Friday, January 29, 2010
I am going to do the 28 day plan from The Spark. I'm going to sign up on the book bonus page and I am going to do it! It starts Monday Feb 1 and goes the entire month. I am excited to have a goal, a program, support, and hopefully full health.
I'm currently only on chapter 4. There is a lot to take in and think about. Even though I've been on Sparkpeople for over a year, there is so much more I need to learn and absorb.
I have definitely begun to feel a routine and a lifestyle change. But, I still have the ability to slip into old habits when life throws me some curve balls. I need to really work on healthy methods of dealing with stress that can also become habits. And, I need to have a better game plan when I become sick. I have not been eating well, despite all the reminders to do so. I have gained weight.
My head goes to places I just can't fight when I am sick. The devil certainly knows our vulnerable points. And, well, he got to me these last two weeks. But I am feeling so amazing strong today (even though I am still a head of snot). I found a "happy" place in prayer and in reaching out to encourage others (even when I'm not feelin' it myself). Maybe when I'm sick, I need to cut myself some slack and simply support others. Celebrate others. Lord knows, you all have loved on me plenty during this weird sick phase. Thank you.
This is just a part of my journey. I love to learn. And even though I fear change a bit, I know that change is what makes me grow. I also know that next year at this time I will be smaller in size, stronger in my physical abilities, and a much improved emotional being. Knowing this keeps me going.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
How much more can I take? It feels like I will never recover! I am giving myself permission to take a break. To get better. To come back (next week) fully alive, fully motivated, fully breathing, fully charged, and ready to lose some fat, gain muscle, and be stronger and fabulously fit!
Now, just think happy, healthy, germ fighting thoughts.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I'm just gonna lay it all out on the line...
I DON'T FEEL LIKE BEING SO PARTICULAR ABOUT MY FOOD INTAKE ANYMORE!
I don't feel like tracking my food.
I don't always feel like eating vegetables or freaking fruit, for that matter.
I don't feel like pushing my body to exhaustion just to lose .002 of a pound.
I don't feel like expressing my feelings in healthy ways.
Sometimes, I just wanna EAT CRAPPY food, feel sorry for myself, watch silly romantic unreal movies, and not move other than to go to the bathroom.
Yep! That's how I feel sometimes.
And, then, I feel even worse. And, then, I eat more. And then, I move even less. And, then, I snap at people that I really love. And, then, I feel worse. And, then...
I had intestinal flu last week. It was so extremely brutal on my insides, that it has taken me a long time to feel "normal" again. And in the mean time, I have slacked on my healthy ways. I have begun to slip into old habits. And, now, I am finding it VERY hard to really get back into it. I have a HUGE case of the I DON'T WANNAS. And, having my car be invaided by strangers and having MY stuff taken was a real wall to my emotional well-being. I was angry, violated, frustrated, guilty, mad, sad, stubborn, and then I found a bit of forgiveness. (Huh, that's pretty much how I am with myself about any mistake I make...)
I know from my past stumbles that the only way to start to feel better is by taking baby steps. Starting with really small goals. Drinking water. Doing some strength exercises and some cardio. Eating at least one veggie and one fruit per day. And, I must forgive myself!
Action WILL become motivation. I just gotta start the motion.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
We are hard wired from an early age to seek approval from others. To feel good about ourselves based on someone else liking us or liking something we did or said. Or, even to only like ourselves based on our own inner approval. But what if we lose all our money, our job, our house burns down, our loved ones leave us, we lose the use of our limbs? Are we no longer to love ourselves? Or able to be loved by others?
I believe that when we have a belief in something bigger than ourselves (God); that we already have our approval needs met. God made us and God is pleased with us. He loves us--and with that--who needs anything else?
I know some of you may be reading this and you don't believe in God. Or, at the very least, you despise religion. I wouldn't blame you. Religion has been and continues to be used for nefarious purposes. Religion is not God.
I just know that after having this inner belief in my inherent approval (by God), I have been more open to taking risks, to believing in myself, to allowing myself to love others and to be loved by others, and to feel good on even the worst of days.
I hope, and pray, that every one feels this type of love and approval in their lives.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Intestinal flu has hit me! My horribly bad kitty has been sweet as pie and has slept on my belly for two days. Maybe he's not so bad after all...
I have managed to eat a little today. Much better than yesterday. I guess I'm on the mend. But I sure do feel like I was hit by a truck.
So much for getting back on track.
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