SUNSHINE20113   27,820
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When everything falls in place

Friday, November 23, 2012

Tomorrow is my birthday. I remember my birthday last year so clearly because the challenge was not too eat too much food! It's funny how a year later eating only one cupcake to celebrate my birthday feels perfectly reasonable, when last year I was freaking out because it seemed like too little. How perceptions change.

This week I had an exciting interview for a phd scholarship. It has been a dream of mine to be able to go back to school to complete a Phd, but the practicalities of doing this keeps well in the 'dream' category as opposed to the 'goal' category. It was about the same time that I started with sparkpeople that I decided to take a bit more interest in applying for Phd studentships. Not many have come along and of the few that I have applied for, this is the first that has led to an interview. Now that the interview is done, I'm busy waiting to hear back and the longer I wait, the more nervous I get!

Bizarrely, life is quite good at the moment. I know I'll be able to carry on with my current work without being too upset if I don't get offered the scholarship, so I think I'm in a good place.

I hurt my foot a few weeks ago (from running) so I've had to adapt my exercise schedule to accomodate that. Fortunately, I haven't gained any weight, and yoga is helping me stay a little bit toned. I miss running, but I know how important it is to wait until my foot is completely healed before I start again. I've now learned, that everything will be ok if I take a bit of time off because of an injury. It's another learning curve, understanding that there needs to be flexibility in an exercise programme for it to become a constant part of life.

So, I suppose for this birthday I feel quite calm about life. I'm happy with the goals I have achieved, I have dreams that I can now imagine moving into my 'goals' list and, I know that birthdays are far from ruined by having a cupcake instead of the whole cake!! They are made so much better.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PUDLECRAZY 11/23/2012 7:07AM

    emoticon

Happy birthday ~You have made such excellent progress this year!

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DRPOOH63 11/23/2012 7:05AM

    emoticon happy birthday and congrats on your journey so far.

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ANATASHIKI 11/23/2012 7:01AM

    Happy Birthday! enjoy your cupcake ! get well soon ! emoticon

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GHOSTFLAMES 11/23/2012 4:52AM

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Clothes, clothes, clothes!!!

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Yesterday, I planned my entire outfit. I spent time wondering about how clothes would work together and even what kind of impression I would give the world by what I was wearing.

This is something new for me.

As I was walking down the street in my skinny jeans, chunky sweater and leather jacket, I found myself thinking that I felt ten years younger! But, after a bit more thinking, I realised that it wasn't that I was feeling ten years younger, just that I was now dressing like someone my age. I've spent most of my life dressing like a person ten years older than me because those were the only clothes that fitted me!

Then I began wondering if I was dressing to suit a particular image of a person I wanted to be, or if in fact, the way I was dressing was the actual person that I was (it's a bit deep, I know!).

I came to the conclusion that I'm at an in between phase. I think I'm still figuring out who I am, but what is happening is that I'm starting to express my character more by the clothes that I'm wearing and that I'm less afraid to express myself through my outfits.



The sad thing is that I never realised that being overweight had affected me in this way. I'm only now understanding what a lack of confidence I had in myself to the point where I felt I didn't really have the right to feel good in the clothes I was wearing.

Now I feel like I have a whole ten years of personal expression to catch up on!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABETTERBETTY 11/3/2012 9:56PM

    I'm now more aware of what I am wearing also. Even when I run, I like to look good. At least I look good when I start, not so much when I finish. :) The outfit looks great!

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KRISZTA11 11/3/2012 12:01PM

    Great outfit!
I had the same experience with clothes older than me,
and I'm happy it is over now...
Now my daughter and I can wear each other's tops and coats, to our delight : )
And she is really petite...
emoticon

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FLEURGARDEN 11/3/2012 9:59AM

    You look adorable!

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KANOE10 11/3/2012 9:36AM

    I like your outfit. I went through the same thing..basically dressing to hide for years,. Now I am doing the same thing you arel..trying on clothes..trying to match outfits. I feel out of touch with the fashion world..and am learning what works with me..I also have years to catch up on!

Great blog. emoticon

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CAT609 11/3/2012 9:03AM

    I like the outfit!

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AZMOMXTWO 11/3/2012 8:43AM

  and the smaller clothing always looks better at least I think it does
congrats on being able to pick and choose that way

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Some new goals: Project cookie monster

Friday, October 05, 2012

Project cookie monster!
I managed to conquer the chocolate binges by allowing chocolate into my life everyday, but in very limited quantities. DH and I have one chocolate every evening after dinner and then give the chocolate a score out of ten (It's from a company called 'Hotel Chocolate'. They have these tasting boxes - only two chocolates in each flavour and if you have one a day the box lasts for about a month). This works because the chocolates are delicious and very rich, and there are only two of each flavour, so I can't have one before my DH gets home without him noticing (!!)
I've decided to do a similar thing with cookies. Last weekend I bought a box of ginger cookies from Fortnum and Masons (a rather posh shop down in London town). Now, I knew this would be a good choice because I don't go to this shop very often, they were in a cute box, and they were more expensive than your average box. I got home and counted them out, finding there were 16, which meant one each night for both of us for a week (Long enough considering this is an experiment).
We started on Sunday night and I think it is working. I have not found myself debating whether to get a cookie with my coffee at Starbucks or whether I need to pop into the store to buy cookies to go with my tea after work. Already I hear myself thinking, 'but I already have delicious cookies waiting for me at home' - which is exactly what happened with my chocolate cravings.
My only problem now is that I need to make my way back to Fortnums to get more of them!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRISZTA11 10/5/2012 11:38AM

    Sounds great!
Making chocolates and cookies something special and precious is a good way to think of them - they are treats, not to be consumed in big amounts like fruits and veggies. I'm sure you enjoy them every day!
I try to do that with dark chocolate: 2 small squares a day! ; )

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ANATASHIKI 10/5/2012 11:22AM

    any strategy is good if it works for you emoticon

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PUDLECRAZY 10/5/2012 8:43AM

    Great strategy! I freeze a dark chocolate bar and limit myself to one square a day. Because it is frozen, it takes longer to eat, so I enjoy it more slowly.

Cookies, I don't even buy anymore.

I bought very tiny pie tins so if I crave pie, I have exactly one serving and no leftovers to tempt me. I also make tiny apple (or other fruit) crisps in them. Fresh fruit with a little oatmeal, a pat of butter, and a sprinkle of cinnamon sugar on top, baked until crisp. That is a great way to feel like I've had something sweet, but without a lot of sugar.

Great plan you have there!

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I think this may be why this diet has worked for me.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Yesterday I felt fat. I pointed this out to my husband, who got that panic stricken 'Oh my word, how do I respond to this' look on his face, and then asked me when last I had tracked my food. 'I'm not sure,' was my reply. He then said (very carefully) ' Well, you seem to be getting all emotional about your eating, and if you go back to tracking you'll be taking the emotion out of your eating and that might help you.'

Ah.

I hadn't thought about tracking like that, but he had a point. When I track what I eat I don't find myself thinking 'this will make me fat' or 'this is so bad for me' or 'if I keep eating like this I will blow up like a balloon all over again'. I can't, because the numbers are telling me whether I've eaten within my calorie range, or not, and I know that if I eat within my calorie range I will either lose weight or stay the same, and if I eat more I will gain weight. That angry little voice in my head can't argue these facts.

I think that tracking my food stopped the knee jerk emotional reaction to food that I suffered from, and that was one of the reasons I was successful.

So, I started tracking again. Already, a day later, I feel less guilty about food. I know for certain whether I have eaten too much, or can manage a little bit of ice cream after dinner. And, much to my husbands relief, I don't feel fat anymore......

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRISZTA11 9/20/2012 3:20AM

    Your husband seems to know you very well!
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ABETTERBETTY 9/19/2012 11:18PM

    I like tracking my food so I know if I have room for ice cream also. Eating ice cream when I know I am within my range doesn't seem so bad.

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WILLOWBROOK5 9/19/2012 6:56PM

    Excellent point about tracking taking the emotion out of what you are eating!

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JOANNA202 9/19/2012 5:43PM

    You have a very wise husband! I've gone back to tracking a few days here and there and it definitely makes me relax and feel I'm on track at least some of the time.

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Here I go again.....

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

I'm coming up to my one year anniversary at Sparkpeople and I must say, I'm very proud that I'm still standing!

I've been thinking about how I've made it through a year of birthdays, seasonal celebrations, parties, mood swings, illness, work, holidays, etc, etc, AND, about how I'm about to go through the same cycle all over again.

Honestly, I'm not very excited about it. In fact, I think it has finally hit me that I can't ever 'ditch the diet' so to speak. That's the one thing sparkpeople has taught me. This diet, is not something I do for six weeks and then go back to the way I ate before. This diet has been all about 'developing life-long habits' and, that is exactly what has happened to me.

I've learned to make better choices for myself.

But, now, after a year, I am feeling a little overwhelmed. Yes, I'll go through the annual cycle all over again, yes, I've done it once, so surely I can do it all again. I just don't feel excited about it.

So, let's think about this.

Am I happy with my progress this year? Yes. Absolutely.
Do I want to go back to the size I was when I started this program? No, not at all.
Do I like the lifestyle I live now? Actually, I do.
Do I miss eating lots of cake at parties? Yes, yes, I do...... emoticon
But? There is another part of me that reminds me how ill I feel when I eat too much junk food and how it's hard to jog well after a bag of crisps emoticon (My mind has definitely re-programmed itself!!)

What has changed?

I'm now petite-sized. I wear 'smalls' and fit into size 8 (US 4) clothes.
5km is my regular training distance. I can do 10km in under 55 minutes.
My knees no longer hurt me when I run.
My husband is no longer obese. He is 5 kilos away from his goal weight.
I've encouraged my best friend to run a 5km.
I've encouraged lots of people to count calories emoticon
I've left a part time job that was no longer working, and within days, found a better one. I've been wanting to leave that job for two years now.
I look like the person I imagine myself to be.

So, what next?

New goals. That way I won't feel like I've done it all before.

I need to think about that and write about it another day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 9/7/2012 9:01PM

    "I look like the person I imagine myself to be."

Wow! Is there anything better than that?? Don't think so!!

Thanks for your comment on my grit blog. And yup: you know all about grit!!



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BLUE42DOWN 9/6/2012 12:11AM

    emoticon

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 9/5/2012 9:23PM

    Great job! You ROCK! :)

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MARTHAWILL 9/5/2012 9:12PM

    Sounds like you have done very well. I'm sure you will come up with a plan that will work for you in this next year. Writing it down is half the battle. Wish you well.

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