SUNSHINE65   67,047
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Top Ten Signs You're Not One Of The Smartest People In The World

Saturday, December 01, 2012

10. You keep wondering when they'll come out with a new flavor of Windex
9. Invested all of your money in wrestling magazines
8. Exonerated of double murder charges but convicted of stealing your sports memorabilia
7. You believe Mitt Romney actually shops at Costco
6. 8PM - swallowed a golf ball, 9PM - emergency room, 10PM - swallowed golf ball
5. As a child, your first word was, 'Huh?'
4. You've lost six cars forgetting where you parked
3. You think the government can cut taxes for the rich and balance the budget
2. You risk job at Credit Suisse to attend lame talk show
1. You're not even the smartest Kardashian

David Letterman

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKEPCHICK 12/2/2012 1:49PM

  Heh heh

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DALID414 12/1/2012 10:40PM


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CAT-IN-CJ 12/1/2012 9:36PM

    needed that laugh

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DOVESEYES 12/1/2012 8:36PM

    Nice one emoticon

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You Know You're Over The Hill When...

Friday, November 30, 2012

1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

2. You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

3. Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

4. You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose.

5. You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large...In that order.

6. You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya..

7. You keep repeating yourself.

8. You start video taping daytime game shows.

9. At the airport, they ask to check your bags...and you're not carrying any luggage.

10. You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

11. Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar...a month at a time.

12. At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

13. Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

14. When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.

15. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

16. Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

17. You keep repeating yourself.

18. It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

19. You discover the words, "whippersnapper," "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into your vocabulary.

20. You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

21. You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

22. You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

23. You look both ways before crossing a room.

24. Your social security number only has three digits.

25. You keep repeating yourself.

26. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

27. You go to a Garden Party and you're mainly interested in the garden.

28. You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep.

29. The waiter asks how you'd like your steak...and you say "pureed."

30. At parties you attend, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ILOVETOCRUISE 12/2/2012 10:35AM

    17. You keep repeating yourself. I do that.
Cute!! emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 12/1/2012 12:20PM

    I'm getting there

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BALLOUZOO 11/30/2012 10:18PM

    Love this!

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SKEPCHICK 11/30/2012 7:57PM

  Heh heh

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DOVESEYES 11/30/2012 6:21PM

    Uh oh I can say yes to more than a few of these.

wonderful thanks emoticon

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AANGEL3 11/30/2012 2:45PM


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NAYPOOIE 11/30/2012 1:59PM

    by cracky?

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DALID414 11/30/2012 1:03PM

    You keep repeating yourself emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 11/30/2012 8:34AM

    Funny but in some cases, true! emoticon

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RECMAJOR 11/30/2012 7:24AM


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BARCLE 11/30/2012 4:54AM


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LAURIE160IN2013 11/30/2012 2:10AM

    Dueling ailments--or as my grandmother used to say, organ recitals!

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Political Quotes

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I wonder at the IQs of these politicos...

"I resent your insinuendoes."

"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate." -- Dan Quayle

"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."

"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."

"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."

"Outside of the killings in Washington DC, we have one of the lowest crime rates in the nation." -- Marion Berry

"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."

"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."

"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."

"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."

"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."

"Let's do this in one foul swoop."

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."

"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."

"I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks."

"The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13."

"I hate to confuse myself with the facts."

"We have a permanent plan for the time being."

"Family planning has many misconceptions."

"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city."

"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."

"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."

"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about."

"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."

"In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 11/29/2012 12:08PM

    Thank you. Those were priceless.

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RUSSELL_40 11/29/2012 11:20AM

    When the Tampa Bay Buccaneers first started out in the 70's they lost their first 26 games. Their coach was asked " What do you think about the execution of your offense? " He responded " I think that would be a good idea! "

I think we could put " the government " into that quote, and most would agree. Either there aren't enough bridges in Washington, or they are aren't coming to them. Can you imagine if we had some qualified people in charge?

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WOUBBIE 11/29/2012 11:05AM

    These are great!

May I add this "poem" created by Richard Thompson out of Dubya's malaprop comments?

"I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!
Major league."

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DOVESEYES 11/29/2012 2:06AM

    Hilarious and sad at the same time

thanks I needed a laugh today emoticon emoticon

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DALID414 11/29/2012 1:11AM


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AHTRAP 11/29/2012 1:10AM

    Would love to see who said the rest of 'em...might have to steal the "run it up the flagpole" line!

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At the Theater...

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSDAISY23 11/29/2012 1:41PM


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CARRAND 11/28/2012 5:54PM


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NAYPOOIE 11/28/2012 1:12PM

    I love it!

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ALICERIEGER 11/28/2012 12:17PM


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DEERLADY45 11/28/2012 8:53AM

    THATS an IDEA! Thank you for that info! If i was talkin and i heard some one behind me sneeze then the spray .....Yuck! Id shut up for sure! Blessings and Hugs, BONNIE

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOYFUL78 11/28/2012 5:07AM

    veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy creative LOL

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DALID414 11/28/2012 1:34AM

    First reaction EWWW. Second reaction emoticon

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FITANDFIFTY2 11/28/2012 1:22AM

    Loved it! emoticon

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AMALIA8 11/28/2012 1:02AM

    LOL! Nice! I have never had that happen, but I'll be on the lookout for water bottles from now on. I only talk when I have someone there and I try to talk quietly if I do comment on something in the movie. Keep up the great work!

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LATTELEE 11/28/2012 12:49AM


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LIBBYL1 11/28/2012 12:03AM

  thanks for making me laugh out loud!

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Late Night Funny #3

Monday, November 26, 2012

Late Night Funny #1

Last night we had a rough audience, very unpleasant. And then halfway through the show they voted to secede. -David Letterman

Late Night Funny #2

Colorado and Washington just legalized marijuana. If Hostess canít figure out a way to make money off of that, then maybe they shouldnít be in the snack cake industry. I guess Iíll just have to take my business to Little Debbie. -Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Facebook also has an app that can help you lose your job. Itís called Facebook. -Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #4

During his final speech on the House floor yesterday, Congressman Ron Paul said the Constitution has failed. Which must be a bummer because heís actually one of the guys who signed it. -Jimmy Fallon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 11/27/2012 2:17PM


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BARCLE 11/27/2012 12:26PM

    I'm still giggling at the Facebook one

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NAYPOOIE 11/27/2012 11:46AM

    I love those guys

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BALLOUZOO 11/27/2012 12:12AM


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BARCLE 11/26/2012 11:52PM


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DALID414 11/26/2012 10:38PM

    emoticon facebook

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AMALIA8 11/26/2012 9:40PM

    LMAO! So great! Keep up the awesome work!

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GRANDMABABA 11/26/2012 9:08PM


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GARDENQE2 11/26/2012 8:42PM


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ELRIDDICK 11/26/2012 8:32PM

  Thanks for sharing

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PJBONARRIGO 11/26/2012 8:30PM

    Thanks for posting my laughs for the day :-) emoticon

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