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So, I've got this boyfriend...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I've been dating this guy for over 3 years. (we do not live together) We actually knew each other in high school. He's never been married. Never had kids. Is close to his family. But doesn't seem to want to be close to mine. Not to my kid either. Nor my friends.

He does buy my DD birthday/Christmas gifts. He also does stuff with me and her on the weekends that I have her. We spend Sunday's doing some pretty cool things as a "family".

But, he won't come to her school functions. (He did come to one, last year) She was given an award this evening at a ceremony that lasted less than one hour. I didn't know what the award was for until they presented her with it. (it ended up being for perfect attendance. She missed straight A's by one little old B in a flex class, bummer!)

It really doesn't matter what it was for, he won't come to these things.

Is this an indication that he doesn't love my kid? Or am I just being too harsh?

I guess where it comes down to for me is that I want a guy who is into my friends, my family, my kid, my life. He doesn't seem to be.

But then, we are opposites in some practical ways. His excuse was work related. He worked kind of late today and has to be up early tomorrow to go to a job he hasn't been to yet to test stuff he's never tested. (he's a construction site inspector). He's nervous about it and didn't want to get out of his normal week night routine.

I go by the rule that family, or love, comes before work. But then, I am the one in major debt. So maybe I am being too "romanticist" about his role in my child's life. If he and I were married and she was his kid, would I feel the same way? Actually, I did get pissed when my x wouldn't show up for family stuff. But he did go to her dance recitals. Is being responsible financially also love?

Maybe this is really about what I want in the Big Picture of a relationship, than about this one issue?

I have broken up with him at least 3 times. But the last time was one year ago and I decided that I had to be "all in" to see if this was workable. I "committed" to him.

I get that some disappointments happen in all relationships. So how do I know that this guy is a good one? That he's a keeper? If his disappointments are something I can really live with for the rest of my life? Or, if I should put myself back on the market to try for some one better?

I feel as though I have talked myself blue-in-the-face about his lack of relationship with my family, friends, child. (to him) I also feel like I can't dump him. He and I do work well together. He is practical to my eccentric. He is quite to my loud. He is financially responsible to my irresponsibility. He and I love to do similar things (food network viewing, Sunday drives to strange places, just hanging out). But we ALWAYS do these things without others. I love that he loves me and is so devoted to me. But sometimes I wish he would get a life outside of me. See, isn't that a red flag too? Or, at the very least, join me in some of my endeavors.

I realize that the question here is whether or not we work well apart too? Like, is he okay with the fact that I am social? Well, he really isn't. But he hasn't broken up with me yet. He just makes me feel bad sometimes when he feels I am choosing others over him. I point out that he is perfectly welcome to join me. He doesn't and he stops pestering me.

Ugh! Mostly I am venting here. But any constructive advice is welcome.

I HAVE talked to him about ALL of it! I continue to be so confused. I feel like I have NO ability to stand firm on anything. Like I am supposed to put up with the stuff I don't like in order to get the stuff I do. Isn't that what life is all about?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAALAN23 5/27/2010 11:28AM

    It sounds to me like perhaps maybe you are being choosy with his choices? What I mean is you said he does stuff with your daughter and from past blogs they were happy and good days. My DH has an awful schedule at work and it is very hectic on his work schedule days. He does nothing outside of work on those days. Doesn't matter what it is that comes along. It sucks sometimes as he has missed some wonderful things. The problem is that it is necessary for his health to be rested and in the zone at his job or it could get dangerous. That's a choice he needs to be able to make. Not you.

I don't know enough about your situation or his but it sounds like he may also have a job like this so I understand where his excuse came from. However, if you feel this is a need that you feel should be more fulfilled by him, then let him know but realize that his requests should be given equal ground. You know, where he feels like he was passed over? Sounds like you like that he is opposite to you in some ways, so realize that those opposites will clash once in a while.

It may just be that he has trouble opening up to others and social situations are that much harder for someone of that nature and would explain why he seems to "favor" his family. May not be the case, idk. If he truly is as internal as it seems to be, he's not going to be able to express or articulate this very well, even during a conversation. He may be overwhelmed when confronted by it. Who knows? You know more than we do.

It is your choice to decide if the choices he is making are livable for you. That is completely up to you. As a married woman, I will say, many a holiday gathering, school event, major swim meet my DH has missed. Not only when he had to be at work but recover from it as well. It sucks, but it's something we grow with.

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DIXIED88 5/27/2010 10:46AM

    I'm sorry you are having relationship issues. I'm married to the love of my life and still wondering if I know what the heck I'm doing.

I've decided loving someone is the easiest part. All the other junk is when it gets hard.


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DRJJ2004 5/27/2010 7:14AM

    Wow...that sounds like my parents relationship when I was a kid. In the end they got divorced when I was 21 and they should have done it a lot sooner. My dad never wanted to do anything as a family. He would always make some excuse that he couldn't go. They would fight all the time. When I look back on my past, the picture that comes to mind is my mom..and not my dad. He just wasn't around. Never showed up to school functions, concerts, sports events, awards ceremonies. He came to one choir concert where I sang a solo in my senior year and my graduation. That's it. I was in choir for 4 years.
You might think about how it's going to affect your daughter and you on down the road. Being married is hard enough without having issues from the get go. But that's just my opinion. Take from it what you want. Good Luck!

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WISEONE68 5/26/2010 8:57PM

    I agree with Kat---we can tell you anything--but, we are only "reading" your side of the relationship. You two are the ones who are invested (or not) two should discuss these things.
I do feel that providing financially is a form of love...but, there is a limit. No one I know of was on their death bed and said, "I wish I had spent more time at work!"...but, so many will say things like, "I wish I had spent more time with my wife/kids/family."

See where he is with all this--ask him if he cares for your daughter...that would be the deal-breaker for me. YOU and SHE are a PACKAGE deal (and, your family, too).

Talk with both of you are rested (not tired), well-ventilated area (not too hot/cold), and well-fed (not hungry)...this prevents "false emotions" from entering into the mix!!!

Be well--hope you get the answers you desire..

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FITKAT2010 5/26/2010 8:45PM

    Have a talk with him. Tell him how you feel.

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Instant gratification won the past 5 days!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I am a creature of very bad habits that all stems from (duhn, duhn, duhn) Instant Gratification! I see it, I want it, I get it. No lack of focus. There's no time to lack focus. It's instant!

My parents, to their credit, did teach me the skills of planning and waiting, and working. But when I got out from under their thumb and discovered restaurants and credit cards... JOY! Instant! JOY!

I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

I liked it that way.

Truth be told, I still do.

Who doesn't want the magic diet pill? The one that instantly slims you, allows you to eat ANYTHING, and you never have to work out for one minute.

I think I've always tended towards a "do what gets you by" attitude. I got B's in school without trying. And I liked it. (I did pull some straight A quarters, and liked it too, but it required a bit of dreaded work, and well, if I can get by with B's , who needs A's?).

I graduated Cum Laud in college. I also hardly had to "work" for that either. I actually got out of taking a final because the teacher was kind and said, "Jenn, just leave, I'm confident you'll get an A." Seriously? She didn't have to tell me twice! (I really didn't study, and was counting on a B--But hey, I got an A).

Now, I'm realizing that "just getting by" isn't enough. I have to WORK. In all areas of my life.

Relationship: takes a lot of work to make one work, you have to devote time to another human being, you have to be willing to sacrifice. (All this I learned after trying to "get by" in a "he's my soul-mate" *read sarcasm* marriage) The BF I have now is needy, like me. Huh, it takes give and take to make a relationship.

Finances: You can not charge everything to credit and expect it to magically pay itself back. You have to work to make money-lots of it-to get out from under a big hole.

Weight: You have to burn more calories than you put in. Have to! No way around that. This requires planning, moving, talk-therapy/blog therapy, moving more, planning more, choosing better options, having a brain that can switch from Instant Gratification to Focusing on the Big Picture.

I need to learn this skill. Focus. Patience. The idea of rewards for WORK accomplished.

I have to stop "getting by" and start Living Life To It's Fullest.

This means throwing "bad foods" or temptations away. Even when they were gifts or even when I paid for them. Whether it's at home, or in a restaurant. It is NOT wasting money in the long term when I throw something away right now. The price is a few dollars now, but a fist full of them later due to diabetes, open heart surgery, stroke recovery, foot surgery, etc. It means being able to run, walk, climb, play at age 80!

There is more to life than what is smack dab in front of my eyes. This I MUST remember!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIXIED88 5/27/2010 10:52AM

    Yep, I read about me in this one. Love instant gratifcation and don't really care for work. Work is hard. Hard isn't any fun. But it's almost always worth it in the end...

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MICHELEB609 5/26/2010 8:34PM

    Sounds so familiar! I totally understand where you're coming from. I give you so much credit for addressing the things that need to be done to secure a better future life. It takes commitment and discipline, but in the end it is so worth it! You can do this! emoticon emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 5/26/2010 6:18PM

    It is great that you have realized this about yourself. This is a big step in making this whole new lofe style change work for you! Best of luck!

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BIKERBABE2BE 5/26/2010 3:48PM

    Wow, this sounds so familiar. Thanks for sharing and for reminding me that working for something is worth it and in the long run more satisfying than instant gratification! Good luck!

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USEANDLOSE 5/26/2010 3:20PM

    OMG - I am SO glad I read this! You and I seem to be on opposite continuims. I want to do everything perfectly - therefore, I'm trying to learn how to accept "ok" work rather than striving for perfection! We need to share stories! LOL

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FIERCE_FABULOUS 5/26/2010 3:12PM

    Good luck to you!!

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AHEALTHIERME9 5/26/2010 1:29PM


Well said!!! I think we all suffer a bit from instant gratification syndrome...

What I love about this journey is it forces you to look at all areas of your life and evaluate and make changes where it's needed.

Great blog! And WAY TO GO! You really are doing some great inner work there!



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    beautifully written...sounds familiar as I live the same "get by" lifestyle! We can do better! We will live to the fullest!

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BUDRFLY31 5/26/2010 12:25PM

    I tell people that losing weight is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, (besides childbirth, but even that was over within 24 hours) It take a whole lot of work and constant focus. My mind wanders all the time, and days would go by without that focus. Work and Focus! Yuck! But overall, it has made me happier, more confident, proud, and healthy. So, I guess it was worth it.

Work and focus for you, Missy! You can do it! Stay positive!

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/26/2010 12:04PM

    Well said! It takes the dreaded 'w' word--W-O-R-K-- to do anything well, and it's hard to do that when you've been able to skate by without much work for a long time. The end result is worth it, though; we have to keep that in mind and in view to help us keep on the right track.


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GERIKRAGH 5/26/2010 11:37AM

    Gosh, U sound like me. I got Bs and the occasional A without trying too hard. If I didn't like a certain subject, like fractions or decimals, I skipped it because I had enough good grades to make up for the one bad grade. However, at this late time in my life, I can't do fractions or decimals. I skipped the chemistry part of biology in college because the teacher said we could throw out one test. I aced them all and then didn't even take the chemistry one. Still got an A in the class.
What an idiot I was. I still tend to do it in life, but I'm learning the hard way. Thanx for the knock upside the head!

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JREYNOLDS67 5/26/2010 11:22AM

    This sounds very familiar to me, in fact I could have wrote it ... best of luck to you and me in our quest for patience!

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MSCHELLE0370 5/26/2010 10:26AM

    Love your blog. I totally agree! Just wish I had more motivation to do more than just get by. Good luck in your endeavors.

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Oh, Who Am I Kidding?!?!?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I certainly can't be kidding myself. I mean, I KNOW what I am doing. Eating pizza, barbecue, cheese dip, potato chips, ravioli in a smoked mozzarella sauce, brownies, cookies, crab cakes, brie, mocha lava cake, Peanut Brittle Ice Cream! All in the span of 4 days. And that's just the stuff I remember!


I seem to love it more than a thin body.

I forgot to mention that I logged at least six miles walking. Some attempts at pull-ups. Push-ups, sit-ups, leg lifts, triceps dips, double leg lifts=all conquered! I drank a RIVER of water.


Then come the friends: It's not about falling. It's the getting back up that matters the most. We'll do this....maybe slower than we would like...with several missteps along the way. But we'll do it! Got a plan for the week? Vacation's over! (thanks BUGGIRL19)

So my plan goes into effect on Tuesday? So what? I got a plan.

Today is clean eating. Today is QuickFire Challenge. (Jumping Jacks, skipping) Today is WATER. Today is TRACKING my food! Today is studying for the CLEP exams I have to take.

Most of this plan will take place in the am. I like to exercise in the am. It is going to be H*O*T and H*U*M*I*D today=so AM it is! Nap time will be study time.

Today I think sexy! Today I think THIN! Today I Make It Happen! Today I make great choices. I love my healthy eats!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LESLIES537 5/25/2010 5:38PM

    emoticon Hang in there! We can do this! emoticon

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CJKOMODO 5/25/2010 4:10PM


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    I'll be praying and thinking about you. Be strong! I know you're a strong strong woman. The first few days getting back on track and off the sugar are the hardest. Make it one day...then another, then another and before you know it you'll be on your way to eating healthy again!!

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ROWDYRILEY 5/25/2010 1:25PM

    I am right there with you!!!! Let's make TODAY a GREAT day!!!

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MBSKIT 5/25/2010 1:17PM


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JUSTMISHY 5/25/2010 11:06AM

    Thanks for being real. Sometimes it's just hard not to just "do" the old life of eating, but a small side journey is ok as long as it's small and you get back on the path to "Slimville" Good for you to recognize, share and do. Power to you!

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KIMMAS82 5/25/2010 10:23AM

    Great attitude!! Today is a new day!!

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DIXIED88 5/25/2010 10:16AM

    We've all done it and it's okay. This is your life and bad eating will happen. No biggie! That is as long as you always come back to the healthy side.

You got this, chicka! Water up! Fiber in! Activity....ATTACK!! Come on Warrior Woman. Let's do this!

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RACHELRB 5/25/2010 9:27AM

    Any idea why you ate all that stuff? Were you hungry? Were you tired? Avoiding doing something else? You may discover something interesting about yourself adn your feelings- think about what is going through your head the next time you grab some of that stuff....

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CAALAN23 5/25/2010 9:21AM

    You know what? I do that. You know, the eating thing, lots and lots of food right before I know I have to crack down. Sometimes it's just a couple of days, sometimes two whole weeks but it's like my subconscious says if you are going to make me do all that work, then I'm going to enjoy these last few days. Like I'm walking a plank or something, LOL. I've tried to become more aware of it, but it's awful hard.

Girl, you got this. Come on. Sometimes I imagine myself giving a firm talk to Boo. What if it were him that were doing these unhealthy things. I love him enough to want to help stop it. Imagine it was your DD. Now give that talk to yourself and let's go.

You can do this!! Start those spark streaks and keep em' runnin'!

go go go!

Love ya,

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AHEALTHIERME9 5/25/2010 8:51AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Get back on that horse, girl, and get it to take you to where you want to go!


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DEBBIEKAY1 5/25/2010 8:33AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


Hugs Debbie

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SUZY6281 5/25/2010 8:26AM

    Try to plan your menus several days in advance. And then try your best to stick with that menu. What I am trying for right now is one week at a time. If I can get through this week, then I get to change my menu for next week to put a bit of variety in it. Maybe allow for one "cheat meal" per week. Mine is on Friday night. (If I've been following my plan).

You will do awesome. Just remember that you can do anything you put your mind to.


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BUDRFLY31 5/25/2010 8:16AM

    Been there, done that! Do you think it is the exams that are the cause of the unhealthy eating? Are you anxious about them and eating out of avoidance to face your feelings about these exams. Just something to ponder.

Have a better day today!

emoticon emoticon

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    The key to this is tracking. Tracking every bite, no exceptions, no "this doesn't count". Diet, meaning what you're putting in, is 80-90% of this battle. If you have the choice of tracking or exercising, pick tracking every time! You cannot exercise away bad food choices. You CANNOT exercise away bad food choices.

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USEANDLOSE 5/25/2010 7:38AM

    Thanks for sharing this blog - I've been "off the wagon" on eating AND exercise. It did me well to see your enthusiasm to getting back on track. Let's do this!

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MICHELLEBELL28 5/25/2010 7:38AM

    It must be something in the air, I just spent the last few days beating myself up over the devil dogs, dunkin donuts and m&m's I have been eating in lue of the healthy foods I should be. We just have to get back up on that horse and forgive ourselves!!! Good luck hun, and know you are not the only one who does this!!!

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60 looks good

Monday, May 24, 2010

My younger brother Matt, whom I love, married a gal named Jenny, whom I love, who has the most fantastic parents, whom I also love. This fabulous Mother-in-law to my brother, turned 60 on Sunday. They had a big blow out party for her at a local park. I gotta tell ya, 60 never looked so good! I wish I had a picture of her. She is stunning! You would NEVER in a million years guess this woman to be 50, let alone 60. I WANT THAT!

She is active. She is kind. She is smart/witty. She is giving. And, she is BEAUTIFUL! The kind of beautiful without any makeup beautiful. A real natural.

I know she does not think this way about herself. She would deny it left and right. But, that just makes her even more beautiful, in my eyes.

I turn 40 in 137 days.

I was contemplating my disastrous food choices this weekend. 3 restaurant meals. 3 non-healthy choices. 3 pig out sessions. What am I doing to myself?

I also confidently walked into a store chose a size 14 off a rack-did NOT also grab a size 16 (you know, just in case...) and OMG! They fit! Then I found a different pair in a size 12. And OMG They FIT! I also got a very sexy skirt in a size 14. I found all of these at an outlet store, which could explain the size 12 (possibly a mis-label). But it felt good to confidently know I am now a 14.

I think I am getting too happy, too comfortable with where I am. So I keep sabotaging my weight loss. This MUST STOP! I know I want more for myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIXIED88 5/24/2010 11:57AM

    It's wonderful that your brother's in laws are so sweet and close to your family.

My weekend was full of snacking to the point that I can't even track b/c I don't remember what all I ate.

It's not about falling. It's the getting back up that matters the most. We'll do this....maybe slower than we would like...with several missteps along the way. But we'll do it! Got a plan for the week? Vacation's over! emoticon

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THOMS1 5/24/2010 10:31AM

    I liked your blog. It's great to have someone that you think so much of to be a role model. Congrats on the 14 just keep on track so you aren't in that 16 again and keep sparkin. Have a great week. emoticon

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MBSKIT 5/24/2010 10:28AM

emoticon on the smaller size of pants!!

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KATHERYNP 5/24/2010 10:28AM

    Great blog. I think it is great that you have a mother-in-law that sets such a great example. Always good to have a role model. She sounds beutiful inside and out.
emoticon emoticon

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Ornery! Strange! Just Plain Weird!

Friday, May 21, 2010

I'm feeling feisty, ornery, restless today. I will definitely be working out! Need to get some of this excess energy OUT!

I must eat applesauce either really cold or really warm. Never room temp. YUCK!

I hate garden fresh tomatoes. I do love fresh-made Salsa, spaghetti sauce, ketchup, chili with chucks of tomato, etc. But NOT a "fresh off the vine-bite into it like an apple" tomato!

The toilet paper should have the paper pulling/hanging from the front-Not the back!

I HATE when people do not use turn signals!

I hate that kids today do not know to walk AGAINST traffic and bike WITH it.

I miss Saturday morning, regular tv, cartoons and after school specials. (anyone else remember those).

I really HATE that I can not get low-sodium food at restaurants.

It bothers me when people won't have a deep, meaningful conversation with me. Superficial doesn't cut it for me--Boring!

I hate that people who smoke have no real idea how bad their breath is. YUCK!

I hate when people/kids touch me with their bare feet.

I also hate "sticky" hands.


I love the smell of leather, unlit/unsmoked cigarettes (it's the smell of fig newtons, I swear!), and coconut.

I will stop people and ask if I can feel their shirt/pants/coat, if it's an interesting texture--especially velvet!

I love to feel just buzzed heads! Summer-doos on boys!!!

I love hugs that stick. Are full arms around me and linger.

I am giddy over little girls with "sprouts" in their hair. (you know, the short pigtails that fountain off the tops of their heads)

I cry over commercials/movie/tv shows that have people doing favors for others. (good deed doers, or people who have transformations to do good. I'm a sucker!)

The sound of my DD talking in her sleep. It makes me smile every time!

When I call my BF and he answers with "Hello Beautiful".

My neighbors rose bush smells exactly how I picture Heaven smelling.

When someone compliments my DD--I am forever their friend.

I love eating things from the outside in; in a circular pattern. (like I'll eat around the outside of a hamburger, Reese's PB Cup, and then eat the inside. I realized I do this with my plate of salad too. I am so weird!)

I love to sing along with the radio--even when there are people in the car with me. It's like I can't help myself. And if people join me--all the better!

Have a sing-along kinda of day!!! (and be a bit forgiving to all those who are weird--you KNOW you are too!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTMISHY 5/25/2010 11:11AM

    Ahhhh! A twin! LOL

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BUDRFLY31 5/21/2010 10:10PM

    I am totally amazed that I like most of the stuff you like and all your pet peeves are similar to mine. I love "real" hugs and "fake" hugs actually make me feel uncomfortable , not comforted. I put my DDs hair in sprouts all the time. I am going to put one of the pictures of her like that on my Spark Page so you can get warm fuzzies looking at her. I always buzzed my boys hair in the summer and still do my 15year olds. Not my 18 year olds. I love the feeling. I could keep going. Are we sisters in another universe?

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    Like you said, we all have our quirks. Some of yours are some of mine too. Singing in the car, crying during commercials (drives my hubby bonkers), and a "real" hug - I don't let any of my kids friends get away with giving me weak armed hugs!!!

I love the smell of gasoline in a garage. emoticon

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DIXIED88 5/21/2010 12:11PM

    Hey beautiful! Your daughter is just one gorgeous lady now, isn't she? emoticon

I can forgive you for the tomato thing since you still like salsa and marinara sauce. BTW, you would hate my LO about the feet thing. I have to tell him a million times a night to gethis feet off me. Then he says "I'm loving you with my feet!". LOL Luckily they don't smell yet.

Have a great day! Loved this blog!!

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LADYINOHIO 5/21/2010 11:46AM

    Interesting, it's like an inside look at things many people wouldn't put out there generally. I agree with you about the toilet paper, for sure. I'll switch it if someone puts it on the other way in my house, lol!

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JCARDINAL 5/21/2010 11:34AM

    Looove singing in the car!:)

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KNITTABLES 5/21/2010 11:20AM

    Great blog! I guess I'm not weird after all and neither are you. You've made me emoticon

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/21/2010 11:18AM

    Love it--I am smiling from ear to ear after reading your blog! We all have our own little bits of weirdness . . . at least to others they might APPEAR weird, but they're normal to us. Have a fabulous day!


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CAROLINAGIRL377 5/21/2010 10:43AM

  Loved the Blog!!
My Friday seems more exciting already!

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BAMBINA00 5/21/2010 10:30AM

    Beautifully uplifting. emoticon Thanks!

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RHAL1462 5/21/2010 10:18AM

    Sounds like you're having a GREAT day emoticon

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CAALAN23 5/21/2010 9:23AM

    *GaSp* What??? No fresh tomatoes??? That is one of my favorite things in the summer, a fresh sliced tomato...yummmmmy.

I TOTALLY get the feet thing, especially kid feet.

LOL, I think I feel a bit boring next to you now. I'd rather be weirder!

I just have one more thing to say.....


*runs away*

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CJROARK 5/21/2010 8:21AM

    Bless weirdness! I have, on occasion been a little strange.


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