SUMMERONE1  
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Ranting of my reasons aka Excuses not to follow my plan.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I have had multiple problems with the PC, No time, Exercise is to hard, Can't get on SP due to PC problems, Interuptions, and that old familiar twang.. I am tired of "dieting."

With all of these "reasons' I know why I eat..With every little problem I pick up food... When did I begin consulting food for an answer to every little deviation in my life.

Some would say and I would agree that this is an emotional eater problem. But, I am not sure I even have emotions. ..after all I consulted food and it took the place of love, hate, sad, glad, became my lover at night, my boss during the day, my family I didn't have.

Still, I got on the scales this morning and I haven't gained any weight back that I have previously lost but, for whatever reasons I continue to weigh he same as when I first joined SP so long ago. Well, I have lost 9 additional pounds. Perhaps I like myself way to much, Perhaps I need to start NOT liking the way I am ..my physical looks. Perhaps I should concentrate on the healthy aspect of losing weight. Perhaps, but if, I think to hard on it. I will consult "food".

I decided that when I have problems..whether it be pc problems or the a preceived problem I need to keep a handwritten journal. I am thinking that is what I need to do. Would this help. Some have said it does..Could writing my frustrations down be the answer. Well, I am going to give it a try. Its great to be back online be able to post, vent my feelings and thoughts. But, I am thinking it would be great to do so in a journal when I am not able to get online or those times I conjure up a problem.


I will see... I guess the first step was recognizing I was consulting food of any kind to solve my problems. What did it give me.. nothing but acid on the stomach, that hateful feeling that I had no control, and the wishful thinking of where I could be IF I had just followed my plan.

So, now for this day I will NOT consult food. I will be the boss and control the happenings. At least for this day. Tomorrow will be faced when it happens..

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DTBTSSANDFLUFFY 10/8/2008 12:18PM

    hi
keep trying and trying.. that is what i had to do . and now i am winning my battle . and you will tooo..
hugs from donna


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SANDYS2100 9/16/2008 7:06AM

    emoticon

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JOEGIRL6113 9/15/2008 8:26PM

    Summer, I am sort of in the same boat with you except that I have GAINED weight. I have been traveling so much, not been on SP, eating wrong, not exercising.......a disaster!!! I think you have the right idea to write down your feelings and see if it will get you some answers. Thank you for the suggestion. I do miss SP and all my friends on here. Rosy

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MARGOMCP 9/14/2008 4:58PM

    What a great idea; journaling helped me.

But I don't think you give yourself enough credit for what you've done over the last 7 years, losing almost 70 pounds! I once figured out it took me 25 years to get 125 pounds overweight, so what if it took me another 25 years to lose it (that would be 5 pounds a year and you've done double that!).

The best thing that happened for me was making friends with Myself, not bad mouthing what I do or don't do, realizing I and my body are doing the best we can under our circumstances! We're trying and we're a team! I gained the weight because I needed an emotional buffer which, thankfully, I no longer need now so now I'm losing the weight. But it's a process, not a time-limited opportunity, must act NOW! emoticon

Hey, really great Spark Article on weight loss journaling:

http://www.spark
people.com/resource/motivation_
articles.asp?id=543

Comment edited on: 9/14/2008 9:30:17 PM

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Who I saw in the Mirror

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Recently I have either binged or not eaten at all. Neither one of them was really noted by myself UNTIL a couple of days ago. I found myself reflecting what I saw in myself. I do think I get in a party of pity as I don't have family in the area, nor have I established any friends outside of the time that I worked. Oh, I attend some functions, but I am quiet, which is part of my personality.

The reflecting of myself took place in a restuarant as I was having breakfast. I wasn't hungry, I didn't think or feel that I was lonely. Then, I watched others as they came in. I sipped on my coffee and saw them enter couples, friends, or coworkers. Talking, laughing, discussing business and things of the world. My active thought was how I would be getting my breakfast soon and things would be better for me. Hmm, my food would make things better for me.. That was an awakening to me.

I never thought of food as a friend. Just seemed to be somthing to do until something else came along. But, nothing else has come along....

Later I got to the car and I pulled out the compact mirror, and as I applied my lipstick I took a good look at ME. Who I saw didn't displease me. I looked at her and saw a friendly person, someone who saw the funnier side of life, most of the time. I saw a person I liked..I didn't love her... might not ever. But I did like her. But, I knew if I had a good friend that I liked and saw that she was going down a destructive road I would say something to her. I knew then that I should be my own best friend.

Still, as I started the car I wasn't sure that I wanted to be my own best friend. Relationships are work...hard work. Did I want to really do that.
I have thought about that for a few days and today I know.. that friend I saw in the mirror...well, yes, she is worth the hard work. Developing self worth, a kindness to one's self, the internal love of self is hard and will be tough. But I know that person I saw in the mirror is going down a destructive road made of food choices. Will my friends outside of myself increase or become one of my best buddies. Who knows.. but for now I want to be my own best friend. Healthy and enjoying life., besides I am worth knowing...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PALOMA71 7/20/2008 4:42PM

    What a good honest reflection. It is so easy to fool one's self, but that keeps us where we are. The most important person to take care of and love is yourself, if that doesn't happen there's no room for anyone or anything else.

It is much easier to spend time alone, than to pick up the phone and schedule something with another. One can also schedule a date with one's self--an important step in maintaining a healthy relationship with life.

Thank you for your thoughts, good luck in your food plan, and I will root for you and follow your advice.

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LOYOLACAT 7/16/2008 7:19PM

    Hi Summer,
I recently joined SP, member for about four days now! It's such a awesome site...and a great way to make new friends. Hope you count me in as your friend. ! I found your Blogs very forthright and introspective...
They say, "The third time's a charm!" Good Luck, and hang in there!!!
Mary Momcat emoticon


emoticon emoticon

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JOEGIRL6113 7/7/2008 4:23PM

    Summer, this is truly a great reflection of yourself. I'm glad that you are going to make an effort to be your own best friend. I know things are not always easy and sometimes we make bad choices. I am here for you too as much as I can be. Sorry I have been gone a lot and I really miss a lot of you. Keep on trying! Love, Rosy emoticon

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ADIETWOMAN 7/4/2008 9:10AM

    A really great, reflective message!
Been there, Done that!
Don't give up the fight - it is hard work! When I got up this morning I thought of Independence Day and it struck me that I wanted "Independence" from all the distracting, destructive things in my life. A lot of those things are self-inflicted. I can do this but it will take a lot of work. But like you've discovered, "I'm worth it!". Good luck to you!!
S.C.

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To Old, To late, To Long and To Tired?

Saturday, January 05, 2008

I decided to stop... Stop SP, stop meal planning, stop exercising, stop trying to get my physical shape and mind in order. So, I did. Of course, I had a little help. It was easier to stop when I had to care for my Dad during his illness and subsequent death. That was my start to my stopping. Then a few weeks after his death. I stepped on the scale. Those little digits showed that I increased higher than when I weighed in the first time with SP in April 2007. I gave a ho-hum, that is just the way it is. I will never be at "goal"...so, why fret about it any longer.

After all I had lost from 301 pounds plus...I say plus as the scale didn't reach higher than that. the needle was straining and almost popping off the highest weight on it. It had taken me 6 years to get down to the slendering 219 pounds that I weighed in that first day on Spark. I was tired of it all. Why did it seem that others, even those of my age reached their goal within two years, but why did others seem to be like me in a constant struggle. Frankly, I didn't care about the others and I sure didn't care about me.

So, I stopped, I took weeks to evaluate what I had done in the past. Oh, I was feeling good about the lost poundage..but, why had not I lost and become as fit as I wanted within 2-3 years instead of continuing to struggle these past 6 years. I began to feel as if I was to old, to late to start to do things better, that it would take to long, and I was just plain to tired of the mind set that I needed. Then I discovered what the "successful" people have known all along.

It is a battle and, only, can be won through perserverance and diligence. I didn't pop right back into the exercise, meal planning stage. I came into Spark and began to erase mypage, but couldn't bring myself to completey delete it. I began to voice my troubles. I didn't expect to find anyone that could relate or even recognize that I was still with a team. Through all my fat/obese years..the bigger I got the more I became invisible. Yet,
the teams I belonged to supported me. They did not pity me, but encouraged and stood by me. Seeming to support me in whatever decision I would make. No judgements, just pure support.

I stayed this time...day by day my mind knew what I needed to do. During December last year, I began to, sporadically, meal plan, exercise and doing all the things I knew would be good for me. Still, I knew something else had to change. That one solitary thing to change was, my mind. I finally realized it was no one else that had made me eat, or not exercise or feel good about myself at any weight. It was mine and mine alone. The responsibility lay on my shoulders.

I also found the reason the prior weight loss was slow. Why? Because I never for one day in 6 years stayed within my meal plan and though I began to workout fairly consistently, all it took was a rainy, cold day or a day that it was hot and I had an excuse not to go. Of course in that period I took care of a husband who was ill and then subsequently died. Was this an excuse? I think not.

Grief has many forms, it was awhile but, eventually my heart was soothed and I got one foot on the wagon. of weight loss....trying to climb up but fearful of falling down. The end result, I didn't put any more effort into my quest than I had prior to his illness or my dad's.

Now, one might expect since I had figured out these things, I would change and do it "right now." That I would plan my meals and exercise, that the self improvement I needed to take would turn around quickly. It didn't. The knowledge I had acquired was simply things I had known all along just did not admit to. I also knew I needed to have a different mind set. Perhaps, I didn't know "everything there was to know about diet and exercise." I began to think ,perhaps, the "experts" in weight loss were right. Perhaps, I did need to know that I would not starve and that I would become more fit simply by following a plan, and motivation could be helped with visual aids of some type. So....

I began a climb to follow my planned meal and my exercise routine. I started tracking what I ate, I planned before my meals. I set a regular time for my workout. I began to take care of me as well as I had my loved ones. Would I do this every day. No, I didn't make it very well the first few weeks of December but along with support from the teams, my "confessions", putting up visual reminders, I began the slow road to consistency.

Now for the past two weeks I have been successful and the weight is coming off and I am now below what I was when I first joined. Will I succeed? Well, I have found that contrary to what I first thought in October of 2007, I am NOT to old, age gives me wisdom, I need to use it. To late,? never to late as long as I have a god given breath. nor will it take To Long, perserverance will provde the success. To Tired? Wisdom tells me to rest my body and my mind, so, I will. For me, I find the key is to just plain stick with it and my precious friends that have so much in common with me on SparkPeople. I thank you for sticking with me and giving me that support I needed.






  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMEBN2 1/16/2008 4:16PM

    Summer, I went to your SparkPage and after reading it, I though of how much we have in common. I'm not sure what part of OK you are from, but I lived in Tulsa until just a couple of years ago. I, too, lost a son, nursed my seriously ill husband while trying to work and subsequently lost him, and recently lost my Dad after caring for him for a couple of years. I've dieted on and off for years also. I think most of us have. I actually lost 100 lbs. before my youngest daughter was conceived, but that is more than 25 years ago now.

After my father passed away, my mother moved to live with her sister in Arkansas, and I know have a lot less stress in my life. I guess that one day I just got to thinking about what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I had seen some recent pictures from my Dad's memorial service and didn't like what I saw at all!! It just kinda dawned on me that nobody was going to do anything about my weight problems but me. Right after that I read a magazine article that said that keeping a log of everything you eat was the most successful weight loss tool out there. I thought, I can do that. And began looking on the internet for a way to track my food. I'm kinda a computer junkie, so if I can do it online, so much the better. That is how I found SP. Since then, I have set other goals, but none of them are big. I know I need to lose 100+ pounds, but I am going to just work on it in little bitty chunks.

Thanks for all the encouraging words!

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JJGAINES 1/14/2008 8:57PM

    Summer, Thanks for taking the time to write your blog regarding your ups and downs. What you struggled with is what many of us are struggling with, consistency, consistency, consistency....Also, planning before meals. My husband and I are both trying to get some pounds off. I have a thyroid problem which makes it even harder. I wanted to forget the exercise today, but I made myself get at least 20 minutes in and it made me feel so much better.

Let's keep each other going!

JJ

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JOEGIRL6113 1/12/2008 9:59PM

    Summer, I am so glad you are back on track. I know you will do this for you! I too used my husband as an excuse many times and now I do not have any excuses, I just have to get on track and stick to it. It is never easy, but I'm sure we can do this. If you need to talk, just send me a SparkMail. I will be right beside you all the way. Rosy

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DLEITHEISER 1/7/2008 1:52PM

    I know what you mean. I lost my husband almost 3 yrs this coming May and I lost weight about 20 pounds but gained part of it back. But now I'm on the right track and sticking to my food plan and execrising also. So this year is my year for loosing weight so I'll join you on your journey ok.
Darlene

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EZERAHICKS 1/6/2008 1:26PM

    Dear Summer,

Thank you for your inspirational story. I have added you to my friends page and hope that we can communcate back and forth often.

I know what it feel like to give up and have also tried that route. It didnt work - I just felt sorry for myself and sunk deeper into the pit.

It all came crasking down on me on May 15/07. I ended up in the hospital and was told I had an anxiety/painic attack. What a terrible experience. Now I am on meds to keep me calm, therapy once a week. Since finding SP I am now feeling better.

I am watching what I eat, exercising three times a week and look forward to a new day - I thank God for my daily strength.

So, hang in there, please contact me when you feel down and need a pick-me-up.

Ezzy.

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GRANNYGRUMP 1/5/2008 6:24PM

  Summer, when I read the title of this blog, I thought "Summer is singing my song!" Once again, your writing has me right there seeing everything along with you!

You are an inspiration! I love seeing you on the "I want to get fit. . ." team. You make me laugh and get me out of the Pity Party mode! We are NOT TO OLD! We are NOT TO LATE! We have NOT WAITED TO LONG! We ARE NOT TOO TIRED (most of the time!)

Together we can do this! We Oldies still have a lot of good years and a lot of miles left in us.

Thanks for sharing! Together we can do this! I did not believe when I joined SP that the posting on the boards, the blogging would help! It does - the laughter and stories you share with us helps keep us all on track!

HUGS!
Donna

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PATRICIA441 1/5/2008 5:59PM

  Summer, I wish I had the magical words to say this is easy,but it is not for any of us. We have all fallen off that dang old wagon, gained back, lost and done it more than once. The trick for ME is the not giving up knowing I am worth it. I truly feel so much better about myself, my body moves better,feels better and looks better. I am doing this for me. No one else and no one else can do it for me. The support from the 60+ team is mind blowing. They are a group of wonderful,loving, truly caring gals who are always listening, never judging and truly understand. I am so glad you are here. I am an email a way . Just call, vent , whatever. Hugs and much love. Pat

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EZ_DUZIT 1/5/2008 4:18PM

    Oh Summer! I'm honored to have you as a friend. You add so much to our team with your outrageous and hilarious sense of humor, and you give us things to think about as well. This was an inspiring account showing what it is to be human and of how each one of us reaches for our goals, slips and then gets back on track with the help of Spark People and the support of our friends here. We have the tools and we are on our way, GF!

I have a really good feeling about 2008 and what it will bring for you and for me and the rest of the motivated people on our teams.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Dee

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Adjusting BACK to my Normal routine

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I am BACK....its been weeks and weeks. My father became ill and it was necessary to care for him until his subsequent death. I haven't weighed and don't plan on doing so for awhile. I am sure I have gained. Living out of vending machines at the hospital for week or so. and/or eating meals that I would not eat if I were fixing them. But, I am glad that SP is still here that I can chart what I eat, rejoin teams, get support for what I need to do and provide support for others. I will NOT give up but "stick to it" I am struggling to get back to my normal routine now and I hope the adjustment is easy...I haven't been drinking fluids, nor did I get the sleep I truly needed but that is in the past and today is a new beginning for me.. I can do this.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IAMDARLENE 12/15/2007 5:58PM

   

Summer, you're absolutely right, you can do this.
It seems to help me when I stay in the moment...as best as I can.

I'm so sorry about your dad. I hope you'll be extra gentle with yourself this Christmas. love, Darlene

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GRANNYGRUMP 10/26/2007 5:35PM

  Summer, I just dropped by you blogr to congratulate you for getting back on track! It is so hard when we lose a loved ones and ironically, the most unhealthy eating we ever do is waiting around in a hospital. Thats where my weight came on, too! Not only do we go for the "comfort" foods in the cafeteria, we also hit the vending machines when we are stressed.

HUGS to you! Glad to have you back!

Donna

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JOEGIRL6113 10/18/2007 9:08PM

    Summer, so sorry to hear about your father's death. I know that had to put a lot of stress on you as well as not being able to do things correctly during those tough times. I have missed you and do hope you will get back on track and be around more. You are more than welcome to come back over and join us on challenges or any threads. Rosy

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BELTONWALKER67 10/18/2007 5:18PM

    Hi and Welcome Back! You were missed. Didn't realize that your father was sick and so sorry about his death. It won't take you long to get back in the groove. Look forward to chatting with you again.
Linda

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Giving up/discouraged/

Monday, July 23, 2007

I got on the scale today and still no loss. I am thinking my body may have decided this is the weight I should be at..but how can than be. It is mentally exhausting to keep trying to get the weight off ...I watch calories, carbs, fats etc etc. I exercise and still nothing. Granted I was ill a couple of weeks and I know my body would retain everything to the last possible moment as I don't eat when I am Ill.. But this is to the point of being ridiculous..One should be able to lose even a quarter of a pound weekly..and still nothing...I WANT TO GIVE UP... I WANT TO CRY.. I WANT TO GO YELL AT THE WORLD FOR THE PROBLEM I CAUSED.... Hmm, think I will simply go work out....and see what the rest of the day brings...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUG@RPANTS 10/18/2007 4:34PM

  Morning Summer,

I know how hard it is when trying to lose weight. If you are happy with your weight & there are no health issues then 'praps it is fine as it is. There is no point slogging it out to lose weight if you are not doing it for yourself (aside from health problems).

Just sit back & take a breather & work out the reasons for wanting to lose the pounds.

Take heart my friend............ all is not lost (pardon the pun) & your efforts will go well rewarded soon. And lets face it, all extra exercise cannot be doing you ANY harm.

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SUG@RPANTS 7/29/2007 5:51PM

  Morning Summer,

PLEASE don't give up. Plateaus are notorious are for plaguing us just when we need them the least. A few weeks ago I went 4 weeks without losing so mach as an ounce.

Hang in there & read up on some of the Sparks articles about plateaus. Sometimes we think we have read it all & then suddenly we find one more pearl of wisdom that can lead to a breakthrough.

Stick at it mate, change your regimine ever so slightly & you will be suprised at the results. But please read some of the articles............ they really are good, particularly the Motivation ones.

cheers from Sharyn

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QMSANDYOHIO 7/25/2007 7:55PM

  Awh Summer! Just keep up the good work you are doing. When I started in March to try this weight loss thing again, I didn't loose weight for over 6 weeks. Nothing. But I was feeling better and eventually it started to come off.


Sandy

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BELTONWALKER67 7/24/2007 6:16PM

    Hang In There Kid. Take each day at a time. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. You are more fit now than you were when you started the program. The weight loss will come. I have a real slow metabolism and have to work extra hard to see any results. The main thing is your overall health. Good Luck and Don't Give Up. You Are Worth This Journey!
Linda

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SISSY416 7/23/2007 9:44PM

    Summer - Here's a hug for you! I can truly relate to your feelings! I have been fighting the hard-headed scales for a year now! But over this time, I have not given up on my exercise. I may not be particularly happy with my scales either, but I have to say that my increased strength & stamina is a pay off! So you ARE doing some good, no matter what your scales say! You know as well as I do that some exercise is better than none, and YES YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING POSITIVE! It will take a lot of patience and detemination..and I mean A LOT! But you are so not alone! Our bodies just react in ways we really can't control... seems the weight coming-off takes its own sweet time! Keep at it! Okay? I will, if YOU will too! - One of the ways I am coping is reminding myself that I am doing this for health & fitness.....the hourglass figure I am after will be a reality sooner or later! And my clothes in that closet aren't going anywhere! And, yes, I will wear them all again, in style or not! Ha!

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JOEGIRL6113 7/23/2007 4:05PM

    Summer, don't give up! Talk to Nancy on the Turtling Our Way to Success team. She is so helpful with people and will work with you one on one as she is currently doing with one member now. She has done so much research on food and exercise and nutrients, it is amazing how much she knows and she is so willing to help each individual. DON'T GIVE UP! Rosy

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BABEZ1 7/23/2007 3:21PM

    just wanted to come in and say don't give up!!! We all have our struggles, im going through some as well, but instead of giving up, I decided to stick with things and get back on the wagon. Have you been doing measuments as well as weight? I didn't lose weight last week, but I did lose inches. Its another good way to judge things. Going to the gym instead of giving up sounds like a great plan. Here's a big hug for you...hope the rest of the day gets better for you!

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