SUNSHINE65   55,492
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SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Late Night Funnies

Monday, February 11, 2013

"In Great Britain the bones of King Richard III, who was killed in 1485, have been discovered under a parking lot. And you know how he died? Fighting over a parking space." -Jay Leno

***

"This weekend a couple from Connecticut will have the longest marriage ever recorded in the U.S. They said the secret to their long-lasting marriage is love, compromise, and the fact that neither one of them has been able to hear a word the other one has said in more than 30 years." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

"Last night runners from around the world competed in the annual race to the top of the Empire State Building. But there's already a scandal brewing. It turns out one of the competitors tested positive for elevator." -Jimmy Fallon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMRAND54 2/12/2013 11:25AM

    I read that about Richard the Third's bones. How interesting.

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MARGARITTM 2/12/2013 10:24AM

    Thanks I needed that!

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SLFGOLF 2/12/2013 1:01AM

    These are great!

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3RDBABYWEIGHT 2/11/2013 11:40PM

    emoticon

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DOVESEYES 2/11/2013 11:06PM

    classic comedy!!!

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TIMOTHYNOHE 2/11/2013 10:45PM

    That second one is priceless, considering that we are both hearing impaired here. And when we, neither one of us, are not wearing our hearing aids it sounds like we're fighting.

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DALID414 2/11/2013 10:43PM

    emoticon

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CINDYSDAY 2/11/2013 10:31PM

    emoticon

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SONYALATRECE 2/11/2013 10:19PM

    Cute.
Dave Letterman is by far my favorite, though.

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Embarrassing Moments

Monday, February 11, 2013

In her memoirs, Barbara Bush described one of those most embarrassing moments that inevitably occur, even on the most carefully advanced of foreign trips. Along with her husband, then the Vice President, Mrs. Bush was lunching with Emperor Hirohito at Tokyo's Imperial Palace.

Sitting next to the Emperor, Mrs. Bush found the conversation an uphill task. To all her efforts at verbal engagement, the Emperor would smile and say "Yes" or "No," with an occasional "Thank You" tossed in for good measure.

Looking around her elegant surroundings, she complimented Hirohito on his official residence.

"Thank you," he said.

"Is it new?" pressed Mrs. Bush.

"Yes."

"Was the old palace just so old that it was falling down?" asked Mrs. Bush.

In his most charming, yet regal, matter, Hirohito replied, "No, I'm afraid that you bombed it."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WORKOUTWITHPAM 2/11/2013 9:40PM

    emoticon emoticon

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NWCOUNTRYDANCER 2/11/2013 8:05PM

    Oops!

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CINDYSDAY 2/11/2013 7:45PM

    emoticon

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CMRAND54 2/11/2013 7:12PM

    Oh well!

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DOVESEYES 2/11/2013 5:45PM

    emoticon

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ALIHIKES 2/11/2013 5:11PM

    VERY funny!

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3016DEBRA 2/11/2013 4:40PM

  Is that true?!?!?! That's too funny! emoticon

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KA_JUN 2/11/2013 4:04PM

    Oops, insert foot in mouth.

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L*I*T*A* 2/11/2013 3:20PM

    emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 2/11/2013 2:42PM

    makes my embarrising moments peanuts,lol.

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NAYPOOIE 2/11/2013 2:13PM

    Ouch!

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DALID414 2/11/2013 2:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Never Squat With Your Spurs On

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.

Some of his sayings:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIE4LYF 2/11/2013 2:34PM

    Love it!

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DOVESEYES 2/11/2013 5:24AM

    Lol, 'great words of wisdom' emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 2/11/2013 1:52AM

    thanks and very wise and alot of common sense to boot.

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NAYPOOIE 2/11/2013 1:09AM

    A wise man, Will.

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CINDYSDAY 2/10/2013 9:51PM

    emoticon

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DALID414 2/10/2013 9:28PM

    emoticon

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LADYIRISH317 2/10/2013 8:54PM

    Timeless wisdom, to be sure.

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CMRAND54 2/10/2013 7:12PM

    Good advice.

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Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

Sunday, February 10, 2013

- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

- Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

- Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!

- Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

- Hand me that...uh...that...uh.....thingie.

- Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

- Darn, there go the lights again...

- You know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of them.

- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

- Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

- What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...!

- Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

- This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

- Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donor card?

- Don't worry; I think it's sharp enough.

- What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

- She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!

- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out of here!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNE1123 2/10/2013 1:10PM

    Just a little twisted, thanks for the laughs!

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DALID414 2/10/2013 10:07AM

    emoticon

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WILSON425 2/10/2013 9:42AM

    My sister was having surgery at a vets hospital during 9/11. She woke up in the parking lot with military police and bomb sniffing dogs everywhere. emoticon

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JUDITHANNIE 2/10/2013 8:36AM

    Oh boy!!!!!!

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DOVESEYES 2/10/2013 5:20AM

    Love these...great work...thanks for the 'medicine' emoticon

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SNP_27 2/10/2013 4:39AM

    Can't stop laughing emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITANDFIFTY2 2/10/2013 2:19AM

    emoticon Very Funny indeed!!

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LIVING_WATER 2/10/2013 2:00AM

    Very funny. emoticon

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Maybe This Will Work

Friday, February 08, 2013

A boy that was being raised in a very religious family asked his mother for a new bike. His mother said, "Son, we pray to Jesus when we want something really badly." So the son thought that praying wouldn't be enough, so he sat down and began to write Jesus a letter:

"Dear Jesus, If I am good for a whole month, would you please send me a bike?" Then he sat there and thought to himself, "A month is a long time." And he began to write again:

"Dear Jesus, If I am good for a whole week......" Then he sat there and thought to himself, "A week is a long time." And he began to write again:

"Dear Jesus, If I am good for a whole day, would you please send me a bike?" Satisfied with this, the boy began to walk to the mailbox to mail the letter to Jesus. As he approached the mailbox, he looked at the envelope the letter was in...then, he tore it to shreds.

He ran home and took the statue of the Virgin Mary his grandmother had given him off of his bureau. He proceeded to wrap a shoelace tightly around the small statue and place it in a shoe box. He then threw the shoe box into his closet and sat down and wrote another letter"

"Dear Jesus, I have your mother!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDYSDAY 2/8/2013 4:36PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DALID414 2/8/2013 3:16PM

    emoticon

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ELLENIRENE 2/8/2013 6:39AM

    emoticon

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HAPPYMENOW58 2/8/2013 4:26AM

    Keep on keeping on!!!!

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SPSPSP1 2/8/2013 2:17AM

    Lol!

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