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Red faced with my tail between my legs...

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Yes, I'm human. After such a successful weight loss with SP I fell off the wagon and after approx. a year and a half I am back. I had lost a whopping 130 lbs. going from 370 lbs. down to 240 lbs. YAY for me!!! Don't be too quick to cheer. Over the past year and a half I have managed to *groaning here* gain back 70 of the 130 I had lost. I'm not sure why I lost control or what triggered the continual demise but I THINK I am ready to continue on this journey. So today I start once again at 310 lbs. UGH, UGH, and DOUBLE UGH!!!

I was so emabarassed by this out of control..ness that I even removed the ticker from my Spark page. I certainly didn't want to discourage anyone but more importantly I didn't want anyone to see how out of control I was. It's embarassing to say the least. To think that food has such control over me.

To my Lord, I ask forgiveness.

To those I inspired in the past, my apologies.

To those who continue to support me, my heartfelt thanks.

Even though I've been lost for the past year and a half I want you all to know that I did log into SP every single day. I did the SP points, the polls, the trivia, read articles and blogs... I found a little joy in receiving a couple of SP awards every month for doing those things. It all helped me to feel like I was still connected.

It helps to write this all down; to be accountable to you all. I am going to repost my ticker today. I may even have to have a new pic taken. Not sure what I would call it. Man this takes so much courage but I think it is essential to my getting a healthy mind set once again.

If you are a believer, please pray for me. The Lord is my strenth in all things, including this thorn in my side. He is bigger then any bag of chips or any craving. Please Lord, have mercy.

Love you all.

And so my journey continues....

And now I sit here with tears in my eyes trying to muster the courage to hit the "Post Blog Entry" button... Confession is good for the soul. goes...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Bonnie, I am so glad that you have come back! It is NEVER too late to begin again as long as you have another breath in your body! You sure have some great friends! Patti is the best, isn't she? emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ROSEOFSHARI 1/30/2011 6:59PM

    It's been a while since your last blog but it spoke volumes to here's my comment.

You almost didn't do it....but YOU HIT THAT POST BUTTON anyways. We are all so proud of you. I also started on this journey before and have returned to Spark. It's not easy to admit that you once again let it all slide and allowed the numbers to creep back up there but we haven't lost control or given up or we wouldn't be here.
So let's shake ourselves off and get back at it....we know what worked before and we know how easy it is to let's not do that again lol.
We are more than conquerers and We can do all things.....through Christ who strengthens us!!!
Come back and blog some more...obviously people like to hear how you are doing and I would too.....we're here for you!

emoticon And as I say....."LESSON LEARNED!!!"

Comment edited on: 1/30/2011 7:01:39 PM

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BOOKWERME 11/25/2010 6:22PM

    What I see here is someone who has the key to success! You lost 130 lbs! Even if you have regained some, you are still ahead of many of us! AND you KNOW what works for YOU. Good Job! emoticon

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JENNA-P 11/25/2010 3:49PM

    Good luck! By pushing that post button you have already taken the first step! You can do this!

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CELEST 11/25/2010 3:47PM

    It happens, you are no different to everyone else here. I read Coach Dean Andersons story and it reads just like yours before he got it right. You wont be the first, nor the last. Someone suggested you banish the guilts and move on. You are here and THATS whats important. Quitting is deadly, restarting is incredible.

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MELTEAGUE 11/25/2010 3:18PM


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FOUNDER3 8/2/2010 10:54AM

    Ok, you know me, I have to add one more thing, always have to have the last word, "BANISH THE GUILT". It has no place in a happy healthy life. It is totally counter productive, and stressful!

You never left, so I can't welcome you back,(that's good), so glad to see you!

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FOUNDER3 8/2/2010 10:47AM


Thanks for stopping by my blog and giving me encouragement. I do believe that that is one of the ways to keep our own spark going.

Please take pride in the fact, that even though you were not eating as you wanted, and some of your bad habits came back, you were still on the Spark network.

This lifestyle change has to be made in our own time. You did not gain back everything you lost and then some, as I have done so much in the past. Congratulate yourself for keeping off the part you did NOT gain back.

I found myself in a position about a year ago, or more, that some of my very bad habits came back. I gained by the first of the year, after the holidays about 31 pounds, I bagan eating well and exercising after the first of the year, and dropped the last 10 kind of fast, but the 21 took a bit longer to get off.

I had much illness, and then a car accident and injury, but I did as you did, and keep logging on.

The only difference, and I am going to suggest you try this in a difficult period in the future, is that I still logged my food and exercise. Even when it was terrible. By doing this, I think I was helping to let myself know that it was not a permanent situation, but a temporary setback which I would make right when I was able.

Changing your lifestyle is very different than dieting. We still have some of that dieting mentality, at least I do, and suspect that you do too, where we are either on a diet or off.

Well, things are different now. We can recall those habits much more easily the second time, 'cause they are already there. Give yourself the confidence to find them again!

One day at a time, one habit at a time, and love yourself all of the time.

God Bless

PS, I have lost the weight that I have gained, been able to reestablish my exercise routine etc. Be patient and loving with yourself, help your small child within to feel loved and cherished, and she will help you. Mine is a real brat, so I know, I have really had to learn to handle her!

Comment edited on: 8/2/2010 10:51:37 AM

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CATH5109 8/2/2010 1:19AM

    Sometimes we need to try more than once before we succeed. Good luck. I know that you can do it.

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STARLIGHT42 7/31/2010 11:39AM

    Bonnie - in my head I have re-written my response to you several times, lol - but everyone has said such wonderful words. I guess all I can say is I understand - having lost/gain/lost the same 20 pounds for over a year. And Sparking, joining challenges - I still am stuck in this place. So hugs and prayers to you - and know your Sparkfriends are here as you have been there for me so many times!


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HEART_N_GRACE 7/30/2010 12:26PM

    Bonnie... you have been such an incredible friend and support I find it really hard to write. I smiled as I read the other posts. I know you can do this, I just want YOU to know it!!!

There isn't anything easy about this, and you have told yourself anything and everything that I could. I really pray for that "spark" to return. I will repeat that I believe that this is your biggest struggle because it is also your biggest potential for VICTORY. you want to please God, be obedient to him and Give him all the Glory... did you really think the enemy was going to sit back and watch you???

You are still in this girl. Tracking worked, blogging worked, I know it is about small steps and little changes, but you know how focused you need to be to feel some control.

I also think you started to become uncomfortable with the attention you were receiving and had empathy with those you wished could experience what you were... you may need to work through those obstacles.

Get a tall glass of water... sit down and write down your August Goals... I have to do that myself. I feel alittle lost in that area right now... but after GST (yes, GST ~ I left to the last day after all!) lol

My 2 cents (I think I may be up to a dollar 22 by now), i know you have to do what works for you, but I was thinking, I didn't see the weighing once a month. I don't understand it being a deterent or a distraction... rather if you are on track it will more than likely be a boost. To me... once a month gives too long to feel you can "make up for", or "what's the point". Why not either know that you had a loss you can celebrate, or didn't lose and need to make an adjustment. We all have weeks where we don't lose. But a month is alot time to let pass if there is a problem. Just wondering the thinking behind that.

I have to go, submit GST before the banks close!!! Bwah! And then starts August... lalala I am going to relax this weekend!!!

Sorry to blog on your blog ~ I should have called you and I will, so much going on!!!!

Enjoy your day friend!


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WEDDPLANNER 7/29/2010 2:14PM

  Dear Sunnie - You are already victorious. Satan would not have wanted you to admit your problem let alone post it! So there!Satan, get thee behind me!

Remember that you are precious in God's sight and every little thing about you is important to Him. After all, HE numbered the hairs on your head right? It is through HIS power and strength that any of us are able to tackle these challenges.

Your blog inspired me today, and I will be praying for you.

I agree with Reallyhoppin - It's springtime for you! You are a beautiful flower in the garden of God. Bloom my friend!

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REALLYHOPIN 7/29/2010 1:38PM

    Welcome to Spring! I don't care what month of the year it is, to me, from reading your blog, I see you as being in Springtime.

You've awakened from winter (the time you were off program)... and all the seeds and roots that were left from the season before can all start to grow now... you had a season of rest and now you are moving into a season of growth....

how exciting!

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GODDESSOFHOME 7/29/2010 11:31AM

    There is incredible strength in accepting our weaknesses. Just posting this blog is a huge step, and you should be very proud of yourself. Now, you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward knowing there are 60 pounds you DON'T have to lose again.

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DEBWILLBFREE 7/29/2010 10:14AM

    Hi, Sunnie! Man, I shouldn't read blogs early in the morning--I'm too easily confused! The whole time I was reading about you being gone from SP for a year and a half, I kept thinking, "Didn't I see posts this summer?" I eventually, looked and, yep, you have posts written in May.

So, I guess what you meant was that you've been off plan for a year and a half. I guess that feels like being gone.

But, you know, it's not. As you said, you've been checking in, reading articles, spinning that wheel and writing an occasional post. You haven't been gone. You hung in there--maybe by your fingertips, but you didn't let go!

That shows perseverance and determination. Can't sniff at that.

And as others have said--and the first thing I thought as I read--you're STILL down 60 pounds! :D Can't sniff at that, either.

You don't drown by falling in the water--you drown by staying there. You have gotten out of the water! I'm rooting for you!

Better than that, I've already prayed for you. Jesus will get us to where we need to go, He will!


If you read my last post, you'll see that I'm not perfect either. I think imperfection is going around.

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JKARST 7/29/2010 9:54AM

    Hey, the way I look at it your still 60 pounds ahead! Just think if you hadn't been logging into SP everday, you may not have faced this moment until you were back where you were before. Or, like I know I've done more than once, come back when you are even heavier than when you started. So, remember you are starting out ahead of the game already.

I pray for your continued success. You are precious in His sight !

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CAROLINAMUSED 7/29/2010 9:31AM

    There is no shame in continuing to try. You show strength and commitment to health - and to life - in committing once again. You ARE worth it. now - set that shame aside and forgive yourself, because to do otherwise is to set yourself up to fail.

And you are not a failure. WE are not failures. We are human and imperfect - but we learn and grow.

Carol (raising a cup of coffee in your direction - and thanking you for inspiration!)

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Important Recall Notice :)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the unit, specifically the heart and soul of each unit.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or as it is more commonly known, as S.I.N., a malfunction that is programmed in to all of these units from the moment their Earthly existence begins.

Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

However, on a good note, the Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is willing to provide factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.

The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs, so there is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the FORGIVENESS and REPENTANCE procedures. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart and soul component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, once it is removed, Jesus will then graciously replace it at no additional cost with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

If you have any questions, please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth), for further details on the use (and applicability) of these repairs.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded upon expiration of the unit. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: Those human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace upon expiration, because the SIN defect will not for any reason be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!


P.S. Please assist wherever possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and of course, please keep in mind that anyone may contact the Heavenly Father directly at any time, day or night, via 'Knee mail'!

Because He Lives!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEART_N_GRACE 5/20/2010 3:56PM

    Have to read it when I have time to absorb :)

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SUNNIEDAES 5/20/2010 7:57AM

    Glad you all enjoyed this. :) It came to me in an email without any indication who wrote it. Someone was being very creative indeed. Yes, please feel free to use it as you would like. Too bad we can't credit anyone for it. Hope you all have a very blessed day!

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    This was a great post!! Can I borrow it for my blog? I'll use it awhile from now so it's not back to back with yours.

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FOUNDER3 5/19/2010 10:14PM

    That was a very good post!


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PAMAPPLE 5/19/2010 12:08PM

    I'm glad that my Manufacturer has given me a Manual to give me direction, and that I can turn to Him when my S.I.N. malfunctions my unit. Praise God that P-R-A-Y-E-R can send the Repair Technician to me and replace the malfunction with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-Control

And God, Help me to notify others of this important recall notice.

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BLUEYEDMOM34 5/19/2010 11:13AM

    That was Nice!

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Prayer Request for my Christian Sisters and Brothers

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Dear friends in Christ,

I had the joy of spending some time with my 27 year old son last night. He came for dinner and, after his dad went downstairs we just started chatting.

When my son was little and through his early teens he was on fire for the Lord. He loved the Lord with all his heart and lead several friends to Christ. Then he had a very bad experience with a youth pastor and it's been all downhill since. It's been ten years and he just told me last night that when this pastor kicked him out of youth group that he also closed the door behind him. My son actually had tears in his eyes last night. He has turned his back on God completely and now professes to be an atheist. He told me he felt sorry for me because I believed in such garbage. It's very difficult to talk with him as he talks over you. I refuse to argue with him and just try to tell him all the wonderful things God has done for me. I told him that God loves him no matter what. He just seems so unhappy and it breaks my heart.

I'm asking all of my Christian friends, who know the power of prayer, to please pray for my Patrick. I know God is just waiting for him with open arms.

Thank you for your love and your prayers.

You are all such a blessing to me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WANT2BFREE2 6/17/2010 9:56PM

    Hi Bonnie! I just read your blog, and it brought tears to my eyes. I will be praying for you and Patrick.

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MELTEAGUE 5/18/2010 8:30PM

    Prayers of a righteous woman avails much , Bonnie, your prayers are powerful , keep at it!
and I will be joining with you!


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NELLIEC 5/12/2010 5:08PM

    I am putting Patrick on my prayer list!

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HEART_N_GRACE 5/12/2010 3:54PM

    Praying for you, and Patrick! emoticon

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DEBWILLBFREE 5/12/2010 3:30PM

    Oh, dear. Re: the youth pastor--I wholeheartedly agree with Fearless Life! How terrible.

I have prayed and will continue to pray. For you and your son.

I have two grown sons--33 & 34 years old--I have tears in my eyes for you. How grievous this situation must be.

My own sons have not "closed the door", but they are not following after God as they did when they were younger, either. They have head knowledge now and a heart that remembers,but... the world and it's cares...

God will honor a believing mother's prayers in this. We shall pray for our sons--we shall see them be where they need to be in Christ.


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    I added Patrick to my list.

I pity that youth pastor. Better that a millstone be hanged around his neck . . .

As for Patrick, God has a miracle for Him. Jesus is the Master Redeemer, Master Healer, Master Scientist, Master Physician. No doubt God will give Patrick a magnificent ministry over the wounding. Jesus will redeem and transform it, just like Jacob and his brothers.

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LISA611 5/12/2010 9:01AM

  I am praying for Patrick and for you also. I know that has to be hard on you.

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ALYFITN 5/12/2010 8:27AM

    I will certainly pray for Patrick. God and Christ have NOTHING to do with the actions of that pastor. I hope someday Patrick can separate the two. emoticon

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ROTY2008 5/12/2010 8:23AM

    Will absolutely pray from Him!

Father God, in the name of Jesus, we lift up Patrick to you. He now "thinks" that you don't exist. We know different. I pray that you exchange his heart of stone for a heart of flesh. That you mend the pieces of his broken heart in the way that only YOU can Father. Give his parents strength to hold steadfast to their beliefs even in the midst of opposition. Show them how to continue to love him and nurture Him so that your light is continually shown through them. I thank you God that this is yet anoter son who will be returned to your waiting and open arms when the time is right. Bring your peace and security Father.

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Depraved Mind.....hehehehehehe

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Just had to repost this one my friends. I think we can all use a good laugh from time to time. Please read the qualifier at the end of this blog. Enjoy! :)

"Depraved Mind”

While sitting in the car, in a parking lot, waiting for my darling daughter while she perused the shelves at Blockbuster, I watched people come and go from the various stores. One particular woman caught my eye as she left the grocery store and started in my direction, her grocery cart piled HIGH with all sorts of wonderful goodies for the weekend. I watched as she came closer and closer…stopping almost in front of me where her car was parked. As she unlocked her car and started to unload her groceries I began to make my plan. I would get out of my car, hobble over to her, taking full advantage of my walking disability, with a smile on my face, hopefully making her think that I only wanted to ask her a question. When I got next to her, I would wrestle her to the ground, grab that bag of chips (the one that was calling my name), make a mad dash back to my car, jumping in and locking the doors. Ripping the chips open, I would gorge myself on those wonderful crispy, crunchy, greasy, salty little bits of gold. And then…and how proud Spark People would be of me…I decided to examine my “feelings”. One, I was tired. Two, I was hungry and needed my afternoon snack. Three, I was beginning to think that I would be sitting here until Christmas before my daughter would return to the car. And four, my daughter was having a crowd of teenagers in that night and there were still a few chores that needed to be done. OK…the woman was now in her car and slowly driving away…none the wiser. Little did she know how very close she came to being a victim of this mad chipaholic. (Personally, I hope she gains five pounds this weekend!!)

I got home, sat here eating my fat free yogurt, wearing my self-righteousness like a badge of honor won in a major war. And…. since it was my daughter having guests in the evening, I let her do the vacuuming while I had a 15 minute nap.

I wonder if I’ll be able to hold my “Mr. Hyde” persona at bay or will another unsuspecting person fall victim to my madness? Time…. will…. tell….

(Qualifier - I wrote this little tidbit a few years ago. I enjoy injecting a bit of humor into each day and thought some of you may also enjoy this. It's always good to laugh at yourself and I want this journey to better health to be fun and not full of "Oh woe is me." In actuality, I've not had chips for months. I don't even crave them anymore. I've lost a fair bit of weight, for which I am thankful. I wish each of you a really good laugh today. Hugs to all.)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELTEAGUE 5/18/2010 8:33PM

    What a great blog, I could just SEEE you attacking that pool gal in my mind! :-)

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WIFEALF 5/10/2010 5:02PM


have a great day my sweet friend...Happy belated Mothers Day hope you had a great day!

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BARBARA_G 5/10/2010 3:07PM

    I'm so happy you are doing well!

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DEBWILLBFREE 5/9/2010 2:03AM

    Very funny. :D For me, it would have taken brownies to have endangered her life. Then, there'd be no telling what would happen...


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    Thanks for the giggle!

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NELLIEC 5/7/2010 8:07PM

    emoticon emoticon

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HEART_N_GRACE 5/7/2010 10:05AM

    lol ~ I remember when you posted this the first time! It is good to look back and remember how far we have come!!!

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1CRAZYDOG 5/6/2010 1:09PM

    From one chipaholic to another this had me in hysterics!!! Thanks for sharing. Personally, I LOVE the 15 minute POWER NAPS . . . right after my power walk! HEE HEE.

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Saturday, April 24, 2010

I am a people watcher by nature so it isn't anything new that when I'm sitting in a parking lot, waiting, that is what I do.

The other day I had to pick my daughter up from work. I always like to go a little early so that I can simply enjoy some peace and quiet, as well as some alone time. My dd works for a fairly large financial company who employ a large number of people filling a four storey building. They work in shifts starting at 8:00am and going until 8:00 pm, staggering every half hour. In other words some will work 8-4, the next shift 8:30-4:30, the next 9-5 and so forth. This particular day dd was getting off at 4:30 and I was there early enough to see those leaving after getting off at 4:00. The majority of employees are women although there are a number of men as well.

As I watched these woman come out from their jobs I noticed something very visibly evident. Many of these women are overweight and some are very overweight. I noticed that the overweight women looked extremely tired, were dragging their feet, some were limping, they were all moving very slow and I wondered if some would make it to their cars. Not one had a smile on her face. Then I noticed the slender women. They were all smiling, one was singing, they had a bounce to their step and all looked like they had energy to spare and were moving very quickly.

I feel like the tired, overweight women all the time. It really brought it home to me that this extra weight really is "weighing" me down. It is hard to feel excited about life when you have a hard time moving. I get it. I understand how these women were feeling. I understand how hard it is to drag this weight around day after day. However, I want to feel like those slender women and I know that with each pound lost I am one step closer to that goal.

Oh, how I would love to tell all these women what I have found in SP and that SP is there for them, too. Maybe one of these days, I'll get the nerve. :) Maybe I can start with a couple that dd knows.

Next time you are out and about, take notice. You'll be motivated to stick to your "get healthy" program. I'm certain of it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELTEAGUE 5/18/2010 8:29PM

    Great Blog Bonnie, what great perspective! I love your postive attitude!

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GOLIONS 4/29/2010 2:41PM

    I too am a people watcher. Great observaton regarding the lack of smiles.

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WIFEALF 4/29/2010 12:08PM

    I noticed that too- and you are not alone i like to people watch too,shhh dont tell anyone..lollll-great blog!

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TWINSMOM0429 4/27/2010 10:56AM

  I have noticed this too. I really notice it when I see young Moms who are overweight and look just angry or miserable that they are being dragged by their child or they have a hard time picking them to put in a cart etc. Those are the women who I look at & say, "I do not want to be the "fat Mom" that can't do things with their children." That really gives me a wake up call and we go running up to the store instead!

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GODDESSOFHOME 4/27/2010 9:44AM

    What a wonderful blog! I have to say, I used to be one of the overweight women you describe. I had no energy to play with my kids, I was in constant pain, walking was agony. Now, I have lost 40 pounds, I was doing medicine ball sit ups with my oldest child last night before bed, and I completed a half marathon running just over 3 weeks ago. My life structure is still the same:SAHM to two wonderful children, very involved with their school, dedicated wife, creative joy sharing woman. However, the small things in my life have really changed. I get so much more joy from my children because I can get physical and really play with them and their friends. I am able to give more energy at the school when I am there because I have more energy. My relationship with my husband has influenced him to lose weight and live healthier. I was able to share my creativity in a more outgoing way by fundraising over $500.00 for an eye research institute as part of my commitment to completing my Half Marathon. The ways that SP has helped me in this journey are so many I can't even count them on all of my fingers and toes! Your blog really reminded me of where I started, and it has given me even more drive to work hard and finish off my weight loss journey so I can start my maintenance journey! Sorry for the long comment, but you really touched me!

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HEART_N_GRACE 4/24/2010 7:54PM

    What a fabulous blog!!! I hope you don't mind I attached a link at the bottom of my blog!

Every day you are one step closer!!! And I know you will help anyone you can along the way ~ lets pray about opportunities!!!


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    I have noticed what you describe. Especially notice in mental health terms. Speaking personally, the sin of gluttony has stolen my joy. It becomes a downward spiral.

But the truth is, we only need to concentrate on doing the next right thing. The next glass of water, the next 10 min walk, plan the next healthy meal, do wall pushups if you can't do anything else, the next set of deep breathing, etc.

Learning to be temple keepers, is something Levites were trained from childhood for, and was a lifelong comittment with no retirement.

It's lucky we have Jesus and the Bible to train ourselves, right?

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NELLIEC 4/24/2010 5:07PM

    I see many overweight people who have trouble walking normally. Their weight changes the way they walk and puts stress on their whole body. How sad for them as they endure more and more pain!

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DISPATCHERTB 4/24/2010 10:29AM

    I have noticed the same things that you've described. I've really noticed some huge changes in myself since I've joined spark and started getting into better shape. I now have the little pep in my step. Keep up the good work!

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