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Three-legged chicken

Monday, February 18, 2013

Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken.

Seeing it turn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of the chickens had three legs.

The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, "Three-legged chickens? That's astonishing!"

The farmer replied, "Yep. I bred 'em that way because I love drumsticks."

Juan was curious. "How does a three-legged chicken taste?"

The farmer smiled. "Dunno. Haven't been able to catch one yet."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCLE 2/20/2013 12:19AM

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EVER-HOPEFUL 2/19/2013 3:42PM

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MISSDAISY23 2/19/2013 3:08PM

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DOVESEYES 2/18/2013 6:59PM

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DALID414 2/18/2013 6:40PM

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NAYPOOIE 2/18/2013 5:12PM

    LOL

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1CRAZYDOG 2/18/2013 4:54PM

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"Paraprosdokains"

Sunday, February 17, 2013

"Paraprosdokains", a new word for your vocabulary (or not):

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

Winston Churchill loved them.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RDEE22 2/18/2013 7:30AM

    Love it! Still trying to spell it. emoticon emoticon

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CINDYSDAY 2/17/2013 9:39PM

    emoticon

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CARRAND 2/17/2013 8:38PM

    Good ones.

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NAYPOOIE 2/17/2013 4:57PM

    good stuff.

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DALID414 2/17/2013 2:58PM

    Lesson learned! emoticon

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HHB4181 2/17/2013 10:32AM

    yes, yes come play! so fun!

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GARDENCHRIS 2/17/2013 10:10AM

    you should be playing the wheel on this team..... lots of fun!

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ELLENIRENE 2/17/2013 7:34AM

    thanks for the new word

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EVER-HOPEFUL 2/17/2013 5:30AM

    emoticon

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POETICJUSTUS 2/17/2013 5:04AM

    # 1 my Fav! Smooches emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AMYISSUCCEEDING 2/17/2013 4:42AM

    Thank you for sharing. I like #15

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LUVLYLORELEI 2/17/2013 4:25AM

    emoticon

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DOVESEYES 2/17/2013 3:57AM

    Nice.

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I meant to post this on Valentines...

Saturday, February 16, 2013

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSALIEESTHER 2/18/2013 8:12AM

    How adorable!

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CARRAND 2/17/2013 8:39PM

    Awe. Cute!

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DOVESEYES 2/16/2013 10:37PM

    ohh....melt....lovely...

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DALID414 2/16/2013 7:34PM

    Awe!

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DARJR50 2/16/2013 6:58PM

  cute!!!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 2/16/2013 6:46PM

    love it. emoticon

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Human Resources & The 7 Dwarfs

Saturday, February 16, 2013

In every Human Resources report, there is a reason for termination. There are so many possibilities, that we have narrowed the list down to the 7 dwarfs. Here they are:

Happy: Had trouble putting nose to the grindstone. Too much time spent telling jokes at the water cooler.

Doc: Left to pursue further schooling, in particular, Ph.D. work.

Sleepy: Chronically late for work. Caused many project delays.

Grumpy: Poor attitude toward work. Not a team player. Trouble with early mornings.

Dopey: Made several critical errors at work costing the company money, e.g., misappropriated company funds.

Sneezy: Recurrent, chronic illness has made it difficult for the employee to complete work in a timely fashion.

Bashful: Lack of initiative. Not willing to make cold calls. Too often let workplace disagreements simmer.

OTHERS

Jealous Queen: Heavy involvement in the occult not congruent with organizational policies.

Snow White: Misconduct, e.g., kissing strange men while under some kind of trance.

Huntsman: Couldn't stand to be cooped up in the office all day. Pursuing work with the National Forest Service.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NWCOUNTRYDANCER 2/18/2013 6:12PM

    Love it!

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STEFKAT7 2/17/2013 9:47AM

  Wonderful! emoticon

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HHB4181 2/16/2013 8:43PM

    emoticon
love that

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NAYPOOIE 2/16/2013 6:24PM

    That about covers it.

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CARRAND 2/16/2013 5:53PM

    These are great. As a former manager, I recognized many of these types.

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HPSANDDOLLAR 2/16/2013 4:10PM

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KARRENLYNN 2/16/2013 4:06PM

    Perception is everything, Thanks for sharing!

Have a great weekend!
Karen emoticon

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TKLBRIDGET 2/16/2013 3:27PM

    very funny! and true emoticon

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CINDYSDAY 2/16/2013 3:16PM

    good one!

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DALID414 2/16/2013 3:10PM

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Dog Lovers: A story for you:

Saturday, February 16, 2013

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear; so she took him to the vet.

The vet found that the problem was ear wax and hair clogging the dogs ears so he cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine.

The vet told my wife that if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should get some Nair hair remover and rub it in the dogs ears once a month.

She went to the shop and the pharmacist told her, If youre going to use this under your arms, dont use deodorant for a few days.

She said, Im not using it under my arms.

The pharmacist said, If youre using it on your legs, dont use body lotion for a couple of days.

She replied, Im not using it on my legs either. If you must know, Im using it on my Schnauzer.

The pharmacist replied, Well stay off your bicycle for about a week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HHB4181 2/16/2013 8:53PM

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CARRAND 2/16/2013 5:55PM

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NAYPOOIE 2/16/2013 2:10PM

    LOL

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KJDINSC 2/16/2013 6:33AM

    good one!

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DOVESEYES 2/16/2013 5:04AM

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DALID414 2/16/2013 1:45AM

    Oh my... emoticon

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ALICIA214 2/16/2013 1:32AM

 


Good One!!! emoticon

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AUNTHELEN 2/16/2013 1:31AM

    good one!! too funny! emoticon mm emoticon

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LATTELEE 2/16/2013 12:44AM

  Funny!

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