Monday, December 22, 2014
When I went to my small storefront gym today, we had a new manager. Hey, this is a great opportunity to speak up about how frustrating it is that only one of the tuners on the TV's transmits signals to our radio/MP3 players, so the sound often gets turned on for the whole area to hear. Some things I would really not be subjected to - politics, slanted news, downer news in particular. Manager was all receptive - yeah! Then AJ Guy comes in - when he started working out on the elliptical in the center of the cardio equipment, it was so loud I couldn't hear my MP3 player that was tuned in to the other TV. He was right in front of the TV. I was on the recumbent bike behind him. After awhile of trying to manage anyway, I told myself 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained", and got up to ask him if I could please turn down his TV a bit since I couldn't my hear my radio/MP3 player. He said that he wouldn't be able to hear the TV. I was surprised he wouldn't even turn it down a bit. I switched to a treadmill machine three to AJ Guy's left, in hopes that putting me closer to the other TV would make it easier to hear over the radio/MP3 player. During a break, I told the manager nicely what had happened - and I asked him how to turn on the closed captioning since I was still getting the loud sound from the other TV whose speaker was to my right. He said he would speak to AJ Guy. I studiously avoided any eye contact with AJ Guy, I know the manager spoke to him, and I tried to focus on the show. I dislike confrontation. I was polite. And now I am a little afraid to go back to the gym as AJ Guy and I are frequently there at the same time. I'm not really afraid for my physical safety. I really don't like confrontation - and I don't know if he'll express anger at me. I have a right to use that gym - I pay my fees. I just need to make sure that I am not alone the next few times I go, until I get over the hurdle of seeing AJ Guy again. And hopefully the manager will make arrangements for the tuners to get fixed or replaced so people can workout in peace and quiet.
Monday, December 22, 2014
MEMORIES & FOOD*
Fudge - time spent in kitchen with Mother. The name "Harris fudge" even associates it with connection.
Cheese - Sunday midday meals with Dad - him slicing up the Colby cheese
Grilled cheese, tomato soup - being a kid, ?being at Moriarty's (neighbors, babysitter's home)
Mint candies - white and pink lozenges - family trips
Buttercream frosting - having a project, feeling accomplished. Plus birthdays, celebration.
Mashed potatoes - comfort food, holidays
Sweets - what I/we made during childhood
Breadboard/large wooden cutting board - cutting out sugar cookies. Can't seem to find right recipe. fun. doing stuff as family.
Colored sugar cookies - fun and tasty.
Mac & cheese - symbol of being nurtured (?maybe) , just being on the receiving end, allowed to just be a kid.
I am going to make some sugar and/or cutout cookies on the breadboard to see if I can recreate the feeling. Hasn't worked in the distant past - haven't craved the not-quite-right cookies. Can take any cookies in to work.
*From Linda Spangle's "Life is Hard Food is Easy"
Friday, December 12, 2014
I avoided doing the homework in the later part of the "What Do I Feel?" chapter of "Life is Hard, Food is Easy" book by Spangle. I've been putting it off for days (?years?), most recently saying I had to be home alone. Today I put it off by going to websites I don't really like, trying to shop online, etc. Finally I said enough and 'you can do it for 15 minutes'. I decided to center the homework around money issues because I'm supposed to dealing with that today (payday) and my two loudest feelings have to do with Dave's insurance and a loan from my recently deceased mother. So here is what came out in the "II FEEL...BECAUSE..." exercise:
Exasperated, angry, hopeless, resigned...because Dave didn't remember our conversations correctly AND he didn't communicate with me SO he declined his health insurance, and I don't know how to recover from the situation so he has insurance and the cost doesn't overwhelm us further
Lonely and burdened...because it seems nothing gets taken care of unless I do it myself, because Dave is not a take action type of person.
Inadequate ...because my paycheck is small compared to Dave's & those of other people with college and graduate degrees
Wasteful...because I am not using my degrees in my employment. Doesn't matter that I have no interest in the career my degrees are supposed to be for.
Hopeless...because of our credit card debt.
Torn...because I want to pay down cc debt and do nice things for DD, DS and DH. And myself. I wish Dave and I could take that honeymoon we never took - our 25th anniversary is in about 25 days. I'm not talking a big trip - maybe go Washington Island off Door County, WI this summer.
Apprehensive..because while I feel it is the right thing to do share info with siblings about the loans (46K) from Mother, I fear attacks on my character and pressure to pay back it all right away.
Insecure, resigned...because Dave's had periods of unemployment, has not progressed up the payscale much in his career, we've never had any savings and I can't provide financially for our family
"The Courage to Feel" phrase is used at the end of the chapter - that's a truly a scary concept.
Monday, December 08, 2014
Rebuilding Self Esteem - Chapter 4 of Life is Hard, Food is Easy (LIHFIE)
This is a long chapter with lots to take in and work on. Spangle divides self esteem up into these three areas: How I see myself, what I say to myself and what I believe. The lists below are the result of the exercises - some will make updated appearances in my blog, some are now part of my Other Goals here on Spark.
SMALL WINS/GOOD THINGS 12/8
-Slept over 9 hours
-Preplanned & pretracked all food for today and tomorrow; preportioned most food; and prepped dinner. Such a relief to get back to this - when it was a habit in past it really helped me out alot.
-Got my new Spark Activity Tracker working
-Already drank 6C of water by 12:30.
-Worked through my Start Page
-Broke down a large chapter (4) into smaller chunks in Spangle's LIHFIE
AT MY BEST, HERE'S HOW I AM:
Have a plan and follow it
Follow good-for-me routines
Patient with myself and others
Working towards exercise goals - and seeing progress, making the goals
LIST MY STRENGTHS - present, past
Goal oriented, achiever
Fun, light hearted, funny
My instant booster phrase:
I have sparkling eyes, a warm smile and a CAN-DO attitude!
Saturday, December 06, 2014
Chapter 3 - What's Going on? from Life Is Hard, Food is Easy - by Linda Spangle
The discussion of heart hunger and head hunger is very valuable, both types resonate with me. These issues are something I would benefit from paying more attention to.
Emotional eating of both the head hunger and heart hunger varieties DOES postpone what I need to do to address my situation.
The references to feeling invisible and wanting it to be my turn could have come straight from my mouth - in fact those words have.
"Like bandaging a skinned knee, food temporarily hides your wounds but doesn't make them disappear." Wow - what a powerful image.
I am pondering some ideas for 'insteads' - what to do in the moments of head and heart hunger. Head hunger insteads: walk, exercise, deep breaths while saying to myself 'I CAN do hard things', clean a shelf, chew gum. Heart hunger insteads - lotion on my hands, crochet, cardmaking, plan for a social activity (craft class, hiking club).
Get An Email Alert Each Time SUNNYSIDEUPMARY Posts