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At the risk of bring offensive...know that I totally respect your undying faith in God

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Late Night Funny #1

Top Ten Pope Benedict Achievements

10. Invented the vibrating desk
9. Designs new summer line of papal vestments
8. Announces Vatican's Two-For-One Lobster Tuesdays
7. Invents rechargeable pope hat
6. Departs St. Peter's Square via jetpack
5. Makes historic trip to Mexico
4. Serves as judge on "Vatican City's Got Talent"
3. Releases best-selling iPad app, "Angry Popes"
2. Hosts his own game show
1. Performs first miracle: Turning bread into toast

David Letterman

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMREITE 2/28/2013 1:15AM

    still funny. God has a sense of humor.

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DALID414 2/27/2013 10:29PM

    Oh yeah, tomorrow is his last day on the 'job'.

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Migraine

Monday, February 25, 2013

Our friends, James and Florence, attend choir practice Wednesday evenings, and often head for a restaurant afterwards with their fellow choir members.

Florence soon noticed that every time she had a glass of wine, it was followed by a severe migraine headache. James agreed with her that it might be better if she abstained, and so she did.

On one post choir occasion, however, Florence decided, after some hesitation, to try a different variety of wine. Some time passed with no consequences.

Then she waved happily across the big table where her colleagues all sat and while holding up the empty wine glass announced in a loud voice, "James! I don't have a headache tonight!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 2/26/2013 4:08PM

    LOL

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HHB4181 2/26/2013 2:45PM

    emoticon

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CINDYSDAY 2/26/2013 10:58AM

    emoticon

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ALICIA214 2/26/2013 12:35AM

 

That must have made James very happy.... emoticon

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DOVESEYES 2/26/2013 12:05AM

    emoticon

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DALID414 2/25/2013 11:49PM

    emoticon

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FENWAYGIRL18 2/25/2013 11:31PM

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Signs That You Are Cheap

Sunday, February 24, 2013

1. You attend a weekly coupon club.

2. You've been driving on the spare tire for over three months.

3. Fast food is your idea of fine dining.

4. You spend more time counting change during a single week than you spend at church.

5. You're outraged when the price of a can of soda goes up a nickel.

6. You haven't purchased a name brand product in the past ten years.

7. You take the pennies from the container next to the cash register.

8. Your family gets presents a week after Christmas because you love that fifty-percent discount.

9. Matinee. Every time.

10. You code all your own software rather than buy it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIDMIS 2/27/2013 9:51PM

    DALID I would say that Sunday morning is the best time for movies if you want an empty house is because everyone is in church.

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IMNAHA1 2/26/2013 12:00PM

  I am upset with the rising prices of just sbout everything. Last week I bought some dish detergent for $1.99 I noticed this week it was $2.79. Outrageous.

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GARDENCHRIS 2/25/2013 7:48AM

    thrifty is good cheap is not... and there is a difference.

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DOVESEYES 2/24/2013 9:38PM

    emoticon

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DALID414 2/24/2013 9:19PM

    Sunday mornings are the best for empty theaters! No one else is awake at that time!!

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CINDYSDAY 2/24/2013 9:03PM

    and what is wrong with the matinee's? LOL

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PURPLE180 2/24/2013 8:56PM

    emoticon

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MYBULLDOGS 2/24/2013 8:43PM

    i am proud i am thrifty with these gas prices.

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A Following Person

Sunday, February 24, 2013

A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, "Paul has to go to the principal's office."

"I wonder why," the teacher mused.

"Because he's a following person," Alice replied.

"A what?" the teacher asked.

"It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office.'"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GARDENCHRIS 2/25/2013 7:48AM

    emoticon

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DALID414 2/24/2013 8:35PM

    emoticon

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UMBILICAL 2/24/2013 8:34PM

  Cute!

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More than one way of looking at it!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?"

She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."

"What kind of a car is it on?" they asked.

Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, "It's a Buick."

"OK lady, how big is it?"

She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter.

"What does it do?" we asked.

She said, "I don't know but it's always been there."

One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 2/24/2013 4:50PM

    emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 2/24/2013 2:22PM

    Interpretation is everything. I read a joke about a vanity license plate IMOKU2. The husband read it as I mock you too, while the wife saw I'm OK, you too.

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HHB4181 2/24/2013 1:26PM

    emoticon

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CARRAND 2/24/2013 1:23PM

    Took me a minute...

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SLACHETKA103145 2/24/2013 7:31AM

    Thanks for the light thoughts of the before.....

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DOVESEYES 2/24/2013 7:19AM

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DALID414 2/24/2013 1:58AM

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WOMANATWORK1 2/24/2013 1:36AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Ha! This one makes me laugh!!!! Some of us remember the days before cell phones and text messages, when we used our BEEPERS and typed "07734" for "hello" and "411" meant "give me a call, I need information"!!!!!

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