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More Late Night Funnies

Monday, February 04, 2013

Late Night Funny #1

On the Sunday that the White House held a private swearing-in ceremony for President Obama. Not to be outdone, Republicans held a private swearing-at ceremony for President Obama. -Jimmy Fallon



Late Night Funny #2

The beginning of the movie 'Lincoln' has been slightly changed to explain the Civil War to foreign audiences. Or as Lincoln put it, 'I would have preferred a different ENDING.' -Jimmy Fallon


Late Night Funny #3

Thousands of dead fish washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. The NRA said that this wouldn't have happened if those fish had guns. -Jay Leno


Late Night Funny #4

The director of 'Zero Dark Thirty' has come out against torture. And the director of 'Lincoln' has come out against going to the theater in 1865. -Conan O'Brien

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOVESEYES 2/4/2013 7:11PM

    LOL emoticon

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KARRENLYNN 2/4/2013 3:21PM

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DALID414 2/4/2013 2:28PM

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3016DEBRA 2/4/2013 2:09PM

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CINDYSDAY 2/4/2013 9:44AM

    good ones!

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HELEN_BRU 2/4/2013 9:26AM

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JUDITHANNIE 2/4/2013 9:19AM

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A cautionary tale for the clergy...

Sunday, February 03, 2013

A pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.
Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough from their laughter for the worship service to be continued.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYOUS1917 2/5/2013 9:47PM

    This is an inappropriate comment that will go totally UNREPORTED! emoticon

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SENIMMO 2/5/2013 12:08AM

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CINDYSDAY 2/3/2013 8:10PM

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NAYPOOIE 2/3/2013 2:01PM

    Beautiful

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2BDYNAMIC 2/3/2013 11:29AM

    Absolutely the BEST!! and the Pastor opened the gate wide for this one!

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LADYIRISH317 2/3/2013 10:38AM

    You gotta love kids! emoticon

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DALID414 2/3/2013 10:07AM

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MSKRIS7 2/3/2013 9:57AM

    LOL emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 2/3/2013 9:32AM

    Watching too much TV emoticon

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BRANDI1809 2/3/2013 5:46AM

    Brilliant

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GATORADE71 2/3/2013 4:09AM

    LOL

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SISSIE21 2/3/2013 2:50AM

    Love it! Out of the mouth of babes.... Thanks for the laughs this morning!
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FITANDFIFTY2 2/3/2013 2:46AM

    Oh that is so funny!! Loved it! emoticon

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Acts 2:38

Saturday, February 02, 2013

A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture.

The burglar froze in place and didn't move. The woman called 911, the police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he stood.

"What did you say to him that kept him from moving?" they asked the woman.

She told them that she had simply said Acts 2:38 and quoted scripture.

The police chuckled and escorted the burglar out to the patrol car. "Why did the woman's quoting scripture scare you so much?" they asked.

"Scripture?" said the burglar, "I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!"

  
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DOVESEYES 2/2/2013 7:48PM

    lol

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DALID414 2/2/2013 6:40PM

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CINDYSDAY 2/2/2013 5:58PM

    LOL

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EVER-HOPEFUL 2/2/2013 5:54PM

    just read this earlier today on another blog.still think it is great emoticon

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Send this on to your gay relatives and friends...

Saturday, February 02, 2013

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.


I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.


1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.



James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia

It would be a darn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 2/3/2013 7:39PM

    Great blog!

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LITTLE_QUEEN 2/3/2013 12:58PM

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2BDYNAMIC 2/3/2013 11:32AM

    I think this is why the NEW Testament is preferred reading ............... (I can't imagine living in the past of the Old) ...............

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NAYPOOIE 2/3/2013 1:23AM

    That was absolutely great!

Regrettably, I have no idea which of my friends and relatives are gay, guess I'll have to send it to all of them.

Comment edited on: 2/3/2013 1:24:37 AM

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LADYIRISH317 2/2/2013 8:39PM

    Fantastic!

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DALID414 2/2/2013 6:39PM

    Love this!!

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ALICIAYOUNG1127 2/2/2013 6:13PM

    perfect!

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HELEN_BRU 2/2/2013 5:06PM

    Loved it! emoticon

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Perfect!!! Thanks, Ma!

Thursday, January 31, 2013

  
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2ABBYNORMAL 2/2/2013 12:06AM

    Sounds great to me!
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CARRAND 2/1/2013 10:04PM

    Cute!

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NAYPOOIE 2/1/2013 10:50AM

    Makes sense to me!

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GARDENCHRIS 2/1/2013 7:14AM

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CINDYSDAY 2/1/2013 7:10AM

    Nice!

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KJDINSC 2/1/2013 5:24AM

    Good one!

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DALID414 1/31/2013 10:43PM

    That's brilliant!!

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PANDAEVA 1/31/2013 10:35PM

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DOVESEYES 1/31/2013 10:33PM

    lol

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