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Sorry to say, "The Clean Fairy doesn't exist."

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

I have been really thinking about all those places in my life that I enable. And why.

I let my kid get away with so much. Last night I made her clear the table and wash the dishes that were standing in the sink. I am so proud! I have to start doing this more. I told her that I cooked the dinner, she can clean it up. And I said that when she cooks dinner, I'll clean it up.

So why haven't I done this before? It's just plain easier to do it myself. Things actually get done. The dishes are cleaner. They are done in my time line. But, what am I teaching her? That the Clean Fairy really exists.

Not anymore. I will enforce a "helping" attitude around here. *(she does have chores, but seriously, not enough) I just hate dealing with eye-rolls and attitude. (But then, I punish her for that. She really hates the "Cliff Huxtable" long talking to. Ha! I love it!)

I also stopped enabling the "nothing" talk from BF. Nothing bores me to tears more than talking about the weather. He is a detail picky person and a black and white person. I want to draw out a thinking/caring/non-judging person. He asked me if we were going to "argue" everyday from now on. I laughed and said, "if that's what you think we are doing, then yes. But I didn't think we were arguing. I thought we were expressing opinions that may be different so that we can each see where the other person is coming from and understand them better."

Welp, I feel better. I hope my new attitude doesn't destroy relationships. I don't believe it will. I believe that enabling, and resentment destroy relationships. We will see.

Sometimes it is easier the talk about the weather. But then nothing gets done/understood/cleared up.

I gotta be free.

I gotta be me!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIXIED88 5/5/2010 11:38AM

    Great job!! You are doing exactly what needs to be done and for the right reasons. I'm thinking of making a chore chart myself for all the people in my house. Hubby can do waaaaay more than he does and LO can do more than pick up his toys on occasion. Must do it....

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CAALAN23 5/4/2010 1:59PM

    Girl, you don't even want to go into what I've made Boo do in the last month. I wasn't just DONE with being fat, I was DONE in all aspects in my life.

LOL, his involved the toilet and rubber gloves...nuff said.

Good for you! Just know that you are an are enabling your daughter to sail through life and handle each and every task as she should. Enabling her to accept responsibility! Remember that there is good enabling and bad enabling. ;)

As for that open discussion with the BF? Good Luck, LOL, my DH and I differ so much on topics that it does seem like argueing. He can't seem to understand "discussion" he keeps trying to prove he's right. Silly man.

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CYCLINGSANDY 5/4/2010 11:21AM

    You are teaching your daughter independence. This will help her succeed in life. She needs to be able to take of herself. So, giving her chores and clear expectations is what a mother does.

I can't imagine only talking about the weather with a sigficant other. How boring! I like your new atttitude. I think it is healthier for you anyway!

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DLEE27 5/4/2010 10:43AM

    emoticon"the "Cliff Huxtable" long talking to" Hahaha, I love that!

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drivers license=motivation

Monday, May 03, 2010

I just realized, this weekend, that I will have to renew my driver's license this year. I have 158 days until then.

I will be Fit.

I will be Fabulous.

I will be Forty.

Yikes! Forty! Yep. I will be striving to take the most fabulous, most fit, most bestest fortieth driver's license picture EVER!

I will lose another 35 pounds. I am so determined.

A lot of work ahead.

Must go be active!!!

Ta ta for now!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MZLADY77 5/3/2010 7:42PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LISANANCY 5/3/2010 7:21PM

    How long does the new license last. I have had mine for years and my next birthday if 67. I guess I need an update. Good goal to get fit for the new picture. thanks for the new goal emoticon

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CAALAN23 5/3/2010 4:20PM

    That is a good reason to bust a move, LOL! I wish I could redo my last photo...Oy.

You Can Do It! emoticon

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DIXIED88 5/3/2010 4:14PM

    Great motivation! One day at a time, one little drink of water, one extra step that wasn't actually needed, one manly push up, and one little pound at a time. emoticon emoticon

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CHUBBYPIE 5/3/2010 9:43AM

    That is AWESOME motivation!! I know you can do it...

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Money, time, distance

Saturday, May 01, 2010

I was on Facebook this morning and I learned the name of my new cousin. This made me feel really sad. I miss my Michigan family. I didn't even know my cousin was pregnant. (she's a doctor and has never been good at communicating, she leaves all the important stuff to her parents or sister to spread around). My younger brother and his wife also live there now. They used to live real close to me and I would spend so much of my time with them. They have been gone for 2 years now. I do not have the money to go visit, and they do come here quite a bit, but it's not the same.

So here's some more motivation for me to become healthy in mind, body, spirit, and finances: to be able to travel!

I am someone who's "love language" is that of quality time. I feel loved when people spend time with me/I spend time with them. I get really down when I do not get my social time. I am currently needy for it. I just had an "ah ha" moment about my dreadful week. It has many components that contributed, but mostly, I am feeling lonely and therefor=unloved. I MUST correct this.

I have been saving some money on the side. I want to use it to go visit over Labor Day weekend. If I am diligent, it will happen.

In the meantime, I will try to spend time with the peeps that are here. Sometimes though, family is what the heart longs for. There is something about "cousining" that is really special.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAALAN23 5/2/2010 9:38PM

    I feel loved with quality time too. Although I am a Gemini so I have the opposite side too where I absolutely must have some serious solitude to be happy as well.

That's a definite pro to be able to travel and something big to strive for. I wish we could travel more too, just so Boo would be able to get out and see the world a bit.

Congrats on the new cousin! I have no idea how many I have out there now, my family is much less social.

I hope the rest of your weekend was good!

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BUDRFLY31 5/1/2010 10:19AM

    The cycle of life; my 47 year cousin died of brain cancer last night. He was one of the good guys in this world. I am happy that he is not suffering, but sad that he will not be a physical presence in my life anymore.

And you received the gift of a new cousin! Congratulations!

Family can be a blessing and I agree that physical time spent can be very rewarding. Family can be frustrating as heck, too. But always a balance. Life is about balance.

Balance keeps me sane. I think I will blog on this "Balance" concept tonight. Stay tuned...

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WALKNLOVE 5/1/2010 9:14AM

    What the world needs now is love,sweet love.Everybody needs it! Even you and even me! Feel the love! Hugs!Your spark sister!

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Could you hug a porcupine?

Friday, April 30, 2010

I have really been a *ITCH this week. Prickly spines all over me. I am feelin' so sorry for myself in so many ways. I am also feelin' like a hypocrite.

I really do want it all. I really do feel like a prize of exquisite craftsmanship. I really do feel all the pain will pay off in the end.

When I am writing it all on here.

Somehow, this Warrior Attitude is not translating to my actions. I ate within my calories yesterday and I did exercise. But I am not feelin' it.

I am simply digging deep and wadding my way through some incredibly deep muck. It's tough work. I am exhausted. I want a Mommy to take care of me!

Don't you all feel that way sometimes? Like the world would end if you weren't in it. Doing everything.

I realize I enabled myself to get here. But it is also exhausting being the "crackdown" person. Making the teenager pull her weight. Following through with discipline.

Then there's the completely oblivious boyfriend. If I say (at 9:30pm) that I am exhausted and am going to bed early, wouldn't you think he'd say "okay sweetie, get some rest. Goodnight.", and then hang up the phone? You wouldn't ignore the person's tiredness and continue to keep her on the phone for 40 minutes talking about NOTHING! Would you?

There I go enabling again. In my defense, I did try. I told him I was tired and going to bed. (We started the ritual of calling each other right before we go to bed. It started out innocently enough and only lasted long enough to actually say goodnight to one another. But it has bloomed into a long drawn out rehash of the day.) I have tried to put an end to it. But he gets all bent out of shape and tells me I don't have time for him. And ya know what? Sometimes I don't! Get a life!

I want a break. I want someone to cook, clean, budget, shop, discipline, feed cats, clean up after cats, do laundry, errand run, and work for me. I want my feet rubbed, all my meals prepared by a nutritionist and brought to me, I want to not hear the words "Jenn/Mom can You do..." for a period of at least 24 hours, AND I want to feel a sense of appreciation!

Being a *itch to everyone around me will never garner that reward.

I will plug on. I will stop looking so inward and being so utterly selfish. Selfishness never gets me what I truly want. If I look for the positives, I know I will find them. They are always there. Like a cherished gift after a rough week like this one.

I take a lot for granted.

I am blessed. I am strong. I am entitled to some venting. I deserve appreciation.

I love my little condo. My cats. The kids I care for. There is no joy like the sheer happiness one year olds display. I love my daughter. She never ceases to amaze me. I love my boyfriend. He is a good guy.

Today is Friday. I thank God! I will serve to the best of my abilities. I will find the gifts today has for me. I will be gracious.

Porcupines may have poky spikes. But they are cute!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTMISHY 4/30/2010 1:59PM

    Sadly, I think that most women can relate. I am heading off for a night (or two...please please) in my trailer by myself. (It's been YEARS!!!!!!!!)Or maybe with a GF (if she's not needy) for "Mother's Day" Maybe, if you can do it financially, book yourself into a hotel for a night when your DD is at dad's. No kid, no BF just you and a good book and room service!
We ALL need a break at times. It helps us recharge and energize.
Hope you can do it.

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TEXASMIMI1 4/30/2010 9:47AM

    Honey, I know just how you feel. I get so tired of always doing and doing for everyone else and it seems that no one does for me. But you know that old saying 'If we don't take care of ourselves nobody else will' is so true and it's something I probably need to print on little signs and hang everywhere I go. I hope you feel better now that you have vented and can move on.
Everyone has a bad day or bad mood everyonce in a while. We are only human. Have a great day and be good to yourself.


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I HATE The Food Tracker!!!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I want everything to be calorie free. To allow me to enjoy the taste, texture, crunch or gooeyness, or volume without a care in the World. I want to be able to eat what I want, whenever I want, and how much I want.

I want to stop being a slave to a food tracker. I want to allow my mood to be what it is and not let food have a thing to do with it.

I want to socialize AND eat, drink, be merry!

I want the World to change. For me.

That's how I'm feelin'. Yup.

Food tracker, "I hate you!"

I hate your wee beady check marks. And your wee beady serving sizes.

I hate the way I feel when I want to eat more, and I do not have the calories to do so.

I hate that I sit and stew over every food commercial on TV--growing in a hatred for myself!

All 'cause I ate some stuff that wasn't the "best" choice, or because I ate too much of a "good thing".

I am not my food consumption!

I am not a slave to you--You wee little mind tricker--You!

I know the food tracker is my friend.

I know it is a great feeling to realize that I have done great for the day. I made good choices. I ate within my ranges.

I also know that I will feel that way again. Very soon. Like, tonight even.

But for now--I just needed you to know that I HATE you, you wee beady food tracker. And you do not own me!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BBLUNDON 4/30/2010 8:41AM

    so true

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BUDRFLY31 4/29/2010 8:11PM

    Too funny.
I have felt like that numerous times.
Especially the check marks for my fruit and veggies goal. I am so bad at my fruits and veggies and feel so guilty for not checking those wee bitty boxes.
You make me laugh! Thanks!

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MICHELEB609 4/29/2010 6:28PM

    Ahahaha! I am so right there with you! On successful days, the food tracker is a friend. On those less than stellar days, it's a nemesis. It's good to vent. Hope you feel better! And it made lots of us smile! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/29/2010 6:29:10 PM

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AHEALTHIERME9 4/29/2010 4:25PM

    I would by lying if I said I haven't had these very same thoughts at times throughout this journey:

"I want everything to be calorie free. To allow me to enjoy the taste, texture, crunch or gooeyness, or volume without a care in the World. I want to be able to eat what I want, whenever I want, and how much I want."

But truth be told, we want something MUCH, MUCH MORE than what's typed above, and that is to feel, look, and be dynamic, to be ALL that we were meant to be, to be able to go to the beach or a picnic and show off a body that we feel proud of...

Yes, that food tracker requires discipline, and sometimes we just want to be free of it, but think of it as a tool, YOUR tool, your secret weapon that's going to get you to where you ultimately want to be.

I'm glad that you vented and shared this, because at some point or another, I can guarantee you we've all thought this or felt this way.

I hope you feel so much better now that you've gotten this off of your shoulders! Now go track that food! lol emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/29/2010 4:25:56 PM

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MBSKIT 4/29/2010 4:21PM

    There are days I'm right there with you!
LOVED this blog!!

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JUSTMISHY 4/29/2010 3:49PM

    Today, I hate it too. Yesterday I did not. Let's see what tomorrow brings. Nasty thing! LOL

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PAIGESMAMA 4/29/2010 3:38PM

    This waws funny. I have those same feelings some days. I am trying to be friendly with it, but you knows how that goes.

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62NVON 4/29/2010 3:11PM

    Love, love, LOVE this blog post. I know exactly how you feel in every way!

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FITGRL124 4/29/2010 2:59PM

    Hahaha....I completely agree! The food tracker just plain STINKS sometimes!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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EKKING 4/29/2010 2:50PM

    Hear hear! Agree 150%!

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CAALAN23 4/29/2010 2:32PM

    *sheepish grin* I was afraid to comment right away because of my blog. But I do know how I feel about that tracker at certain moments.

Hope you feel better now. emoticon

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    You scare me sometimes, you know that...because it's like you're reading my thought and writing about my feeling. I was just thinking the very same things as I had a fruit smoothie was tons of spinach blended in. I was thinking...damn I really want xyz as I stared at my brown smoothie. Don't get me wrong the smoothie tasted great, had tons of different fruits and beautiful green spinach (that I can't taste when blended with fruit!) but all the bad greasy foods were calling my name. Always a constant battle with food and staying physically active. ARG. We can do this together. We can pick places to eat together that are better choices, and socialize. Check out the menu at Mediterranean Café near you and let me know if you'd be interested in being treated to dinner there! It's known for it's healthier dishes.

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DIXIED88 4/29/2010 2:30PM

    Are you getting all your water? How about fiber?? Both of those help like you wouldn't believe. I was having the same feeling but now that my fiber is at the high end and I'm drinking my water, I'm actually not starving 24/7. emoticon

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GOALIEGRANDMA3 4/29/2010 2:18PM

    Do you feel better now after venting? I hope so.

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ALICIABORTON 4/29/2010 2:11PM

    This cracked me up! I know the feeling when you go to look how many calories you have left for dinner, and it says 56 or something! You automatically want to start "removing" pieces of food that you ate throughout the day, and you think "no one will know, right?"

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