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Am I afraid to be thin?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I think I know what I want. 140 by the time I am 40 (in October). But I have lost 1 whopping pound in 6 months.

So, what do I really want?

Or, is it really a matter of fear?

I do want to be less. Poundage that is.

I do feel better when I eat within a range of calories and exercise daily.

I like feeling better.

Maybe focusing on that for a while will help me keep up the GREAT work. Rather than sabotage the GREAT work.

I don't like: tracking, waking up at 5:45 to get in a 2 mile walk, eating salad when I desire a hamburger, going to bed simply to quell the late night munchies, not having the scale budge, having no money to buy new clothes, having to exercise or talk out my stress rather than eat it (cause it's easier to eat it)...

I do like: having energy, being "regular", when I push myself to do "man-style" push-ups, having the ability to make it through the afternoon without needing a nap, not being sharp or snippy because my mood is so sucky, having clothes fit me, when I walk into a store and pick a smaller size off the rack and it fits, having confidence, feeling sexy...

Seems that what I do like is a direct result of doing things that I do not like.

That's the pay-off. I will keep paying it. It is worth it.

I will find the fundage to purchase fabulous new clothes, as needed.

Because, I will have energy and confidence to find a new job.

Because I will keep paying my dues.

I'm not afraid to be thin. I'm just easily swayed back to old habits.

I will remind myself that the means is what gets me to the ends, and it is worth every miserable moment. Because without the misery, I would not have the joy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THINWITHIN18 7/1/2010 12:37AM

    Your final line - Because without the misery, I would not have the joy - reminded me of the lyrics that Garth Brooks sings: "I could have missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance." It's the sweetness of life from the sweat of our brows that makes it all worthwhile. It's the dichotomy of our lives that makes us appreciate what we've got.

emoticon

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DRJJ2004 6/30/2010 4:37PM

    Very well said. I think a lot of us are sabatogers, myself included. And as wiseone68 said..what's to be afraid of? We're making a mountain out of a mole hill AND we'll actually benefit in the end..if we would just let ourselves. I give us permission!!! :O)

Hugs!

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MBSKIT 6/30/2010 12:32PM

    emoticon

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DIXIED88 6/30/2010 11:10AM

    Yes, this is hard. It's not much fun at first. But we all know the rewards are sooooooo worth the misery. It sounds like you are all or nothing thinking. If you want a burger, get a small one and a salad. Drink a huge glass of water if you get a craving but if it doesn't back off, allow for a small treat. Do a workout DVD at lunch. Hula hoop while watching dinner simmer. Have fun!

You can do this! emoticon

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DEBBIEKAY1 6/30/2010 9:24AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WISEONE68 6/30/2010 8:42AM

    You know--I used to think that I was "afraid", too. That something would change--besides the weight. Well, what i found out is that---

I DID CHANGE. I was a better ME!! At my weight goal (even now) I am more confident, brighter, cheerier, more energized, more engaging, more outgoing...MORE (but, less, too--weight-wise).

emoticonYou can do this--find that YOU...don't be afraid of it...you will do this!!!

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BREWMASTERBILL 6/30/2010 7:59AM

    Ya, it's all about delayed gratification. Push yourself now for bigger, more meaningful rewards later.

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SLIMFIT57 6/30/2010 7:37AM

  YOU CAN DO IT!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Boo Waa

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Tracking food is my nemesis.

I have not been loyal.

I was doing well with breakfast and lunch and had resolved myself to be happy with that.

But now, I haven't even been doing that.

*sigh* I must get back on TRACK!

I know it will help me dig deep, avoid too much, and get me to my goals.

Perhaps I should tell it I'm sorry. I haven't been a very good friend. Please forgive me. I will visit daily and spend quality time with you.

I promise.

Off I go, to become reacquainted with a friend that really does have my back.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CJKOMODO 6/29/2010 8:45PM

    I know tracking helps keep me in check. emoticon Take it one day at a time.

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56_PICKLES 6/29/2010 2:35PM

    Tracking your nutrition is a major part of SP and I'm dependent upon it myself. I'm sure the tracker will forgive you. Now I guess I need to go make up with the fitness tracker!

BTW, sunflowers are my favorite and love your background!

~Zoe emoticon

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JUDIL62 6/29/2010 1:28PM

    emoticon

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WISEONE68 6/29/2010 1:08PM

    love it, gal!! and, you are right, it does "have your back" (and, your front and sides, too emoticon).

be well!

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KISMET10-3 6/29/2010 10:32AM

    I find that the tracker is a very forgiving friend. Just reaquaint yourself to it and it will welcome you back! I know it will!!!!

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BZYBOYSMOM 6/29/2010 10:21AM

    emoticon

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DEBBIEKAY1 6/29/2010 10:11AM

    emoticon loved your blog I am sure the tracker will forgive you

Now go make up emoticon

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Favorite Game?

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Yesterday (Friday) the kids and I went to the pool and my daughter and I were the only "big" people in the pool. So, we played with everyone! Saved a few kids. Made some new "little" friends. Had a total BLAST!

Today (Saturday) I had my final Women's Bible study. So fun. I know, for those of you who are not Christian or are non-believers, it may not seem like it could possibly be fun. But, It was. It is awesome building a diverse, strong, intelligent, arsenal of women that you can call upon for ANYTHING. It was a most positive experience. And the wisdom in that group is A-Maz-ing!

Tonight my friend is hosting a "Game Night" where some adults and our kids are gonna get together and play games. I am jazzed to play me some Outburst! I love that game! I also love Yahtzee and Uno. Looking forward to some FUN!

What is your favorite game?

  


Big Girl Panties is just ONE weapon I have

Friday, June 25, 2010

So, I put on my big girl panties. Weapon number one is FACING MY REALITY!

Next, I looked fear in the face and talked to it. Weapon number two is FACING MY EMOTIONS!

I let myself feel every stinking feeling. Weapon number three is STANDING FIRM IN MY EMOTIONS!


I sought some great council. Weapon number four is HAVING PEOPLE WISER THAN I AM TO GAIN PERSPECTIVE AND KNOWLEDGE IN MY ARSENAL!

After I let it all out I came up with a realistic plan (which is going back to basics and doing everything one step at a time). Weapon number five is KNOWING THAT LIFE IS HARD BUT HAVING A PLAN IS GOING TO MAKE IT EASIER!

Oh Yes! I am armed. I have emotions. I will not run from them. I will feel them. I will seek knowledge and create plans with the help of others.

Thanks everybody for being in my arsenal!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOLUCKY12 6/25/2010 10:33AM

    As you put away your smaller panties, keep them close by and remember where they are! You'll be back in them soon! You haven't lost your sense of humor! emoticon

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CAALAN23 6/25/2010 10:07AM

    You go girl! You are amazing in how you re-evaluate your priorities and get right back in the game.

It sucks that life is handing lots of people lemons and all that sour stuff trickles down. Funny how the government's "trickle down" theory seems to work for debt but not for stimulus. Hmmm.

Keep your chin up!

Tina

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IVYLIBRA 6/25/2010 9:55AM

    Thanks for the reminders! Now I know I need to revamp the whole "having a plan" thing...

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DIXIED88 6/25/2010 9:45AM

    That's what I'm talking about! Going back to the beginning and taking baby steps is always the best idea.

You are fierce and fabulous! And don't you forget it!! emoticon

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GOROSIEO 6/25/2010 8:36AM

    Oh good, you talk to yourself too. emoticon

The plan is really a must-no matter what. emoticon

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WISEONE68 6/25/2010 8:12AM

    You are ready for battle!! I know dealing with my emotions, stress, etc. has truly been a battlefield of the mind/heart!!

You can do this...GREAT job!! emoticon

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I was giving advice to a friend...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

And suddenly found myself LISTENING to myself!

I blogged yesterday about my struggles. Later I found myself talking to a friend who is going through bankruptcy. She was complaining about her husband, who keeps dumping his woes on her.

My friend has learned her lesson. She coupons, budgets, plans ahead. He is still Mr. Instant Gratification. (I have fears that they will find their way back to this same spot if he doesn't start to "get it").

I found myself telling her that she is doing great! She is doing everything right. That she needs to have a nice sit-down with her hubby about what they need to do when the bankruptcy is over (in one more year).

I said that she needs to be excited about the idea of being out of debt! and she needs to get him on board. They also need to vow not to get into debt again. No trip, no friend, no instant anything is worth it. They are in a great place to start talking about saving now; and planning to do so when they are out of it all. They can keep living like they are still in bankruptcy until they have built a good emergency savings (3-6 months of all expenses). They can also set some aside for small pleasures, but no big trips until the emergency funds are in place AND the vacation money is in place.

I then started going on about how being in financial freedom would feel. Oh my heavens! Wouldn't that be wonderful?! Think about a life with no immediate money worries. You have an emergency fund, so if you lose your job, you're good. You have actual cash to pay for everything. You have the ability to go on trips because you have savings and you have planned.

I want that!

I am working toward that!

I am excited, I am proud of what I have accomplished so far, I am planning for the future while living the now, I am pinching pennies which can suck but the ends will justify the means! I am picturing a financially free future!

It will take time. It will take courage and strength. But I will get that FREEDOM.

(and as per my blog yesterday--I'm gonna put on my big girl panties! More on that later...)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WISEONE68 6/24/2010 1:34PM

    You know, friend, sometimes is just takes us looking at SOMEONE ELSE'S woes and troubles to realize that we have had the answer to ours all along!!!! emoticon
I have had my share of money woes--and, some of those SAME behaviors and hidden "demons" (for lack of a better word) which got me into hot water with finances keep me from being successful with my weight loss/fitness plan at times.

We want things I don't NEED; I eat things I don't need. I spend money junk--stuff that clutters the house; I "spend" calories on junk that has no nutritional value for my body!!!!!

Light bulb moments, girl...light bulb moments. In helping others...we help ourselves. We were created for community--fellowship--and, relationship (with God first; others second). It all works to our benefit--that is why this site has done so well for so many--we are all working toward similar goals--and, in helping others--we help ourselves!!!!!!!!!!

Looking forward to hearing your progress---fitness and finances!!! emoticon

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GOROSIEO 6/24/2010 8:01AM

    Wow, I feel like I just watched one of those financial shows. That's a lot of wisdom. emoticon You are very strong and she is lucky to have you as a friend.

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PARKERB2 6/24/2010 7:36AM

    A good budget and sticking to it can be ego boosting as you are finding. Keep up the good work. emoticon

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