SUNSHINE65   58,079
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Dumb Instructions

Friday, October 22, 2010

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Please remove before driving." -- On the back of a cardboard windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JILLLIGHT 10/23/2010 12:24PM

    emoticon thanks for the laugh

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GLOWORM1963 10/22/2010 10:45PM

    People are so sue happy, I guess they have to do stupid things to cover their tails against stupid people. Remember the hot coffee from McDonald's ~ I think that woman won a lot of money ~ Coffee is usually HOT!!

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The Top Ten Differences Between Cats & Dogs:

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

10. Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you when they are good and ready.

9. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.

8. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.

7. Dogs will bring you your slippers or the evening newspaper.Cats might bring you a dead mouse.

6. Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon. Cats will take a three-hour nap.

5. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private box or they will not go at all.

4. Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you come home from work. Cats will be mad that you went to work at all.

3. Dogs will sit, lie down, and heel on command. Cats will smirk and walk away.

2. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk. Cats will yawn and close their eyes.

1. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYLEE13 10/20/2010 1:03AM

    Dogs will let you sleep and will eat when you are ready to give it to them

Cats will meou and keep on till you get up and feed them

When my cat was alive, he used to ring the bells I had hung on the front door nob when he wanted to go out, and if I said no, he would get on my table and knock everything on the floor in a tantrum.
Cats are more intelligent than we give them credit for.
Also he would only drink from a faucet, he would climb up on the sink, any sink and let you know to turn it on.

Unfortunately, I killed my cat, he was under my car and I didn't know. It broke my heart!!!!

But I love dogs too, and we brought ours all the way from England when we came here, because we couldn't bear to part with him. He died at the age of 14.
Right now we have an 11 week puppy, which actually belongs to my Granddaughter.

Thank you for your blog it was cute
Hugs Lee

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JAYEACTS 10/19/2010 9:43AM

  love it!

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Funny Signs

Monday, October 18, 2010

At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices, and workmanship."

At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."

In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw stones at this sign."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIANALP61 10/18/2010 5:16PM

    emoticon

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GABRIELLAH99 10/18/2010 5:06PM

    haha thank you for the laugh!

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FANORONHA_14 10/18/2010 4:14PM

    Very funny lol
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Motivational Fitness Video

Saturday, October 16, 2010


2

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUNTIEB82 10/17/2010 5:58PM

    How cute!!!

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LADYLEE13 10/17/2010 1:11AM

    Those seals are so clever, I have seen them at Sea World.
They can probably excecise better than me

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GRAMMAP1 10/17/2010 12:00AM

    That is so cute. Wish I had someone to exercise with me but...a seal????

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SHANNONSTILLS 10/16/2010 10:20PM

  emoticon

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Forbidden fruits create many jams

Friday, October 15, 2010

Don't let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited Until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, But only as advisers.

It is easier to preach ten sermons Than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, But mosquitoes come close.

When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there.

People are funny; they want the front of the bus, Middle of the road, And back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, But temptation bangs on the front door forever.

Quit griping about your church; If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has.

God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

Some minds are like concrete Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches; What difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members singing 'Standing on the Promises' Are just sitting on the premises.

We're called to be witnesses, not lawyers or Judges.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.

Stop, Drop, and Roll won't work in Hell.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone, But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

You can tell how big a person is By what it takes to discourage him.

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BEATIT1 10/16/2010 1:23PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Wonderful
Thoughts to ponder
Speaks to our hearts
Thanks for sharing
Jean

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EDWINA172 10/15/2010 9:46PM

    I love this! Thanks for sharing.

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CAROLYNVIL 10/15/2010 9:36PM

    great sayings ,loved them,thank you.

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