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Thumb-sucking!

Friday, May 31, 2013

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."

  
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GARDENCHRIS 5/31/2013 10:42AM

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Thumb-sucking!

Friday, May 31, 2013

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."

  
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MARGARITTM 5/31/2013 10:41AM

    Cute!

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Fate Light Runnies

Thursday, May 30, 2013

I admit that I get angry in traffic when driving to work. But it's pointless. It's much better to bottle up that anger and then unleash it when you get to work. -Craig Ferguson


A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then. -Jimmy Fallon


A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway. -Jimmy Kimmel


During a Senate hearing yesterday, Senator John McCain said it was too hard to always have to update apps on his iPhone. No one has the heart to tell him the device he was holding was a garage door opener. -Conan O'Brien


Everything’s going bad for President Obama with Benghazi and other controversies. But Obama’s trying to turn things around. He’s sending in SEAL Team 6 to bring back Justin Bieber’s monkey. And if SEAL Team 6 doesn’t work, he’s sending in Dennis Rodman. -David Letterman


We had an election in Los Angeles yesterday. Three measures involved medical marijuana. The one that passed was a proposition that limits the number of marijuana dispensaries in the city. The rule now is there cannot be more marijuana stores than cupcake shops – because they feed on each other. The proposition will limit the number of dispensaries in L.A. to 135. Unfortunately, right now there are about 800 pot shops, so the employees of 665 of them will be out of work. And on top of that, their resumes will say they used to work at a pot store. So I wish them luck. -Jimmy Kimmel

(Note: I have edited out Jay Leno's snide remarks re Obama. He seems to get his material from FOX NEWS)

  
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DALID414 5/30/2013 11:25PM

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Rules for When You Find Yourself in a Horror Movie

Thursday, May 30, 2013

- Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.

- When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

- Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

- Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out! And especially don't wear a diaphanous nightgown down there!

- If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

- When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.

- Don't have sex. Especially if you've noticed a few of your friends are missing!

- As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.

-Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

- If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand their sighing with relief, GET THE HECK OUT!

- If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT!

- Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

- If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

- Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

- If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

- If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

- Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Arkham (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

- If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.

- Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

- If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

  
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NAYPOOIE 5/30/2013 2:09PM

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WOUBBIE 5/30/2013 12:53PM

    Excellent advice! And don't forget - when hiding from zombies DO NOT whimper or cry! Put a sock in it if you have to!

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LINTPICKER 5/30/2013 10:10AM

    LOL!!! emoticon LOL!!


I am pretty sure all teens speak in another language!
You have captured the best rules for these situations. In the end, I am pretty sure we are without hope of fending off the fiends! If we are in the horror flick, there is only one ending. We just have to figure if we are the plucky expendable or the lead!

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BARCLE 5/30/2013 1:55AM

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DALID414 5/30/2013 1:16AM

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DOVESEYES 5/30/2013 1:13AM

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Express Yourself Best by Relaxing

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

By Michael Roizen, M.D. and Mehmet Oz, M.D.
A lot of people think, "Well, I am who I am; it's in my DNA." You may be resigned to the fact that Dad was a type A personality and so are you. Or Mom was overweight, and now you're getting heavier every year. But even 150 years ago, Abraham Lincoln figured out that "Every man over 40 is responsible for his own face."

He knew, maybe not scientifically but intuitively, that there are some things about your looks, your health and your inner self that are a result of how you live, that your choices shape your life and your face. A study now confirms that.

Scientists wanted to see what happens to your genetic makeup when you relax deeply, so they tracked the changes it makes in the expression (we don't mean smiley faces) of almost all of your more than 22,000 genes. You see, environmental influences can activate them or turn them off. And the researchers discovered genes linked to the immune system, energy metabolism and the secretion of insulin are immediately affected (they change their expression, from unhappy to happy) when you practice progressive relaxation or mindfulness.

Seems mitochondria (the power-producing energy centers of cells) get a boost, as do their supporting pathways. The result? Cell pathways that are conduits for stress, cancer, trauma and inflammation are suppressed. That's how relaxation therapy defends you from disease and keeps you lookin' good. So, cultivate your relaxation response, and make your RealAge years younger.

  
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DIANAOR1 5/31/2013 8:53AM

    Thanks for sharing. Will practice - relaxation.

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DALID414 5/30/2013 1:19AM

    emoticon namaste

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CARRAND 5/29/2013 1:43PM

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HELEN_BRU 5/29/2013 12:19PM

    Interesting

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DOVESEYES 5/29/2013 9:56AM

    wow this is great thanks

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