SUNSHINE65   62,485
SparkPoints
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints
 
 
SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Use Your Lifeline

Saturday, July 20, 2013

A contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win the million dollars. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?"

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it. Mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde.


But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is 'C' -- the cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do.

On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

Time was up. "I need an answer," said Regis.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C) the cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Regis.

"Yes, that is my final answer," she said, breaking into a sweat.

After the usual foot-dragging delay Regis said, "I regret to inform you that that answer is ... absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice."

"You're welcome!" the blonde said.

"By the way," the winner said, not being able to contain the question anymore. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2ABBYNORMAL 7/24/2013 10:18PM

    Really funny!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARYB73 7/20/2013 6:07PM

    Right!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PDSLIM 7/20/2013 1:06PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NANA2PRINCESSES 7/20/2013 6:55AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ECONLADY 7/20/2013 4:04AM

    emoticon
Thanks for the laugh!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 7/20/2013 2:13AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Nate Light funnies

Friday, July 19, 2013

Enough with the theatrics, Mister President. Republicans don't look at these photos and say, "Look how hot he is. Global warming must be real." They look at these photos and say, "Remember Louie Armstrong? He was one of the good ones." They just don't...quite get it. Okay. -Bill Maher

The ladies of 'The View' have to dry their tears, say their goodbyes, and admit what I have: No woman can ever replace Elisabeth Hasselbeck. She must be replaced by "Big Mouth Billy Bass" Why? Well, one's made of lifelike rubber, always says the same thing, and was so annoying it was kind of funny ten years ago. And the other is "Big Mouth Billy Bass." -Bill Maher

Don't send your leftover Romney/Ryan t-shirts to poor kids in Africa! I applaud the gesture, but it's not fair to Republicans. They're going to see this ad and think, "Boy, our message is really resonating with young voters in Detroit!" -Bill Maher

Ten years ago, there were 10,000 border patrol agents. Now, there are 21,000. The new bill would up it to 38,000. Why? Because Republicans hate big government. -Bill Maher

Twinkies are back. You can get the Twinkies at your favorite supermarket or wherever you buy sponge rubber and foam insulation products. -Dave Letterman

There's a new website that allows you to use Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, surf the web, and read all the news in one place. That one place is called 'work.' -Conan O'Brien

The FDA says it will limit the amount of pain reliever found in Vicodin. Which explains my new substitute for Vicodin: two Vicodin. -Jimmy Fallon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DALID414 7/19/2013 12:26PM

    I saw Little Debbies has a Cloud Cake which looks so much like a Twinkie, they could be twins! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ECONLADY 7/19/2013 11:21AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PDSLIM 7/19/2013 10:46AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
YMWONG22 7/19/2013 4:54AM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BARCLE 7/19/2013 1:53AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


One Liners

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
One Liners

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REYVNCFOX 7/19/2013 2:45PM

    Wonderful - I may have to re-use these in small doses... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAYPOOIE 7/19/2013 11:18AM

    So true.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BARCLE 7/19/2013 1:55AM

    These are super~! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 7/19/2013 1:21AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANDYLIN90 7/19/2013 12:46AM

    Lots of wisdom...

Report Inappropriate Comment
ECONLADY 7/18/2013 11:38PM

    LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment


Cow Tube

Thursday, July 18, 2013

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow.

The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy.

About a week later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow's butt.

The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try. The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow's butt and started to blow.

"What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified.

"Well, I wasn't gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 7/18/2013 3:18PM

    I've had employees like that.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PDSLIM 7/18/2013 11:26AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GARDENCHRIS 7/18/2013 7:31AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 7/18/2013 1:12AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAGGIEVAN 7/18/2013 1:07AM

    Crazy but it really made me smile. Thanks for sharing.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ECONLADY 7/18/2013 1:01AM

    I love the good laughs! Thanks!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITANDFIFTY2 7/18/2013 12:59AM

    Oh my goodness... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Beautiful sight!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

I was walking to my car from the office, passing apartments and noticing the grass in front of them. I saw patches of clover all along the way. I stopped to look because I remember in the old days there would be lots of bees enjoying the clover. Lo and behold, each patch of clover was loaded with honey bees! It almost made me cry with gratitude.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITANDFIFTY2 7/18/2013 1:00AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WOUBBIE 7/18/2013 12:05AM

    Whew. Glad they're still surviving there!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 7/17/2013 11:20PM

    Awe!

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 Last Page