Friday, May 18, 2012
In 2010 & first part of 2011, I was doing real well with my weight loss. I started at 240lbs and I made it to 210 lbs, with the help of Weight Watchers. Then in July my daughter had to get her scoliosis repaired, and they put in metal rods. Alexis is 15 with Spina Bifida, and is a paraplegic from birth, she is a very bright, beautiful young lady. We both couldn’t wait for this surgery because it was going to improve her quality of life. My daughter only can’t walk but GOD blessed her with no mental issues. The surgery lasted 14 hours!!!!! Everything seemed to be fine, she came home after two weeks in the hospital, and then it took a bad turn. I noticed fluid coming from her back, it was spinal fluid. She developed pockets in her back around the wound, and it collects spinal fluid. She then caught an infection in that spinal fluid. Back to the hospital we went, and they put a drain in hoping to stop it, but they couldn’t. My daughter then had to have her back reopened, and packed & repaired….and then we had to fight the infection and prevent it from hitting her brain. A central line was put in and the long IV therapy started. I mean she had staples from the tip of her neck, to the bottom of her spine….I don’t know how she made it through the pain…GOD is so good. It was four months of hell!!! GOD held her hand the entire time, she was in good spirits.
In November my daughter went back to school, she came out of everything fine….almost like nothing happened. But for me, I’m still not over it. I had to be so strong during it all, I didn’t have time to feel, or to get emotionally upset. I had to be the rock, and keep my head on straight. So I suffer from the after effects of it all. The storm is gone, but the wave of emotion caught up to me. I’ve been suffering from depression….bad depression and no one understands. I’m told, what’s wrong with you? Alexis is fine now, you should be happy. I am happy I tell them…it’s just that I now have the time to deal with all the emotions of that ordeal. I now have the time to think about the what if’s, or what could have went wrong.
How do I dig myself back out of this? It is time for me to move on. It's almost one year since this happened.
I went to the store today and bought a shirt. It’s a 3x!!! I was down to an XL, but made it back up to 3x again. My face is huge!! I can see the weight gain and I hate it. I also can feel the weight gain, more then before. I don't feel good, not at all. This weight is a burden.
I’m taking a step forward today, I’m joining back with Weight Watchers…the last time really helped, I love the meetings. I need that face to face support right now. I need interaction with others…..
I needed to write this today, get it off my mind….time to move forward.
Friday, May 11, 2012
My Reason to Relay
I want to walk in honor of my mother Joan Gates( Lost her battle 10/1995), my sister Julie Petersen(Survivor) and my father in law Willie James Oliver Sr.( Lost his battle 2/2000)
I lost my mother Joan Gates 10/16/1995. During her battle I never really understood what was happening. I knew she was sick but I thought she would get better, this would pass. This lack of understanding stole much precious time with my mother because I didn't know she would be gone from me. I wish I could have understood sooner what cancer was so I could have been there more for my mother. I really think it's important to spread the word about cancer, all forms of caner. So we can help other people really understand how serious this is.
The Relay is fast approaching! Cancer never sleeps, cancer doesn't wait, cancer doesn't care. Cancer steals from us people we love. We need to join forces and stop cancer in it's tracks. Did you know by donating to my relay cause, this money stays in the community. This money does not go to some big corporate location, it stays right here!
The money raised helps to pay for free rides to Chemotherapy treatments. There are times when families still have to keep moving, they have to still go to work and no one is able to help the cancer patient to get their treatments. They have a service that would provide free car rides to their treatments centers, help them get to their doctor appointments. The money you donate today will help keep this free service available, in YOUR community.
This is just one of the many services that money collected at relays help provide. Log on today and read more about how Relay for Life helps in your community. Read about the many services that they provide for families who need the help.
If you would like to help my Team, please visit the link above. You can copy & paste
All money donated will help find a cure, and help those in battle this get the help they need.
Monday, April 30, 2012
I'm not trying to advertise this product. I'm just so excited about it, that I wanted to share with everyone. Endomondo is a free app for your phone that uses GPS to track your workouts. Running, jogging, walking, cycling, ect. It tracks duration, distance, speed, calories, and maps it all out for you. Then when your finished, you can easily put this information into your Spark tracker.
It's hard for me to stay motivated when it came to working out. I love to powerwalk, but to get home from work, and still want to walk, was hard for me. I found this app, tried it one day and was hooked. I was walking, when the app spoke from my phone, "You reached 1 mile in 25 mins". I thought to myself, ONE MILE???? WOW!!! I didn't think I could walk One mile, this was huge for me.
I know it may sound silly but thats all it took for me. To know I could walk One Mile, and actually see it on my phone, was huge. Now I walk everyday in the evening, and I can't wait to hear the app tell me how far I have walked.
Funny how an app on your phone, can help motivate a person. www.endomondo.com
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I had my first ever emotional breakdown! Once a year we go to Camp Boggy Creek in Florida, it's a camp for special needs families & their children. I have been going here for years to the Spina Bifida Camp and I know a lot of the parents.
I don't know why I felt this way, no one made me feel this way, it was all in my own head......! But when we all arrived, the other moms walked up to me, all looking so good, fit & in shape....hugging me...and there I was...still fat & out of shape. I felt like saying "Yes, look at me, nothing has changed"...again this was in my own head. Then I saw my husband with the other husbands...they all have fine looking wives..and he has me! Am I an embarrassment to him? (Again, in my own head). I felt bad for my husband, I felt bad for my kids.....do I embarrass them?
We got home that afternoon and I was moody! Then my husband looked at me and said "Hun, come give me a hug" and I broke down in tears!! I just cried and cried....he was so scared, because this was all in my head...he didn't know what was wrong. I told him how I felt earlier that day, how I felt stupid and a failure. I asked him did I embarrass him with my size, and he said Hell No!! You are the most beautiful woman in the world and your not FAT...your just thick and fine!....My husband said again, your not fat! I love you the way you are, you are such a beautiful woman...then my husband & my kids all hugged me in a group hug. Then he asked what did I need from him, to walk with me after work? What ever I needed from him, he will help me. I never asked for his help before, I thought this was my own battle to fight. It never crossed my mind to ask for help.
Why is it we see weight gain or being overweight as being a failure? But I do feel this way.
For the first time I shared my feelings about my weight with my family......instead of the tough girl act..I showed how much I'm really hurting inside....
I feel real good today, very positive. I think this was the break down I needed to have, I needed to share with my family.
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
I am proud to say I have gone almost one week with no soda! I drink about 20oz or more of cola per day. I sit at a desk all day and just drink this crap down. It makes my stomach hurt, I have IBS because of it, and I get headaches...but I still abuse the stuff. My one small goal, my main goal, more then trying to lose weight...is to cut back, if not cut out soda products. Not diet, not half the sugar....just no soda at all!!!
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