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Honestly, I DON'T WANNA!!!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I'm just gonna lay it all out on the line...


I don't feel like tracking my food.

I don't always feel like eating vegetables or freaking fruit, for that matter.

I don't feel like pushing my body to exhaustion just to lose .002 of a pound.

I don't feel like expressing my feelings in healthy ways.

Sometimes, I just wanna EAT CRAPPY food, feel sorry for myself, watch silly romantic unreal movies, and not move other than to go to the bathroom.

Yep! That's how I feel sometimes.

And, then, I feel even worse. And, then, I eat more. And then, I move even less. And, then, I snap at people that I really love. And, then, I feel worse. And, then...

I had intestinal flu last week. It was so extremely brutal on my insides, that it has taken me a long time to feel "normal" again. And in the mean time, I have slacked on my healthy ways. I have begun to slip into old habits. And, now, I am finding it VERY hard to really get back into it. I have a HUGE case of the I DON'T WANNAS. And, having my car be invaided by strangers and having MY stuff taken was a real wall to my emotional well-being. I was angry, violated, frustrated, guilty, mad, sad, stubborn, and then I found a bit of forgiveness. (Huh, that's pretty much how I am with myself about any mistake I make...)

I know from my past stumbles that the only way to start to feel better is by taking baby steps. Starting with really small goals. Drinking water. Doing some strength exercises and some cardio. Eating at least one veggie and one fruit per day. And, I must forgive myself!

Action WILL become motivation. I just gotta start the motion.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Want to meet at the Mall Thurs after work and do some mall walking? I'll exercise with you....hope I can keep up with you since I'm so out of shape. I actually went to YMCA with my sister Sunday which has helped my motivation a tiny bit...just like you told me. Motivation comes after!

I never wanna either until right before a bike tour. It's really been the only time I've gotten into shape and it's only so I can keep up with everyone else and not be completely out of breath with asthma attach the whole time. So I of all people understand.

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LDY_ALI_79 1/27/2010 11:47AM

    Yes, you don't have to do it, but how would you feel after you didn't do it! I have periods like that and then I snap out of it because I don't like that crappy feeling. Hang in there & shake off that bug.

Take care~ emoticon

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BUTTERCUP76 1/27/2010 11:41AM

    Cheer up, I still love ya!

Comment edited on: 1/27/2010 11:42:22 AM

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BUTTERCUP76 1/27/2010 11:41AM

    Wow, I can so relate to you this week. I don't wanna too!
Not to discourage you with my don't wanna's, but I think I really just need to get through this week and pick back up the pieces next week.
Start small.Get back to where I was heading.

Detours are pointless if the road is too bumpy and you have to slow down so much it takes twice the time to get there.
(not sure what I meant by that, it just sounded good, LOL)

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VDUB80 1/27/2010 11:10AM

    I'm new to Spark, and although I may not understand all of your frustrations, I can at least relate to your struggle. Motivation is to a healthy lifestyle as money is to the lottery: essential. It seems everyone is here for you with encouraging words...that's amazing. It only takes a day at a time. You may not be able to stay on track tomorrow, or next week or 2 years from now, but don't crowd your already trouble-filled thoughts with that...all you have to deal with today is TODAY. Pray for help and you'll feel better, pray for guidance and you'll be better :)

Good luck isn't needed where there is FAITH. "YOU GOT THIS!" emoticon

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MAMAEAGLE 1/27/2010 10:48AM

    One step at a time, girl. It will come back, just stay positive! We're here for ya, as always.


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IRIE_KEY 1/27/2010 10:13AM

    I think you've already begun to forgive your self and find your way back - keep moving in the right direction you can do it. Illness can really kick us and it hurts a lot, but you are gaining strength and you will get back to where you need to be. Be kind to yourself and honor yourself.
We're all here with you whether you need a push or a shoulder or just a helping hand to make those first steps easier.

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DROWSYMAGGIE 1/27/2010 9:55AM

    One of the most helpful things I have read here on SP was this....If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop digging. Put the past behind you. Start with your baby steps. You have been through a tough patch here lately but now it is time to get back on track. Eat those veggies, get that body moving. And most of all stop digging. emoticon

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DIXIED88 1/27/2010 9:48AM

    I can so feel your pain. I keep doing the same. When I'm on, I'm ON! But when I'm off, I'm "leave me alone, I'll deal with it later" OFF.

But you know what you need to do, one baby step and then another baby step. I know you can do it b/c you are strong and beautiful. emoticon

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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

We are hard wired from an early age to seek approval from others. To feel good about ourselves based on someone else liking us or liking something we did or said. Or, even to only like ourselves based on our own inner approval. But what if we lose all our money, our job, our house burns down, our loved ones leave us, we lose the use of our limbs? Are we no longer to love ourselves? Or able to be loved by others?

I believe that when we have a belief in something bigger than ourselves (God); that we already have our approval needs met. God made us and God is pleased with us. He loves us--and with that--who needs anything else?

I know some of you may be reading this and you don't believe in God. Or, at the very least, you despise religion. I wouldn't blame you. Religion has been and continues to be used for nefarious purposes. Religion is not God.

I just know that after having this inner belief in my inherent approval (by God), I have been more open to taking risks, to believing in myself, to allowing myself to love others and to be loved by others, and to feel good on even the worst of days.

I hope, and pray, that every one feels this type of love and approval in their lives.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POSITIVELY_EB 1/26/2010 6:43PM

    AMEN! emoticon

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MAMAEAGLE 1/26/2010 5:31PM

    Thanks for the reminder that we all need now and then. We are so hard on ourselves and need to remember that love and acceptance that is always there.

I will have you in my prayers also. Keep up with the great attitude you have and how well you share it with others.


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TEDDYTEDDY 1/26/2010 10:40AM

    I think you are talking about unconditional love and sometimes we cannot find it (in others and ourselves) and have to look to God for it. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TIMEGATES 1/26/2010 9:31AM

    I also believe that Christianity (in its purest form) is not a religion, but rather, it is a relationship between a person and God. We, as Christians are NOT perfect. Please do not judge God when I fail. He is perfect, and I prove my humanity by failing on a regular basis.
I try to learn more from Him daily, but inside, I remain human.
It has taken me many years to learn this basic imperfection that is me.

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LISANANCY 1/26/2010 8:49AM

    God is within all of us. Some just have not found him. How sad! emoticon

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LISANANCY 1/26/2010 8:49AM

    God is within all of us. Some just have not found him. How sad! emoticon

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I'm not MIA--just sick

Monday, January 18, 2010

Intestinal flu has hit me! My horribly bad kitty has been sweet as pie and has slept on my belly for two days. Maybe he's not so bad after all...

I have managed to eat a little today. Much better than yesterday. I guess I'm on the mend. But I sure do feel like I was hit by a truck.

So much for getting back on track.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMYJO323 1/19/2010 6:35PM

    Hope you feel better soon!!

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DIXIED88 1/19/2010 4:56PM

    Ugh! Me too!! Hubby and I were down for the count this whole holiday weekend. Hope you are feeling better today!

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HULAGIRL257 1/18/2010 9:08PM

    Sorry you got bitten by that awful bug. Thank God for our pets. They are are such good nurses!

Hula emoticon

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POSITIVELY_EB 1/18/2010 5:18PM

    Just take it easy and don't push things to fast. You don't need a relapse!

Hugs! Beverly

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MAMAEAGLE 1/18/2010 3:55PM

    Sorry to hear about you not feeling well... being sick just sucks!

Pets, umm, I mean our furry kids are just great when we are sick, they like to keep us warm and comfy.

Hope you continue to feel better!

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MBSKIT 1/18/2010 2:07PM

    I'm glad that you are startin gto feel better. Take care of yourself!!

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MISSJACQUE 1/18/2010 12:20PM

    You can get back on track when your better. So get better soon! emoticon

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IRIE_KEY 1/18/2010 12:15PM

    Hope you feel better soon. I am amazed at cats sometimes. I think they are guardian angels with fur when we need them.

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SLIMMERJESSE 1/18/2010 12:13PM

    Hope you feel better soon. It's amazing how intuitive cats are. And such good friends.

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LISANANCY 1/18/2010 12:05PM

    Some people will do anything to get out of exercising!!!Kidding!!!So glad you are on the mend. What a wast of time, getting sick. Now you will have to get better and find double the joy in the day. Make some fun! emoticon

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Thanks for the prayers-They're ALIVE!!!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

My friend, who has parents on a mission trip in Haiti, finally got word that they are indeed alive! She is so happy! She is also thankful for all the prayers and is asking that people keep praying for their safe return. No one knows when that will be. Her step-Dad is a doctor is is very much needed at this time.

Thanks for keeping their return home safely, in your prayers; and the need for Haitians to have a safe home, also in your prayers. Thanks, Jenn

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POSITIVELY_EB 1/16/2010 11:27AM


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Let's talk sex

Friday, January 15, 2010

I've had the topic on my mind quite a bit. I think many of us would like to be in better physical shape for better sex. Maybe not many of us blog about it.

I must put in a disclaimer before I proceed. My boyfriend is fabulous. The intimacy is wonderful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with us in that department.

...but...There is always room for improvement, right?

Most of my hang-ups with S-E-X come from my upbringing, I think. I was raised Catholic and my sexual education was mostly about the basic mechanics and a nice speech about saving yourself for marriage. In other words, no talk about pleasure and lots of guilt.

I believe I was a bit on the late end of virginity-loss; in that, I did not "pop my cherry" until I was in college. Actually, my partner and I were each other's first. And , well, like most first encounter's it was awkward, weird, and slightly uncomfortable. I 'loved' the guy. We were supposed to be together forever...

I'm not a "multiple partners kinda girl". I have to be in love and have to feel like we are serious. I can't/won't compartmentalize. Emotions are integrally tied to the physical for me. You can imagine the hang-ups that come with that.

So, loosing weight for better sex is just the physical part. For me, I also have to feel emotionally better too. If I don't feel sexy, loved, cherished, etc; "IT" just isn't as good. "IT'S" un-fulfilling.

Looking good/better has been a goal of mine. But then it occurred to me that when I was thin I wasn't comfortable naked either. I wasn't confident of my supreme sexiness. So, the big question has become: What will it take for me to know my own supreme sexiness?

Is knowing THAT what makes S-E-X better? Sure stamina and flexibility are a must. Then there's the whole "knowing yourself" part of the equation. (Didn't I mention I was raised Catholic--that's a no no.) It is definitely weird for me to communicate specific directions to a partner. Does that come with more confidence too?

From a "God made sex a beautiful, pleasurable, act between a man and a woman" perspective-- The woman focuses on pleasuring the man and the man focuses on pleasuring the woman--and THAT focus on other is what makes S-E-X good/great. That involves tons of trust. Tons of belief in ones own ability to be deeply loved by another. Loads of patience. Lots of practice ;-)

I hear tell that sex either gets better over time with one partner or it gets stale. I'm hoping for/working toward the former.

Okay, so my bottom line seems to be that getting in better physical shape will certainly help make sex better. But that better sex is just not so simple as a better physical body. It involves better emotional health, a fantastic partner, and better communication sparked by a feeling of confidence in ones own supreme sexiness. Would you all agree?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAISY_DYNAMITE 1/23/2010 12:42PM

    My husband and I were virgins when we married each other. And our sex has only gotten better and better over the years. We'll have our 16th wedding anniversary in May.

As I've lost weight, I've had more energy and more confidence. I love to have my husband look at my changing body and tell me how great I look and how much smaller I am. That is just an awesome feeling!

Woohoo to losing weight and having better sex!

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BUTTERCUP76 1/23/2010 10:57AM

    I think my self confidence is getting better as I lose the weight, I used to be so ashamed of how I looked. As I look better I feel better too, and I take a little bit more of that wall down.

Thanks for sharing on a more sensitive subject!

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BEINGHAPPY1 1/16/2010 7:09AM

    I so agree...... It's all about how you feel about yourself. emoticon

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MOMMY_IN_MOTION 1/15/2010 7:22PM

    Just my $0.02...

1st- I think that sex *does* get better over time with one partner. At least, in our case it did. John and I have discussed this a lot recently. As you get to know each other better- things just click.

2nd- I do think that confidence does lead to better sex but, unfortunately, losing weight and getting in shape doesn't equal automatic confidence boost!

3rd- I hear you on the Catholic guilt! My goodness, have I struggled with that one over the years! It can put a damper on the general sexy feelings at times!

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    Sex definitely gets better with one partner and even more so when I got remarried. I felt we were more committed, patient (neither of us had to go home at the end of the evening) and frankly more opportunities when married and living under one roof!! So you have lots to look forward too. Many men get better with age....and I can agree on that!!

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IRIE_KEY 1/15/2010 3:09PM

    I agree 100% it is more than just the physical and some of it is getting past that Catholic school upbringing (me too) to feel comfortable and confident I think takes trust. Trust in your partner and trust in yourself.
Thanks for being open and sharing your thoughts.

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POSITIVELY_EB 1/15/2010 12:30PM

    I agree 100%. For me, the mental part is much harder to fix than the physical part! If my mind is feeling good about me, my body follows!

Hugs! Beverly

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DIXIED88 1/15/2010 11:54AM

    I'm with you sister! I have to say that I think with any long term relationship, you will have your good days (weeks, months) and your bad days (weeks, months). Being intimate with my Hubby 12 years (btw he was my first...kinda sweet!), we've had times when I was the aggressor, then both about the same, then him being the aggressor. After having LO, my drive dipped really low for quite some time. But I can honestly say that being healthy and more active, has helped extrememly in that area. I feel better about myself and I'm not exhausted constantly from day to day activities. I've even been guilty of sending a naughty text from time to time recently! LOL, It's a sure fire way to make sure he's thinking about you even when you aren't there!

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1SOPRANOMOM1 1/15/2010 10:27AM

    Nailed it, so to speak! emoticon

A little more on the physical, though - for me and my husband, there is nothing _wrong_, either. But there could be a few more things right as soon as there aren't four of us in bed any more: two of him, and two of me.

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WANNABTHIN2010 1/15/2010 9:16AM

    that was great. you definalty "hit the nail on the head"as tootz480 said

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BEACHY_KEEN 1/15/2010 8:50AM

    Amen, sister.

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JIJJI1313 1/15/2010 8:33AM

    Okay sex is sex and it's always awesome regardless of how much you weigh. Even if you are pregnant sex is awesome. Yet, you must feel attractive in order to enjoy sex to the max. You must be confident in yourself. This is sometimes hard if you don't feel you are at your best at the time. Therefore if you feel that you need to lose weight to feel sexier than by all means lose weight. Men on the other hand see our flaws a lot less than we do. Trust me that when he is pounding it the last thing on his mind is the extra fat, celulite, or the fact that you are heavier or lighter. It is more of a girl thing. Excersise does improve health and circulation which in turn also improve our sex drive. Good luck with all your goals! :)

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TOOTZ480 1/15/2010 8:30AM

    I believe you've hit the nail on the head emoticon

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