Thursday, March 08, 2012
I used to be a Hells Angel in a former life!I was a force to be reckoned with.My parents divorce,being left to care for Dad at age 12,shortly after that being LEFT ALONE to fend for myself was not a picnic.I had to get mean,angry,and puff myself up to let people know I was a fighter.I walked around with a meanie face 95% of the time...Time and LOVE mellowed me out but not alot.My children knew to tiptoe around me when the MOOD was in me!I met and came to know my phillipino friend Faustina at a gas station.I think God was leading her to me but,I overheard her asking about our Thrift Shop.I turned to her and said come and follow me and she did.She loved it so much that she volunteered to help us.She really did pull me out of my shell and laughter became a daily thing with us.She truly gave me love and acceptance.My kids laughed at me when I said she had magical powers.I said you will love her right away!They did and for 9 whole and satisfying years she loved us like family and never let us forget the depth of her love.We returned it 100%!One scary day she came to help and was not laughing or talking and I knew she was ill.She went to the doctor at lunch and came back with the ugliest words I'd ever heard...COLON CANCER....CHEMO....TERMINAL....TESTS!I cried and held her tight....We'll fight it,we'll get another opinion,we wont give up!She took my face in her hands and kissed my forehead and said...Promise me that you will always find a way to LOVE back and you will think of me when it gets too much!!For days after I walked around in a fog and didnt visit her.I wanted to be there for her with a smile and support her and it was so hard.She had eaten so healthy and was always chasing me with an orange or wheat grass shake.Now she was dying and what could I do?She asked for some donuts!So,her DH said yeah,bring her some!I did and she ate them..all 6 of them!!Thats all she wanted was sweets for a while.Her attitude remained strong and determined and one day hospice called us to her side and with a room full of loved ones beside her she left us.One year to the day after being diagnosed.I was so angry at first,then I looked at her peaceful face and love exploded in me like a firework display.I walked over and kissed her forehead and whispered I PROMISE.
Today is her birthday and she would have been 81.
ATTITUDE is our choice in this world...we can choose how we react to a negative or a positive.Anytime you feel yourself losing control,
Think...Is this how I choose to feel?
Would I rather be smiling and happy?
Or angry,upset,yelling,screaming,cursing and crying?
More energy goes into being upset
and besides happy feels so good!
Tina will always dwell in my heart
because of her I am positive