SUNSHINE65   61,118
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What they say...and what they mean

Sunday, November 18, 2012

WOMEN`S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No.
2. No = Yes.
3. Maybe = No.
4. We need = I want.
5. I am sorry = You`ll be sorry.
6. We need to talk = I need to complain.
7. Sure, go ahead = I don`t want you to.
8. Do what you want = You`ll pay for this later.
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you`re dead.
11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
13. You`re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive.
15. It`s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
16. You`re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
17. I`ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you`re really not going to like.

MEN`S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry.
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy.
3. I am tired = I am tired.
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let`s have sex now.
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. What`s wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.
8. May I have this dance? = I`d like to have sex with you.
9. Can I call you sometime? = I`d like to have sex with you.
10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I`d like to have sex with you.
11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I`d like to have sex with you.
12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you.
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next three minutes.
14. Let`s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I`d like to have sex with you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 11/19/2012 2:37PM

    well, you got the men right.

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DESERTDREAMERS 11/19/2012 9:27AM

    Literally laughed out loud!

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WOUBBIE 11/19/2012 8:17AM

    True in every word!

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DALID414 11/18/2012 3:49PM

    I SO need to print this and leave it laying around emoticon

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3016DEBRA 11/18/2012 3:36PM

  emoticon So true!

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GOPINTOS 11/18/2012 3:25PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JANETTEB553 11/18/2012 3:21PM

    hmm

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DMEYER4 11/18/2012 3:08PM

  cute

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The Pastor and the Pug

Saturday, November 17, 2012

“I adore my pug, Mr. Peanut. But he’s got a knack for getting himself--and me--curly-tail deep into trouble. I’ll never forget the night I hosted the Lutheran Ladies Bible Study: our pastor had agreed to lead the group, so there was a huge turnout. I’d locked Peanuts in my bedroom to keep him out of the way, but halfway through the meeting my son opened the door, and that darn dog tore down the hall at full speed and hefted his 25 pug pounds right onto our pastor. With my face burning, I gasped. There was also something black and lacy around Peanut’s neck--he’d been napping in the clean laundry pile again! He shook his head and I watched in horror as what my husband calls my ‘naughty thong’ popped off and fell in our pastor’s lap. As I snatched Peanuts and the panties, the pastor said over a roar of laughter, ‘Looks like someone needs confession!’...I’m still not sure if he meant Mr. Peanuts or me.”

from First For Women
11/12/12

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARB4HEALTH 11/18/2012 6:02PM

    Loved this! Laughed out loud! Thanks for sharing.
emoticon emoticon

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DALID414 11/18/2012 1:13AM

    emoticon

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GRANDMABABA 11/18/2012 12:01AM

    I love pugs. Had a cutie who knew she was in charge. Had to give her up as dh was so allergic. But, we have such fun memories of that year we had her with us. Thanks for sharing this adorable story.

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COCK-ROBIN 11/17/2012 11:21PM

    emoticon

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COCK-ROBIN 11/17/2012 11:21PM

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Late Night Jokes for November 16

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Late Night Funny #1

Mitt Romney arrived at his victory celebration in a 15-car Secret Service caravan. Of course, when you lose, the Secret Service dumps you immediately. So he had to hitch a ride home with his son. So there he is arriving in the 15-car motorcade and then he goes home in the back seat – Tagg driving, Ann riding shotgun, dog on the roof. -Bill Maher


Late Night Funny #2

I heard an update from Con Edison, the electricity company. They said the Republicans now will be without power for the next four years. -David Letterman


Late Night Funny #3

Mitt Romney’s family has been trying to console him since Tuesday’s loss. In fact, this morning they took him to Ikea just so he could feel what it’s like to put together a cabinet. -Jay Leno


Late Night Funny #4

There’s also a rumor that Romney will write a tell-all book based on the diary he kept on the campaign trail. That’s in case you ever wondered what Ambien looks like in book form. -Jimmy Fallon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 11/17/2012 9:04PM

    Love it - especially the Ikea joke.

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BARCLE 11/17/2012 4:00PM

    emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 11/17/2012 1:51PM

    Thanks

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3016DEBRA 11/17/2012 12:17PM

  emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 11/17/2012 9:05AM

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TCANNO 11/17/2012 3:29AM

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Late Night Funnies 11/15/12

Friday, November 16, 2012

Late Night Funny #1

Mitt Romney arrived at his victory celebration in a 15-car Secret Service caravan. Of course, when you lose, the Secret Service dumps you immediately. So he had to hitch a ride home with his son. So there he is arriving in the 15-car motorcade and then he goes home in the back seat – Tagg driving, Ann riding shotgun, dog on the roof. -Bill Maher


Late Night Funny #2

I heard an update from Con Edison, the electricity company. They said the Republicans now will be without power for the next four years. -David Letterman


Late Night Funny #3

Mitt Romney’s family has been trying to console him since Tuesday’s loss. In fact, this morning they took him to Ikea just so he could feel what it’s like to put together a cabinet. -Jay Leno


Late Night Funny #4

There’s also a rumor that Romney will write a tell-all book based on the diary he kept on the campaign trail. That’s in case you ever wondered what Ambien looks like in book form. -Jimmy Fallon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSANBEAMON 11/17/2012 3:00AM

  just glad the joke did not get elected.

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DALID414 11/16/2012 9:58PM

    emoticon

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AMALIA8 11/16/2012 9:57PM

    Nice. I am sorry but I do like making fun of Romney. He's just such an easy target. Keep up the great work!

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DIBANANA 11/16/2012 9:51PM

  Very cute and a bit of truth!

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YOUR LATE NIGHT FUNNIES FIX

Friday, November 16, 2012

"Today was the release of 'Call of Duty: Black Ops 2.' I saw people camped out last night waiting for it. I thought it was some kind of Occupy Toys "R" Us." -Craig Ferguson



"The Oxford English Dictionary revealed that its word of the year is GIF ˜ the format for animated files. People who use dictionaries were like, 'What's a GIF?' And then people who use GIFs were like, 'What's a dictionary?'" -Jimmy Fallon



"At a gas station in Texas, a woman purchased what she thought was a $200 iPad that turned out to be just a mirror. Let that be a lesson. Make sure you buy your iPad from a REPUTABLE gas station." -Conan O'Brian

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCLE 11/16/2012 5:58PM

    emoticon

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MISSDAISY23 11/16/2012 3:09PM

    emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 11/16/2012 10:50AM

    Once again, Thanks!

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AMALIA8 11/16/2012 7:43AM

    LOL. Awesome! I'd actually seen part of the episode where Conan said that line. It was hilarious. Keep up the great work!

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DONNABRIGHT 11/16/2012 7:35AM

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ATLTRAINR 11/16/2012 7:21AM

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GARDENCHRIS 11/16/2012 7:19AM

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SUSANBEAMON 11/16/2012 3:45AM

  people are funny.

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COCK-ROBIN 11/16/2012 2:07AM

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MR.NET1 11/16/2012 1:34AM

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