SUNSHINE65   62,573
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A cautionary tale for the clergy...

Sunday, February 03, 2013

A pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.
Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough from their laughter for the worship service to be continued.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYOUS1917 2/5/2013 9:47PM

    This is an inappropriate comment that will go totally UNREPORTED! emoticon

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SENIMMO 2/5/2013 12:08AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CINDYSDAY 2/3/2013 8:10PM

    emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 2/3/2013 2:01PM

    Beautiful

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2BDYNAMIC 2/3/2013 11:29AM

    Absolutely the BEST!! and the Pastor opened the gate wide for this one!

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LADYIRISH317 2/3/2013 10:38AM

    You gotta love kids! emoticon

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DALID414 2/3/2013 10:07AM

    emoticon

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MSKRIS7 2/3/2013 9:57AM

    LOL emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 2/3/2013 9:32AM

    Watching too much TV emoticon

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BRANDI1809 2/3/2013 5:46AM

    Brilliant

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GATORADE71 2/3/2013 4:09AM

    LOL

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SISSIE21 2/3/2013 2:50AM

    Love it! Out of the mouth of babes.... Thanks for the laughs this morning!
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FITANDFIFTY2 2/3/2013 2:46AM

    Oh that is so funny!! Loved it! emoticon

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Acts 2:38

Saturday, February 02, 2013

A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture.

The burglar froze in place and didn't move. The woman called 911, the police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he stood.

"What did you say to him that kept him from moving?" they asked the woman.

She told them that she had simply said Acts 2:38 and quoted scripture.

The police chuckled and escorted the burglar out to the patrol car. "Why did the woman's quoting scripture scare you so much?" they asked.

"Scripture?" said the burglar, "I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOVESEYES 2/2/2013 7:48PM

    lol

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DALID414 2/2/2013 6:40PM

    emoticon

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CINDYSDAY 2/2/2013 5:58PM

    LOL

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EVER-HOPEFUL 2/2/2013 5:54PM

    just read this earlier today on another blog.still think it is great emoticon

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Send this on to your gay relatives and friends...

Saturday, February 02, 2013

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.


I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.


1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.



James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia

It would be a darn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 2/3/2013 7:39PM

    Great blog!

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LITTLE_QUEEN 2/3/2013 12:58PM

    emoticon

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2BDYNAMIC 2/3/2013 11:32AM

    I think this is why the NEW Testament is preferred reading ............... (I can't imagine living in the past of the Old) ...............

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NAYPOOIE 2/3/2013 1:23AM

    That was absolutely great!

Regrettably, I have no idea which of my friends and relatives are gay, guess I'll have to send it to all of them.

Comment edited on: 2/3/2013 1:24:37 AM

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LADYIRISH317 2/2/2013 8:39PM

    Fantastic!

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DALID414 2/2/2013 6:39PM

    Love this!!

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ALICIAYOUNG1127 2/2/2013 6:13PM

    perfect!

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HELEN_BRU 2/2/2013 5:06PM

    Loved it! emoticon

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Perfect!!! Thanks, Ma!

Thursday, January 31, 2013

  
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2ABBYNORMAL 2/2/2013 12:06AM

    Sounds great to me!
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CARRAND 2/1/2013 10:04PM

    Cute!

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NAYPOOIE 2/1/2013 10:50AM

    Makes sense to me!

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GARDENCHRIS 2/1/2013 7:14AM

    emoticon

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CINDYSDAY 2/1/2013 7:10AM

    Nice!

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KJDINSC 2/1/2013 5:24AM

    Good one!

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DALID414 1/31/2013 10:43PM

    That's brilliant!!

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EVASTANKIEWICZ 1/31/2013 10:35PM

    emoticon

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DOVESEYES 1/31/2013 10:33PM

    lol

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Funnies...late nite and other...

Thursday, January 31, 2013

"A recent article says yoga-related injuries are on the rise. It's not surprising that yoga fans are upset with this article. After all, it's easy for them to get bent out of shape." -Craig Ferguson

"A man named Peter Robbins, a 56-year-old guy, was the voice of Charlie Brown on TV. He was arrested for stalking. Apparently, Charlie Brown did not have the money to post bail. You know why? He's working for peanuts." -Jay Leno

"New York City is always striving to improve the quality of life here. Now they're taking down all of the street signs on poles in the city because of clutter. Radioactive steam not a problem. City buses disappearing into potholes not a problem. Meat vendors selling squirrel not a problem." -Dave Letterman

I arrived home to find the place ransacked. Fortunately, my niece and her husband, PJ, were with me. Grabbing a golf club out of the trunk, PJ searched the house to make sure the robber was gone. Then he looked at the club a three iron. "I should have taken the wedge," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Lately I've been having trouble hitting anything with my three."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A man went into the pet shop, "I am playing Long John Silver in the local amateur dramatic societies version of Treasure Island and need a parrot to sit on my shoulder," he said.

"I don't have any parrots at the moment, but you wouldn't want a real parrot for that. It would squawk in all the wrong places, poop on your shoulder and generally be a nuisance. What you need is a stuffed parrot. Just as realistic and easily controlled."

"I'm not sure a stuffed parrot would be okay," said the customer. "I do want this performance to be as realistic as possible."

"I am sure a stuffed parrot would be fine," said the pet shop owner. "I have one at home. I'll bring it in and if you come back on Thursday you can have it."

"Sorry," said the customer, "I can't make it on Thursday. That's the day I'm having my leg cut off."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARRENLYNN 1/31/2013 11:30PM

    Thanks for the smiles!

Karen emoticon

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DOVESEYES 1/31/2013 10:34PM

    lol

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ELSCO55 1/31/2013 10:27PM

    cute

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CARRAND 1/31/2013 9:57PM

    Pretty good!

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DALID414 1/31/2013 9:25PM

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