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Top Ten Things Only Women Understand

Monday, September 24, 2012

10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.

9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off white.

8. Crying can be fun.

7. Fat clothes.

6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.

5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.

4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.

2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.

1. Other women!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COACHPENNY 9/26/2012 10:51PM

    Men just don't understand these things. They aren't programed for such details emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/26/2012 10:52:34 PM

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CJSARGENT1 9/25/2012 11:59AM

    emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 9/25/2012 10:09AM

    Good insight

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GGMOM06 9/24/2012 10:47PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MISSDAISY23 9/24/2012 10:09PM

    This is so true!
emoticon

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KADYSMOM11 9/24/2012 9:49PM

    Truer words were never spoken! Right on! lol emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALIHIKES 9/24/2012 8:52PM

    This made me smile! Thanks for sharing

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AQUAGIRL08 9/24/2012 7:26PM

    Good one!!!

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ROSALIEESTHER 9/24/2012 6:31PM

    emoticon

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THROOPER62 9/24/2012 6:25PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CARRAND 9/24/2012 5:56PM

    Great list!

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COACHPENNY 9/24/2012 4:00PM

    This is true!

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BARCLE 9/24/2012 3:30PM

    emoticon so true emoticon

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123ELAINE456 9/24/2012 3:05PM

  Awesome!!! God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Week. Take Care.

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DIET_FRIEND 9/24/2012 2:35PM

    I know my husband is mystified with my shoes--it is good to have 5 pairs of black shoes!

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MIRFA71 9/24/2012 2:19PM

    wow.. very interesting.. emoticon

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Child's Perspective on Retirement

Friday, September 21, 2012

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:



"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.



"They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. 



"They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. 



"At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.



"My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it potluck.



"My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COACHPENNY 9/24/2012 4:01PM

    Sweet!

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ALICERIEGER 9/23/2012 1:05PM

    Through a child's eyes!

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REEBADABEEBOOS 9/22/2012 2:13PM

    I work in a "retardment" home... this is hilarious to me! Thanks for sharing!

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BLUEWATER71 9/22/2012 11:02AM

    This is so cute. emoticon

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SKMINNY 9/22/2012 10:54AM

    Oh my gosh that is awesome!


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SCOOTDOG 9/21/2012 11:40PM

    emoticon

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ALIHIKES 9/21/2012 11:31PM

    Very funny! emoticon

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CARRAND 9/21/2012 8:42PM

    Cute.

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REXTINE1 9/21/2012 6:22PM

    Funny!

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SMOOCHIESMOMMY2 9/21/2012 6:06PM

    cute emoticon

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SPARKLE1908 9/21/2012 1:38PM

    emoticon

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AANGEL3 9/21/2012 10:28AM

    emoticon

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MISSDAISY23 9/21/2012 9:56AM

    emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 9/21/2012 9:50AM

    This is just a riot! emoticon I haven't stopped laughing - and I'm 78!

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123ELAINE456 9/21/2012 9:01AM

  Awesome!!! And so Very Cute. God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Week. Enjoy Your Day.

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ANDYLIN90 9/21/2012 1:28AM

    Very cute!

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SUSHENO 9/21/2012 1:27AM

    emoticon cute. Thanks for sharing.

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The Bible According to Kids

Friday, September 21, 2012

The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)

- In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark because Noah built the ark, which the animals came to in pears.

- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

- Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

- Samson slew the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.

- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

- Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to find the ten commendments.

- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

- The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery".

- Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

- Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

- When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

- Then the three Wise Guys from the east arrived and found Jesus in the manager.

- Jesus was born because Mary had an Immaculate Contraption.

- St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says do one to others before they do one to you.

- He also explained that "Man does not live by sweat alone".

- It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

- The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibles.

- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

- One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached the holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

- A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 9/23/2012 1:10PM

    Wow

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SPARKLE1908 9/21/2012 1:40PM

    These are too funny...LOL.... emoticon

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MISSDAISY23 9/21/2012 9:53AM

    emoticon

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Horseback mishap

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

An Antartian decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the Antartian begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when...Stan the Walmart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 9/20/2012 4:21PM

    So Antarians are blonde. Learn something every day.

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REXTINE1 9/19/2012 3:15PM

    emoticon Good one.

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MYLADY4 9/19/2012 1:10PM

    TOO FUNNY emoticon

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COACHPENNY 9/19/2012 12:32PM

    She should have taken mechanical riding lessons.

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ALICERIEGER 9/19/2012 12:19PM

    Oh-Oh

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HOUNDLOVER1 9/19/2012 11:51AM

    Ouch! emoticon

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123ELAINE456 9/18/2012 11:50PM

  Not good at all. God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Week.

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MISSDAISY23 9/18/2012 10:49PM

    emoticon

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GLC2009 9/18/2012 9:05PM

    very cute. LOL... emoticon

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Woo Hoo!

Monday, September 17, 2012

Been kind of slow about blogging....sick for a week...bummer. But I came upon this a few minutes ago:


"A new poll claims that 58 percent of Americans believe Barack Obama would beat Mitt Romney in a fistfight. I didn't realize that was an option. Maybe we can wrap this election up tonight. Make it a pay-per-view event. We could wipe out the national debt in one night." -Jimmy Kimmel

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWKATHYNOW 9/20/2012 8:15PM

    emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 9/19/2012 12:21PM

    You never know!

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COACHPENNY 9/18/2012 4:49PM

    How about a one on one basketball game.... or BOWLING LOL!

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RUSSELL_40 9/18/2012 10:28AM

    After he beat him in a fistfight, he could hold him down, and shave his hair.



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SANDYW1945 9/18/2012 6:41AM

    emoticon That would take care of it.

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WILSON425 9/17/2012 9:21PM

    Good idea! Tell Obama to be sure and eat his wheaties!

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CARRAND 9/17/2012 9:21PM

    Love it!

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MISSDAISY23 9/17/2012 8:19PM

    emoticon it! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/17/2012 8:19PM

    Glad you're feeling better.

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DIET_FRIEND 9/17/2012 7:42PM

    Jesse Ventura says we should vote for 3rd party candidates on The View today. Hmmmm...probably still voting for Obama, but I wish there were other parties with the power to give these two some competition.

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REXTINE1 9/17/2012 6:38PM

    Back to the middle ages - trial by combat! It should be debated!
emoticon

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SPARKLE1908 9/17/2012 6:34PM

    Love it....LOL

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WILSON1926 9/17/2012 5:39PM

    WHATEVER WORKS
LOL
M

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