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Life is what happens while we're making other plans

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

You really never know exactly what a day will bring. Or how you will react to it.

I knew my Mom was dying, and had been preparing myself for that finality for a while. And for the most part, I prepared well. I did much of my crying and real mourning long ago, one a shopping spree day or at a dinner table without Mom, or when I would continue some research in genealogy and come across the records of her life and times.

I've navigated the formalities pretty well. I took my regular Zumba class the evening after Mom passed, and with help from my family and friends, including you Spark Friends, I made the decisions about the viewing and interment and so on, and was able to be calm.

This week, all of that hubbub has past, though. I did not feel at all like Zumba, yesterday. (Fortunately, fate intervened, and the instructor announced that she'd gotten sick and would not be holding class!). I've done maybe one running workout lately, and felt kind of yucky then. I've been reluctant to cook at home (although normally I love to make meals at home). Today, I simply felt exhausted, although I had had a normal night's sleep.

I got a nice solid nap though. I've paid a couple of bills, and started to think about the aftermath, about the reconciliation of Mom's finances and her estate business. I know I need to get back to normal on Spark and I know that working out and eating better makes me feel better, too. It's just a matter now of doing it.

I wouldn't have expected that the relief I felt that Mom is now at peace and that the bad times are over, would have left me feeling quite this kind of melancholy. But that's how life is, I guess. It sneaks up on us and gives us experiences we wouldn't have expected, all while we think that we're sailing along and in control!

Well here I am, I must really be a grown up now. I think a part of us never really believes that our mothers and fathers will one day die. I think that a part of me always held some fantastical dream that I'd wake up and it would be a bad dream, and that Mom would be back in the midst of all the fun and the chaos that is daily life.

Love your Mom, and cherish the time together!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLCRC 8/31/2012 8:23AM

    emoticon It's perfectly normal to cope well immediately and then feel much sadder when all the 'busy-work' associated with a death is taken care of. Be kind to yourself, make time to exercise and take care of yourself.

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ANNESYLVIA 8/30/2012 9:58PM

    emoticonsorry for your loss. Believe me I know how you feel. I too am in mourning.

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    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Your mom would be very proud of your tenacity and being the responsible "grown up". I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you'll keep trying to pop into Spark when you can so that we know you're doing OK and maybe it will help you start to create your new normal with out her here. You will be in my prayers.


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ONENEL 8/30/2012 6:58AM

    so sorry for your loss

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LJCANNON 8/29/2012 1:38PM

    emoticonGrieving is definitely a Long, and Winding Road!! I am glad that Sparking is helping you deal with it!! Will keep you in my Prayers as you continue to deal with your New Normal.

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PEGGYANNSCH 8/29/2012 9:50AM


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2WHEELEDSHARON 8/29/2012 9:33AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I believe that grief is the hardest part of life. I wish you much comfort.
Kudos to you for respecting your own process. If you need to ease back into cooking and exercising, that's ok as long as you get back to it. Maybe you already know that, but I wanted to remind you.

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DEBRA0818 8/29/2012 5:51AM

    The trajectory of grief is a long and winding road comprised of surprising depths of sorrow and glimpses of unwanted joy in the midst of it. Mostly, it creates a period of numbness and lassitude whilst the mind slowly reels out the news that our loved one is gone. We cannot seem to apprehend it all at once and each small discovery of what grief means brings with it its own wave of emotion. When this happened to me recently, I gave myself permission to be whatever I wanted to be for a period of time. I cannot say whether that helped or not; it didn't seem like I had much choice and in any case I cannot compare it to pushing myself beyond my capacities during that time. I wish you peace in your day.

emoticon emoticon

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CASTIRONLADY 8/28/2012 10:09PM

    I know you must miss your mom. Mine is 86 but still here and like a buffer between me and eternity.

God bless you with peace.

emoticon emoticon

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Thank you for your kindness SparkPeople!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Thank you all who have messaged, and posted on my blog, and sent little gifts and notes on my Mom's passing. I SO appreciate it. I am an only child from a small family, so, aside from my wonderful husband's relatives, there are few who can share my loss. I do genealogy (family history) as a hobby, but that makes me realize that I'm the ending of a family branch. That makes me sad, but I know Mom is relieved of her pain now and that makes me glad, too. Thank you all, again! Thanks for being here to help me want to keep caring for myself and my family through a bit of crazy days!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNESYLVIA 8/24/2012 5:04PM

    emoticonI am a click away if you need to talk

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Miss you, Mom

Monday, August 20, 2012

that was my beautiful best friend, my Mom, back in the day.

Mom had been in a nursing care facility for years now, with dementia. She passed away last night, late at night.

I lost you long ago Mom. I missed you ever since. I miss you more now. Rest in sweet peace, love.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLCRC 8/24/2012 8:07AM

    emoticon There are not words...

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  I am so sorry for your loss emoticon emoticon

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RSSSLHB 8/23/2012 8:10AM

    So emoticonfor your loss emoticon

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DEBRA0818 8/21/2012 6:02AM

    Condolences on the loss of your mother.


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GRATEFUL_BEING 8/20/2012 9:42PM

  I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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TWILAQ1 8/20/2012 8:32PM

    I'm so sorry. My dad had dementia, but died of a heart condition before the dementia took him. It was just a year ago. I hold you tight and send you my deepest, most heartfelt condolences. emoticon

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ANNESYLVIA 8/20/2012 6:05PM

    emoticonMy heart goes out to you! I lost one of my best friends on September 4th, brother Ralph at age 50yo. I truly know how you feel.


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SEPPIESUSAN 8/20/2012 6:04PM

    So sorry to hear.


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JILLITA55 8/20/2012 5:49PM

    I am sorry to hear about your mother. That is going to be a big loss in your family. Pray to Jesus and He will take care of you and your Mom. Peace be with you.

You will emoticon

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Gonna step up my photography

Saturday, August 18, 2012

So my little first digital camera, a Sony Cybershot, has quit reading its memory sticks, and after dealing with using only the tiny internal memory a while, I shopped around and decided to get a new point-and-shoot.

I knew there are a lot of digital camera choices out there, but you never realize just how many is a lot, until you start to try to choose one! I found one inexpensive Canon that actually still had a dedicated viewfinder in addition to the LCD panel, but eventually decided that camera was a bit too basic, otherwise, for me now. (Also found a couple of high end cameras to love, which have traditional viewfinders too!).

I read some reviews and most said that a lot of the less expensive Canon (as well as other makes) have slower shutter lag than a couple other makes. I have been frustrated by shutter lag in my little camera which doesn't have the image stabilization or any face technology.

So I managed to make a choice, and when I added it to my basket it turned out it cost the same as the very basic Canon. I am looking forward to having a good new camera to tote around and more incentive to do more picture-taking.

I figure putting this out here will help me live up to the goal of doing more with my camera!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNESYLVIA 8/20/2012 10:03AM

    Enjoy your new toy! emoticonIt is a great hobby.

My DH is a photographer/videographer.

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SUNONMAPLES 8/19/2012 9:16PM

  Thanks LAC936! My old camera was a little Sony Cybershot, and I loved it. I looked at Canon, Nikon, Sony, Fuji, Olympus and even a Samsung, but I wound up choosing a Nikon CoolPix. I'll for sure be posting more about it after I have it in my hot li'l hands! emoticon

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LAC936 8/18/2012 3:38PM

    I have a Canon Power Shot SX30 and it takes great photos. If you go to my photos on my sparkpage you can see the clarify. Plus it's not too pricey.

Good luck finding a camera.

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What's your best home remedy for a very minor cold?

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Yep, after the conference last weekend, I woke up one morning later in the week and just felt a tiny bit blah. It was a workout day and so I ran my C25K session just fine. Didn't feel more tired than usual from it afterward although I think maybe I was just a bit less energetic during the run.

Now it's THIS weekend, and I thought I had beaten whatever it was, but I'm again just feeling lethargic, a bit of throat irritation, and some stuffiness in my head.

I'm pretty much taking it easy, physically. I have been drinking tons of fluids, mostly water. I bought a bag of clementines the other day so I've been eating them often. And taking my regular multi vitamins (LifePak Nano, pretty broad-spectrum) and a big dose of C every couple hours. I guess I should go ahead and get out the Zicam.

Do you have a favorite home remedy that you love when you start to feel a cold coming on?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNONMAPLES 8/19/2012 9:20PM

  Thanks everyone! I KNEW I would find good ideas here on SP!!

I slept in (although, very uncharacteristically for me, I could not get to sleep last night until really late), and have been pushing fluids. Mostly plain ol' water, but some hot tea and some juice too. Wish I had some good homemade chicken soup or chicken and dumplings, but alas, I don't. I just made some chili tonight though, and the garlic and onions and spices in that certainly made me feel better. I think so far I've headed off much of the throat pain. I wonder whether what I have had is a bit of an ear infection. Anyway, I'll keep up the infection-fighting vitamin supps, and be sure and get enough rest this week coming up!

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DRAGONCHILDE 8/19/2012 1:22PM

    Fresh, homemade chicken and dumplings, with LOTS of veggies.

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MELISSAD71 8/18/2012 6:21PM

    I am a strong believer in using Airborne! It usually cuts down down on the length and intensity of my colds!

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PHEBESS 8/18/2012 3:38PM

    Lots of tea with lemon and honey; lots of OJ; and I usually throw in a Comtrex every 6 hours for a day or two. It usually clears up anything. (And my colds have been known to turn into bronchitis if I don't catch it early - so I try to blast them immediately.)

Hope you feel better!

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    Chicken soup and doses of Echinacea, vitamins ACE and zinc (in one capsule) as well as zinc lozenges for the throat and rest. Hope you feel better soon.

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