SUNSHINE65   58,654
SparkPoints
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints
 
 
SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Designated...

Saturday, July 13, 2013

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HELEN_BRU 7/14/2013 10:33AM

    Oh, that's funny! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PDSLIM 7/14/2013 6:49AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GIA_ROSY 7/14/2013 5:59AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 7/14/2013 3:41AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JEANSHEP2 7/13/2013 11:44PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAYPOOIE 7/13/2013 11:29PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KANATAGIRL 7/13/2013 10:16PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JTREMBATH 7/13/2013 10:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ECONLADY 7/13/2013 9:56PM

    Good one!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Happy Bastille Day tomorrow!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEANSHEP2 7/13/2013 11:45PM

    Cute cartoon!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 7/13/2013 8:10PM

    Ha ha my son was born on Bastille day, so happy birthday son.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 7/13/2013 7:00PM

    Dang it! Now I want cake!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ECONLADY 7/13/2013 6:49PM

    Happy Bastille Day!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HELEN_BRU 7/13/2013 6:35PM

    In 1971 I arrived in Paris on Bastille Day. What an adventure!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEZMOM1 7/13/2013 6:07PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FCARMICH 7/13/2013 6:02PM

  ok maxine!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Late Night

Thursday, July 11, 2013

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. -Johnny Carson


Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples. -Johnny Carson


If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. -Johnny Carson


Your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say "storms suck!' -Johnny Carson


The Taliban is now recruiting women to become suicide bombers. And it’s not easy to qualify. The women must be able to push a car loaded with explosives because, as you know, they’re not allowed to drive over there. -Jay Leno


The NSA whistleblower revealed himself – Edward Snowden, a 29-year-old high school dropout computer nerd with a pole-dancing girlfriend, who says he can wiretap anyone in the world, including the president. I find this shocking. A computer nerd with a girlfriend? -Bill Maher


Ever since the government’s spying scandal was exposed, sales of the novel ’1984′ have jumped 6,000 percent on Amazon. Yeah, ’1984′ shows how scary it would be if society tracked everything you do. And if you want to read it, just buy it on a website that tracks everything you do. -Jimmy Fallon


Superman is played by Henry Cavil, who is British. I’m not sure why all our iconic American figures are being played by foreigners. We’ve got a Superman from Britain, a Batman from Britain, a Spider-Man from Britain, and a president from Kenya. -Craig Ferguson


Last night the White House staff played softball against a team made of marijuana lobbyists. Which explains why there were 20 hits before the game even started. The on-deck circle was a drum circle. -Jimmy Fallon


During the summer all scandals will be reruns. That's a programming reminder from the White House. -David Letterman


Yesterday the FBI admitted they do use drones on U.S. soil for domestic surveillance. The FBI's Robert Mueller told Congress that he does sometimes use drones, but he said the good news is that these drones are made in America, by Americans, to spy on Americans. -Jay Leno


Bad day on Wall Street – the stock market dropped over 350 points today. See, I knew Obama shouldn't have come back home. I knew this was going to happen." Jay Leno



This week a man was arrested for jumping over the White House fence and trying to spray paint a political message. If that guy really wanted to get a message to the president, he could have just written it in an email to literally anyone. -Jimmy Fallon


The big story continues to be 29-year-old Edward Snowden, the man behind the leaking of the NSA spy scandal. Speculation is that Snowden is hiding in Hong Kong and could be working for China. Hey, let’s get real. Aren’t we all pretty much working for China? -Jay Leno


A recent report finds that by the year 2043 white people will no longer be the majority in America. And by 2050 people will be saying, ‘I’m not racist. One of my best friends is white.’ -Conan O'Brien


It’s not like we’re the Whig party on the verge of extinction. -Republican consultant and pollster Mike McKenna, being unintentionally funny

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIA_ROSY 7/12/2013 8:33AM

    Johnny Carson was my favorite emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAYPOOIE 7/11/2013 11:53AM

    I love these guys!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WOUBBIE 7/11/2013 11:14AM

    Whew. Good thing I like SPAM! And it's only 2g of carbs per serving!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HELEN_BRU 7/11/2013 10:43AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOROTHYBERO 7/11/2013 8:28AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 7/11/2013 4:04AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANDYLIN90 7/11/2013 4:03AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 7/11/2013 2:26AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ECONLADY 7/11/2013 1:22AM

    LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment


Duck to Chicken

Thursday, July 11, 2013

A duck was standing on the curb looking across the street when a chicken yelled to him...

"Don't do it buddy, you will never hear the end of it!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 7/12/2013 10:12PM

    Very funny1

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUNSET09 7/11/2013 7:06AM

  Thanx for my comic relief for today! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANDYLIN90 7/11/2013 4:01AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 7/11/2013 2:21AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ECONLADY 7/11/2013 1:09AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Things My Mother Taught Me

Thursday, July 11, 2013

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done – if you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.

My mother taught me religion – you better pray that will come out of the carpet.

My mother taught me about time travel – if you don’t straighten up, i’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!

My mother taught me logic – because, i said so, that’s why.

My mother taught me more logic – if you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.

My mother taught me foresight – make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.

My mother taught me irony – keep crying and i’ll give you something to cry about.

My mother taught me about the science of osmosis – shut your mouth and eat your supper.

My mother taught me about contortionism – will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck.

My mother taught me about stamina – you’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.

My mother taught me about weather – this room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.

My mother taught me about hypocrisy – if i told you once, i’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

My mother taught me the circle of life – i brought you into this world, and i can take you out.

My mother taught me about behavior modification – stop acting like your father!

My mother taught me about envy – there are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.

My mother taught me about anticipation – just wait until we get home.

My mother taught me about receiving – you are going to get it when you get home!

My mother taught me medical science – if you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.

My mother taught me esp – put your sweater on; don’t you think i know when you are cold?

My mother taught me humor – when that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.

My mother taught me how to become an adult – if you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.

My mother taught me about my roots – shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?

My mother taught me wisdom – when you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

My mother taught me about justice – one day you’ll have kids, and i hope they turn out just like you!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EVER-HOPEFUL 7/13/2013 5:23PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
434TERESA 7/11/2013 4:05PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAYPOOIE 7/11/2013 11:55AM

    That was my mother!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GARDENQE2 7/11/2013 11:30AM

    Your Mother and mine!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GARDENCHRIS 7/11/2013 7:32AM

    they are ALL true! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANDYLIN90 7/11/2013 4:05AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 7/11/2013 2:21AM

    You gotta love mommas!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSANBEAMON 7/11/2013 1:19AM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ECONLADY 7/11/2013 1:10AM

    LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 Last Page