SUNSHINE65   65,273
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BEST DRUNK STORY OF THE MONTH...

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says....................

'Grandpa ....... Go home! You're drunk.'

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2ABBYNORMAL 1/17/2013 4:10PM

    Glad grandpa had a great time!
emoticon

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SCOOTDOG 1/17/2013 1:00PM

    emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 1/17/2013 11:55AM

    LOL

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KJDINSC 1/17/2013 8:22AM

    Ha!

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GARDENCHRIS 1/17/2013 6:52AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NYARAMULA 1/17/2013 3:16AM

    emoticon

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SUSANBEAMON 1/17/2013 1:57AM

  emoticon old jokes are good jokes

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/17/2013 1:35AM

    iŽd guessed straight away it was the grandfather,lol.

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3RDBABYWEIGHT 1/16/2013 11:53PM

    emoticon

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DALID414 1/16/2013 11:44PM

    emoticon You can't pick your family!

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PDSLIM 1/16/2013 11:38PM

    emoticon

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Claude the Hypnotist

Monday, January 14, 2013

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.

Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance;

I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique
pocket watch from his coat.

"I want each of you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very
special watch.

It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface.

A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, the
chain broke; it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor,
breaking into a hundred pieces.

"S**t!" said the hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Centre.

Claude was never invited back

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2ABBYNORMAL 1/17/2013 4:07PM

    Too funny!
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ALICERIEGER 1/15/2013 9:11AM

    Thanks for the good laugh.

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DALID414 1/14/2013 11:55PM

    emoticon

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DOVESEYES 1/14/2013 11:38PM

    lol emoticon

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ALIHIKES 1/14/2013 9:58PM

    emoticon

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RACHELBUGSMAMA 1/14/2013 8:18PM

    lol! We are going to a hypnotist show next week, hope that doesn't happen to us!


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BOBBIENORTHERN1 1/14/2013 7:54PM

  What a story... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DARLY55 1/14/2013 6:50PM

    OMG that is too funny! emoticon

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MRSGROUCHO 1/14/2013 6:43PM

    LOL well it made me laugh. Thanks emoticon

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MAMISHELI53 1/14/2013 6:42PM

    Oh, that is SO-HO-HO FUNNY!
Thanks for a fun laugh! God bless your journey to a healthier lifestyle.

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NAYPOOIE 1/14/2013 6:41PM

    OK, that was bad! LOL

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Late Night Funny

Monday, January 14, 2013

Now I see what's happening. (The 2nd Amendment advocates) paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from adressing our actual dystopic present. We can't even begin to address the 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, happening in this country every year because a few of us must remain vigilant against the rise of 'Imaginary Hitler'.

Jon Stewart

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 1/15/2013 9:14AM

    I don't know - does anybody

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DALID414 1/14/2013 8:14PM

    True, true.

Comment edited on: 1/14/2013 8:14:38 PM

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BOBBIENORTHERN1 1/14/2013 7:56PM

  Jon Stewart isn't to intelligent in my opinion.

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Politician's Sandwich

Monday, January 14, 2013

On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.

He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.

"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRSGROUCHO 1/14/2013 6:45PM

    emoticon

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BARCLE 1/14/2013 2:38PM

    emoticon that was hilarious - loved it!

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3016DEBRA 1/14/2013 12:51PM

  HEE HEE!!! GOOD ONE emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 1/14/2013 8:33AM

    emoticon

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GARDENCHRIS 1/14/2013 7:07AM

    emoticon

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DOVESEYES 1/14/2013 6:21AM

    "A lot of baloney" emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 1/14/2013 6:19AM

    Good choice

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DALID414 1/14/2013 1:23AM

    emoticon

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An American in England

Sunday, January 13, 2013

An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator. The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted. "You must mean the lift," he said.
"No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator."
"Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts".
"Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in America invented the elevator."
"Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said in a polite tone, "but someone here in England invented the language."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOVESEYES 1/13/2013 6:55PM

    yes!!! emoticon

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CARRAND 1/13/2013 6:08PM

    Great!

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CINDYSDAY 1/13/2013 5:52PM

    lol


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DALID414 1/13/2013 2:15PM

    emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 1/13/2013 1:11PM

    Good response

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GARDENCHRIS 1/13/2013 12:50PM

    emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 1/13/2013 9:54AM

    Love it!

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MARYJOANNA 1/13/2013 5:30AM

  Touche!!

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