SUNSHINE65   55,401
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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A CEO-type was in the hospital, being treated for a minor deal. For a week he'd made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating all the staff, shouting orders and demanding attention, complaining about the food, the bed, the temperature, the weather. Typical big shot.

One morning a nurse's helper entered the room, saying, "Time to take your temperature, sir."

After growling that she was disturbing his nap, the guy finally opened his mouth for the thermometer.

"Sorry, sir," said the nurse, "but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."

After bitching about the embarrassment and inconvenience, the guy finally rolled over and bared his butt. After the nurse finished, she said, "Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you."

The nurse left, leaving the door ajar. The guy's back is to the door, and for over an hour, he hears people wandering up and down the hall, laughing. At length the guy's doctor entered the room, saw the guy with his bare butt in the air and gawked. Finally, he asks, "What's going on here?"

The guy barks, "Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

"Not with a daffodil."


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YIGOBUTTERFLY 10/28/2010 7:48AM

    FUNNY! I love it! Just deserts.

Jane on Guam

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The Fitness Journal

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

MONDAY: Didn't work out because it was too cold in the morning and too creepy at night.
TUESDAY:Didn't work out because it seemed pointless to exercise until I stocked up on healthy groceries...
WEDNESDAY:Didn't work out because I had to watch two videos before I owed late charges...

3 days, 4 completely different avoidance routines.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELLFIN3 10/27/2010 11:47AM

    Great blog!! It is so easy to come up with excuses not to do fitness! We need to come up excuses to do fitness! Enjoy your day! Thanks for sharing! emoticon

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The dreaded plateau

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

"I work out and work out and ...... nothing!"
"You've hit the fitness plateau."
"I'm trying as hard as ever!"
"Your body is bored. A bored body quits responding. To rekindle metabolism you have to SURPRISE your body! Show it some new moves! Take it to some new equipment! Get it out of the house and keep it guessing what will happen next!"
"As if there weren't enough to dom now I have to spice up my relationship with my cellulite."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GENRE009 3/17/2014 10:30AM

I thought maybe I could pass on some tricks that I know.
1. always weight yourself in the morning, before you eat or drink.
2. It's best without clothes on, cause that makes a difference.
3. before doing any exercises, cause they make muscles expand
4. that not having a bowel movement affects weight, you need 2 daily at least. if that's not happening eat more fiber: vegetables 6-8 & fruit 4-5, & GRAIN 2-3 daily. Shove vegetables excessively into every meal.
5. have a meal that doesn't count as real calories, like vegetables soup, home made with no salt, or a real protein drink with vegetables, & no more than the amount of 1 whole fruit, or 2 halves. minny meals as snacks in between meals, that keeps you from binging. a hand full of peanuts is good.
7.Have NON FLAVORED PHYSILLIUM it helps move your bowel, and gives you more fiber. yet it is hard to eat, slimy, and maybe throwing it into oat meal afterwards would be a good idea.
8. try eating less processed food, or non-nutrient foods, or meals out, or tv diners. they have too much salt-it makes you swell, and get at least 2 1/2 pounds heavier, or too much unhealthy fats, or too much sugar. It doesn't matter what kind of sugar you have. Sugar is sugar. It turns into acid in your body, and beyond 2 teaspoons, that is disease.
9. cut back on caffeine or teas, other than 2 cups a day, they break down calcium, or bone, damage the nervous system, and make you crave sweets. Which spike your blood sugar to make you crash physically.
10. stop drinking pops, sports drinks, flavored waters, or taking artificial sweetners. They set you up for eating more, running out of energy, and tumors, and stomach problems. when you stop eating as much caffeine, or red meat, then you don't crave sweets as much. Some good sweet alternatives are chocolate rice cakes, chocolate yogurt, or those chocolate protein bars that are by that popular company Snack something? Be really careful with substituting those supposedly nutritional bars for food meals. they can still make you into a diabetic, sugar is sugar.
11. Stop eating chocolate it is considered caffeine. If you do you must count it as one of the two things you can have daily. But just 1 oz. please. Do you not think it causes tumors, or your body to have blood spikes, jittery stomach, or mental fog after you run out of food reserves.
Well I hope this has helped you, and don't be so hard on yourself. look at me I went from a size 7-8 to a 16 because of a car accident for twenty years. the last 20 pounds I gained cause I was stressed from being without work for 4 1/2 years. no money, emotional support, or family to help me. So I never dieted,. I used to do it every day for 1 1/2 hours. yet when push came to shove, I didn't have time. I spend 12 hour days looking for work on the computer, and instead damaged my eyes. now my life has gotten better in many ways, so I am finally losing. yet I still haven 't brought my exercising up to where it should be. I have gone from a size 16 to sixe 11 in two years, from 186 to 144 where I am now. I have a lot of faith in you, and I know you do love yourself enough to fight the good fight, and change all your bad habits. I had to come back to Spark to the diabetic diet, yet I was still fighting habits. So that's why I do Weight Watchers too.
I went to a holistic doctor, and they were pushing this:
Give up dairy, grain, and fruit for a month. those are the things that make you gain & have allergies. You do drop a lot of weight, but I have not done this. If you don't know how to give yourself all the healthy variety you need, you will have many different problems. And I do know that certain carbs pull us energy wise, so I don't know what this would be like in that area. I do know that you need to do the omegas, which are the healthy fats at every meal for energy also. I want a life style change, not a drastic change that may damage my body. I do know that if you do this you better be taking the right vitamins to combat scurvy-like 1000-500 units of vitamin C, and 2000 liquid calcium, and vitamin D-2000, I would drink almond milk, unless you have a peanut allergy, or you are allergic to pesticides sprayed on peanuts. Good luck eva

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TUTUNAN 10/27/2010 5:13PM

    This hits me where it hurts! I don't think I"ll ever become an exercise junky!

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THEWINNER33 10/27/2010 2:00PM

    I tried to magnify it but unfortunately even that didn't help. Understood enough to know my body nrrds to be surprised.

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DEEJD11 10/27/2010 10:41AM


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YIGOBUTTERFLY 10/27/2010 8:48AM

    I enlarged the page and finally read the blog. So my body is bored and needs to be suprised!

Jane on Guam

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JUSTJUSTY 10/26/2010 10:37PM

    my eyes aren't what they used to be... darn... would have loved to read this, I love Cathy!

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My Body is a Temple???

Monday, October 25, 2010

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BEATIT1 10/26/2010 2:08PM

    I had a hard time reading the comic strip but enlarged the screen to read it. This is cute.

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Dumb Instructions

Friday, October 22, 2010

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Please remove before driving." -- On the back of a cardboard windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JILLLIGHT 10/23/2010 12:24PM

    emoticon thanks for the laugh

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GLOWORM1963 10/22/2010 10:45PM

    People are so sue happy, I guess they have to do stupid things to cover their tails against stupid people. Remember the hot coffee from McDonald's ~ I think that woman won a lot of money ~ Coffee is usually HOT!!

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