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SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Diversity

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity, "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads, "No."

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But now, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ECONLADY 6/29/2013 1:18AM

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MISSDAISY23 6/27/2013 7:59PM

    I have read this before and still love it. Thanks for the laugh!

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DALID414 6/27/2013 4:06PM

    So that's what all offices need! I'll be sure to put this in the suggestion box' emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 6/27/2013 1:06PM

    LOL

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DOVESEYES 6/27/2013 1:56AM

    Which employment agency can we get in touch with?

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HELEN_BRU 6/27/2013 12:45AM

    Good one!

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IMREITE 6/27/2013 12:42AM

    it would be nice if some cannibals were hired at our corporate office.

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LANAHAUTH21 6/27/2013 12:04AM

  I loved it.


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Best Round of Golf

Monday, June 24, 2013

A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang.

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... Then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!"

"I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care, and you will be her care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.

The doctor snickered and said, "I'm just messing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSDAISY23 6/27/2013 8:02PM

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NAYPOOIE 6/25/2013 3:49PM

    Fellow golfer

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DOVESEYES 6/24/2013 2:11AM

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DALID414 6/24/2013 1:41AM

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Words and what they mean...

Monday, June 24, 2013

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING

This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!

At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT

This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

  
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RASPBERRY56 6/24/2013 7:19AM

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CASEYSAUER 6/24/2013 7:12AM

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GARDENCHRIS 6/24/2013 7:09AM

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COLLEENROSTE 6/24/2013 2:54AM

    why don't premarital counsellors test couples on these? or at least hand out the cheat sheet to the guys??? it would save so much grief later on

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ANDYLIN90 6/24/2013 2:34AM

    emoticon

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DALID414 6/24/2013 1:37AM

    Thanks emoticon

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IMREITE 6/24/2013 12:24AM

    sometimes true, i try not to do that. i am a very blunt person.

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NANCYPAT1 6/24/2013 12:24AM

    Love this and it is SOOOO true.

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What's that song?

Saturday, June 22, 2013

  
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GARDENCHRIS 6/23/2013 10:34AM

    emoticon

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WOUBBIE 6/22/2013 11:16PM

    Cinema (Skrillex version?)

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DALID414 6/22/2013 9:21PM

    It's on the tip of my tongue! emoticon

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DOVESEYES 6/22/2013 9:04PM

    emoticon

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JUNA89 6/22/2013 8:43PM

    emoticon Is it Gypsy Woman (She's Homeless) by Crystal Waters

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LJOYCE55 6/22/2013 8:23PM

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Late Nite...

Saturday, June 22, 2013

President Obama's approval rating has dropped eight points over the past month, down to 45 percent, his lowest rating in more than a year and a half. But Obama is vowing to find out whose approval he's lost, track them down using their email and phone records, and personally win them back. -Jay Leno

The latest search for Jimmy Hoffa has been called off. The FBI now says they called off the search because the NSA said it would be too difficult to find Jimmy Hoffa because he hasn't made a phone call since 1975. -Jay Leno

President Obama is in Berlin, Germany. It was 97 degrees in Berlin today. I haven't seen Obama sweat like that since, well, yesterday. And the day before that. All this week, in fact. -Craig Ferguson

A new survey found that 70 percent of Americans admit to 'going through the motions' at their jobs. And the other 30 percent blah, blah, blah, punch line. -Jimmy Fallon

Due to the government spy scandal, sales of the classic George Orwell book ’1984′ have skyrocketed. So the fallout is worse than we thought. It’s making Americans read. -Conan O'Brien

Evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin and his wife, Connie, have been married a long time, and everybody thought they were happily married. Well, last week Putin announced he was divorcing Connie. And when Chris Humphries heard that, he said, ‘You can do that, really?’ So far, it’s a very amicable divorce. So far, Connie is still alive. -David Letterman

There are reports that female terrorists are being fitted with exploding breast implants. How many guys are going to use this as an excuse? ‘Honey, I’m not looking at her breasts. I’m working for Homeland Security’ -Jay Leno

Conservative commentator Glenn Beck is suffering from paralyzed vocal cords that have made him unable to speak. But not to worry – doctors are working around the clock to make sure this condition continues. -Conan O'Brien

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DALID414 6/22/2013 11:46AM

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WOUBBIE 6/22/2013 11:13AM

    Omigod, that IS serious: "So the fallout is worse than we thought. It’s making Americans read."

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PDSLIM 6/22/2013 11:05AM

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DOVESEYES 6/22/2013 1:59AM

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SUSANBEAMON 6/22/2013 12:47AM

  liked that last one. he needs to be silent more.

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