SUNSHINE65   55,294
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Actual excerpts from classified sections:

Friday, January 21, 2011

Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Dog for sale: It eats anything and is fond of children.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGARPUNK52 1/22/2011 3:34AM

  Thanks for the laughs and smiles!

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2BEATIT1 1/22/2011 1:01AM

    Great and funny blog.
Thanks for sharing
Jean

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BOOKWERME 1/21/2011 6:43PM

    Enjoyed the chuckles. THANKS. Laughter is good exercise if you really get going! emoticon

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ELLFIN3 1/21/2011 11:30AM

    Thanks for the morning lauch!!! I especially like the Dog eats anything and fond of children!!! Thanks!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TEACHLDY4 1/21/2011 9:35AM

  Lol..THANKS FOR THE SMILE!

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How to find time for exercising

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Skip house cleaning altogether...

-- Windows: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

-- Cobwebs: Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them and call them holiday decorations.)

-- Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter.)

-- Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

-- Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

-- General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh, I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere." As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean... Works every time.

-- Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck: Always keep several get-well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and unable to clean.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGARPUNK52 1/22/2011 3:46AM

  Works for me! Thank you very much for the much needed smiles and laughter.GOD bless.

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2BEATIT1 1/22/2011 1:03AM

    I think your talent is sharing humor.
Gives us a good laugh.
Thanks again for sharing
Jean

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BOOKWERME 1/21/2011 6:47PM

    emoticon I've been working too hard!

Comment edited on: 1/21/2011 6:47:29 PM

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ELLFIN3 1/19/2011 8:10PM

    Great!!! This one is right up my alley!!! Thanks!!! emoticon emoticon

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DWROBERGE 1/19/2011 2:41AM

    yoU JUST HAVE TO DO IT AND STOP WORRYING ABUT MISSING SOME UNIMPORTANT THING.

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Installing a husband

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Dear Tech Support ,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, Fishing 7.2, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0. (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program-this will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck!
Tech Support

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOOKWERME 1/21/2011 6:44PM

    THAT is so CUTE! emoticon

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SKMINNY 1/20/2011 7:44AM

    OH my gosh this is too funny! guess what, that system is still running like that after 34 years , some times there is still a glitch when it leaves the area!!

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NTSOHLTHNT 1/19/2011 8:09PM

    LOL, funny! Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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ELLFIN3 1/19/2011 8:07PM

    emoticon That is great!!!!!! Thanks for the chuckle!! emoticon emoticon

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MRE1956 1/19/2011 9:08AM

    emoticon

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GRANDMA624 1/19/2011 6:34AM

  emoticon emoticon

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REDSHOES2011 1/18/2011 10:49PM

    emoticonfunny blog

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ACTUAL ANSWERS FROM THE FAMILY FEUD

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Some people just can't think on their feet.....

Name something a blind person might use: a sword

Name a song with moon in the title: blue suede moon

Name a bird with a long neck: a penguin

Name an occupation where you need a torch: a burglar

Name a famous brother and sister: Bonnie and Clyde

Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers: a horse

Name something that floats in the bath: water

Name something you wear on the beach: a deck chair

Name something red: my cardigan

Name a famous cowboy: Buck Rogers

Name a famous royal: mail

Name a number you have to memorize: 7

Name something you do before going to bed: sleep

Name something you put on walls: roofs

Name something in the garden that's green: a scarecrow

Name something that flies that doesn't have an engine: dishes

Name something you might be allergic to: skiing

Name a famous bridge: the bridge over troubled waters

Name something a cat does: goes to the toilet

Name a continent: Italy

Name something you do in the bathroom: decorate

Name an animal you might see at the zoo: a dog

Name something slippery: a con man

Name a kind of ache: a pancake

Name a food that can be brown or white: potato

Name a potato topping: jam

Name a famous Scotsman: Jock

Another famous Scotsman: Vinnie Jones

Name something with a hole in it: window

Name a non-living object with legs: plant

Name a domestic animal: leopard

Name a part of the body beginning with 'N': knee

Name a way of cooking fish: cod

Name something you clean: your sister


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANPATTIE 1/19/2011 7:34PM

    Thanks...this was funny! I used to love that show. I remember once when they said:

Name a fruit that's yellow: Orange

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LADYLEE13 1/19/2011 7:29PM

    Thank you for the laugh emoticon

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ELLFIN3 1/18/2011 2:13PM

    Those are great!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NINALEE35 1/18/2011 12:16PM

    This would be a fun email! Thanks.

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NINJA_SMOO 1/18/2011 11:11AM

  Hahahah! That's pretty entertaining :) Thanks for posting.

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MRSJERRYBUSH 1/18/2011 10:44AM

    Put a grin on my face!

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GRAMPIAN 1/18/2011 10:12AM

  This is a wind-up! emoticon

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Sunday School students tell about the Bible:

Monday, January 17, 2011

-- St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

-- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

-- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

-- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

-- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

-- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

-- One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

-- When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

-- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOOKWERME 1/21/2011 6:46PM

    Even when I have heard them before, they still make me laugh out loud...literally! emoticon

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GRANDMA624 1/18/2011 9:19AM

  emoticon emoticon Puts a smile on my face!!

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ELLFIN3 1/17/2011 3:38PM

    Those are priceless!!!!!! Thanks for sharing a laugh!!!! emoticon emoticon

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