Saturday, January 07, 2012
With the return to work after the holidays it seems everyone has started noticing that I have lost weight - many people thinking I managed to shed all this weight over the holidays! I've even had a few people take me aside to check that everything's ok and that I'm eating properly.....hmmm......if only they were there during my New Years Party feast - they would know there's nothing to worry about!
I can only think it's because they hadn't seen me in two weeks and so when I came back to work they had a recollection of me that was twenty pounds heavier than what they actually saw when I got back.
i took that picture after being with Sparkpeople for two weeks. I was 66kg (145.5 punds), overweight, and had already lost 3kgs.
This is my most recent photo, taken yesterday. I'm now 57.5kg (127 pounds) , under my goal weight by 1.5kg.
Now with all these compliments, what could possibly be the problem?
Part of me is hearing 'you're so skinny , you can eat whatever you want to now!' and another part of me is panicking a little bit and thinking 'I'm not used to being called skinny, this is unfamiliar, I want things to be normal again!' These two thoughts have meant that I'm not being as disciplined about what is going into my mouth.
I'm also struggling a little with this new image. I went to a new gym class on Thursday wearing a big baggy t-shirt and leggings and positioned myself at the back of the class, hoping not to be noticed. As we were jumping around to the music it dawned on me that I don't need to hide my figure any more. I was looking at the skinny front row of women, thinking I wish I was as skinny as them (like I always do) and then had a bit of a double take. Wait, the scale says I am skinny, hang on, that means I'm just like them......and then I began wondering what I would look like on one of those skinny gym outfits instead of my now very oversized t-shirts - could I possibly pull it off?
I'm so used to being overweight, so used to the aspiration of being a normal weight (I'm not underweight at all according to my BMI. Just slap bang in the middle. Where I'm meant to be) that I'm still living with that mental picture. Overweight is my normal in my mind. For some reason all these comments this week have enhanced this feeling that normal weight/ skinny is not normal for me. So what do I do?
Well, once again it seems to be about what my mind is saying about me. There is a part of me that is thrilled to look great in clothes and see my size 14's hanging on me. Exercising is a pleasure at this weight and my body has never really felt this strong - and these are the things I think I need to keep telling those parts of me that are a little nervous about the change. This is a very good thing even if it may be different.
Sometimes we really do need to sit and have a bit of an inner chat with ourselves, to give some reassurance and encouragement and take a little bit of time to breathe and say, 'everything's ok, it might not feel ok just yet, but absolutley, most definitely, everything is just fine'.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Itís quite an experience to enter week two of my maintenance period whilst on holiday. This is because my mind is in holiday mode, which, traditionally, means Ďthe calories donít countí. Even with the calorie counter and my exercise counter, Iím still finding myself eating first and counting later!
What this has led me to wonder about is what having a healthy mind set is all about. We were given tons of chocolate for Christmas and I have been eating it and conveniently forgetting just how many pieces Iíve had when tracking it down Ė my mind has been thinking ĎIím on holiday, Iím under my goal weight, I donít need to worry about what Iím eating for nowí. But I do know that this is my thought process most Christmas holidays, which leads to my annual five pound weight gain which has lead to a total 30 pound increase in my weight over the years. It may sound silly to many, but this thought process is leading me into treacherous territory. I donít think this is how I will successfully maintain my current weight. The way I think really does need to change.
What does a healthy person think when they are on holiday? What would they say when confronted with the chocolate truffles? I have decided (because I donít actually know) that they would probably say, Ďthis is not healthy for meí.
So, today, this is what I have been saying to myself. I know itís not a positive mantra, but it has prevented me from eating any chocolate so far today.
Monday, December 26, 2011
It's interesting to go into the Christmas season with the determination to eat carefully and still find that the calories at the end of the day are so much more than expected. I find myself wondering how much I would be eating if I wasn't being careful!
I still had all the usual treats - I just had one of them, or half of it (except for the Christmas cake - I had two of those!!) - and yet I went over my calorie limit for both Christmas day and Christmas eve.
But I did not go over 2000 calories, and, last night I did not go to sleep feeling overly stuffed. And, I ate so much better than I ever have before over Christmas time.
My travel scale has been a bit erratic, mainly because my in-laws home is fully carpeted. There was nowhere I could weigh myself accurately, except the kitchen! So, I had to sneak the scale downstairs to the kitchen for my mother-in-law to watch while I weighed in!! So far, I have not gained weight, but I still have a full week to go and I'm finding each day a little harder to stay strong!
I don't think I would call Christmas a total success, as I did go over my limit, but I will at least admit that I ate consciously and much less food than I usually do.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
And then went on to eat more sugar than I have in weeks!!
The sugar eating is another story, I think. I've thought about it and realize that I have a habit of eating sugar when stressed out, and, clearly, that habit has not died down yet! (Will need to plan extra carefully over Christmas, so it may be good that I had a bit of a wake up call today)
I am happy to have arrived at a weight I never really thought I would reach. I was at this weight once about ten years ago for about a month, so I have no real understanding of what living at this weight will be like. I've increased my calorie range by about 80 calories (I did go over my budget today, but I have forgiven myself for that. I understand what it is about) and will keep on increasing until I reach a point where I'm not losing, but not gaining either. I've given myself a maintenance range of 58kg - 60kg, so approx two pounds above and below my goal weight.
Of course, the big question is, now what? I've been mulling over this for a few days, so here are a few ideas:
concentrate on getting my food balance right, especially on my fibre and protein intake
Get my body more toned, especially my abs (although I have lost the most inches around my waist
Begin to think about how I can use the spark people system to achieve other goals in my life
Keep tracking nutrition and fitness for at least a year
So, here's to reaching the beginning of my maintenance experience!
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