Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thanks buggirl19 for this image.
Stabbing salad has been my go to snack lately. Not that I thought of myself as stabbing it. But that is a good frustration release!!! I've just been eating salad 'cause I've had horrible stress munchies. And it is low calorie, time consuming, consumption. Crunching carrots is good too.
Push-ups are also my stress reliever. Full out, man-style, push-ups! I like to use my adrenaline to increase the most I've ever done before. Gives me a real sense of power, when I don't have control over seemingly anything.
I also do jumping jacks on the mini trampoline downstairs. Or I jog in place while Elmo's World is on for the kiddies. All good for stress relief.
I am feeling less stress over my money situation. And I am feeling good that I am doing the right stuff by not buying stuff. It is going to take a while to get back out of the hole. (slowly the hole will fill and I will see the light of day again). I am learning a lot. I am beginning to sense a thrill over saving (hoarding) money. I am also beginning to grasp the idea of the sheer sense of joy I will have when I pay for something outright without worry. Freedom is worth having. It is worth fighting for.
It's even worth it to give up some fatty, greasy, salty, crap-o-la. Just to gain a feeling of freedom from being able to walk into a store and put on (dare I say) a one digit size and KNOW it will fit. The freedom of running. The freedom of low blood pressure. The freedom of flexibility. The freedom of sexiness. The freedom of confidence!
Oh yes! Stabbing salad is F*U*N!!! And WORTH it!!!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I wrote that fabulous blog all about being a prize of exquisite craftsmanship, and then...
My day, my emotions, my reliance, all fell to pieces.
I ate enough sodium to fill the pacific Ocean!
I ate gooey cheese.
I had Ranch Dressing.
I felt like I was falling apart.
I yelled at my BF. (and still feel a little like doing it some more. I always take it out on the one I love.)
I did not exercise.
That was YESTERDAY!
Today. I still feel poopey. I still ate a bit too much for breakfast. I still feel like yelling at the WORLD!
I did exercise.
And I do feel a little bit better.
If I make some good choices the rest of today, I should still be in my ranges.
So, what set me off?
Danged if I really know.
I'm pretty sure I can pin it on too much month at the end of my money.
Financial issues sure do send me into a "woe-is-me" capital P, Pittyfest. I dug a hole as big as the grand canyon in debt. I am digging myself out. It is HARD! It is degrading. It feels like I am doing what I can (no cable, no magazines, no extras, no using credit at any time for anything), yet I am getting NO WHERE.
It sure does suck the esteem right out of me. And, I have no one to blame but ME. Me Me ME! I got myself into this. I have to get myself out of it.
But sometimes, I want to leave my life. I want a do over. I want some fabulous person to leave me a HUGE chunk-0-money just cause I'm so damned cute. I mean, I am. Right?
Why did I do this to myself? Why did I believe that things would fill me? Why have I believed food would satisfy me/fill me? What would it be like to be financially free? To be physically fit? To be in control? To be happy in all circumstances?
When will I know I am free?
One. Day. At. A. Time.
I am still a prize. I am cute. I will be free.
Monday, April 26, 2010
I just told tsuzanne that she is just that. A prize of exquisite craftsmanship. Worthy of being so to only the man deserving of such a prize. I truly do believe that too.
But do I swallow that for me?
How many times have I compromised myself for less than? And why? Is that all I feel is out there for me? All I deserve?
At one time I would say that I wasn't all that. I was mean, manipulative, selfish. I looked at myself through very narrow eyes.
But then I learned to look at the world around me. I learned the joy that only comes from being a giving person. The sense of self that only comes from being selfless. The fact that being on a pedestal only makes you a target. I also stopped waiting for life to happen. For changes to happen. I realized that all I have is right here, right now, and I had to make the most of it if I wanted to experience happiness, joy, love.
It's all there. Right now.
I make the most of everyday. (most of the time). I am a prize of exquisite craftsmanship. Not everyone may "get" that. That's okay. The ones that do are the ones that deserve to see it, that see it in themselves too. We are all unique. We all have talents. We all deserve to soar. And we should surround ourselves with others who feel the same way. Or, at the very least, we should try to help others soar. It's neat to see that. It makes me even more exquisite.
I believe. In me. In you.
Friday, April 23, 2010
I want a smooth belly!
I want thin, muscular legs!
I want arms that will stop traffic! )
I want a body that looks good in short shorts/dresses/shirts (nothing)!
I want to walk into any "normal sized" clothing store and KNOW I will fit into them without going a size up!
I want perky boobs!
I want the aches and pains caused by weight and inactivity to be gone! I want to replace them with the healthy ache of a good workout-followed by a feeling of great relaxation and triumph!
I want to be in control of what and when I eat!
I want to be in control of my emotions!
I want confidence to stream out of me!
I want a sharp mind and wit!
I want to cause heads to turn!
I want sexy hair!
I want a booty that makes all the boys cry!
I want to look GREAT coming and going!
I want everyone else to feel this sexy, confident, and in control too!
I WILL move more!
I WILL eat fruits, veggies, healthy fats, proteins, grains and dairy.
I WILL talk out my feelings.
I WILL be a better, smarter, physically appealing, version of myself in a matter of months!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
The Ten Commandments of Permanent Fat Removal
1. Thou shalt honor and believe in thyself.
2. Thou shalt move thy booty. Move it and move it some more.
3. Thou shalt never go hungry again. Eat small meals and healthy snacks throughout the day.
4. Thou shalt stock the fridge with the right stuff - the fruits and vegetables of the earth, the melba toast of men who walked before us.
5. Thou shalt honestly write it down. If you bite it, you must write it.
6. Thou shalt weigh and measure thyself and thy food.
7. Thou shalt drink enough Holy Water to frighten Noah and map out all the restrooms in thy village.
8. Thou shalt not deny thyself a treat or two now and then.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's plate.
10. Thou shalt not eat out of misery, boredom, anxiety ... but should they over-indulge, forgive thyself immediately.
All Is Forgiven, Move On!
I ripped this right off INKMANSWIFE 's page. She said she stole it too, but I don't know who/where from.
I like it. It's pretty simple, accurate, good.
BALLOONS and KITES
I've been thinking about BUGGIRL19's blog about the balloon string for two days now. If you haven't read it--go--read. I'll wait.
Great. Nice to have you back.
Now, I've been trying to figure out; what is my string? What am I not seeing that is causing my stubborn weight to not just fly away? I love that a "little kid" knew enough to not just stand there yelling at the balloon to "go". He knew enough to turn his gaze in another direction. ( I wish I could italicize "in another direction")
I know that my gaze needs to be turned inward. Although I do believe that stuff in my outer world inhibits my winning the battle (ice cream in the freezer, chocolate in the candy dish, a big comfy couch and a nice inviting book to read--but look at commandment #8, it's all good). The real trouble always comes to an inner gaze thing.
I just have trouble navigating around in here.
It's dark in here.
I keep forgetting my flashlight.
I get scared.
I get stuck.
My voice has trouble articulating what is going on in here.
I get frustrated.
I shut down.
I eat. I get lazy. I seek that comfy couch and chocolate and ice cream to keep from remembering the flashlight. (food coma surely makes me foggy)
Now, some of you may not be big believers in a higher power, but I am, so bare with...
I believe living in darkness is death on earth. And sometimes, we need a little help illuminating the inner workings.
This requires a bit of bravery. You have to ask!
I ask for prayers from others. I also ask God to help me travel to the darkest places. See, I don't want to go there alone. And well, He wants to be there with me.
I also find some really prepared friends. You know, the ones who never leave home without a flashlight in tow. The ones who love truth. The ones who speak truth in love to me. The ones who know me so well they have super natural powers and can see through the walls (or, can see the strings I am stepping on). The ones who want me to soar!
I'm going to take a twist on the string/balloon analogy. I think my issues are like a balloon tied to a stuck string.
But I am like a kite.
I can only soar when someone is holding my string.
Someone who knows what they are doing. Someone who can get me to the right angle, under the right wind gust, and never let me go. Who knows what kind of tail (stuff) I need in what type of weather and helps me unload/let go of any extra stuff weighing me down.
But, letting go of the kite string means sure failure.
We need a tether to soar!
Now, go find a GREAT person, power, etc to hold your kite string!
ps. Thanks Spark friends for holding mine!
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