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My security blanket

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I had a very enlightening moment today!I am sure that ya'll have emoticon moments too but,I was shopping at wally world and spied a plus size top with a sparkly butterfly on its front.My first thought was "If I gain my weight back I'll have a top to fit"!!This little korean woman looked at me and said in her best english....NO NO,TOO BIG FOR YOU HONEY!!and took the top from my hand.YOU TOO LITTLE TO FIT IT!!I looked at her and my face was red.I have been carrying my extra weight around for safety.I'ts like a blanket that has kept me safe from moving forward.Each time I get close to reaching my goal,I start doing something to hurt my progress.It's comfortable to not think about calories,fat,sodium,sugar,carbs,exercise,b
uying smaller sizes.The fact of it is I'm scared if I lose my weight,I'll lose my security.My husband hugs me lightly because he might"break a bone" and my oldest daughter said she thinks I've lost enough weight and I need to Quit!!Kayla says"Mom do what is right for you"I'm in a danger zone right now and I dont know What's going on.But,I'm gonna see my therapist tomorrow to shed some light! emoticon emoticonSUSAN

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETTERHEALTH123 7/13/2011 6:36PM

    Sounds like your first thought may have been an "excuse" to buy something new. It seems to me that you might have liked the sparkly butterfly on the outfit -- was there any sparkly butterfly outfits in your size.

Sometimes change is a little frightening.

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MARVEEME 7/13/2011 6:06PM

    When I was little, my mom entered into a $50 bet with a friend to lose 25 pounds. She won the bet, but after she was as her goal weight, I hugged her once and was startled to feel her bones for the first time. Being a little kid, I reacted like one stating "Mommies are SUPPOSED to be soft and squishy, not bony an brittle!".

When she gained her weight back, she blamed that comment as her reason.

Moral: Be careful to identify incentives, not excuses, for your behaviors.

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MARYHOLMAN 7/13/2011 4:16PM

    Beware those diet saboteurs!

When I divorced my husband many, many years ago, I let myself gain weight because I wanted no men coming near me. I fought of all my desires.

At 58 and after having a hysterectomy, I've lost any desire for sex that I once had. After years of yo-yo dieting, I accepted myself as a fat person. I didn't have to change and I didn't really want to change. I too wanted to hold onto the security of being fat.

But now it's down to my health, I'm going to die from heart failure or diabetes if I don't make a drastic change in my attitude. I want to live!

Hope all goes well at therapy emoticon

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LHLADY517 7/13/2011 2:35PM

    So completely understand.

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SHEILAB64 7/13/2011 2:28PM

    I understand - it is why I never get rid of my fat clothes just hide them in the back of the closet but not this time - when I outgrow them - out they go. You should go find a figure hugging cute top in your size now - I have discovered 3 spaghetti string tops with built in bras that my husband says are very very sexy so I have been wearing them around the house and may even wear them in public soon. I hope your therapist helps you love your body.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 7/13/2011 2:19PM

    Your family sounds like mine. *smile*

How do you feel? Do you feel physically strong? Does your goal weight keep you in a healthy bmi?

Hope your therapist can help you feel better about things. emoticon

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FLAFLUTTERBY 7/13/2011 2:14PM

    Susan, I know exactly what you mean ... I have a security blanket, too! I love butterflies (hence the screenname FLAFlutterby) and as I read your blog I could see myself in your shoes, reaching for that same top. I just bought 2 pairs of pj bottoms (lounge pants) that are at least one size too big and soon will be two sizes too big. Lounge pants should be a little big to be comfortable, but falling off big ... not so much! LOL! Eager to hear your therapist's take on all this. I'm thinking "self-fulfilling prophecy" -- if you think you'll gain your weight back, then you will. So, rid yourself of the negative thoughts, tell yourself a different story and make it come true. Remind me of what I just said when I get to where you are. emoticon

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VINNIELOU 7/13/2011 2:14PM

    I hope you can put your thumb on it. I think I may understand a little bit of what your are feeling. I am scared to lose weight/I am scared to not lose weight. I am just beginning my baby steps and I really do not want anyone to say a thing to me. I don't want any compliments like "you've lost weight."

Everyone thinks they have an opinion that you need to hear. (ha- including me, i guess.) as Winnie the Pooh would say I think you need a good think on it. I can relate to the security blanket. I can imagine it is hard to always be moving forward as you have, there have to be moments of second guess, or of that little voice that you thought you had tamed into liking yourself. emoticon

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I have a neighbor....

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

So,I have a neighbor that walks out to check his mail in a white undershirt and boxers!This morning he came over to my house,cigarette hanging in the corner of his mouth,and asks for a cup of coffee!!!He is around 65 years old,is not married,lives with his mama,is slovenly,and appears to have an after baby belly.I was shocked and flabbergasted at his appearance,behavior and wiggling eyebrows!! emoticonI am a very nice person but I was mad emoticon and told him that if he ever steps up to my door in his skivvies again trying to be suggestive,My dog will bite his @ss!!His brother came and apologized and explained that his brother was drunk.Well,that isnt good enough and I called and reported him to the police.There are young kids that see him in that state of undress....grrrr! emoticonSUSAN

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETTERHEALTH123 7/13/2011 6:41PM

    ugh!

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DUSTYGIRL25 7/13/2011 5:33PM

    Good for You! Sounds like the brother was just making up excuses for him, especially if he has gone outside like that before.
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RATFINKROB 7/13/2011 9:07AM

    I live in Texas, so work in my garden and yard all summer in just my shorts. Please ladies, don't mistake any of my shorts for boxers and call the police. If it helps any I don't drink or wiggle my eyebrows emoticon

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SUNNYBUNNY112 7/12/2011 8:48PM

    shuddering at the image...but good for you for doing what was right...Booo to Boxers outside.... :(

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MARVEEME 7/12/2011 6:37PM

    Good for you! Most people don't take the step to call the police, but complain about such behavior quietly. If there's no record of this, and he were to approach a little girl, you'd never forgive yourself.

YAY YOU!

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 7/12/2011 5:52PM

    That was so uncool. I would have been very unhappy also.

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MNOT2THICK 7/12/2011 5:18PM

    My next door neighbor goes to dump the garbage in just his boxers. I just don't know what people are thinking.

That was scary and bold.

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MARTHASPARKS 7/12/2011 5:05PM

    Good Lord, how tacky!

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I walked off my hurt!

Monday, July 11, 2011

I have been trying to reach out to the sister that shares a birthday with me!She has avoided me since our mom died,and has said in no uncertain terms,she dont like me.I sent her an email saturday and texted her today and Her response was...Why are you bothering me?I dont get it but my other sister says I abandoned her when I got married.Meaning I left and moved to Germany!I choose How i feel to react to things.I took off and walked off the hurt!I cant force her to talk to me.I wont give up though!Maybe someday,she'll see how crazy this is,I've been married 35 years and her abusive language and attitude are her problem!I need advice because im chasing my tail emoticonI dont want bitterness in my heart,theres no room for it! emoticonSUSAN

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOHEMIANCAT 7/14/2011 8:18AM

    I am sorry about your unreasonable sister. She is probably going through her own things and putting the blame on you!
Know you did what you could and now it is up to her. I know it hurts.
We each have the responsibility of our own actions. You have to live your life. She has to live hers.
Maybe she is jealous and will not admit it.
Linda

Comment edited on: 7/14/2011 8:19:12 AM

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MARTHASPARKS 7/12/2011 4:38PM

    The easiest way to be happy is to realize that you can't do anything about anyone other than yourself. You have tried and tried with your sister but unfortunately, she seems to be stuck in wallowing in her pain, totally self absorbed and not realizing how much you hurt, too. I have been through this with a brother - my big brother who I adored. During his second marriage, he cut me off totally because I hurt his feelings once. I apologized and apologized but it did not help. My decision was to totally back off from him and give him time to heal the wound and time to miss me and all that we meant to each other. For about 3 years, our only contact was that I sent him a birthday card, anniversary card, and Christmas card. Eventually he got over his anger and we talked it all out like civilized human beings. We are, once again, really, really close. Time heals but persistence my just keep opening the wounds. Find someone else in your life who needs and wants your love and affection right now.

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BARBAELLEN 7/11/2011 8:45PM

    This makes me sad. It reminds me of a really close friendship that ended unnecessarily. My best friend was badly hurt by something she thought I was involved in, although I was in no way involved. She never spoke to me again, and I ruminated and ruminated until I realized there was nothing I needed to apologize for and nothing I could say to convince her she was mistaken. I eventually stopped ruminating, but it still makes me feel sad when I think about it. I think everyone who's said "let it go" is very right, but there are always those moments . . .
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MARYHOLMAN 7/11/2011 8:08PM

    Sometimes we just have to accept things we can't change emoticon

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LJCANNON 7/11/2011 7:55PM

    All you can control is YOU. Walking off the hurt was a Great Choice.

emoticonPray for her, and take care of you.

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MARVEEME 7/11/2011 7:45PM

    It's time now.

Let it go.

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As hard as it might be, you owe it to yourself to give this one to God, and not revisit it until it comes to you again.

Let it be.

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CWESTMORE 7/11/2011 3:40PM

    Let me encourage you that all is not lost. Sometimes you have to let people go who are not ready to deal with you, even if it is family or relatives. I am in a similar situation with a dear friend that will not speak to me. It hurts badly because there is no rational reason for the severing of the relationship. I am praying for you and your sister that the walls be broken down and that healing will take place for both of you. Time heals all wounds. Believe it!!!! emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 7/11/2011 2:58PM

    I am so sorry. emoticon

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TYME2BME 7/11/2011 2:58PM

    You have done what you could now it is up to your sister to reach out to you. I haven't talked to my sister in years. I kept trying but it just kept feeling like she was slamming a door in my face. After my parents passed away I decided I deserved to be treated better so I let her go. If the day ever comes and she wants a relationship with me she knows how to get in touch with me. I was told she was envious of the life I created for myself and disappointed in the one she made for herself. I miss her but I can't change her so I give her what she wants, me not being a part of her life.
I keep hoping the day will come when she wants to have a relationship with me but it hasn't happened and might never happen. It hurts less, letting her going than having a door slammed in my face.
Hope it works out with your sister.


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im glad teacher is among my professions!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

My young daughter Kayla is going to turn 17 in 10 days.I have taught her so many things....she can cook very well,sew on buttons and repair holes,paint walls and spray paint furniture,etc.,she can cut grass,weed eat,plant flowers and veggies,keep a clean house,iron clothes,babysit,grocery shop,wash laundry,makes her own jewelry,washes the cars and dog,tutors other hs students and makes honor roll...whew!I have always insisted she learn how to do everything possible.She is so proud of herself for being able to do things her friends cant.She wants to be a chef and anything she sets her mind to,I know she can do it... emoticonSUSAN

  
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SHEILAB64 7/13/2011 2:32PM

    WTG teacher mom! I have son that will be 17 in September, in fact I have 3 boys - one who is almost 20, almost 17 and almost 13 and I have made a point to make them self sufficient too. The oldest is in his own apartment and he is the one that knows how to take care of the bills, grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, taking care of the car, dealing with utilities etc. He is trying to teach his not very knowledgable roommates and I am very proud of him.

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MARVEEME 7/11/2011 7:26AM

    AWESOME! I've got one of those, she's 33 now and a GREAT mom too!

Good job, mom, kudos to you!

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JESSICAMAE83 7/11/2011 12:06AM

    That is great!! I wish I knew how to do more stuff on my own before I was out of my parents house!!

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MADAMES 7/10/2011 10:53PM

    emoticon

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DIZZYDOC 7/10/2011 8:34PM

    Sounds like a super girl. I wish my mom had taught me some of those things!

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MARYHOLMAN 7/10/2011 5:01PM

    Sounds like the world is her oyster... emoticon

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DIANNEMT 7/10/2011 4:21PM

    Congratulations! This is one thing I did right as well--my daughters can cook, clean, mow the grass, do laundry--things many of their friends have no idea how to do! Good for you!

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HANKENSTEIN 7/10/2011 3:58PM

    Good for you, and for Kayla. Good luck to her


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my daughter the fickle pickle

Saturday, July 09, 2011

well,my daughter came home last night and said she was sorry,for taking the money from dad and gave it back!!She said it didnt feel right.she said her friends mom talked to her and told her having a good mom like me is a blessing!She said my mom is the best!!She even offered to get up with me to walk.Go Figure! I am sitting here now in disbelief..we went out to lunch and had a great talk!!Sometimes we dont need to be told we are acting like an ass... emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMKFOX 7/10/2011 2:28PM

    That is great - and so good to know that her friend's mom is a good influence as well!
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TEENY_BIKINI 7/10/2011 1:56PM

    Awww.... she is a sweetie pie. You are obviously rubbing off on her.

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CRYSMYS 7/10/2011 10:07AM

    It's those surprise moments that just blow you away. Enjoy it while it lasts.. she is a teen after all (ie changeable as the wind)!
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MFLYNN8 7/9/2011 8:47PM

    It took me awhile to appreciate my mom! Good for both of you!

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MARVEEME 7/9/2011 7:53PM

    Praise the Lord, another miracle! WOO HOO! See, you did right all along, it just sometimes takes an outsider to slap them upside their own heads.

YIPPEE for you, Mom! Great job! Your hard work has been redeemed!

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ARLENE_MOVES 7/9/2011 7:01PM

    Keep up the good relationship -- it will come in handy!!!

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NMMAMA2011 7/9/2011 6:49PM

    Wow, I am going to send you both of my teenage girls. Neither one of them would ever say that. I am very happy for you, and for her that she made such a mature decision. Wow!

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BARBAELLEN 7/9/2011 6:44PM

    You mean you aren't Mommy Dearest and you and your husband don't need psychotherapy? Jeesh, you mean your daughter's a normal, nice kid who happens to be typical? Good thing a friend's Mom talked to her. Surely you know that friends' Moms know WAY more than their own do. Sounds fine -- until the next time!
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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 7/9/2011 6:06PM

    That is SO cool. emoticon

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