Thursday, January 17, 2013
This week I started my third semester in a four semester nursing program. I am overwhelmed. There is so much to know!
My teenage daughter is on the bowling team for her high school. They practice or have matches Monday through Thursday. They do not offer busing, so parents/students are responsible for getting to and from the various lanes. I do employ the aid of others as much as possible, but sometimes it all falls upon my shoulders to make it all happen. (most of the the time, really...)
It is time consuming to write a blog. To track food. To plan food.
Working out can be time consuming, but I do try to fit in snippets throughout the day. I don't feel the same as I do when getting a solid 30 minutes of cardio in a row, but it is an effort toward burning some calories.
I do not have a smartphone. Which is feeling like a necessity in my life. I could track much easier if I had one! I could check all kinds of info if I had one. But, I am in no position to afford one. Someday. Maybe. I will own one.
This is not going to be a particularly great weight loss week. But I knew this would happen. It's always hard to try and balance everything the first week of school. And, well, quite frankly, until my DD finishes her bowling season, it's still going to be hard. But I am not giving up! I am taking the small steps I can right now. I am building momentum. I am seizing opportunities. I am tweaking. I will be the woman I always thought I would be!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
This is HARD!
It's hard to not reach for food every time the urge strikes.
It's hard to find time to work out and to make myself do it.
It's hard to remember why I am doing this.
It's hard to tell myself repeatedly that I deserve to be healthy.
Sometimes I do not want to cook, move, plan, or count, measure, weigh.
But I do.
I'm not perfect.
My journey is messy.
My efforts are great some days and tiny on others.
But I make an effort EVERYDAY.
And that is the best I can do right now.
Friday, January 11, 2013
I've been on this site since 2009, off and on. My weight has gone up and down.
What I have learned so far:
One, small, good, healthy choice can lead to another and another and another.
One step repeated by another step can lead to miles walked.
One positive thought can lead to a smile.
One affirmation repeated can lead to better choices.
Cheering one other person on makes me think less about myself and makes doing the right hing more automatic.
Each day I struggle. Each day is faced with millions of decisions. Each day I have to tell myself "I DESERVE TO BE HEALTHY". And I have to repeat that over and over again. When I reach out to others and cheer them on, it makes me feel better. Feeling better in a positive way, makes me choose better. Giving in to negatives NEVER works to boost a healthy decision. Changing my mindset is important to getting this weight off and getting stronger and eating better. Changing my habits will take time, daily. But it will be worth it because I DESERVE TO BE HEALTHY!
I like challenges.
I like getting trophies and goodies and noticed.
I feel motivated when I know someone else cares.
I like the feeling I get when I push myself hard.
I like feeling successful.
All of those likes will keep me going!
Oh, and: I DESERVE TO BE HEALTHY!
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
A young couple I know is struggling and the man has decided to go through with a divorce. This decision was not easy. It was not quick. They tried to work it out.
They are/were each others only boyfriend/girlfriend. Only partner. They dated in high school and college. And took the natural step.
She is a neat, organized, nosey, stay-at-home kinda gal.
He is a laid back, helpful, quiet-yet social, kinda guy.
All relationships take work. All relationships have bumps.
Initially, I was against this idea. (as if I have any right to an opinion). I love commitment. I love marriage when it works. I love the idea of a couple who met in school, became besties, and live happily ever after! But they are not happy.
I am venting because the couple worked together for years. Where I work. People saw them grow up and become husband and wife. This is affecting the staff where I work. The wife moved to another job after they got married, so she is not around anymore. But, some of the staff are friends with her. And one staff member went crazy about it and got herself fired!
Fired girl is going through a bitter divorce herself. She is also friends with both the people involved, but chose to align herself with the wife. And then claimed some false things about the husband to try and get him fired.
I find this all very sad. I am also divorced. I have a child with my ex husband, so we still have contact with each other. Life (meaning me) was bitter after. But I was (truth be told) miserable in the marriage. It took a few years to finally see my role in all of it. My ex actually did the noble thing, in that he took all the bullets for the ending of the marriage. He allowed me to be the one everyone sympathized with. But I realized, again, years later, that he had been suffering too. It was very hard for him.
I guess its made me realize that taking sides is silly. It's not anybody's business but the couple involved. Sure, they need a support group, but that support should be constructive. Not all about ripping apart the other person. That doesn't help, in the long run. Vent. Be angry. But then, focus on yourself. Find what makes you happy and fulfilled. Do not remain a victim!
And remember, both people make, or break, a relationship. Perhaps it is a simple as enabling a horrible behavior to occur. Or ignoring signs of a problem. This may not seem as severe as cheating, but it is still a contribution to the ending of a relationship. Not hearing/listening to the other. Feeling like you know better than that person how they actually feel. Making assumptions. Being passive-aggressive. Not communicating. All Killers of relationships. All take two.
Okay. Vent over. I wish them all well.
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Finding time to Spark...
I am nervous that next week I will fall apart. I will be back at school full-time. Working part-time. Continue to be a single parent to my awesome teenage daughter.
I love mornings where I can sit, plan, blog, workout.
A lot of this will change next week.
I think I will start bringing my computer everyday and using time before class to do my morning routine. I will have to see if that will work for me. (carrying it along with heavy nursing books is a pain--literally--I have a nerve issue in my neck).
But, in the mean time, I need to get going.
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