Thursday, July 01, 2010
Buggirl19 asked if I was an all or nothing girl. I did find myself seriously pondering this question. I have worked hard to not be. And I do not think I am a slave to that mentality any more.
I do think that I have a "do just enough to get by" mentality.
I eat well in the am and lunch, and sometimes dinner. (at least 5 days per week)
I drink my 8 glasses of water religiously.
I do wavier on exercise. (but have never given up completely)
I do not track everything anymore. (But think I need to. But I become really obsessive to the point where it is unhealthy for me. I must find a good, healthy attitude towards daily intake of food.)
I have been maintaining a 25 pound loss for 6 months. (Go ME!)
But, I want to lose more.
Really. I do. At least I think I do. I thought I did.
So, why do I eat lightly salted potato chips when I know I need to eat carrot sticks? Why do I eat a cheese stick when I know I need to cook an actual piece of chicken?
I have gotten LAZY.
I love to make a big bowl of something and eat it for, like, a week. But don't always get around to doing it.
Really, it's not that hard to whip up a gazpacho, or chili, or pasta salad.
I'm LAZY! Lately.
I am trying to plan my meals and therefore my shopping list. Money is EXTREMELY tight right now. I do not always have a bank account that aligns itself with a need to shop, so meals have to get scrapped. But I am trying.
Oh, and I do not usually have potato chips in my house. I do not buy them, but I also do not turn away FREE food either. (I have to feed 7 kids for lunch daily, and well, they can burn off those tatos faster than I can, no reason to not use them up).
I just need to be satisfied with my veggies and low fat salads, and good for me proteins--more than the convenience of a packaged, easy to open, already prepared food. (I am cool with everything in moderation and with the knowledge that the chips count toward my daily totals, but it has become a lazy girls way out of cooking. That has to stop)
So, as per my blog yesterday, I love how I feel when eating well and moving my body more. I walked two miles again this morning. I will be going to the pool again this morning. I will be making some quick chili.
I will not let my feelings dictate whether or not I do the healthy things. But I will remind myself that I do indeed feel better, all around, when I do the things I do not feel like doing.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I think I know what I want. 140 by the time I am 40 (in October). But I have lost 1 whopping pound in 6 months.
So, what do I really want?
Or, is it really a matter of fear?
I do want to be less. Poundage that is.
I do feel better when I eat within a range of calories and exercise daily.
I like feeling better.
Maybe focusing on that for a while will help me keep up the GREAT work. Rather than sabotage the GREAT work.
I don't like: tracking, waking up at 5:45 to get in a 2 mile walk, eating salad when I desire a hamburger, going to bed simply to quell the late night munchies, not having the scale budge, having no money to buy new clothes, having to exercise or talk out my stress rather than eat it (cause it's easier to eat it)...
I do like: having energy, being "regular", when I push myself to do "man-style" push-ups, having the ability to make it through the afternoon without needing a nap, not being sharp or snippy because my mood is so sucky, having clothes fit me, when I walk into a store and pick a smaller size off the rack and it fits, having confidence, feeling sexy...
Seems that what I do like is a direct result of doing things that I do not like.
That's the pay-off. I will keep paying it. It is worth it.
I will find the fundage to purchase fabulous new clothes, as needed.
Because, I will have energy and confidence to find a new job.
Because I will keep paying my dues.
I'm not afraid to be thin. I'm just easily swayed back to old habits.
I will remind myself that the means is what gets me to the ends, and it is worth every miserable moment. Because without the misery, I would not have the joy.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Tracking food is my nemesis.
I have not been loyal.
I was doing well with breakfast and lunch and had resolved myself to be happy with that.
But now, I haven't even been doing that.
*sigh* I must get back on TRACK!
I know it will help me dig deep, avoid too much, and get me to my goals.
Perhaps I should tell it I'm sorry. I haven't been a very good friend. Please forgive me. I will visit daily and spend quality time with you.
Off I go, to become reacquainted with a friend that really does have my back.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Yesterday (Friday) the kids and I went to the pool and my daughter and I were the only "big" people in the pool. So, we played with everyone! Saved a few kids. Made some new "little" friends. Had a total BLAST!
Today (Saturday) I had my final Women's Bible study. So fun. I know, for those of you who are not Christian or are non-believers, it may not seem like it could possibly be fun. But, It was. It is awesome building a diverse, strong, intelligent, arsenal of women that you can call upon for ANYTHING. It was a most positive experience. And the wisdom in that group is A-Maz-ing!
Tonight my friend is hosting a "Game Night" where some adults and our kids are gonna get together and play games. I am jazzed to play me some Outburst! I love that game! I also love Yahtzee and Uno. Looking forward to some FUN!
What is your favorite game?
Friday, June 25, 2010
So, I put on my big girl panties. Weapon number one is FACING MY REALITY!
Next, I looked fear in the face and talked to it. Weapon number two is FACING MY EMOTIONS!
I let myself feel every stinking feeling. Weapon number three is STANDING FIRM IN MY EMOTIONS!
I sought some great council. Weapon number four is HAVING PEOPLE WISER THAN I AM TO GAIN PERSPECTIVE AND KNOWLEDGE IN MY ARSENAL!
After I let it all out I came up with a realistic plan (which is going back to basics and doing everything one step at a time). Weapon number five is KNOWING THAT LIFE IS HARD BUT HAVING A PLAN IS GOING TO MAKE IT EASIER!
Oh Yes! I am armed. I have emotions. I will not run from them. I will feel them. I will seek knowledge and create plans with the help of others.
Thanks everybody for being in my arsenal!!!
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