Saturday, December 15, 2012
I decided I needed to lose weight two days before this photo:
Every time I look at this photo I remember how awful I was feeling about myself. My desire to change was extremely strong - strong enough to join spark people!!
My first goal was to fit into my wedding dress again:
That was achieved about two months after I started sparkpeople. The dress looks better on me in that photo than it ever did on my wedding day!
Then I hit my goal weight just before Christmas:
And then became a serious runner (still surprises both me and my family!)
I have gone on to lose more weight and I think my body and my mind has finally settled at 54kg (119lbs):
I know there are those who feel maintenance begins when you stop losing weight, but I definitely went through a transition period, where I was figuring out just how many calories I needed to eat to maintain my weight and also, the more emotional acceptance that I had reached my goal and it was okay to eat more food. I did suffer with the worry that I would end up gaining all the weight I had lost back again. I'm feeling much more confident now about my ability to stick with it!! I feel that it is important for me to acknowledge achieving my initial goal weight because that had been my dream weight for my entire adult life. The fact that I have surpassed that, is simply the cherry on top!!
All I did was track my calories and exercise - every day! The trick is consistency with those two things. Using the options such as blogging, spark teams, and spark articles adds the external motivation when things are hard.
Now, I know statistically, I have a while to go before I can feel totally secure in my weight loss, which is why I'm still on sparkpeople. The need for support doubles after maintenance because 'living skinny' was definitely a mental adjustment for me (still is, sometimes!). But, the joy at reaching my goal is indescribable!! I'm very glad I made the change a year ago, and extremely grateful to be where I am now.
Sunday, December 09, 2012
I've been unable to jog for about a month now. A year ago, this would have been the signal for me to completely give up on the habit, but I've now learned that a setback doesn't mean the end. It just means a brief pause before starting again, and doing a bit more yoga in the meantime!!
It's the same with food. Eating too much chocolate on Friday (yes, I did that) doesn't mean I have to eat too much chocolate on Saturday and Sunday too. It was a little setback, not the end of the road. That happens once in a while, and it's okay.
In a way, maintenance is learning that being healthy does not mean being perfect. It is just learning to accept the bumps in the road and to keep going in spite of them.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Tomorrow is my birthday. I remember my birthday last year so clearly because the challenge was not too eat too much food! It's funny how a year later eating only one cupcake to celebrate my birthday feels perfectly reasonable, when last year I was freaking out because it seemed like too little. How perceptions change.
This week I had an exciting interview for a phd scholarship. It has been a dream of mine to be able to go back to school to complete a Phd, but the practicalities of doing this keeps well in the 'dream' category as opposed to the 'goal' category. It was about the same time that I started with sparkpeople that I decided to take a bit more interest in applying for Phd studentships. Not many have come along and of the few that I have applied for, this is the first that has led to an interview. Now that the interview is done, I'm busy waiting to hear back and the longer I wait, the more nervous I get!
Bizarrely, life is quite good at the moment. I know I'll be able to carry on with my current work without being too upset if I don't get offered the scholarship, so I think I'm in a good place.
I hurt my foot a few weeks ago (from running) so I've had to adapt my exercise schedule to accomodate that. Fortunately, I haven't gained any weight, and yoga is helping me stay a little bit toned. I miss running, but I know how important it is to wait until my foot is completely healed before I start again. I've now learned, that everything will be ok if I take a bit of time off because of an injury. It's another learning curve, understanding that there needs to be flexibility in an exercise programme for it to become a constant part of life.
So, I suppose for this birthday I feel quite calm about life. I'm happy with the goals I have achieved, I have dreams that I can now imagine moving into my 'goals' list and, I know that birthdays are far from ruined by having a cupcake instead of the whole cake!! They are made so much better.
Saturday, November 03, 2012
Yesterday, I planned my entire outfit. I spent time wondering about how clothes would work together and even what kind of impression I would give the world by what I was wearing.
This is something new for me.
As I was walking down the street in my skinny jeans, chunky sweater and leather jacket, I found myself thinking that I felt ten years younger! But, after a bit more thinking, I realised that it wasn't that I was feeling ten years younger, just that I was now dressing like someone my age. I've spent most of my life dressing like a person ten years older than me because those were the only clothes that fitted me!
Then I began wondering if I was dressing to suit a particular image of a person I wanted to be, or if in fact, the way I was dressing was the actual person that I was (it's a bit deep, I know!).
I came to the conclusion that I'm at an in between phase. I think I'm still figuring out who I am, but what is happening is that I'm starting to express my character more by the clothes that I'm wearing and that I'm less afraid to express myself through my outfits.
The sad thing is that I never realised that being overweight had affected me in this way. I'm only now understanding what a lack of confidence I had in myself to the point where I felt I didn't really have the right to feel good in the clothes I was wearing.
Now I feel like I have a whole ten years of personal expression to catch up on!
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