weiner scandal. Weiner is running for mayor of New York City. He confirmed yesterday that some new sexually explicit messages have been leaked. He sent them to a woman on Facebook using the code name 'Carlos Danger.' Which is still easier to believe than that other name: Mayor Weiner. -Jimmy Fallon

The show tonight may run a little longer than usual, and I'll tell you why. We have about 300 Anthony Weiner jokes to get through. -David Letterman

Yes, even after the sexting scandal that ended his congressional career. It turns out he learned nothing. Has this man never heard of SnapChat? Your dong shots disappear seconds after you send them…I have been told. -Stephen Colbert

Before we begin the show, I want to ask everyone to turn off their cellphones. It has nothing to do with our program. We just want to protect you from Anthony Weiner. He may try to send you a text. -Jay Leno

The royal baby is set to inherit $1 billion. In fact, he's so rich that he's already dating a girl half his age. -Conan O'Brien

A tourist came up to me today and she says, 'I watch your show on and off.' And I said, 'How do you like it?' And she said, 'Off.' -Dave Letterman

Taco Bell announced that it will discontinue its line of kids' meals because of low sales. You know your food's bad when even little kids say, 'I'm not putting that in my mouth.' -Jimmy Fallon

A lot of guys go to Comic-Con dressed as super heroes. Comic-Con is a great place to go if you want to see what all your favorite super heroes would look like if they stopped working out and ate only ice cream. -Craig Ferguson

Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom. -Conan O'Brien

The temperature got up to a 100 here in New York City. And now doctors are warning people about something called 'heat rage.' It's a real thing, where people to overreact when it gets too hot. It's similar to those other conditions in New York: cold rage, lukewarm rage, and just regular old rage. -Jimmy Fallon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYSFRIEND 8/2/2013 10:40AM

    emoticon

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_CYNDY55_ 7/30/2013 10:00PM

    😁 emoticon

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PDSLIM 7/30/2013 10:15AM

    emoticon

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UWPALUM 7/30/2013 9:53AM

    Very nice!

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BARCLE 7/30/2013 2:12AM

    emoticon

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ECONLADY 7/29/2013 11:07PM

    emoticon

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UMBILICAL 7/29/2013 10:19PM

  Good ones

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Watch A Preacher Succinctly Explain What Everyone Missed About The Trayvon Martin Case

Sunday, July 28, 2013

www.upworthy.com/watch-a-preacher-su
ccinctly-explain-what-everyone-missed-
about-the-trayvon-martin-case-9?c=upw9

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COACHPENNY 7/31/2013 10:28AM

    I agree Fox news should be ashamed...they aren't...but they should be.

Trayvon Martin wasn't a perp and George Zimmerman wouldn't have been had he not profiled Martin.

Something happened yesterday that made me think of something else concerning race and the reasons for fear on both sides. I was teaching class in a pool that is part of a hotel complex. A group of young people (late teens, early 20s) were being loud and obnoxious during our class...trying to outshout the music, dancing wildly on the deck and mimicking what I was teaching (in a more athletic way emoticon ). At first, just annoying and later, in a much more in a disruptive manner.

I asked them if they wanted to join the class hoping to re-direct the behavior. They made snide remarks and finally they began jumping into the pool right next to the participants. At that point, I told them they had to move if they wanted to jump and splash since they had the rest of the large pool to use. We were only using a small area. They continued to be annoying but stopped the jumping and splashing to a degree. Their actions went well past silliness and into hostile behavior.

The people in the class were older and white. The young people were black. I do think that the people in the class were disturbed not only because they were being bullied by a bunch of obnoxious kids, but also I sensed a fear. Not one person said a word and the people in this class aren't wallflowers. Had they been white kids they probably would have said something even before I did.

My perception was that the young people were purposefully obnoxious and openly disdaining of the class. It made me wonder if they would have been this hostile if the class were compromised of mixed races (it is, much of the time). Did they perceive us in a negative light because of race? Or was this just a case of young against old? Making fun of us old fogies for sport.

I do know that it gave me pause and I wish that respect and co-existence were a given and not something we have to work at.

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DIHEALTHYHAPPY 7/29/2013 11:36AM

    Thanks!

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PDSLIM 7/29/2013 10:01AM

    emoticon

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SASIKHASI1 7/28/2013 9:45PM

    That's right, blame it on Fox News, gotta blame somebody other than the perps.

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WOUBBIE 7/28/2013 7:46PM

    Absolutely.

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ECONLADY 7/28/2013 7:23PM

    Thanks for sharing

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SPARKLE1908 7/28/2013 6:56PM

    Wow...that's powerful...thanks for sharing...

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