SUNSHINE65   50,071
SparkPoints
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints
 
 
SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Going On The Wagon

Monday, December 10, 2012

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife that I had a drinking problem, and to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 12/12/2012 10:52AM

    I can see how that would happen

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMRAND54 12/11/2012 8:16PM

    Funny!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DARLY55 12/11/2012 7:42AM

    OMG that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time! emoticon
Thanks!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JTREMBATH 12/11/2012 1:15AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PAMNANGEL 12/11/2012 1:06AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BARCLE 12/10/2012 11:24PM

    emoticon that's too good not to share emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 12/10/2012 11:14PM

    emoticon emoticon TOO FUNNY!!
The sad part is, I know EXACTLY what he was saying! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLIMINDOWN31 12/10/2012 11:09PM

    ?

Report Inappropriate Comment


Child Rearing FAQ

Sunday, December 09, 2012

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWOHUNERDPLUS 1/26/2014 6:03PM

  funny and I had 6 kids, and do it over IF I had too. They are ALL GREAT KIDS.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 12/11/2012 2:30PM

    Thanks again

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 12/10/2012 3:22AM

    So right emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALIHIKES 12/10/2012 1:43AM

    Very funny! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BARCLE 12/10/2012 12:00AM

    Loved these emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 12/9/2012 11:27PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRANDMABABA 12/9/2012 10:15PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Visiting The Big Apple

Saturday, December 08, 2012

In '88 we had to go to The Big Apple for an exit interview after an overseas contract. Our way was paid: 6 days 5 nights, airfare. Only had to meetings and a Dr's appt on the schedule. Unfortunately DH fell into a pothole (do they decorate those things for Xmas?) while gawking at the UN flags we saw heading to an appt. The rest of the trip he was holed up in the hotel nursing his sprained ankle. Anyway there was a deli on the corner of the block and I went there morning and evening to bring a meal up to the room. God! I love those delis! Nothing like that except in the big grocery stores here in Oregon. Before his pothole incident, we did get to a pizza place...nothing like that out west! And we did do a boat tour around Manhattan. And we did go up to the first tier of Lady Liberty. And we did take a daylight carriage ride in Central Park. For the rest of the time I toured around on foot...saw St Patricks, Saks, stuff like that that was nearby. The last night I went to the deli, the guy greeted me like I was a new yorker (I was wearing tropical clothes! while everyone in NYC wears black and white and gray and tan!). It was so sweet! Felt good. Like Fran the Nanny getting accepted in upper Manhattan. Despite my Oregon accent!

Man, I wish you could order Chinese delivered in Gresham!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIET_FRIEND 12/9/2012 10:47PM

    I haven't been to New York in a long time. I lived in Atlanta for many years and one of things I liked about a big city is the great restaurants. I love ethnic cuisine of all kinds. Hubby and i went to Atlanta last weekend and had some great pizza slices, Thai and sushi. We eat sushi here in town now and then, but that sushi in Atlanta was really great! The slices weren't the greatest ever made, but the gritty ambience is not to be had in my current little town.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALWAYSLOWFAT 12/9/2012 9:20PM

   
doves eyes - you are making me relive my life growing up in NYC. hope you went on the tour bus stopping at all special attractions. you can get off and on again at any stops you want. i was surprised to learn that there was an American Indian museum. very interesting.

also there is one in Brooklyn - if you visit NY again check them out.

JO alwayslowfat emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 12/9/2012 7:21PM

    Sounds like a lovely time...thansk for letting me share it emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMRAND54 12/9/2012 2:43PM

    What a great trip, in spite of the sprained ankle. You look wonderful in the Hawaiian shirt!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Live in NY?

Friday, December 07, 2012

You Know You're From New York When...

You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.

You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.

You know what a "regular" coffee is.

It's not Manhattan...... It's the "city".

There is no north and south. It's "uptown" or "downtown." If you're really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where north and south are.... And east or west is "crosstown."

You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it.

You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth.

You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a "real" pizza and a "real" bagel.

A 500 square foot apartment is large.

You know the differences between all the different Ray's pizzas.

You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a p.a. Announcement on the subway.

You wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city.

You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.

You're not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's eve.

Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect.

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.

You don't even notice the lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with herself.

You pay "only" $230 a month to park your car.

The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.

You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.

The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if it's a beer.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DALID414 12/8/2012 10:35PM

    So THAT explains it! My boyfriend is from New York!! emoticon (For the record: he's never been there.)

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAYPOOIE 12/8/2012 1:01AM

    weird world.

Report Inappropriate Comment
2ABBYNORMAL 12/8/2012 12:33AM

    I loved this. I imagined it would be exactly this way, I think, from the Seinfold episodes. I wish I could go to New York at least once for a week.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALWAYSLOWFAT 12/7/2012 11:41PM

    I am a New Yorker, born and bred. lived in many States in the US and none could compare to NY.

i miss NY bagels, pizza, any kind of bread or rolls. etc.
emoticon
however, i don't miss the subway during rush hour.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALIHIKES 12/7/2012 10:42PM

    Very funny!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GLC2009 12/7/2012 6:22PM

    i went to new york on vacation once. that was enough for me. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMRAND54 12/7/2012 3:27PM

    Love it. I could totally live in NYC.

Report Inappropriate Comment
3016DEBRA 12/7/2012 12:53PM

  I've only been there once as a kid but I'd love to see it again as an adult...maybe THAT'S what I want for Christmas... emoticon Have yourself a great weekend! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DIET_FRIEND 12/7/2012 10:57AM

    I like visiting, but wouldn't want to live there.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GARDENCHRIS 12/7/2012 7:05AM

    funny..

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITANDFIFTY2 12/7/2012 2:10AM

    Living in Washington state, I never would have thought of how it would be to live in New York! Thanks for the info!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GETDONE 12/7/2012 1:54AM

    FUNNY--my grandaughter lives in NY loves it.
I live in Sac
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Duh

Thursday, December 06, 2012

After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. "About the salmon entree, is that a steak or a fillet?"

"Neither," she said. "It's a fish."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 12/8/2012 3:33PM

    LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMRAND54 12/7/2012 3:33PM

    Funny!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FENWAYGIRL18 12/7/2012 1:11AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 12/7/2012 12:25AM

    ha ha lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
2ABBYNORMAL 12/6/2012 10:57PM

    Very funny!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 12/6/2012 10:21PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 Last Page