Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I don't get it.
Why can't I seem to REALLY do this???
I let boredom creep in.
I let apathy creep in.
I let cheese, salt, fat, fried, frozen--all creep in.
I think to myself "it's just one little snack, it won't blow the whole thing!'
Then, one little snack becomes another.
One skipped workout-snowballs into another.
I try to get the snowball effect going the other way=clean eating, working out; but it isn't taking.
I keep going back to some bad bad bad habits.
I am sabotaging my fit, fabulous and 40 goals.
And, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!!!
I know that part of it is the fact that I lost income and have no immediate way of getting it back. I am doomed. Seriously can not pay all my bills. Jobs are really scarce. More people are losing jobs (hence my loss of income-parent of child I watch lost job. ie. I lose job) So, healthy grocery shopping is not as much a priority.
Before, I had the luxury of buying fresh stuff frequently throughout the week. Now, I do my best to make something healthy but that will stretch for a long time. And, the organic, no salt added canned stuff is soooooo much more expensive. I may end up sacrificing my heart for this.
I am going to school in January. I am looking for new employment. But, RIGHT NOW-life is dire.
Perhaps it is depression that is holding me back. My coping mechanisms are not so good. Then there is my stress relief--walking. It is getting very painful to do it because of neuroma in my foot that insurance doesn't cover.
I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. But sometimes it is just so very HARD!