Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I think I know what I want. 140 by the time I am 40 (in October). But I have lost 1 whopping pound in 6 months.
So, what do I really want?
Or, is it really a matter of fear?
I do want to be less. Poundage that is.
I do feel better when I eat within a range of calories and exercise daily.
I like feeling better.
Maybe focusing on that for a while will help me keep up the GREAT work. Rather than sabotage the GREAT work.
I don't like: tracking, waking up at 5:45 to get in a 2 mile walk, eating salad when I desire a hamburger, going to bed simply to quell the late night munchies, not having the scale budge, having no money to buy new clothes, having to exercise or talk out my stress rather than eat it (cause it's easier to eat it)...
I do like: having energy, being "regular", when I push myself to do "man-style" push-ups, having the ability to make it through the afternoon without needing a nap, not being sharp or snippy because my mood is so sucky, having clothes fit me, when I walk into a store and pick a smaller size off the rack and it fits, having confidence, feeling sexy...
Seems that what I do like is a direct result of doing things that I do not like.
That's the pay-off. I will keep paying it. It is worth it.
I will find the fundage to purchase fabulous new clothes, as needed.
Because, I will have energy and confidence to find a new job.
Because I will keep paying my dues.
I'm not afraid to be thin. I'm just easily swayed back to old habits.
I will remind myself that the means is what gets me to the ends, and it is worth every miserable moment. Because without the misery, I would not have the joy.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Tracking food is my nemesis.
I have not been loyal.
I was doing well with breakfast and lunch and had resolved myself to be happy with that.
But now, I haven't even been doing that.
*sigh* I must get back on TRACK!
I know it will help me dig deep, avoid too much, and get me to my goals.
Perhaps I should tell it I'm sorry. I haven't been a very good friend. Please forgive me. I will visit daily and spend quality time with you.
Off I go, to become reacquainted with a friend that really does have my back.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Yesterday (Friday) the kids and I went to the pool and my daughter and I were the only "big" people in the pool. So, we played with everyone! Saved a few kids. Made some new "little" friends. Had a total BLAST!
Today (Saturday) I had my final Women's Bible study. So fun. I know, for those of you who are not Christian or are non-believers, it may not seem like it could possibly be fun. But, It was. It is awesome building a diverse, strong, intelligent, arsenal of women that you can call upon for ANYTHING. It was a most positive experience. And the wisdom in that group is A-Maz-ing!
Tonight my friend is hosting a "Game Night" where some adults and our kids are gonna get together and play games. I am jazzed to play me some Outburst! I love that game! I also love Yahtzee and Uno. Looking forward to some FUN!
What is your favorite game?
Friday, June 25, 2010
So, I put on my big girl panties. Weapon number one is FACING MY REALITY!
Next, I looked fear in the face and talked to it. Weapon number two is FACING MY EMOTIONS!
I let myself feel every stinking feeling. Weapon number three is STANDING FIRM IN MY EMOTIONS!
I sought some great council. Weapon number four is HAVING PEOPLE WISER THAN I AM TO GAIN PERSPECTIVE AND KNOWLEDGE IN MY ARSENAL!
After I let it all out I came up with a realistic plan (which is going back to basics and doing everything one step at a time). Weapon number five is KNOWING THAT LIFE IS HARD BUT HAVING A PLAN IS GOING TO MAKE IT EASIER!
Oh Yes! I am armed. I have emotions. I will not run from them. I will feel them. I will seek knowledge and create plans with the help of others.
Thanks everybody for being in my arsenal!!!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
And suddenly found myself LISTENING to myself!
I blogged yesterday about my struggles. Later I found myself talking to a friend who is going through bankruptcy. She was complaining about her husband, who keeps dumping his woes on her.
My friend has learned her lesson. She coupons, budgets, plans ahead. He is still Mr. Instant Gratification. (I have fears that they will find their way back to this same spot if he doesn't start to "get it").
I found myself telling her that she is doing great! She is doing everything right. That she needs to have a nice sit-down with her hubby about what they need to do when the bankruptcy is over (in one more year).
I said that she needs to be excited about the idea of being out of debt! and she needs to get him on board. They also need to vow not to get into debt again. No trip, no friend, no instant anything is worth it. They are in a great place to start talking about saving now; and planning to do so when they are out of it all. They can keep living like they are still in bankruptcy until they have built a good emergency savings (3-6 months of all expenses). They can also set some aside for small pleasures, but no big trips until the emergency funds are in place AND the vacation money is in place.
I then started going on about how being in financial freedom would feel. Oh my heavens! Wouldn't that be wonderful?! Think about a life with no immediate money worries. You have an emergency fund, so if you lose your job, you're good. You have actual cash to pay for everything. You have the ability to go on trips because you have savings and you have planned.
I want that!
I am working toward that!
I am excited, I am proud of what I have accomplished so far, I am planning for the future while living the now, I am pinching pennies which can suck but the ends will justify the means! I am picturing a financially free future!
It will take time. It will take courage and strength. But I will get that FREEDOM.
(and as per my blog yesterday--I'm gonna put on my big girl panties! More on that later...)
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