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Boo Waa

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Tracking food is my nemesis.

I have not been loyal.

I was doing well with breakfast and lunch and had resolved myself to be happy with that.

But now, I haven't even been doing that.

*sigh* I must get back on TRACK!

I know it will help me dig deep, avoid too much, and get me to my goals.

Perhaps I should tell it I'm sorry. I haven't been a very good friend. Please forgive me. I will visit daily and spend quality time with you.

I promise.

Off I go, to become reacquainted with a friend that really does have my back.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CJKOMODO 6/29/2010 8:45PM

    I know tracking helps keep me in check. emoticon Take it one day at a time.

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56_PICKLES 6/29/2010 2:35PM

    Tracking your nutrition is a major part of SP and I'm dependent upon it myself. I'm sure the tracker will forgive you. Now I guess I need to go make up with the fitness tracker!

BTW, sunflowers are my favorite and love your background!

~Zoe emoticon

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JUDIL62 6/29/2010 1:28PM

    emoticon

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WISEONE68 6/29/2010 1:08PM

    love it, gal!! and, you are right, it does "have your back" (and, your front and sides, too emoticon).

be well!

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KISMET10-3 6/29/2010 10:32AM

    I find that the tracker is a very forgiving friend. Just reaquaint yourself to it and it will welcome you back! I know it will!!!!

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BZYBOYSMOM 6/29/2010 10:21AM

    emoticon

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DEBBIEKAY1 6/29/2010 10:11AM

    emoticon loved your blog I am sure the tracker will forgive you

Now go make up emoticon

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Favorite Game?

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Yesterday (Friday) the kids and I went to the pool and my daughter and I were the only "big" people in the pool. So, we played with everyone! Saved a few kids. Made some new "little" friends. Had a total BLAST!

Today (Saturday) I had my final Women's Bible study. So fun. I know, for those of you who are not Christian or are non-believers, it may not seem like it could possibly be fun. But, It was. It is awesome building a diverse, strong, intelligent, arsenal of women that you can call upon for ANYTHING. It was a most positive experience. And the wisdom in that group is A-Maz-ing!

Tonight my friend is hosting a "Game Night" where some adults and our kids are gonna get together and play games. I am jazzed to play me some Outburst! I love that game! I also love Yahtzee and Uno. Looking forward to some FUN!

What is your favorite game?

  


Big Girl Panties is just ONE weapon I have

Friday, June 25, 2010

So, I put on my big girl panties. Weapon number one is FACING MY REALITY!

Next, I looked fear in the face and talked to it. Weapon number two is FACING MY EMOTIONS!

I let myself feel every stinking feeling. Weapon number three is STANDING FIRM IN MY EMOTIONS!


I sought some great council. Weapon number four is HAVING PEOPLE WISER THAN I AM TO GAIN PERSPECTIVE AND KNOWLEDGE IN MY ARSENAL!

After I let it all out I came up with a realistic plan (which is going back to basics and doing everything one step at a time). Weapon number five is KNOWING THAT LIFE IS HARD BUT HAVING A PLAN IS GOING TO MAKE IT EASIER!

Oh Yes! I am armed. I have emotions. I will not run from them. I will feel them. I will seek knowledge and create plans with the help of others.

Thanks everybody for being in my arsenal!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOLUCKY12 6/25/2010 10:33AM

    As you put away your smaller panties, keep them close by and remember where they are! You'll be back in them soon! You haven't lost your sense of humor! emoticon

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CAALAN23 6/25/2010 10:07AM

    You go girl! You are amazing in how you re-evaluate your priorities and get right back in the game.

It sucks that life is handing lots of people lemons and all that sour stuff trickles down. Funny how the government's "trickle down" theory seems to work for debt but not for stimulus. Hmmm.

Keep your chin up!

Tina

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IVYLIBRA 6/25/2010 9:55AM

    Thanks for the reminders! Now I know I need to revamp the whole "having a plan" thing...

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DIXIED88 6/25/2010 9:45AM

    That's what I'm talking about! Going back to the beginning and taking baby steps is always the best idea.

You are fierce and fabulous! And don't you forget it!! emoticon

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GOROSIEO 6/25/2010 8:36AM

    Oh good, you talk to yourself too. emoticon

The plan is really a must-no matter what. emoticon

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WISEONE68 6/25/2010 8:12AM

    You are ready for battle!! I know dealing with my emotions, stress, etc. has truly been a battlefield of the mind/heart!!

You can do this...GREAT job!! emoticon

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I was giving advice to a friend...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

And suddenly found myself LISTENING to myself!

I blogged yesterday about my struggles. Later I found myself talking to a friend who is going through bankruptcy. She was complaining about her husband, who keeps dumping his woes on her.

My friend has learned her lesson. She coupons, budgets, plans ahead. He is still Mr. Instant Gratification. (I have fears that they will find their way back to this same spot if he doesn't start to "get it").

I found myself telling her that she is doing great! She is doing everything right. That she needs to have a nice sit-down with her hubby about what they need to do when the bankruptcy is over (in one more year).

I said that she needs to be excited about the idea of being out of debt! and she needs to get him on board. They also need to vow not to get into debt again. No trip, no friend, no instant anything is worth it. They are in a great place to start talking about saving now; and planning to do so when they are out of it all. They can keep living like they are still in bankruptcy until they have built a good emergency savings (3-6 months of all expenses). They can also set some aside for small pleasures, but no big trips until the emergency funds are in place AND the vacation money is in place.

I then started going on about how being in financial freedom would feel. Oh my heavens! Wouldn't that be wonderful?! Think about a life with no immediate money worries. You have an emergency fund, so if you lose your job, you're good. You have actual cash to pay for everything. You have the ability to go on trips because you have savings and you have planned.

I want that!

I am working toward that!

I am excited, I am proud of what I have accomplished so far, I am planning for the future while living the now, I am pinching pennies which can suck but the ends will justify the means! I am picturing a financially free future!

It will take time. It will take courage and strength. But I will get that FREEDOM.

(and as per my blog yesterday--I'm gonna put on my big girl panties! More on that later...)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WISEONE68 6/24/2010 1:34PM

    You know, friend, sometimes is just takes us looking at SOMEONE ELSE'S woes and troubles to realize that we have had the answer to ours all along!!!! emoticon
I have had my share of money woes--and, some of those SAME behaviors and hidden "demons" (for lack of a better word) which got me into hot water with finances keep me from being successful with my weight loss/fitness plan at times.

We want things I don't NEED; I eat things I don't need. I spend money junk--stuff that clutters the house; I "spend" calories on junk that has no nutritional value for my body!!!!!

Light bulb moments, girl...light bulb moments. In helping others...we help ourselves. We were created for community--fellowship--and, relationship (with God first; others second). It all works to our benefit--that is why this site has done so well for so many--we are all working toward similar goals--and, in helping others--we help ourselves!!!!!!!!!!

Looking forward to hearing your progress---fitness and finances!!! emoticon

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GOROSIEO 6/24/2010 8:01AM

    Wow, I feel like I just watched one of those financial shows. That's a lot of wisdom. emoticon You are very strong and she is lucky to have you as a friend.

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PARKERB2 6/24/2010 7:36AM

    A good budget and sticking to it can be ego boosting as you are finding. Keep up the good work. emoticon

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I do not understand myself

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I don't get it.

Why can't I seem to REALLY do this???

I let boredom creep in.

I let apathy creep in.

I let cheese, salt, fat, fried, frozen--all creep in.

I think to myself "it's just one little snack, it won't blow the whole thing!'

Then, one little snack becomes another.

One skipped workout-snowballs into another.

I try to get the snowball effect going the other way=clean eating, working out; but it isn't taking.

I keep going back to some bad bad bad habits.

I am sabotaging my fit, fabulous and 40 goals.

And, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!!!

I know that part of it is the fact that I lost income and have no immediate way of getting it back. I am doomed. Seriously can not pay all my bills. Jobs are really scarce. More people are losing jobs (hence my loss of income-parent of child I watch lost job. ie. I lose job) So, healthy grocery shopping is not as much a priority.

Before, I had the luxury of buying fresh stuff frequently throughout the week. Now, I do my best to make something healthy but that will stretch for a long time. And, the organic, no salt added canned stuff is soooooo much more expensive. I may end up sacrificing my heart for this.

I am going to school in January. I am looking for new employment. But, RIGHT NOW-life is dire.

Perhaps it is depression that is holding me back. My coping mechanisms are not so good. Then there is my stress relief--walking. It is getting very painful to do it because of neuroma in my foot that insurance doesn't cover.

I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. But sometimes it is just so very HARD!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIMEFORVACATION 6/24/2010 10:24AM

    Sorry that you're going through such a rough time.

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AHEALTHIERME9 6/23/2010 10:21PM

    First, I want to give you a great, big hug! emoticon emoticon

Second, I want to tell you that the fact that you are blogging about your struggles and reaching out to your SparkFriends is going to help you through this, believe it or not.

When I don't blog and reach out, it's very easy for me to fall into old habits.

Know this. Whether you know this or not, even THIS is part of this journey to a healthier, fitter you. THIS is probably the most important part of your journey, because it's where you get to really see up close exactly what it is you tend to do when you do what you do... (if that makes any sense to you).

Take this time to really think about what it is you want and why it is you want it. Revisit those goals and reset new ones if you need to. Sometimes a clean, fresh slate makes all the difference. But above all else, do not beat yourself up. You are learning and growing... and life doesn't stop happening while we're on this journey. So it's up to us to identify our pitfalls, get back up, and find solutions and ways to keep on moving forward and working towards progress.

Let's do this thing already... I'm right next to you rooting for you and cheering you on... Now is not the time to give up on yourself, on your goals, on your dreams... Now is when you need to be stronger than ever PRECISELY BECAUSE other areas of your life are being greatly affected...

Put that warrior hat on and point it towards the storm and charge forward... and while you're doing that, know that we're all here to support you and are right by your side!

Debbie emoticon

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BUDRFLY31 6/23/2010 9:54PM

    First, we had this recipe tonight and we love it! I make it often.
http://recipes.sparkpeopl
e.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=
541783
It is very cost effective and we have lots of leftovers. I use 2x the amount of beans and another cup of chicken broth to make it stretch longer.

Second, try making a gratitude list and posting it somewhere where you can often see it for a few days. It helps me when I get down.

Third, you have every right to feel like $%*#. Life has given you a crappy hand right now. Dig deep for any comfort that doesn't involve sabotaging your dreams of a healthy lifestyle.

Fourth, try bartering for fresh produce from someone who gardens. Maybe they need a few hours of childcare, and you have room right now.

Last, try Yoga. I learned to love it!! I have been on medication for depression for a very long time, but I always feel better after a nice Yoga session.

emoticon

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DRJJ2004 6/23/2010 8:47PM

    Oh honey...I'm so sorry! But, keep your chin up! There are some really GREAT ideas on here! We're all here for you and you know that we'll do what we can for you!! Don't give up, like solucky12 said, sometimes maintaining is all we can do...and it IS better than gaining. Hang in there!!

Hugs! and more hugs!!! :O)

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SOLUCKY12 6/23/2010 6:38PM

    I really feel for you! I've had 2 neuroma surgeries (also when I was in my 40's) and I went through much pain beforehand. I was able to wear Birkenstocks without too much pain. I had more luck with physical therapy later for my continued foot problems unrelated to the neuroma. Then later I had a torn muscle in my ankle and had to wear a long boot 24/7 for 6 weeks. I still managed to exercise at the gym on the bicycle and now I have one at home that I use almost daily. Without insurance your options are limited and I'm really praying for your financial situation to improve.

Sometimes the best we can do is maintaining and not gaining. I'm really appreciating not trying to keep my calorie intake around 1200. I lost 40 pounds, but went to bed hungry often. Then over 3 years of some stress, I slowly gained it back. Since I joined spark people in January, I've nearly lost 20 pounds, so it has been very slow, but steady process. I still log all my food even on the days I'm way over my 1600 limit. Each day is a new day, and I just keep sparking and listening to my friends.

I would love to have had a daughter, even though I love my son. He is grown now, so I enjoy my cats and I'm glad you wrote your blog. There is some great emotional eating advice on this site, so reach out for it. I can't believe how much I have let food keep me company, keep me from being bored, and keep me from living the way I want to. It's still a daily struggle for me and I always wish I hadn't regained the weight, but it has taught me that diets really don't work. We're all here for you, so hang in there! emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/23/2010 6:40:48 PM

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WISEONE68 6/23/2010 6:00PM

    I am reading the other comments to your blog--all I can say is that you have some pretty great SparkFriends. These ideas, suggestions, and comments are all neat! Hope you find some you can "squeeze in" to your budget/routine.

I know how hard it can get...one things piles up on another--overwhelming us. But, we can be our worst enemy or our best ally. Choose to focus as much as possible on the GOOD--it make the dark times a little brighter.

Praying for you, Friend!!!

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KANSASROSE67 6/23/2010 4:20PM

    I don't know where you live but I suggest you make friends with people who garden. Seriously. My husband and I always grow way more produce than we can use and we give it away at work, at church, even at the library. People who garden usually LOVE to share the delicious fruits of their labor!

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RAINBOWFALLS 6/23/2010 3:26PM

    I can totally relate to your foot pain issue because last year I couldn't walk with a cam walker, whcih meant my walking program went out the door.

I am also sure that your job and financial stress is not helping you stay the course. Just do the best you can to be kind to yourself and we will all be here to listen if you need to vent.

I know things will work out or you and I know being in your situation it doesn't feel like it right now.

Best of luck to you!

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GOROSIEO 6/23/2010 2:28PM

    Lots of good suggestions on the $$ end.

These are stressful times that we live in. Please try being a little kinder to yourself psychologically. (Can we get our brains to work with us?)
emoticon


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-RAELYNN 6/23/2010 2:03PM

    I totally understand! But you can do it. Depression is one of the hardest things to overcome. But take a walk in the sunshine and just determine that you are going to make positive choices today, Just for one day. Drink lots of water and track your food. Where you making good food choices when you could afford to? Get online and find ways to eat healthy on a budget. There are some good Ideas out there.

Cheap ways to improve health/nutrition

1. broth soups
2. apple cider vinegar tonic ( very good for you)
1 tsp. vinegar, 1tsp honey (or stivia), 6oz water before ever meal.
apple sider vinegar the brown cloudy kind at the health
Food store is fairly cheap
3. grow your veggies in garden or a container
4. look for a gleaners co-op in your area.(ask health dept. or farmers markets)

dont beat your self up. Keep hope.
emoticon

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DIXIED88 6/23/2010 1:49PM

    First of all, you are human. You are not perfect and will never be perfect. Perfect is boring! We have to try our hardest and then allow the rest to slide. Beating yourself up isn't going to help anyone.

Money is really tight with me too (my budget has said for a year that I every month I'm short $200...but somehow I manage to get everything paid even if it is a little late sometimes). Some tips that I use: buy frozen or canned fruits and veggies (last longer than fresh) just rinse the canned to remove sodium. Buy large packs of cheaper cuts of meat and freeze. Use the crockpot to tenderize it into yummy meals. Forget 100 calorie packs! Buy in bulk and put one serving into a to go container (ta da snack time!). Invest in seasonings (or grow a small indoor herb garden) to make bland food yum!

What happened to swimming? It's much better for your feet and makes you feel fabulous in the heat!

Got any ink in your printer?? It's time to make flyers to post around the neighborhood. As a working parent, I know just how hard it is to find reasonable good childcare. Someone out there needs you and doesn't know where you are! Advertise, advertise, advertise!! Tell your kids' parents that you are looking for more children. Put the word out to that massive church you attend.

It may not be as easy or as fast as you like. You can and will do this. Chin up!

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YANNAKITTY 6/23/2010 1:43PM

    First, You need to look at all the positives in your life. It may feel that there are not many, but they are there. Second, eat healthy, but don't purchase the organic foods for now. Work with what you have, I always said if I could afford it the week of shopping then I would buy the organic foods. It doesn't happen often, but once in a while it does. As long as you are eating the fruits and veggies, even if they are not organic, then it is better than nothing. Frozen veggies are sometimes better if you are on a budget. Find ways to make meatless dishes using beans and lentils. There are a ton of recipes on SParkRecipes. You can do this. Cut what you can for extras. Cable, cell phone, and so on. If there is nothing then there is nothing you can do.
Pull yourself up by your boot straps and make everything work the best you can. My life has been one financial upset after another, no fault of my own. I know nothing but to live frugally. It sucks sometimes, but if you let it get you down then where you be. Sitting around feeling bad for the situation. A job may not be available right now, but life keeps moving and so should we. Good luck and don't ignore the power of our brain. It can boost us up quite nicely and I think you could definitely use a dose of exercise induced endorphins.
emoticon emoticon

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AKELAZ 6/23/2010 1:42PM

    I could have written this blog myself - I constantly ask myself why I don't do better - everything is here for me - tools - information - support from great people - and yet . . .

I can only suggest you go back to the beginning and set up new streaks if you need to and re-start all those baby steps until they become solid habits.

Be kind to yourself though - you are not having an easy time and beating yourself up is just not going to help with the weightloss - or with anything else. You and your daughter could maybe see each other through this - she's a little young but could perhaps be a support and at the same time gain some understanding of the importance of healthy eating and exercise.

You will be in my thoughts - Sonia

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