Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Before church on Sunday morning I found myself trying on practically every dress in my cupboard - just to see what it looked like. I felt so trim in all my clothes, so right, so happy.
But on Saturday night I was fighting a winning battle with the half of me that wanted to smother itself in chocolate and pizza. I didn't, but my husband needed to hold me down from dialling dominoes at one point! Then, I encountered some of the emotions that had been neatly hidden away by the pleasures of pizza in weekends past.
My weekend activities need reviewing. My new habits don't fit in very well with my old activities (which were to sit at home and watch TV). Need to fill Saturday afternoon with some sort of hobby. And I don't need to be so afraid of those emotions. I felt much better after I realized what I was feeling. I could relax after that.
So Saturday, tough, Sunday, wonderful, Monday?
A bit of both. Went to the gym for a review. I had last had one over a year ago, when, much to my surprise I weighed 65.2kg. I didn't remember that! So, although I now weigh in at 64, 2kg, it was not quite as dramatic for me as I thought it would be. This got me thinking about yo-yo dieting. Am I a yo-yo dieter? How am I going to keep the weight off this time and not see the kilos creep back on again? I'm tired of losing the same weight over and over and over again.
So, a mixed blog today. I'm still following the programme, but now a little doubtful of my long term consistency.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Turtle Bear wrote and amazing blog about living weight versus diet weight that I am reminded of everytime I reach a weight that I lived at for a long time (Thanks for that Turtle Bear! I love your reflective blogs).
Something I am finding is that every 2kg or so I begin to relive the feelings and emotions that were associated with that weight. So the last two weeks I've enjoyed a strength and positivity that were with me for the year or two I weighed in at 65/66kg - meeting my husband, graduating, wonderful new job - opportunity, excitement, happiness. It has been incredible to feel such strength in my body, which I thought I had lost because I now reached my thirties!
This morning marks the beginning of the 64/65kg stage. A completely different time for me. Studying, uncertainty, and some big changes in my attitude - like how to choose boyfriends, what I really want from life, which people are best to spend time with. I was at this weight for about 6 years (and most of high school) - definitely a living weight, a weight where I felt comfortable physically, but when I re-live the emotions - hoo boy!!!
So, here I am again, just passing through this time. A little wiser? I certainly hope so!!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
What a strange weekend....and beginning of the week. So many activities seem to be centred around food!
I went shopping with a friend of mine this weekend and the trip involved not one, but two stops at a coffee shop, and walking into a multitude of shops selling beautiful food. By the end of the day I was just exhausted from the conflicting emotions I was dealing with. I loved every second of looking at the chocolate displays, cupcake designs and assortment of hot chocolate flavours....but I also found myself resisting the desire to buy at every point. I kept saying, that now that I have a limit to what I put into my mouth I have to choose carefully!
Which brings me to office food. Yesterday I decided that I would have a small packet of crisps in the afternoon. I had it all planned and I was ready. Then what happens but colleagues arrive at work with three cakes and two trays of brownies! I spent the whole day walking past that food reminding myself that if I want those crisps later, I just cannot have the cake.
Phew! I am exhausted!
I did enjoy those crisps, though. Every single chip was a delight to my senses!! And, completely guilt free. Up until a few days ago I had forgotten the delight of eating food that I don't need to feel guilty about afterwards. I had been reading about how resisting too much food can lead to binge eating, which was why I had planned the crisps, I just had no idea those would be competing with brownies!!
My clothes are all a bit looser, and I'm feeling quite energetic and happy. This is a good weight for me, so my motivation is not so high at the moment. That, coupled with all this tempting food around me is making it a tough week so far!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
On Wednesday night I suggested to my husband that we have dinner this Friday at our local Indian restaurant. His immediate reaction was 'Won't that be expensive? Expensive for your calories, I mean?' (He's really getting into this calorie counting project) I said, 'Yes, but I can plan (!!!! never done that before) for it.'
If this is going to be a lifestyle thing for me, I need to be able to occasionally go out to a restaurant and be able to keep within my calorie counting range.
So, I spent the next two days reading up about Indian food and about what the good choices would be. It turns out that Indian food is very high in calories - who knew? And that, without a doubt, my usual order would be at least 1000 calories in one sitting.
So, I planned and wrote down what I would order on the back of a till slip. As it turns out, I didn't order what I initially planned, but stuck with a spinach and lentil curry with rice and then then shared the sweet dumpling dessert with my husband. No poppadoms and definitely no naan (I'm sad about the naan bread. I can't believe it's so high in calories).
At the end of the meal, my husband looked at me and said, 'this is the first time I've left an Indian restaurant not feeling bloated and heavy. Your calorie counting is really helping me too'. What a nice thing to say.
We walked home from the restaurant feeling lighter than usual, but still managed to have a lovely time together even though we must have eaten about a quarter of what we usually do. I still got to enjoy the restaurant experience without feeling guilty about blowing my diet.
(I should add that I went to the gym beforehand, just to get some exercise in. I thought that if I blow my calorie count, at least I have burned some of the calories before hand).
But, I didn't. I was closer to 1500 than I usually am, but not over.
This is another huge breakthrough for me. I can go to a restaurant and still maintain my diet!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
It was a big moment this morning in our bathroom. So big, that my husband had to double check the scale for me. (I'm short sighted and we have a manual scale, and I struggle to read the lines in between the numbers!) But, after his assurances, I think I can safely say that I reached 65kg today (about 145 pounds).
Now, my greatest excitement in all this was that I could change my profile picture to say 'lost ten pounds/ 5kg' - is that pathetic?? Such a small motivation, but obviously sparkpeople know exactly what little things might motivate a person a little more.
For the first time in my life weight seems to be falling off - usually a diet is a nightmare of not losing, frequently gaining and generally going to war with the scale.I can only attribute this to the fact that I am making sure my calories fall into the correct range, and making some sort of effort to exercise, reading a lot of blogs (incredibly motivitating) and articles, and getting some great support from sparkfriends and my husband! Or it could be that my body and mind was just ready.
I don't see a noticeable difference in the way I look, but feel so much stronger physically and much more comfortable inside my own skin. My clothes are a little less tight, but really just more comfortable to wear.
So very happy today.
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