STRONGMELISSA24   35,524
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STRONGMELISSA24's Recent Blog Entries

Gaining some insight

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I have been engaging in a lot of introspection and have been reading a lot of educational articles on Spark (thanks spark!). But I have been wondering WHY I am an emotional eater and why I am having such a difficult time losing weight and sticking to my weight loss plans. What I have realized is this:

Fat has been a protection for me. I was assaulted and mentally abused several years ago and since that incident I have gained an enormous amount of weight. Being fat has been my way of protecting myself from male attention--well, from any attention, actually. When I start to lose weight I start to freak out (unconsciously) because I am afraid to be healthy, sexy, etc. I then start self-sabotage. And the spiral begins.

I have recognized what I am doing and I am not going to do it anymore. A counselor friend of mind has given me some good tools to address this issue. I am working on this issue daily--sometimes every minute. It is a struggle, but it is a struggle that I want to make and an issue that I want to overcome.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIKERBABYZ 3/15/2010 9:38AM

    Alot of times, we don't realize that we are even doing anything at all. And then there are times that we don't know why we are doing what we are doing.

Having realized that you are doing something, AND why you are doing it is a HUGE BIG deal! This is fantastic!!

Stay positive, keep smiling, and KNOW that you CAN do this!

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BELLACUDDLES 3/14/2010 3:28PM

    Good for you! Taking control and not letting the food control you!!!! What were some of the tools your counselor friend gave you?

Think.......I CAN DO IT......I REALLY CAN!!!!!

Barbara

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More Positive Changes:

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

I am continuing down my path of positive changes, and I am really starting to feel better. I have not weighed myself yet, but I am working on creating a good environment for myself (and I've started back with the spark fast break goals) just to start fresh.

Positive changes so far:

1. I tried cutting out my starbucks completely cold turky, but WHOA caffine headache. So now I am weaning myself, going to smaller sizes. AND no treats! emoticon

2. I've been packing my lunch every day, to include fruits, yogurt, and lots of water! emoticon

3. I got in two great workouts over the weekend and did some strength training and walking yesterday. Little increments add up! emoticon

4. I met with another doctor to address my constant migraines. We are working on a plan to help with my sleep and depression. Makes sense that if I can sleep right then I will have more energy to work out and to avoid emotional eating. Lets stop the roller coaster! emoticon

5. I am working reasonable hours at work! (And trying not to feel guilty!!)

Here's to a great week!

emoticon to you all!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIKERBABYZ 3/10/2010 9:16AM

    Little step and progress absolutely add up! And you are doing a tremendous job with keeping it up! Way to go! Sometimes the scale lies with numbers. If you are feeling better, than you are heading in the right direction!

Keep it up! I'm rootin' for ya!

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NHGRL68 3/9/2010 4:47PM

    You're doing AWESOME, Lady! I bet it feels so great to be making these positive changes. And you're so right, small changes add up to big changes. I actually stopped drinking coffee a few months ago and did it the same way you are. I didn't want to deal with the caffeine headache:-) That's great you are working with the Dr on your headaches and sleep. If you can get those under control, you will feel SO much better. Keep up the great work! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BELLACUDDLES 3/9/2010 11:12AM

    Rock on..........you have a wonderful attitude!!!!!!!! emoticon

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RWETHAIRYET 3/9/2010 10:37AM

    I agree that you're making some great changes, all positive steps that will help you to move forward.
After having more than a few sleepless nights myself over the last several months, I think being well rested is the most important part of my program...If I'm tired and groggy and achy, the psyche starts spiraling downward...and the body quickly follows. So I'm hoping they can figure out how to help you manage those migraines better, that should help a lot with attitude and energy.

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AMYRWATSON 3/9/2010 9:46AM

    That is a great positive change. Writing it down helps too. I didn't weight myself for the longest time I was afraid that all the hard work and I would end up gaining weight instead of loosing. Then I remembered that I am also making healthy eating choices and to not feel guilty if I have something I shouldn't because I keep track of what is going in my mouth and it is okay. I always seem to go under my goals so if I slip and have something not to good for me it will be okay just don't overdue it have just a little bit and it seems to work for me. Good luck with your goals and I hope you find an answer for your migraines soon.
emoticon

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JULIEQ2011 3/9/2010 8:43AM

    Sounds like some really great changes to me! I bet you'll feel SO much better after a few weeks of this. Congrats!

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A letter to myself:

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Dear Me:

You have been on the spark journey for a long time now and you have fallen off track many times. Enough is a enough! You want to be healthy, happy, and strong. You know what you need to do and you know what it takes to make it to your goals. But, when you have become really depressed or overwhelmed with life, you have forgotten. So let me remind you why you joined spark people:

1. TO BECOME HEALTHY: Yes, your original goal was merely to lose 70lbs, but its more than losing weight. You want to become healthy. You want to lose weight, gain muscle, flexibility, and a healthier lifestyle. Losing weight should make it so that you can stop taking medication for headaches and so you will stop coming down with major illnesses every month or so. Your back, legs, and feet will stop aching once you lose weight and gain strength. You want to have energy, vitality, and fun!

2. TO ENJOY LIFE: While overweight, you are not enjoying your life. You hide in the shadows in public events and do everything you can to keep people from looking at you. You avoid public events or seeing old friends and family because you do not want to see people who could comment upon your weight gain. You cant do most of the activities that you used to love--like hiking, biking, motorcycling, kayaking, swimming, snowshoing, or just walking! You are not enjoying life and you are too young not to!

3. TO HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE: I know you think that if you lose weight you will magically have confidence. Time has taught us that nothing magically happens, but you know you will gain confidence with weight gain. Not so much because you will suddenly be thin and beautiful--you will gain confidence because you have achieved something for yourself that you have so badly wanted. If you can achieve your weight and health goals then you know you can do anything! Plus, when you are physically strong you will feel mentally strong! Nothing will get in your way!

4. TO ENJOY CLOTHES: Lets face it: tomboy that you are, you still enjoy buying new clothes, wearing something sexy, or merely feeling pretty and feminine. You are not feeling that way now. You hide in your oversized clothing and pull every bit of clothing away from your skin when it clings too tightly. You gaze longingly at the clothing in your closet that used to fit and used to be used as an expression of your personality. You want that back! And you have to follow your weight loss goals and health goals to get there!

5. TO ENJOY YOUR HUSBAND: When you met your husband, you were healthy, energetic, and happy. You were active and made sure that you had fun. You are not that way now, as you have let your poor health and weight gain stand in the way of having fun and being active. You want to enjoy your husband again. You want to go on adventures and just feel like a sexy wife.

6. TO START A FAMILY: You want to have children, as afraid as you are about doing so. But you know that you have to be a physically and mentally healthy mother before you will even consider getting pregnant. You know that being overweight increases pregnancy risks (including gestational diabetes) and that losing weight after pregnancy will be much more difficult if you are already overweight to begin with. Plus, your chances of having post-partum depression increase if you are overweight. You need to get healthy and strong so you can bring new life into this world.

You know what your goals are. You know what you want. Now you have to take the steps to get there. You know what doesnt work. You are an emotional eater, a binge eater. You are not addressing your emotions or the problems in your life. Instead, and especially when you are overwhelmed, you try to hide your emotions and frustrations with food. This isn't helping you. It makes you feel worse. You know you cannot have temptation food in the house because you lack the strength and willpower (at least now) to avoid those foods. You also struggle with depression, and even though you know the best thing for depression is to exercise, you don't do it.

Now is the time to change! And this is how you are going to do it:

1. Follow the basics: drink your water, eat your fruits and vegetables, stay within your calorie range, track your food, and exercise. The basic baby steps will bring success!

2. Stop the fried food. It makes you physically sick each time you eat it (that's why you're having chest pains). While you're at it--stop the Starbucks. Thats too many liquid calories and its draining your bank account.

3. Wake up in the morning! You know you're pulling yourself out of bed, barely dressing yourself, and sneaking into work 5 minutes late. Wake up early. Do a Yoga or pilates video. Then take your time, eat your breakfast, and go into work--on time!

4. Exercise! You have a gym membership. Use it! Make it a habit. You have to drive by the gym to get to and from work. Use it!

5. Watch your snacking...measure, measure, measure. And remember, snacking is not a hobby or a pastime or something to do when you are bored!

6. Make YOU time. Dont wait until you are "thin" to do your hair, your nails, your makeup, or just to shave your legs. NOW is the time. You derserve it now and you will feel better about yourself if you do it. And feeling better about yourself means you'll take care of yourself through diet and exercise and then feel even better about yourself. (See where I am going?)

7. Stay away from negative people! This one is important.

8. Take care of yourself mentally and emotionally. Talk with old friends--dont ignore their emails or let their messages go into voicemail. Text message isnt real communication. Read some good books. Walk in the woods. Play with your cat. See your counselor. Play.

9. Make your schedule around activity and fun--and dont make your schedule dependent upon the tv schedule, eating, or laying around on the couch.

10. Work is not your life. This one is important. Dont work more than 10 hours a day and no more than 1 weekend a month at the office. On your death bed you will never be stating that you wished you had spent more time at work. Spend more time at life!

You can do this. I am proud of you. I am supporting you. Keep your goals in mind, the reasons why you are making life choices, and the steps you need to take to get there. You will reach your goals.

Love,

Me

P.S. Enjoy the ride. You will learn so much along the way. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CURVYMAYA 3/8/2010 4:54PM

    I absolutely love this. Great and honest letter to yourself. I think we all need to remember why we are here. Thanks for posting this.

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BIKERBABYZ 3/5/2010 12:10PM

    I am SOOOO glad to see you back here! This letter is wonderful, and I challenge you to read it everyday. Print it on some pretty paper & frame it. Hang it next to the mirror you look in everyday. Hang it on your fridge, whereever you need to! Heck, print it on a pillow case for your couch!

Keep on truckin', Keep on smiling, Keep on looking forward and reaching for your goals. You WILL achieve this because you WANT this.

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NHGRL68 3/5/2010 7:06AM

    I agree with RWETHAIRYET. This was a GREAT letter. Kudos to you for taking the time to sit down and think and write it all up. You brought up so many great points. And it looks like you have a real successful plan here. It's just getting back into the habit of taking care of yourself. You know you can do it. You did it before. And you are SO worth it, Melissa. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RWETHAIRYET 3/4/2010 5:03PM

    emoticon
Great letter, and great to see you back. You've laid out so many good reasons for being good to yourself and for making the changes! Just start back with the basics and then just keep building from there.
I'm rooting for you! emoticon emoticon

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Sore but making progress

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Hello Everyone!

So I started seeing a Chiropractor to help heal my feet and back so I can really start exercising again. It has been helping a lot! I now have orthodics for my feet and I am able to walk again (without a very sexy gimp!) I am still working the kinks out of my back but I am getting better every day. I worked out one day this week on the treadmill and bike (yes!!!) without severe pain and I am going again tonite. With my treatments, I tend to get really sore and have to go home and ice afterwards, so I cant work after a treatment. I need a day of rest.

Baby steps, right? I may have fallen off but I am back and doing the little things to take care of me!

How are y'all?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELLACUDDLES 2/5/2010 5:11PM

    So glad it is working for you!!!!!!! SLOW and steady wins the race!

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AMYRWATSON 2/5/2010 6:41AM

    Even though you are resting you still have your mind on the treadmill and have the erge to be active. To me that is a great step because we have to train our brains first. Keep up the good work.

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RWETHAIRYET 2/4/2010 2:10PM

    Take it, slow and steady and you'll get there. Hopefully the back will just get better and stronger. Small steps will get you there.

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HJFOGARTY 2/4/2010 8:50AM

    we love our chiro - she is a miricle worker! glad you are having success - remember to keep taking care of you

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I'm not living life

Thursday, January 21, 2010

This has occurred to me over the past few days, especially as I have been battling a cold and have been trying to get my health back on track. (Lots of Flu bugs going around!)

I have not been making any time for me over the past few months. I work 12-13 hour days just to come home to cook and clean and go to bed and start it all over again. I do nothing for me and I am constantly stressing and thinking about work and feeling totally inadequate in that arena. (Unfortunately, I know have one of those PDA devices so I am ALWAYS attached to my job. I get very excited when I am out of the service area!)

This has to stop. I was doing so good there for a very long time. Taking care of myself, eating right, working out, balancing life and work. Enough is enough!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBWA1WOK 1/26/2010 5:56PM

    I've been down the same path you have. The last couple months have been a drag. Glad to see you back. D
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JAAM1224 1/22/2010 9:40AM

    yes, my dear, you need to take at least a few minutes for yourself.. you workouts should be vitial as a stress reliever for you while you are so busy. I know how hard it is to make time to do them but remember the great feelings and happy endorphins you will get in the end! Good reminder for MYSELF too lol...Take care! Don't forget lots of water to flush out those yuck bugs.

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BELLACUDDLES 1/21/2010 5:46PM

    slow steps.....breathe in better me........out less stress at work.......and leave it at work......

Hugs,
Barbara

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RWETHAIRYET 1/21/2010 4:42PM

    I've been missing you my friend, and I hear exactly where you're coming from, been there, done that, hope not to ever have to do it again.
My question for you is, what can change??? They might be only small changes, here and there, but those changes can add up. I struggle with time during the week with only my little 8 hour day that I can totally walk away from at the end of the day, but I always include some extra special me time over the weekends, even if it means doing a little extra "work" during the week. What could work for you?

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GROOVYCHICK9 1/21/2010 1:19PM

    Good for you. It is a message I am learning too. It is easy to get caught up in the work and daily grind. It is harder to stop and make yourself the number one priority. Go for it! You are worth it. Your health is worth it. emoticon Get better soon.

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