Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Here is where I am at. I last blogged Nov. 3, it seems like a lifetime ago, and yet it was only 2 weeks ago. I saw the dentist for my tooth. He is unable to find anything wrong. I do have deep roots that run into my sinus cavities and when I get a cold or an infection it can cause pain. He didn't see anything on the xray. I get a cleaning right before Thanksgiving next week. We will see if anything else comes up. At least it didn't cost a fortune.
Things with my sister are the same as they have been since the incident in March. I really had hoped that she would meet me half way and we could talk. Clearly that isn't going to happen. So that I don't hurt myself anymore I need to just accept that as the truth. This becomes difficult because my brother is an eternal optimist and believes peace is just under the Christmas tree and that all will be well and we will all be as if nothing ever happened. (That just can't and won't happen--though I wish I could go back in time and make things right the best I can, I CAN'T). I need to live with husband and his beliefs (which are not always my own) and accept what I can not change.
The gathering with friends and remaining family went well. It was a nice visit. I enjoyed it. Though I did miss somethings. I know that I can not change them.
Food and weight wise since Nov. 3 I dropped the ball and let it just sit there. With the trouble of being sick and my tooth and some other health issues. Life just always gets in my way. I guess that I can accept that I have a lot of heavy things going on in my life. I don't always give each of them the time they deserve. I am still an emotional food eater (though I am trying real hard to keep that in check, for the most part I am). I have learned that when I don't give things there own time I just tend to wad them up and stuff them down. I am a food and emotional stuffer.
I am working real hard on trying to find some balance. It is just real hard. Some days I just don't feel up to the task. I am not throwing in the towel. I just need to take this journey as it comes and not be mean to ME!! That means forgiving myself when I have bad weeks, days, hours, moments. It also means not allowing myself to wallow in a quart of hagen dazs or visiting my friends Ben and Jerry. I know that I will make it to the end of this journey. I have also learned that I need to accept the good days with the bad days. I need to say it is ok when I have a bad day. I need to say Great JOB when I put in an extra effort at the gym or pass up an extra serving. I need to continue to strive to make exercise something that is a staple in my life.
I will get there. Just not quick but good things come to those who wait. I will get there. I know I will.