Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Around this time last year I started buying cute little Spring dresses that were a size that I hadn't ever imagined would fit me. I was nervous about these purchases, mainly because I still wasn't feeling skinny and was so nervous I'd just end up putting all the weight back on again, and these dresses would end up staring at me in the wardrobe reminding me of the few minutes in my life when I was thin.
Well, anyway, it turns out that I was wrong. I've been at a fairly stable weight for a year now (about 117 - 120lbs) and today, with Spring shining so brightly through my window, I dared to see what those dresses looked like on me.
The answer: Better!!
How wonderful is that? Not so much that the dresses still fit me, but that I've managed to prove that inner monster of a voice wrong.
Sometimes I feel like maintaining my weight is turning me into a Warrior Princess when it comes to dealing with inner negativity. I can almost feel this Warrior karate chop those voices down as I prove to myself that I can be and do things these voices were telling me were simply impossible. It is both liberating and terrifying at the same time. Liberating because I believe in myself more and more everyday, terrifying, because I'm starting to realise that it is so much more possible to achieve my dreams than I ever thought. It just takes a little bit of courage each day, and a willingness to prove those inner negative voices wrong - one karate chop at a time!!
Friday, March 08, 2013
Yes, tracking my food intake.
When my head is so full of if's and but's and, as a quote I recently read, my greatest judge is living right inside me, the best weapon is to track.
Tracking makes eating objective rather than subjective. It takes food away from the emotional monster and turns it into a simple game of numbers.
The monsters says 'you're too fat', but the numbers show me I've eating within my range.
The monsters say, 'go on, have another piece of cake, you'll feel better', but the numbers show that I've eaten all I need to eat today and it's time to stop.
The monsters say, 'you have no control', the numbers show me that I do.
Then, the monsters try their most powerful attack 'tracking is way too difficult. Don't bother with it today'.......
When I hear that in my head, then I know I'm winning the battle. So, I sit down and I track my food. And, when I do that, those monsters start to lose their power, and I become just a little bit stronger than I was before.
Friday, March 01, 2013
After my last blog, I went and bought a lot of fruit and veggies and then spent most of the weekend cooking (Somehow a lemon meringue pie ended up as part of the cooking plan, and all I can say in my defence is that I got excited about using fresh lemons!!)
It's really hard to tell if it has made any difference after only a week. I certainly felt a little bit more energetic, but still have this niggling cough. I did try making smoothies, but it wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be and I have ended up just eating the fruit on it's own. I still haven't been out for a jog this week. I'll head out today for a walk/ run session and see how it goes.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Well, I'm still listening to my body and it is telling me that it is cold!! Colder than it has ever been!!
I have been trying to get myself out jogging again to get back into shape for a 10km race in May and then for a half marathon in October. But, something is not working. I get out, jog, and then the next day have the sniffles. Then, the next day it gets worse and then I'm sick. So, my training pattern is: jog for thirty minutes, spend five days recovering, repeat!!
It's not working!!
And I'm in despair. I love jogging, I want to be out there running, but this Winter it's not working. I seem to be less healthy than I was a year ago - or it has just got colder. I have better winter training gear than last year, so it's not the way I'm dressing.
Next week I'm going to add smoothies to my lunch. See if the fruit and pro-biotic yoghurt will help my immune system - because it clearly needs help!
(Weird. Who would ever have thought I would be thinking about my food choices in terms of what is best for my immune system as opposed to what will make me feel better?)
Of course it all leads to a deeper kind of sadness. Feeling healthy has become so very important to me, and this feeling of sluggishness is starting to get me down. DH has reached a total point of desperation that he is suggesting we move to a sunnier country!! I'm hoping for a simpler solution.
Sunday, January 06, 2013
It has been a very relaxing and easy holiday this year. DH and I have been working on being more accepting with each other and with events in our lives and the result has been a holiday where we have found ourselves doing very little, but loving every minute of it. We slept a lot. At first this was unnerving, but, seeing as our mantra was acceptance, we just went with it. We found ourselves thinking more carefully about what we actually wanted to do, so when we did go out it was always a pleasure - be it an easy walk, a visit to the cinema, or a trip to a restaurant. It has been an exercise in paying attention.
This got me thinking about exercise.
So often I want to push ahead with exercise because I have goals to meet, but sometimes our body starts getting sore - sore foot, IT band, aching back. I'm learning that rather than look at these things as something stopping me reaching my goals, that they are waking me up to consider something about my training plan. It seems to me that exercise is a constant learning process. I may think I understand my body and I'm doing everything right only to go an injure myself when I move to a new level of intensity. I think injuries are the only way our body can get us to pay attention to it. I'm also beginning to wonder if learning to pay attention is another part of maintaining my goal weight.
I got overweight because I didn't listen to my body telling me it was full. I enjoyed the feeling of eating too much to want to listen to what my body was telling me. Now I find myself sometimes enjoying my run too much to listen to that muscle that's beginning to twinge just a little bit too much and slow down and start walking. There's a similarity there. It's me thinking more about the feelings and the goals as opposed to thinking about what I really need.
So, paying attention. That's going to be my focus this year.
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