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YOUR LATE NIGHT FUNNIES FIX

Friday, November 16, 2012

"Today was the release of 'Call of Duty: Black Ops 2.' I saw people camped out last night waiting for it. I thought it was some kind of Occupy Toys "R" Us." -Craig Ferguson



"The Oxford English Dictionary revealed that its word of the year is GIF ˜ the format for animated files. People who use dictionaries were like, 'What's a GIF?' And then people who use GIFs were like, 'What's a dictionary?'" -Jimmy Fallon



"At a gas station in Texas, a woman purchased what she thought was a $200 iPad that turned out to be just a mirror. Let that be a lesson. Make sure you buy your iPad from a REPUTABLE gas station." -Conan O'Brian

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCLE 11/16/2012 5:58PM

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MISSDAISY23 11/16/2012 3:09PM

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ALICERIEGER 11/16/2012 10:50AM

    Once again, Thanks!

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AMALIA8 11/16/2012 7:43AM

    LOL. Awesome! I'd actually seen part of the episode where Conan said that line. It was hilarious. Keep up the great work!

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DONNABRIGHT 11/16/2012 7:35AM

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ATLTRAINR 11/16/2012 7:21AM

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GARDENCHRIS 11/16/2012 7:19AM

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SUSANBEAMON 11/16/2012 3:45AM

  people are funny.

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COCK-ROBIN 11/16/2012 2:07AM

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MR.NET1 11/16/2012 1:34AM

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Head Scratchers...

Friday, November 16, 2012

Ponder these...

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here." What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRFUZZ 11/16/2012 8:53PM

    The Braille dots on the drive up ATM...that's the one that really gets me sayin, huh?

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CARRAND 11/16/2012 3:35PM

    Fun!

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DALID414 11/16/2012 1:02PM

    Too much to ponder, I have a headache now! emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 11/16/2012 10:53AM

    Certainly makes one think

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WOODLANDMYST 11/16/2012 8:19AM

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AMALIA8 11/16/2012 7:42AM

    Very interesting thoughts to ponder. Love it. Thanks for sharing!

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TWEETYKC00 11/16/2012 4:31AM

    good thoughts

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ALIHIKES 11/16/2012 1:23AM

    Very funny! LOL

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FITANDFIFTY2 11/16/2012 1:01AM

    Oh for sure! emoticon

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MRSBOBBY2012 11/16/2012 1:01AM

    ha

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CHIBIKARATE 11/16/2012 12:54AM

    cute emoticon emoticon emoticon

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English Lecture

Friday, November 16, 2012

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 11/17/2012 1:53PM

    Thanks

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DALID414 11/16/2012 12:59PM

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NAYPOOIE 11/16/2012 12:53PM

    yep

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WOUBBIE 11/16/2012 8:21AM

    LOL!

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AMALIA8 11/16/2012 7:40AM

    LOL. So true. It is dependent on tone of voice but still double positive meaning a negative. Thanks for sharing!

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SUSANBEAMON 11/16/2012 3:47AM

  but you have to use the right tone.

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LUNA_81 11/16/2012 3:43AM

  In Japanese a single negative is negative, a double negative is positive, and a triple negative is negative. It's just like math, but it can get confusing keeping track of all those negatives.

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More Late Night Funnies

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Late Night Funny #1

Everybody is talking about the fiscal cliff. And I’d be talking about the fiscal cliff too if I knew what the hell it was. -David Letterman

Late Night Funny #2

Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos and chicken nuggets wrapped in a tortilla. In other words, thank God we’re going to keep Obamacare. -Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #3

Four counties in Florida were still counting votes today. It’s important that they get all of the votes counted because the numbers could drastically affect the outcome of this election in no way whatsoever. -Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #4

What is going on in Florida? They still haven’t finished counting the votes there yet. You know, at this point, Florida shouldn’t even be allowed to vote for ‘American Idol’. -Jay Leno

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMALIA8 11/15/2012 2:29PM

    I love these late night funnies. I never watch the shows so it's great that you post the good ones here. Keep up the awesome work!

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ALICERIEGER 11/15/2012 11:30AM

    Alwzys enjoy hearing these observations,

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WOUBBIE 11/15/2012 9:03AM

    Agree!!!

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COCK-ROBIN 11/15/2012 3:21AM

    So funny, espeically the last one!

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COCK-ROBIN 11/15/2012 3:21AM

    So funny, espeically the last one!

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Cat Quotes

Thursday, November 15, 2012

"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - Dave Platt

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez

"There is no snooze button for a cat that wants breakfast." -Anonymous

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." - English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." - Ellen Perry Berkeley

"One cat just leads to another." - Ernest Hemingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." - Anonymous

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer

The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." - Ernest Menaul

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." - Anonymous

"Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Colette

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." - Missy Dizick

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." - Colonial American proverb

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." - Joseph Wood Krutch

"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit." - John S. Nichols

"The smallest feline is a masterpiece." -- Leonardo Da Vinci

"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." -- Anonymous

"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LJCANNON 11/16/2012 1:02AM

    emoticon So Funny, mostly because I'm sure most of them are TRUE!!! I've been Owned by 3 Cats and I know that they all remember being Worshipped as "gods".

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NEWKATHYNOW 11/15/2012 6:23PM

    These were GREAT! emoticon

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CARRAND 11/15/2012 6:12PM

    I love the one about the snooze button. So true!

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AMALIA8 11/15/2012 2:29PM

    Again, the last one was the best for me. I actually LOL'd on it. Thanks for sharing!

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ALICERIEGER 11/15/2012 11:34AM

    Interesting

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MYREALANA 11/15/2012 10:08AM

    Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

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SKEPCHICK 11/15/2012 9:51AM

  Cats are the best

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HELEN_BRU 11/15/2012 7:06AM

    I love these. I love cats! emoticon

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DALID414 11/15/2012 2:01AM

    Love these, and I'm not a cat person

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