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My mama's voice

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Looking across the lawn at my neighbor struggling to bring in groceries with a broken leg,I totally had to laugh.What goes around comes around...was my thoughts.She had left me walking in a pouring down thunderstorm,when my car had broken down.I could hear my mama's voice in my mind...you are nothing like her so,go help her!I came up and grabbed 4 bags took them inside and told her to go sit down while I returned to get more bags.I closed her trunk and went home.I would like to say that kindness begets kindness but,she didnt say a word to me!!I stewed over it until I heard my mama's voice again....Do not do a favor for a favor returned.Oh mom I thought it would be nice to have a pat on the back though....LOL!It did feel good to help another but,she may just be walking in a pouring down thunderstorm someday as I drive by!! emoticonSUSAN

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIFIFRIZZLE 10/17/2011 12:50AM

    Aren't you a kind person! Your mother sure did a great job bringing you up, she would be so proud of you.
And she lives on in you.


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ASHAIXIM 10/16/2011 11:08PM

    She was probably too embarrassed and seething in her own guilt!

I had a neighbor (still have her) who was just AWEFUL to me for over a year... yelled obscenities and everything every time I walked outside and she could see me. Then one day she was sweeping up leaves in front of my house (not to be nice but because they would blow into her yard and she's very house proud) and I sent her a thank you note in the mail... now I'm her best friend! She lived a very rough life and expected people to be mean to her so got her meanness in first... I just had to kill her with kindness!!

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 10/16/2011 10:54PM

    I admire you! I would be stewing about it but you are a noble spirit. emoticon

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DUSTYGIRL25 10/16/2011 9:23PM

    Your Mom was so smart, wasn't she? And you are just like her.


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HICKOK-HALEY 10/16/2011 6:17AM

    Your a good person, and a better person. emoticon

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KOFFEENUT 10/16/2011 1:08AM

    Sometimes that "repay with kindness" can be TOUGH - but you have a terrific model you're following!

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SNOWANGELDIVA 10/15/2011 11:37PM

    I'm lovin' that Mama voice, Sue. Bless her.
Good work woman. Good work!

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 10/15/2011 11:15PM

    Our reward in heaven is far greater than any earthly hurrahs. emoticon emoticon

It is sweet you went and helped her.

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BETTERHEALTH123 10/15/2011 10:45PM

    I'm in a "goofy mood". Maybe since you brought all the bags in, she "expected" you to put her groceries in the cupboards/refridge for her...

(Just kidding)... I can't believe how very rude some people are...She could have at least said thank you. She sounds like she has problems.

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SHASSYSUE2 10/15/2011 10:36PM

    emoticon

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MARTHASPARKS 10/15/2011 10:36PM

    Susan, it won't happen. Your mother's voice is too loud and ingrained in you to allow you to be unkind deliberately. You have a sweet heart and can't pass by a person in need, even if they are not a friend in need. Don't ever let that change!

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MARVEEME 10/15/2011 10:29PM

    ......but being of better fabric, you shall stop.

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DONNAGOWAN 10/15/2011 9:46PM

    emoticon

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The wind beneath my (bat)wings!

Friday, October 14, 2011

I was frustrated and walking always does me good.When I cant solve the turmoil within me and Im stewing over it,I will mull it over in my head until I'm crazy....well I am crazy naturally!It's what makes me the wild and daring woman I am.I dressed in my walking clothes,pulled on my sneakers,turned on some walking music and set out with a vengeance,determination a sparkle in my eyes....my phone rang...grrr...I answered it and continued to walk a little faster starting to huff and puff.MOM!shouted my newly turned 21 year old daughter.What are you doing?I'm busy walking dear!I answered.All you care about is exercise,she grumbled.What do you want? I need to talk,can you sit down?My ears perked up and my stomach tied in knots.She was getting ready to bitch at me again for god knows what.I cant sit down I'm out on the walking path..she mumbled something....Just say it dear i said....Why do you always treat me like trash?Oh boy here it comes....When was this?....well,you break your neck for everyone but me....My necks not broken!....MOM!!this is not a joke....When I need you,you bail on me(I did bail her out of jail 2 years ago)I was wishing I had the money back..hmmmm.....MOTHER!!she yelled through the phone You are always on THEIR side(everyone but her)....I'm not!I reassured her....I'm trying to be on my side....You mom are not being funny right now!!!....I'm seriously not trying to be....Why wont you answer my calls?(she calls me at 11pm)....I'm sleeping?or at the gym,away from my phone,in the shower....she treats me like I'm a teenager and she's such a drama queen...I picked up my pace and am running,my arms pumping,my batwings are almost gone,im out of breath and cant answer her comments on my unsatisfactory parenting skills.WOOOO she yells and hangs up.I ran until my wind was gone and so was the pesty daughter.I did call her back and listen to her rantings.I could listen to her everyday and she would be unhappy about something about ME but,I dont care so much anymore!I have put her and her sisters first all their lives!!I am sick today and im taking it easy until Monday so.... emoticonSUSAN

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIFIFRIZZLE 10/17/2011 12:42AM

    I love what Shassy said. I love that you were out exercising. What you wrote reminded me of that stage kids go through when they won't let you out of their sight. They even want to come in the bathroom with you.
I dunno, 21 seems so young these days. I'm sure I was more mature when I was 21.
Always exercising! You BAD momma!
Yay for you!
emoticon

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ASHAIXIM 10/16/2011 11:12PM

    A lovely Christmas gift can be given in the form of a book called the Four Agreements. It basically says your life is your own, live it. Stop blaming other people and get off your drama kick... no one likes it but you.

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DUSTYGIRL25 10/16/2011 5:47AM

    Wow! Isn't it amazing how some grown kids can sometimes be so selfish? I have two of my own and I have gone through the same thing with both of them. How do they turn something so positive (such as us taking care of our health so we can be around on this earth longer),into such a negative thing. For some reason they still think us parents shouldn't have a life of our own.
I love my kids very much, but I know sometimes they cross that line and I have to remind them that they are now adults also, and not a child anymore.
You are doing wonderfully. Don't let her sidetrack you with to much Me, Me, Me. It's now time to put YOU, YOU, YOU first.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/16/2011 5:49:06 AM

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MARTHASPARKS 10/15/2011 10:43PM

    When our kids were children, we put them first. They were the center of the known universe because they NEEDED us to survive and it was our responsibility to care for them until they were grown. Our children are grown. They really don't need us, they WANT us. Putting their wants before your own needs isn't unselfish anymore - it's really stupid. You need to care for yourself because obviously the girls aren't mature enough yet to care for themselves, much less you. You gave and gave and gave. Stop it and at least take time to care for yourself.
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SHASSYSUE2 10/15/2011 7:55PM

    I am sorry but I have to ask, do you have CALLER ID?? I have a Mother in Law who is the most miserable person on the planet, and I actually have her on her very own "special" ring tone, and when I hear it, I KNOW NOT TO ANSWER IT!! I have come to the point that my time, is not for her or anyone else to waste with their unhappiness. I can't help that they can not see the Blessings that God has for them, and I can't change their unhappiness only God can, so I choose to be proactive and NOT allow them to VOMIT on my time. I know that this is hard, they are your kids, and you love them, but they just don't seem to Love you enough to give you any credit.. You deserve so much more. I have been trying to teach my Son that before he speaks, to ask him these 3 questions... Is it true, Is it Beneficial, Is it Necessary?? If he can't say yes to all 3 I don't want to hear it. Maybe you need to tell your kids the very same thing.... I love you Girlfriend, hang in there!!! HUGS!! Shannon

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BETTERHEALTH123 10/15/2011 10:45AM

    I know that stomach tied in knots feeling.

Comment edited on: 10/15/2011 4:34:28 PM

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IILAAD65 10/15/2011 7:11AM

    Aww hon. I know EXACTLY what you are saying. My oldest tries to mother me. She actually is talking about moving out soon!

But this is YOUR life. YOU deserve to be happy!!

I think as we age we begin to understand how awful we treated our parents and that being a MOM is NOT easy.

One day... she'll get it. In the meantime, do your thing. BE HAPPY!!

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MARVEEME 10/15/2011 7:05AM

    Hang in there, sweetie. She'll miss you terribly when you're gone.

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MIMI-NANNY 10/15/2011 12:44AM

    Girrrrl, sounds like my 22 yr old son! It's allll about him - maybe it's just the age. But yeah, he's definitely full of drama and there's always some predicament when he calls - either he needs money, or somebody's trying to do him wrong. *Sigh* I feel for you, sugah... BIG emoticon

~April



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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 10/14/2011 11:58PM

    emoticon emoticon

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tomorrows another chance

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I have fought the inner demons that cause self-loathing for years!They are all but gone but,They are like alcoholism...they destroy my faith and determination if left to fester.I care alot what others say to me,especially my daughters.They seem to think my world revolves around them and dont give a hoot that,I have other people I see and places I go.If something happens in their lives I'm supposed to automatically know with my superhero radar...LOL....I'ts taken me a long time to get where I am and Im self destructing from stress.I keep my successes to myself because really nobody but Kayla cares.If I start talking about anything weight related,the subject gets hurriedly changed.BECAUSE,it's not about them!How did I raise them to be so coceited and rude and think its ok?We can for all intents and purposes laugh,joke and have a blast until,I scratch the surface and piss them off!It's always been about them!I put me on the back burner,threw myself out on the porch for a doormat and now Im expecting respect?how dare I?I love my Children dont get me wrong but it's my turn to be in the spotlight!It's my turn to SHINE!!And if they dont want to watch and enjoy my journey,they can move the hell outta my way!!Sorry for airing grievances folks!! emoticon emoticonSUSAN

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAMAG476 10/14/2011 4:22AM

    Good for you. You are not alone. We do for our kids well because they are our kids. They didnt come with manuals so you take one day at a time. You can say no. You have raised your family. Lived thru your problems. They need to do the same. There is nothing wrong with you living your life. You have earned that right. You have the right attitude. If they dont like it get the hell out of the way. I totally agree. Stick to your guns. Write a few boundaries. And dont let your kids cross them. You can do it. Take back your power. Spark. And put the flame under someone else butt. emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/14/2011 4:28:34 AM

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TEENY_BIKINI 10/13/2011 10:22PM

    emoticon

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SHASSYSUE2 10/12/2011 11:52PM

    I say we need to get our kids together, and leave them to battle it out, and you and I go on vacation!!! JUST US and a cute CABANNA BOY!! Whoo Hoo!!! I hope this made you smile!!! HUGS!! Shannon

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SUECHRIS50 10/12/2011 6:19PM

    I failed to mention their ages...35,31,21,17 and the 17 year old has more smarts and respect than anyone!!

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BARBAELLEN 10/12/2011 6:16PM

    Susan, I hope you're paying attention to the comments you've gotten on this blog. Notice a common theme? Kids are immature and naturally selfish until they grow up. They've been the center of their mother's attention for their whole lives, and it doesn't just stop in a flash. It takes longer to learn that it's not "all about me" with a parent than it does to learn that with the outside world. The outside world never did consider them the center of the universe and doesn't provide unconditional love!

Like many, many parents, I recall hearing from others how considerate and polite my kid was, and I wondered if they were talking about the RIGHT kid! In other words, kids drive us nuts sometimes, and they will see themselves as the center of your attention until, and if, they learn otherwise.

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BETTERHEALTH123 10/12/2011 8:26AM

    I didn't realize you had two daughters in their thirties.

Comment edited on: 10/13/2011 2:46:01 PM

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MARVEEME 10/12/2011 8:21AM

    That's right, you didn't infuse them with that selfish attitude, it is natural ID that everyone is born with. Don't take it personally, but do what you're doing....push them out of the way to put the rightful owner of the spotlight at the right moment. They'll figure it out, and if not, they'll be road pizza as you run over them!

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FIFIFRIZZLE 10/12/2011 3:47AM

    Ah, kids are naturally selfish. It's their nature. They will grow up and move on. Then they will appreciate everything you are doing for them now. I've been really enjoying your assertiveness with your kids, I'm sure it's good for them. You're obviously a great mother.
It's very hard to find space for yourself with a house full of kids, I remember so well feeling desperate and swamped but all will be well, just keep on doing what you are doing.
emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 10/11/2011 11:40PM

    emoticon Sorry you are not having the best day. I think our kiddos love to drive us batty. emoticon

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SNOWANGELDIVA 10/11/2011 11:35PM

    Sue, I'm sorry they're not loving you like you should but do not gauge your worth on their immaturity.
You are worth every effort you take to care for your body. If they do not want to share in your journey do not give them the privilege of hearing it.
You will get to your destination, you will shine and then they will see. They will feel a little ashamed that they could've been more to you when you needed them to be, but, that's their issue. Don't wait for them to grow up before you take care of yourself.
The same people that treated me poorly and ignored my need for support are lavishing attention on me now that I'm visibly different and more confident. I still have the same brain and know true friends!
You "do you", Susan, 'it all comes out in the wash'.
Hopefully, they'll learn compassion in the process...
You can do this!!! You're worth it!!


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like my life isnt full enough

Monday, October 10, 2011

My husband and daughter both came home asking me to bake,my friend wants me to go house hunting with her,My daughters old elementary school asked me to help with a field trip.And I had to take the car back a third time to get re-repaired!!!Calgon take me away!(old tv commercial)My daughter got up on the grouchy side Friday morning and asked..Can you pick up some snacks for Jess's party(her bff)She has two working but able bodied parents.No,sorry I cant I have a list of things!She got perturbed and says Why?you dont have a job!!and they do. emoticonyes the devil came out in me!This person is ready to move out soon...so she thinks...haha!My life isnt full enough but,she thinks that I am superwoman(flattering)but not working at that moment.Look I answered you and the girls walk to the store after school and I'll pick you up when you are done(they dont want to mess up their flat shoes walking somewhere)After much eye rolling and grumbling she agrees emoticonI hate car dealership waiting area's they are worse than the ER.People sniffling,coughing,hacking,red nosed and bleary eyed.I got a seat as far away as I could.I waited 2 hours for a shuttle ride back home.As soon as I was able to return and pick up the car,my daughter says they are ready to be picked up.I get there and 8 kids are waiting!!! emoticonI dont have a bus!!I put my foot down and refused to be a taxi.....she then proceeded to pout and give me the silent treatment.....AHHHH heavenly quiet and peace! emoticonSUSAN

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHASSYSUE2 10/11/2011 5:44PM

    I know why God made babies cute!!!! If they had been born teenagers, we would have never had any!!!! The world would have died out right after Adam and EVE LOL!!!! Girl you are singing my song!!!!! LOL emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 10/10/2011 7:46PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARVEEME 10/10/2011 7:06PM

    Repeat after me:

"No."

again..

LOL

Too harsh? Try this:

"I'm sorry, that's just not something I can do."

emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/10/2011 7:06:46 PM

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IILAAD65 10/10/2011 2:29PM

    OH MY !!! sounds just like my house! lol

Now they threaten ME with moving out.. um can i help you pack?? And trust me, you aren't hurting my feelings lol

I feel your pain and understand your PEACE!!!

Beth

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FIFIFRIZZLE 10/10/2011 1:14PM

    Awww, kids are cute.
Then they turn into teenagers. Not so cute.
I had a German Short Haired Pointer who never quite cottoned on to the fact that he wasn't a puppy anymore and couldn't fit in my lap, no matter how long he lived.
Your blog really shows how our teens are children while they're learning to be adults. emoticon
Good job sticking up for yourself, a good lesson for your daughter. And so sweet that she thinks her mom has magical powers. emoticon
She clearly knows she is loved.


Comment edited on: 10/10/2011 1:18:00 PM

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MARTHASPARKS 10/10/2011 12:34PM

    Kids. We have just the one but for at least 12 years, I felt that I had 12 living with me for food, and taxi service. I didn't "work". I had a job that allowed me to work at home and to flex, so most people didn't realize that I worked, including our daughter. Right before she started medical school, she told me that she wanted to be a stay at home mom. I was horrified and asked, "Then why the he** are you spending $200,000 and 6 years of agony going to med school?" She asked why I was so upset - after all, I was a "stay at home" mom. I told her I wasn't - that I always worked and flexed to be home when she was. She was silent for a minute and said, "Oh, that's right. Well, that is what I want to do..." KIDS!

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Just sad and angry

Friday, October 07, 2011

No matter how hard im trying to have some space to myself,my dog follows me,my husband does too and my daughter is hugging me.Funny thing is,that when I'm not bumping into THEM,I feel like where is everyone?I was feeling sorry for myself today and thinking why is eating so much fun and gaining weight is not?I have gained some weight back and my esteem is in the TOILET.I have hit a wall of sorts.I Hate feeling low!It feels like 10 steps forward,10 steps back.I am stoked when I get up and start then,tired and weary after a while,and start to cry from frustration.Go figure but menopause could be the reason!I never cry but,it takes the pressure off when I do.... emoticonI am woman hear me roar emoticon emoticonSUSAN

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIFIFRIZZLE 10/9/2011 12:40AM

    Hope you are feeling better soon. That weight will shift and you will have fun losing it.

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MARTHASPARKS 10/8/2011 10:57AM

    Are you getting help for the menopause? it doesn't have to be hell.
I hope that you can get a good night's sleep and feel better. And, my #1 best advice: Feeling fat and ugly and overwhelmed can drain the fun out of life, so go and do something nice for yourself. Buy a new workout video or a pretty lipstick or shirt for today, for right now. Then decide on the treat you'll get when you are back on track. Instead of Eleanor Roosevelt's advice to "do one thing every day that scares you" go and do one thing every day that delights you!

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BETTERHEALTH123 10/8/2011 10:19AM

    What's "wrong" with crying? But I also know exactly what you're saying.

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FLAFLUTTERBY 10/8/2011 2:54AM

    Been there, done that, and it's not a lot of fun ... but, as everyone has pointed out, it is much better on the other side. Try not to be so hard on yourself (easier said than done). Sometimes you have to allow yourself to just be whatever it is you're feeling ... sad, angry ... whatever. Set a time limit for your feelings and then change them to something a little more positive by doing something you enjoy. This too shall pass.

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MARVEEME 10/8/2011 12:44AM

    I hear ya, and I can relate. Spontaneous showers help me. If you've ever held a cranky baby who is not wet, hungry, or tired and doesn't want to cuddle or play, a good bath was always my "go to" attitude changer. That's when I realized it works on us big girls too. While it is quite a release to be able to also cry in the shower, it is also a GREAT place to stretch and do toe touches while the water soothes your back and muscles. Quite a refreshing attitude changer.

Hope this idea helps you as much as it has me. Quite a revelation!

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SHASSYSUE2 10/7/2011 7:15PM

    I want to cry iwth you!! Today has been one of those days too!!!! I must be at the beginning stages of Menopause, and already I can tell this is NOT going to be fun!!!!! Also NOT a good time to have a teenager in the house!!!!! Oh I feel so sorry for him!!!! Thank Goodness I have my friends here on Spark to help me through it!!!! HUGS!! Shannon

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BARBAELLEN 10/7/2011 6:35PM

    emoticon

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1MANKNEY 10/7/2011 6:03PM

    Menopause is that same old hormone thing that you get when you are pregnant only more so and with the added fun of hot flashes, night sweats and mood swings. Talk to your doctor to find out what you can expect and if there is anything you can do to make it not quite so awful. And, if crying or screaming helps, go for it! emoticon
At least it is a limited time thing and much easier on the other side of it.

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LHLADY517 10/7/2011 5:53PM

    Hang in there. It is a tough time.

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PUDLECRAZY 10/7/2011 5:52PM

    Roar away, Woman! Yup, menopause will do that to you... hormones all out of balance and tears. You WILL get through it, but dang, it can be tough going sometimes.


"There is no more creative force in the world than the menopausal woman with zest." Margaret Mead

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 10/7/2011 5:48PM

    emoticonHang in there.

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ALASKASKY 10/7/2011 5:42PM

    Menopause is serious business. My mom is going through it and she is miserable.

I hope you feel better tomorrow.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ARLENE_MOVES 10/7/2011 5:35PM

    Oh man, I cried alot when I went through menopause. I was working then and I would close my office door and put a sign on the outside that said 'enter at your own risk - I do not apologize for biting'. Rough time and while going through it, most of us don't understand what is happening to us -- but we know it when we see it. Just so you know, it will be better on the other side!!

emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/7/2011 5:36:52 PM

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