Late Night - you asked for them!

Monday, March 18, 2013

"The day after daylight savings time is the groggiest day of the year because of monkeying with our clocks. But the biggest waste of time about resetting your clocks is trying to line up that little hole in the clock with the nail in your wall." -David Letterman



"With Washington in the middle of a budget crisis, the White House is facing criticism for spending $250,000 a year on calligraphy. You can tell you're spending way too much money on calligraphy when you spend ANY money on calligraphy." -Jimmy Fallon



"A Washington state mother is accused of letting her 22-month-old toddler smoke marijuana. When reached for comment the toddler said, 'Hey, man, everybody chill out!'" -Conan O'Brien

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCLE 3/18/2013 6:53PM

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PROVERBS31JULIA 3/18/2013 1:44PM

Whaaaaa I resemble remark #2 - how come I'm not getting any of the $$ for Calligraphy?! I love to do Calligraphy but the Feds don't ask me to help out?! Report Inappropriate Comment

DALID414 3/18/2013 1:19PM

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Newly Issued Alcohol Warnings

Friday, March 15, 2013

The American Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a reeking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BDYNAMIC 3/15/2013 11:45PM

Sad ........... But true .................. (funny too!) .............. (I'm sure many will take heed!) ............... Report Inappropriate Comment

GARDENCHRIS 3/15/2013 7:08AM

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DOVESEYES 3/15/2013 1:36AM

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DALID414 3/15/2013 12:54AM

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Not a funny blog

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Ok, Just been through a tooth drama. Well it's a drama for me, anyway. My nightmare is of my teeth breaking up and spitting them out. Three weeks ago a front tooth (a #10 if you know the numbers of the teeth) which was crowned (2nd time) broke and was hanging and wagging back and forth. Freaked me out! Saw my dentist, said there was nothing that could be done and I'd have to have an implant. Had those before, no big deal, right? Well, I opted to pay $620 dollars to sleep through it. And am I glad I did! Dig out the root, do bone grafts, and implant the titanium screw. Took an hour, longer than they thought. Sooo glad I was asleep. Trekked over to the dentist's and got an impression for a $700 cosmetic flipper since it was a front tooth and I have a front desk job. Got that a few days later and it works well. Can't eat with it, but I can take it out and eat fine. Thanks for listening! Love, Gayle

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSALIEESTHER 3/17/2013 8:39AM

Poor Baby! What a nightmare indeed. Do glad it all turned out well. Those implants are there for the long haul. So no more bad dreams about that tooth. Report Inappropriate Comment

EVER-HOPEFUL 3/15/2013 2:51AM

you are braver that me i have an obsolute phobia of dentist and haven´t been in donkey´s years lol. Report Inappropriate Comment

DOVESEYES 3/15/2013 1:36AM

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DALID414 3/15/2013 12:43AM

Wow! And to think I've been delaying my cleaning! I'll schedule my appointment tomorrow!! Report Inappropriate Comment

DIET_FRIEND 3/14/2013 11:14PM

Dentistry is so expensive. My dad went to Costa Rica and got all his teeth ( i think) root canaled and capped. It cost 25,000 to do and required 2 trips to costa rica. I wish I could pull that off. Report Inappropriate Comment

Driven to Distraction

Thursday, March 14, 2013

- Only in America can a pizza guy get to your door faster than an ambulance.

- Why do slow-down and slow-up mean the same thing?

- Why are wise man and wise guy opposites?

- Why is it that when stuff goes on a truck it's called a shipment and on a boat it's called cargo?

- Why do we drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

- Why do we press harder on things when we know the batteries are dead?

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 3/14/2013 11:57AM

LOL Report Inappropriate Comment

WOUBBIE 3/14/2013 10:13AM

:) Glad you post these! I'll go back through your old blogs for laughs while I'm waiting for Stewart and Colbert to come back from their breaks! Report Inappropriate Comment

GARDENCHRIS 3/14/2013 7:11AM

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DOVESEYES 3/14/2013 6:45AM

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DALID414 3/14/2013 12:51AM

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ZRIE014 3/14/2013 12:46AM

have a good day Report Inappropriate Comment

Late Night Funnies

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Late Night Funny #1

A major snowstorm has hit the East Coast. In Washington, D.C., everything ground to a halt – and then the snowstorm hit. -Conan O'Brien


Late Night Funny #2

Due to budget cuts, all tours of the White House have been canceled indefinitely. When he heard, Joe Biden said, 'Now I'll never see it.' -Conan O'Brien


Late Night Funny #3

Today Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell released a Harlem Shake video. So just when you think a trend is dead, it's made cool again by Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. -Conan O'Brien


Late Night Funny #4

The people of Venezuela aren't sure who'll replace Hugo Chavez. CBS suggested Ashton Kutcher. -Craig Ferguson

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOPPY_ 3/14/2013 1:28AM

#4 gets my vote. Lee Report Inappropriate Comment

KARRENLYNN 3/14/2013 12:18AM

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DALID414 3/14/2013 12:17AM

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