I will get there. It is ok to just be ME.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Here is where I am at. I last blogged Nov. 3, it seems like a lifetime ago, and yet it was only 2 weeks ago. I saw the dentist for my tooth. He is unable to find anything wrong. I do have deep roots that run into my sinus cavities and when I get a cold or an infection it can cause pain. He didn't see anything on the xray. I get a cleaning right before Thanksgiving next week. We will see if anything else comes up. At least it didn't cost a fortune.

Things with my sister are the same as they have been since the incident in March. I really had hoped that she would meet me half way and we could talk. Clearly that isn't going to happen. So that I don't hurt myself anymore I need to just accept that as the truth. This becomes difficult because my brother is an eternal optimist and believes peace is just under the Christmas tree and that all will be well and we will all be as if nothing ever happened. (That just can't and won't happen--though I wish I could go back in time and make things right the best I can, I CAN'T). I need to live with husband and his beliefs (which are not always my own) and accept what I can not change.

The gathering with friends and remaining family went well. It was a nice visit. I enjoyed it. Though I did miss somethings. I know that I can not change them.

Food and weight wise since Nov. 3 I dropped the ball and let it just sit there. With the trouble of being sick and my tooth and some other health issues. Life just always gets in my way. I guess that I can accept that I have a lot of heavy things going on in my life. I don't always give each of them the time they deserve. I am still an emotional food eater (though I am trying real hard to keep that in check, for the most part I am). I have learned that when I don't give things there own time I just tend to wad them up and stuff them down. I am a food and emotional stuffer.

I am working real hard on trying to find some balance. It is just real hard. Some days I just don't feel up to the task. I am not throwing in the towel. I just need to take this journey as it comes and not be mean to ME!! That means forgiving myself when I have bad weeks, days, hours, moments. It also means not allowing myself to wallow in a quart of hagen dazs or visiting my friends Ben and Jerry. I know that I will make it to the end of this journey. I have also learned that I need to accept the good days with the bad days. I need to say it is ok when I have a bad day. I need to say Great JOB when I put in an extra effort at the gym or pass up an extra serving. I need to continue to strive to make exercise something that is a staple in my life.

I will get there. Just not quick but good things come to those who wait. I will get there. I know I will.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELTEAGUE 12/3/2009 6:35PM

forgiving yourself is a big key, and recognising that is a huge step , keep going best wishes Mel Report Inappropriate Comment

DDHEART 11/19/2009 5:54PM

You will do this since you are recognizing the issues and learning slowly to deal with them. I love that you could write these things down and separate the emotions from real hunger. It's so hard to love ourselves unconditionally but you are really worth your love and attention. Report Inappropriate Comment

GRANDMAOF5 11/18/2009 9:18AM

Tina, your blog was wonderful. It opened my eyes to what I do to myself, as well. We will move ahead with baby steps that will grow larger as we go. Together we will accept and conquer the challenges that we each have. Report Inappropriate Comment

PJSTIME 11/17/2009 3:44PM

All of us have to find our own ways to cope and reach our goals. The main thing is to not give up. So you hang in there and be good to yourself. Think of yourself first at least part of the time. And that is a hard thing for a lot of us women to do me included. PJ Report Inappropriate Comment

BELTONWALKER66 11/17/2009 3:32PM

You will meet your goals in your own way and in your own time! Hang in there, girl! Report Inappropriate Comment

HOCKIMAMA 11/17/2009 2:52PM

Tina, I liked this blog. Each of us deals with stress in our own way. You've had lots of emotional things going on and sometimes it's hard to balance it all, and try to keep a strict diet & exercise because we run out of time or energy! This is a learning experience for all of us! I like the way you ended the blog because I too, know you will get there! Report Inappropriate Comment

A look at some things

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Health wise last week was bad. Tuesday I got this nasty cold. No swine flu or strep just a cough and cold that are holding on for dear life. Last night one of my teeth started hurting. It hurts to the point I see the dentist Monday morning. I have had similar pain in the past and it has been linked to an ear infection or sinus infection. I could even accept a cavity. I just hope it doesn't require a crown. UGH!! I don't have the cash for that. Will have to wait and see what happens Monday.

I made an effort to contact my sister. I haven't posted about this in a while because I really want to just learn to live with what happened but despite the differences my sister and I have she is my sister. I would like to be able to talk to her and try to sort out what happened. As of so far she hasn't responded. That sent me down the pity trail. I mowed down some doughnuts and when on a mini binge of sorts. I know how foolish but I did it. I don't know what will be with my sister. I need to learn to sort out my emtions without food. That is hard for me.

We are having some people over this weekend for a gathering. I am looking forward to it and then again I am not. This whole thing with my sister has torn my extended family up to the point that I don't really enjoy leaving the comfort of my home and my family. It was never rosy before that night but it was my family. I now have turned more into just staying away all together. I am not sure how I want to procede with that.

This week. I need to continue to try my best at making good food choices. I need to get into the gym and do some work. I need to work on making my house an inviting place. I need to continue to work on liking me and being kinder to myself and my family.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDHEART 11/5/2009 12:39PM

Tina, get well, follow your list of things you need to do, most of all be good to yourself and follow your heart. Remember that you are responsible for you....you can reach out to your sister but you aren't responsible for how she responds. I hope that you can heal your relationship but if that doesn't happen now....well it is what it is. This is just to say....hang in there. Report Inappropriate Comment

KEAKMAN 11/5/2009 9:15AM

You know I am with you on this whole "letting hnow others behave effect how we eat" thing. I hope we BOTH get it under control soon - for our own good! Report Inappropriate Comment

KIRSTY1306 11/3/2009 8:22PM

I'm so sorry ot hear you are having problems with your sister, don't give up trying to contact her , keep going. It's not nice losing a sister, My sister died 13 years ago aged 14 and I miss her so much, if you give up you may never speak to her again. I'm sure she will come around eventually. Keep going, All the best and I really hope it works out for you! Kirb xx Report Inappropriate Comment

LOCOAN 11/3/2009 7:48PM

Good luck in everything and it may seems like a lot going on now but keep the faith and everything is going to work out in the end. Report Inappropriate Comment

A new month, a new week--renewed hope

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Now that I am feeling motivated I need to run with it. I am still battling this cold, only a cold -- saw a doc. though I need to be aware of it changing to pneumonia or bronchitis. After I get rid of it for good I need to get back in the gym. Getting back to the gym before really aggravates my lungs. I just can't breath. That is not a good feeling at all. I kind of like breathing.

As the new week and new month get started I need to keep my focus on staying out of fast food restaurants and staying away from donuts. I was craving a doughnut in the wee hours of this morning. Managed to avoid that. I do find that I want a little something sweet lately. So I need to make something that isn't too offensive to losing weight but satisfy the craving. I do believe it will help me keep from running to the fridge searching.

I also know that I am no way out of the woods as far as eating. I need to stay stuck on getting the job done (losing weight and being healthy). I really REALLY want to see my Thanksgiving challenge end with me on top! Winning this challenge battle with a 20 pound loss!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRAMMAKARMIN 11/1/2009 4:36PM

You are doing great Tina! Sorry you are still under the weather with the cold but you will get through this spell and be back to the gym to finish your Thanksgiving challenge strong! Way to go on avoiding that donut. The couple minutes of pleasure is not worth the regret afterwards. I find that if I give in to the first bite then I am much more apt to go on an all out binge. The whole moderation thing is coming slowly, but I know I'll get there eventually. Report Inappropriate Comment

KEAKMAN 11/1/2009 9:25AM

You are doing so well, keep up hte great work! And yes, please, do keep on breathing - we all like it better that way! For a sweet treat you might look into single serving 100 cal pudding cups. Or those 100 packs of cookies. I find that I have a better time controlling my eating if what I am having is packaged into a serving size. It's too easy to have "one more" or to have another slice or scoop. Not so great on the cost but a 100 calorie pack of cookies or pudding is 6 servings, so almost the whole week's worth, and worth the savings to my sanity! Report Inappropriate Comment

A great weigh in

Friday, October 30, 2009

Eating out which has recently been my problem is recently under control. To combat the McDonald's breakfast sandwich urge I found some Jimmy Dean D-lite sandwhiches that are MUCH healthier and cheaper. So I keep a stash in the freezer for those mornings I feel the need.

I also am working REAL hard on my financial budget so that helps keep me in line as well. I have a lot going on in my life and I want to succeed in it all.

I have been sick with a cold lately. I have lost my appetite which is awesome. I am eating just not out of control. I also on some new meds, which may be helping as well, not sure about that yet, too early to tell.

I am 7.4 pounds away from my Thanksgiving challenge goal and I have 3 weeks to accomplish it. Well within my reach. I need to stay focused and not get cocky. For me that would be easy to do. Next weekend we are having a party for my son and are hosting a meal including ham and party food. So I need to make a plan to keep myself busy so that I don't indulge too much. I few tastes here and there is good. I also need to have a plan for the leftovers, of the foods that I really like and only have at parties, that may tempt me. One positive is that the stress that is usually associated with family parties will not be present because of changes in the family. That will help.

I am doing good and need to keep my eyes on the prize and stay focues and in control of my game. I know I can do this. It has not been easy but it has been a rewarding challenge. It is feels like I am back to where I was before my accident. A more motivated and positve person. A feeling of self acceptance. I still have demons to get me wrong but a part of my puzzle is taking shape and that feels great.

I end this blog with 12.6 pounds gone but never forgotten. They made me who I am today. I don't want to see them again but I need to remember them so I never go back to them.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WASCALLYWONE 10/31/2009 4:15PM

Congrats on the new insights to your cravings AND ESPECIALLY on 12.6 lbs GONE!!! You've had such a hard year, but it's all behind you now...Isn't it a good feeling!?! Report Inappropriate Comment

CARAMELANGEL247 10/31/2009 12:06PM

keep it up. Sounds like you are doing great. Report Inappropriate Comment

DDHEART 10/31/2009 8:30AM

I missed being able to kep in touch but the nice thing is coming back to news lke this....you are so right to say gone but not to be forgotten....it's the memory of those pounds and what it has taken to get rid of them that can keep us going in the right direction. Report Inappropriate Comment

NIKKIV2 10/30/2009 10:17AM

Way to go Tina!!! Keep up the good work. I know how hard it is but you are suceeding. Your positive attitude will pay off. WooHoo! Nikki Report Inappropriate Comment

HOCKIMAMA 10/30/2009 9:15AM

Tina, I am so happy for you!! You have the best attitude and a new outlook and plan and it's paying off!! Your goal is definitely in reach, GRAB IT! You can do this hun! Report Inappropriate Comment

KEAKMAN 10/30/2009 8:54AM

I am so happy for you! You have been working hard to find the right combination and the right methods and YOU DID IT! Now you are seeing some positive benefits from all of that persistence. WOOHOO! Report Inappropriate Comment

BREN4376 10/30/2009 8:37AM

You are doing an awesome job! Keep up the great work! Report Inappropriate Comment

A week down and under my belt or not

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I feel the need to clarify something from my last post. My husband has no problem with me working out and going to the gym. He rarely tells me no to anything. I am the one with the hangup about being gone. I am the one who as I am working out am thinking I should be at home. Doing what, usually nothing real important. So the whole thing is really a non issue except in my head. I feel I need to be home to "run" the house. I know my husband is more than capable to be "running" the house as well.

I will be working on this. I need to work past these mental blocks. They are almost as bad as excuses. They really are excuses I guess.

I haven't been to fast food since I started blogging about this being a problem. That would be around 10-19. That is good. I am happy with that. I also haven't bought any foolishness at the store. Yesterday I bought raw trailmix. It only has raw nuts and seeds and raisins. No chocolate or yogurt bits. So relatively healthy in moderation. It tastes good. So I feel good with that purchase. I am going to beat this. I have to. My health depends on it.

The biggest challenge will be the next time I do order, because there will come a time I will be in a restaurant again.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEAKMAN 10/25/2009 4:49PM

You are doing so well! I hope the next time you eat out you know in advance so you can plan for what to order. I find that telling my DH what I am going to order helps me to stay on track when we eat out.... Report Inappropriate Comment