SUNSHINE65   66,909
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SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Late

Saturday, May 04, 2013

Mitt Romney gave a commencement speech where he advised graduates to start a family before they turn 30. He also advised them to pay for it by inheriting millions of dollars. -Conan O'Brien


An elementary school here in New York City has become the first school in the country to serve only vegetarian food. Apparently the school board wants to give kids a head start in being difficult at restaurants. -Jimmy Fallon


So they're handing out hussy pills (Plan B) to 15-year-old girls like Chicklets, but I still need to show my passport and provide a DNA sample to buy some darned Sudafed. How am I supposed to make my meth? -Stephen Colbert


Researchers now believe the first settlers who settled in America, in Jamestown, resorted to cannibalism. The first settlers ate each other. Good thing that didn't catch on. That would have changed Thanksgiving, don't you think?
-Jay Leno

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOUBBIE 5/4/2013 10:48AM

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HELEN_BRU 5/4/2013 10:17AM

    Love your page!

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FENWAYGIRL18 5/4/2013 1:00AM

    hahahaha I agree you have to show your license in order to get Sudafed and a 15 yr old can by Plan B over the counter go figure that one out.... I don't know what this world is coming to.
Thanks for the laughs emoticon

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DALID414 5/4/2013 12:49AM

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DIANE7786 5/4/2013 12:13AM

    LOL! Three are very funny. The one about Sudafed is only funny because it's absurd.

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We all need to use our skill set to be activists

Friday, May 03, 2013

www.upworthy.com/an-interviewer-asks
-an-expert-what-we-can-do-to-stay-safe
r-her-answer-is-not-what-i-expected-4?c=upw1

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCLE 5/3/2013 5:47PM

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WOUBBIE 5/3/2013 2:06PM

    Absolutely. We can't afford to just be "Good Germans".

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HELEN_BRU 5/3/2013 9:42AM

    I'm at that age now. . .!

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UH...Where are my glasses! Sam ting.

Friday, May 03, 2013

A wife called her husband as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and the husband could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"

The husband replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUNTWILLIE 5/4/2013 12:50PM

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BARCLE 5/3/2013 5:47PM

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CARRAND 5/3/2013 5:26PM

    You know, that exact same thing happened to me. I was on my cell phone talking to my husband and searching through my purse for my cell phone so I could look up a phone number for him.

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ALFBUNDY 5/3/2013 2:48PM

    That has happened to MANY people! Just like the reading glasses that people can't find are (many times) ON TOP OF THEIR HEAD! emoticon

We all need to CALM DOWN & RELAX!

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NAYPOOIE 5/3/2013 12:09PM

    Too true!

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WATERDIAMONDS 5/3/2013 9:28AM

    What's truly said is that so many of us have actually done this, including me!!! Perhaps our lives are a bit too hectic????

Thanks for the smile.
emoticon

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Nite, Nite

Friday, May 03, 2013

They had a big opening of the Bush Library down in Texas. All five living presidents were there. It was a once in a lifetime event a library in Texas. -Bill Maher



Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents if you count Hillary in 2016. -Jay Leno


It's not just a library, it's a museum. The exhibits are breathtaking. There's a map of the world dartboard which Bush used to decide who to invade after 9/11; there's the pants he peed in when he was told we were under attack; the pretzel he forgot to chew that made him pass out. And there's a weapons of mass destruction pavilion, but no one can find it. -Bill Maher



The United States Treasury announced that they will put into circulation a newly designed $100 bill in October. Of course, by that time, it should be worth about 50 bucks, but that's okay. -Jay Leno

  
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CARRAND 5/3/2013 5:25PM

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DALID414 5/3/2013 10:19AM

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Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a sand hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOUBBIE 5/2/2013 11:21AM

    Best one yet!!

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DALID414 5/2/2013 11:12AM

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HELEN_BRU 5/2/2013 8:34AM

    Funny! emoticon

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GARDENCHRIS 5/2/2013 7:03AM

    love it! emoticon

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VICKI2705 5/2/2013 5:36AM

    emoticon .

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 5/2/2013 2:38AM

    OMG!

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SPARKCHANTAL 5/2/2013 1:37AM

    I feel sorry for your daughter.

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