SUNSHINE65   65,081
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What the Heck -- a Little More Late Night

Sunday, April 28, 2013

I want Kim Jong-un to test a missile because it’s always a spectacular disaster. He’s the only Asian in the world that doesn’t test well. -Bill Maher



These people are mental. Congressman Joe Barton of Texas used Noah’s Ark as evidence that global warming doesn’t exist. He said, ‘If you’re a believer in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change and that certainly wasn’t because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy.’ Can we forget Noah? This guy needs to start collecting two of every chromosome.
-Bill Maher


Things are still very tense in North Korea. In fact, world leaders are still waiting to see if Kim Jong-un is going to actually fire a missile after this week’s deadline came and went. Apparently what happened was he messed up and bought Mentos and regular Coke. -Jimmy Fallon


Because of budget cuts, the Navy may have to cancel Fleet Week, where thousands of sailors dock in New York City. Of course if you want to see a bunch of people glad to be off a boat, you could just wait for a Carnival cruise to come in. -Jimmy Fallon

  
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SPARKLE1908 5/1/2013 8:54PM

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Take a Little Late Nite and Call me in the Morning!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

President Obama offered to wash senators' car if it would lead to an immigration bill. Senators then told Obama, 'If you're going to wash our cars, why do we need immigrants?' -Conan O'Brien


It was revealed today that someone sent President Obama a suspicious letter containing the poison ricin. It's a deadly poison made from beans. They said it's the third worst substance you can send in the mail behind anthrax and packing peanuts. -Jimmy Kimmel



Happy birthday to Israel. The country of Israel turned 65. Now that it's 65, Israel plans to retire and move to Florida. -Conan O'Brien



Why does the government charge us postage to send in our tax returns? We have to pay them to pay them. It's like giving a slice back to the pizza delivery guy. How about you just deduct 75 cents from what I already paid? -Jimmy Kimmel


"My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film." --Cynthia Levin



"There's got to be something wrong with people who go to Star Trek conventions. I mean, I like Mary Tyler Moore, too, but I don't rent out a big hall and dress up like Rhoda." --Andy Kindler



"I'm a grown woman but my father still thinks I know nothing about my car. He always asks me, 'You changing the oil every 3,000 miles?' 'Yes, Dad. I'm also putting sugar in the gas tank. That way my exhaust smells like cotton candy.'" --Mimi Gonzalez

  
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DALID414 4/28/2013 11:40PM

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Take a little late night...

Sunday, April 28, 2013

"NBC has canceled its reality dating show 'Ready for Love' after three episodes. Viewers complained the show was complicated and confusing ˜ marking the first time a dating show has been canceled for being exactly like dating." -Jimmy Fallon


"Happy Earth Day. Did you know there are Earth Day greeting cards? There is no better way to celebrate Earth Day than chopping down trees to make cards. -Jimmy Kimmel


"Yesterday was Earth Day, and you know what I found here on the 14th floor? ˜ an old-fashioned coal-powered typewriter. I'm so embarrassed." -Dave Letterman

  
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DOVESEYES 4/28/2013 8:18PM

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JTREMBATH 4/28/2013 3:18PM

    lol

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DALID414 4/28/2013 2:32PM

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NAYPOOIE 4/28/2013 2:03PM

    I think I had one of those typewriters.

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WOUBBIE 4/28/2013 9:33AM

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JANET552 4/28/2013 7:09AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing!

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EOWYN2424 4/28/2013 5:41AM

    lol!

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Historical Hystericals

Sunday, April 28, 2013

What was King Arthur's favorite game?
Knights and crosses!

Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?
At the bottom!

Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!

Wish I had been born 1000 years ago!
Why is that?
Just think of all the history that I wouldn't have to learn!

What's black and white all over and difficult?
An exam paper!

Why aren't you doing very well in history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!

Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!

The Spanish explorers went round the world in a galleon.
How many galleons did they get to the mile?

What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Floodlights!

  
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LADYIRISH317 4/28/2013 10:23AM

    Cute!

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SHARJOPAUL 4/28/2013 9:41AM

    lol

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GIA_ROSY 4/28/2013 7:11AM

    Too funny, and some even make sense! emoticon

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SUSANBEAMON 4/28/2013 12:49AM

  lol

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Speeding

Sunday, April 28, 2013

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.

An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket.

"How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.

The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.

"You mean," asked the motorist, "that even He is against me?"

  
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