SUNSHINE65   56,189
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Nate Fight Lunnies

Thursday, May 23, 2013

The IRS has now admitted that they targeted conservative groups for extra scrutiny. That’s why Mitt Romney wanted to be president so bad — to keep the IRS off his back. -Jay Leno

Well, congratulations, President Barack Obama, Conspiracy theorists who generally can survive in anaerobic environments have just had an algae bloom dropped on their freaking heads, thus removing the last arrow in your pro-governance quiver: skepticism about your opponents. -Jon Stewart

Folks this proves that everything I’ve ever said about Obama is true. It’s official. He’s a secret Muslim, shape-shifting alien from Kenya who is coming for our guns. And Bo is a member of the Illuminati. -Stephen Colbert

On Saturday, the West Wing of the White House was evacuated when an overheated transformer set off a smoke alarm. Or as Obama put it, ‘Yeah, definitely check out that crazy transformer. Kind of smells like Marlboro Lights.’ -Jimmy Fallon

This is crazy. The justice department is saying that President Obama can order drone strikes on American citizens, that he can do that. In a related story, this is the last Obama joke I'm ever doing on this show. -Conan O'Brien

The Republican Party has its own line of clothing. The problem is it keeps coming apart at the seams. -David Letterman

Monopoly is getting a big makeover. They want to make the Monopoly game more modern and bring it up to date to reflect our current culture. Like, in the new version of Monopoly, the banker never goes to jail. -Jay Leno

President Obama hosted Republican senators for dinner at the White House. The president said he had to do without salt, pepper, and butter – because as you know, the Republicans refuse to pass anything. -Jay Leno

On Tuesday at the White House, President Obama sang with Justin Timberlake. It’s being called the blackest thing President Obama has ever done. -Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump is going to be a grandfather. It’s true. That thing on his head is pregnant. -Craig Ferguson

New Rule: Republicans trying to turn the Benghazi attacks into a scandal that taints Hillary Clinton’s chances at a 2016 presidential run must realize that scandals don’t weaken Hillary Clinton, they only make her stronger. Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm, Whitewater, Vince Foster, Monica Lewinsky… Hillary Clinton eats scandals for breakfast. If the Republicans keep this up she’ll not only be President, she’ll appoint Bill to the Supreme Court. --Bill Maher

President Obama has been going around the country to rally support for his economic plan, and yesterday he said that a lot of sectors of our economy are doing better. When pressed for examples, Obama said, ‘Uh — the Iron Man sequel sector?’ -Jimmy Fallon

The Statue of Liberty is reopening on July 4. It has been closed since last year. What happened was she went in for lap band surgery. -David Letterman

Chris Christie revealed a couple months ago that he had lap band surgery. They’re speculating that he did this because they’re thinking he’s going to run for president in 2016, and he couldn’t unless he lost a lot of weight, and this procedure accomplishes that because it surgically pinches off your stomach so you just can’t eat. Because that’s what you want in a president, someone with absolutely no will power, someone who says ‘I can literally not contain myself’ -Bill Maher

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOUBBIE 5/23/2013 12:27PM

    Maher wins again!

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NAYPOOIE 5/23/2013 12:13PM

    Really love the last one.

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DALID414 5/23/2013 8:46AM


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Conflicting Proverbs

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Actions speak louder than words.
The pen is mightier than the sword.

Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.

A silent man is a wise one.
A man without words is a man without thoughts.

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Clothes make the man.
Don't judge a book by its cover.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Better safe than sorry.

The bigger, the better.
The best things come in small packages.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

What will be, will be.
Life is what you make it.

Cross your bridges when you come to them.
Forewarned is forearmed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
One man's meat is another man's poison.

With age comes wisdom.
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings.

The more, the merrier.
Two's company; three's a crowd

It's no wonder we're all confused.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMNANGEL 5/24/2013 2:22AM


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CHRISGORGME 5/23/2013 5:00AM

    GREAT emoticon

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DALID414 5/22/2013 9:28PM


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CMRAND54 5/22/2013 6:39PM


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NAYPOOIE 5/22/2013 2:09PM

    And yet they're all true at some point.

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MISSDAISY23 5/22/2013 11:17AM

    Yup! emoticon

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PDSLIM 5/22/2013 9:46AM


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HELEN_BRU 5/22/2013 9:18AM

    I agree emoticon

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NANA2PRINCESSES 5/22/2013 6:35AM

    Love this. Thanks for posting.

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EVER-HOPEFUL 5/22/2013 5:20AM

    you forgot the
an eye for an eye
turn the other cheeks.
both from the bible.

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AMYB1985 5/22/2013 4:52AM

    That's great. emoticon I love it.

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COLLEENROSTE 5/22/2013 2:05AM


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Fate Light Nunnies

Monday, May 20, 2013

Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is the guy who told his wife he was going for a hike and then went to Argentina to see his girlfriend. He was then exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel. In a stunning comeback, he has been elected to Congress, where he’ll fit right in. -Jay Leno

What can I say? The voters of South Carolina have spoken. Mark Sanford beat my sister, and I believe that means Mark Sanford is now my sister. And on behalf of my entire family, I want to say we’re deeply sorry about him. My sister lost. How could this happen? I was so sure Lulu had won because CNN called it for Sanford. -Stephen Colbert

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie says he’s still adjusting after his surgery to reduce how much he can eat. He said, ‘I now have six free hours a day I don’t know what to do with.’ -Conan O'Brien

Yesterday, Delaware became the most recent state to legalize same-sex marriage. That marks the 11th state to make same-sex marriage legal and the first thing I know about Delaware. -Jimmy Fallon

President Obama said in his last press conference that he wants to close Gitmo. Gitmo? How about closing Dodger Stadium? How many people are being tortured there night after night? -Jay Leno

NASA is taking applications for people who want to live on Mars. Now here are the requirements: You have to be between the ages of 18 and 40 and insane. I know it sounds like a lot of fun. But the flight alone is six months to Mars. It's eight months if you leave from Newark. -David Letterman

Senator John McCain will introduce a bill that lets cable customers pick which channels they want to pay for. For instance, HBO would cost you $10, AMC would cost you $5, and NBC would pay you $200. -Jimmy Fallon

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Doctor After Gastric Band Surgery

10. "All done, Fatso!"
9. "You're alive?!
8. "Open your mouth and say 'Moooo!'"
7. "We didn't have to, but I shaved you"
6. "When we opened you up, it was like a Golden Corral"
5. "If you experience any discomfort keep it to yourself"
4. "I went ahead and added the gastric suspenders"
3. "You're beautiful when you're unconscious"
2. "And now the easy part: diet and exercise"
1. "Your gender reassignment was a success"

-David Letterman

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie revealed that he underwent a surgery that restricts the amount of food he can consume. As a result, 12 animals have been removed from the endangered species list. -Conan O'Brien

Today President Obama and Joe Biden met with South Korean President Park Geun-hye, who is known as South Korea’s ‘Iron Lady.’ Or as Biden put it, ‘Can you introduce me to Iron Man?’ -Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend, Arnold’s son Patrick Schwarzenegger was kicked out of a nightclub in Hollywood. Apparently, Patrick threatened the DJ. It was a chaotic scene. Security rushed in and said, ‘Which one of you is Schwarzenegger’s kid?’ And 50 people raised their hands. -Craig Ferguson

CNN anchor Carol Costello was robbed of her iPhone in broad daylight while walking down the street in Atlanta. Unfortunately it was on CNN, so there weren’t any witnesses. -Jay Leno

Yesterday President Obama spoke at Ohio State's graduation, and told students that it's their responsibility to make the world a better place. It got awkward when students were like, 'Wait, isn't that literally your responsibility? -Jimmy Fallon

PETA is really upset at Chris Christie for killing a spider in front of a group of school children. Governor Christie said, 'If PETA is upset by that, they do not want to know what I had for lunch today.' -Conan O'Brien

Top Ten Thoughts People Have About Sandwiches

10. "Sure, I'll have a sandwich"
9. "Is the second date too early for a French dip?"
8. "Honestly, screw wraps"
7. "Is America ready for its first gay sandwich?"
6. "Do I want a 12-inch or a foot-long?"
5. "Has the United States Treasury considered a sandwich-backed currency?"
4. "What does BLT stand for?"
3. "When will this country lift the ban on Cuban sandwiches?"
2. "When I say 'hold the pickles' I'd actually like to hold the pickles"
1. "Grinder? I just met her!"

David Letterman

If Obama can't take our guns, he'll make sure you can't put anything in them. After that, he's going to come after Rush by buying up all the hookers and canned frosting. -Jay Leno

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PDSLIM 5/21/2013 11:14AM


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GIA_ROSY 5/21/2013 3:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 5/20/2013 10:39PM

    Good as usual! emoticon

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BECKYSFRIEND 5/20/2013 9:35PM


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DALID414 5/20/2013 8:29PM


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DOVESEYES 5/20/2013 7:59PM

    emoticon emoticon

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It's Time to Turn Your Computer Off and Read a Book When...

Monday, May 20, 2013

- You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and stop to check your E-mail on the way back to bed.

- You name your children Eudora, AOL and dotcom.

- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap and your child in the overhead compartment.

- You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

- You laugh at people with 14.4 baud modems.

- You start using smileys in your snail mail.

- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word

- You can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem.

- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

- You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral screennames and you never bothered to ask.

- You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you Landscape

- You tell the cab driver you live at

- You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

- After reading this, you immediately e-mail it to your friends.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARTANTICA 5/24/2013 4:14PM


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PAMNANGEL 5/24/2013 2:20AM

    Hahahahaha! Actually I can pull the plug on a loved one much easier than on my computer.

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AZURELITE 5/22/2013 7:53PM

    emoticon hahaha!

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    emoticon emoticon

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MISSDAISY23 5/21/2013 11:16AM


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PDSLIM 5/20/2013 11:13PM


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BECKYSFRIEND 5/20/2013 9:36PM


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DALID414 5/20/2013 8:26PM


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RASPBERRY56 5/20/2013 6:44PM


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THOMS1 5/20/2013 4:58PM


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THINAGIN2 5/20/2013 4:11PM

Thanks for sharing!

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Only a Southerner

Monday, May 20, 2013

- Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

- Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

- Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

- Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

- Only Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

- Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large peach cobbler!

- Only a Southerner grows up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

- Only a Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" and go your own way.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSKRIS7 5/20/2013 9:56AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 5/20/2013 8:23AM

    Cute emoticon

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DOVESEYES 5/20/2013 5:20AM


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UPBEAT551 5/20/2013 2:39AM

  very interesting! From a Wisconsinite!

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    Too funny, but very true! emoticon emoticon

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DALID414 5/20/2013 12:55AM


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