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1st date conversation & Ferrari

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

[In preamble let me say that whoever wrote this joke doesn't know much about alcohol. First; not even premium imported beer costs $10 a 6-pack, and second; drinking 18 beers a day for 15 years would probably kill a person. That being said, I have been in situations very similar to this, so I still find this joke funny.]

1st Date Conversation

Lady: Do you drink?
Man: Yes.
Lady: How much a day?
Man: 3 six packs.
Lady: How much does a six pack cost?
Man: About $10.00.
Lady: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: 15 years.
Lady: So one six pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 six packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Man: I guess.
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Man: I suppose so.
Lady: Do you know that if you didn't drink, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a new Ferrari?
Man: You don't say. So, do YOU drink?
Lady: No.
Man: Where's your Ferrari?


........................................
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Classified Ad from local newspaper:

06' Suzuki GSXR 1000, $9,000

This bike is perfect! It has only 1,000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service.

It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "Do whatever you want." doesn't mean what I thought. Call Steve.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOVESEYES 2/13/2013 7:10PM

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AANGEL3 2/13/2013 6:49PM

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CMRAND54 2/13/2013 2:43PM

    Cute!

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NAYPOOIE 2/13/2013 1:44PM

    Steve isn't too bright

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CINDYSDAY 2/13/2013 12:12PM

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DALID414 2/13/2013 9:33AM

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LATE NIGHT FUNNIES 2/12/13

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

"Monopoly is getting a big makeover. They want to make the Monopoly game more modern and bring it up to date to reflect our current culture. Like, in the new version of Monopoly, the banker never goes to jail." -Jay Leno

***

"The Department of Justice is trying to block Anheuser-Busch from buying Corona. So they did what everyone else does got their older brother to buy it for them." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"You know when it comes to organic food, the USDA is very tough. You can't have anything that ends in 'eetos.'" -Craig Ferguson

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMRAND54 2/13/2013 2:44PM

    I think monopoly is getting rid of the iron game piece. Maybe nobody knows what an iron is any more.

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DALID414 2/13/2013 9:32AM

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ELLENIRENE 2/13/2013 5:51AM

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WEARINGTHIN 2/13/2013 3:46AM

    Liked the first and third one. Not sue I even get Jimmy Fallon's. Glenn

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CHIBIKARATE 2/13/2013 1:24AM

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Afraid Little Boy

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A little boy was afraid of dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. you don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure . He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him." she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSDAISY23 2/13/2013 10:54PM

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DOVESEYES 2/12/2013 10:10PM

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DALID414 2/12/2013 3:41PM

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GARDENCHRIS 2/12/2013 12:44PM

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SNP_27 2/12/2013 11:57AM

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NAYPOOIE 2/12/2013 11:52AM

    LOL

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CMRAND54 2/12/2013 11:18AM

    Funny!

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CINDYSDAY 2/12/2013 11:12AM

    lol


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SFREY217 2/12/2013 10:01AM

    Too cute !!!

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SPARTAN40 2/12/2013 9:54AM

    Cute!

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GCHUNG 2/12/2013 9:51AM

    lol - cute

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Patience

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."

He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."

The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today.

The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..."

The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMNAHA1 2/12/2013 5:50PM

  That is so cute, I have to admit that sometimes the girl in me has to be told no more than once in each Isle.

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DALID414 2/12/2013 3:40PM

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NAYPOOIE 2/12/2013 11:52AM

    Good one

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CMRAND54 2/12/2013 11:19AM

    Great!

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EMMACORY 2/12/2013 10:59AM

    Great! We all need to learn how to do this self-talk!

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KJDINSC 2/12/2013 10:05AM

    Ha! I love it!

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Late Night Funnies

Monday, February 11, 2013

"In Great Britain the bones of King Richard III, who was killed in 1485, have been discovered under a parking lot. And you know how he died? Fighting over a parking space." -Jay Leno

***

"This weekend a couple from Connecticut will have the longest marriage ever recorded in the U.S. They said the secret to their long-lasting marriage is love, compromise, and the fact that neither one of them has been able to hear a word the other one has said in more than 30 years." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

"Last night runners from around the world competed in the annual race to the top of the Empire State Building. But there's already a scandal brewing. It turns out one of the competitors tested positive for elevator." -Jimmy Fallon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMRAND54 2/12/2013 11:25AM

    I read that about Richard the Third's bones. How interesting.

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MARGARITTM 2/12/2013 10:24AM

    Thanks I needed that!

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SLFGOLF 2/12/2013 1:01AM

    These are great!

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3RDBABYWEIGHT 2/11/2013 11:40PM

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DOVESEYES 2/11/2013 11:06PM

    classic comedy!!!

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TIMOTHYNOHE 2/11/2013 10:45PM

    That second one is priceless, considering that we are both hearing impaired here. And when we, neither one of us, are not wearing our hearing aids it sounds like we're fighting.

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DALID414 2/11/2013 10:43PM

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CINDYSDAY 2/11/2013 10:31PM

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SONYALATRECE 2/11/2013 10:19PM

    Cute.
Dave Letterman is by far my favorite, though.

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