Friday, July 19, 2013
For a really long time I essentially avoided healthy eating and exercise. Twenty years, give or take.
Many people avoid those things... and I doubt my reason is unique. But it's not something I hear about very often.
When I was younger, I was in a relationship with a rather unkind person. It didn't start out that way. But I was his first real girlfriend, and at some point he became cruel. Like a lot of twenty-something girls, I was insecure about my looks. I thought I was fat. I thought I was ugly. And he played right into those insecurities, assuring me that I should be grateful for him because nobody else would want to date me.
It got so bad that he would expect regular updates on what kind of workouts I was doing. We would go out for dinner and he would tell me what I could and couldn't eat. It was never a physically abusive relationship, but it definitely let its mark emotionally.
The relationship eventually ended, but the scars remained. I got rid of him, but I let him stay in my head... in a reverse psychology kind of way. I would do the exact opposite of what he used to demand.
So I didn't exercise. I ate whatever I wanted. Just because I could.
It took a long time to break free of ALL those chains. I have no idea what happened back in January to make me want to take better care of myself. Subconsciously, I think I knew that the people in my life now would never hurt me like that. That knowledge gave me the self-confidence to realize that by avoiding exercise and portion-control, I was still letting him win. Just in a different way.
I was talking to my bestie this week about it. I get to make the choices for my life. And I choose happy! Hopefully, happy will stay for a nice long visit this time!
(I'm hoping the temperature drops a bit tomorrow so I can walk a . THAT would make me very happy!!! The Color Run is four weeks from tomorrow... really looking forward to it, and I want to be ready!)
Enjoy the weekend, everyone!