Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I'm just gonna lay it all out on the line...
I DON'T FEEL LIKE BEING SO PARTICULAR ABOUT MY FOOD INTAKE ANYMORE!
I don't feel like tracking my food.
I don't always feel like eating vegetables or freaking fruit, for that matter.
I don't feel like pushing my body to exhaustion just to lose .002 of a pound.
I don't feel like expressing my feelings in healthy ways.
Sometimes, I just wanna EAT CRAPPY food, feel sorry for myself, watch silly romantic unreal movies, and not move other than to go to the bathroom.
Yep! That's how I feel sometimes.
And, then, I feel even worse. And, then, I eat more. And then, I move even less. And, then, I snap at people that I really love. And, then, I feel worse. And, then...
I had intestinal flu last week. It was so extremely brutal on my insides, that it has taken me a long time to feel "normal" again. And in the mean time, I have slacked on my healthy ways. I have begun to slip into old habits. And, now, I am finding it VERY hard to really get back into it. I have a HUGE case of the I DON'T WANNAS. And, having my car be invaided by strangers and having MY stuff taken was a real wall to my emotional well-being. I was angry, violated, frustrated, guilty, mad, sad, stubborn, and then I found a bit of forgiveness. (Huh, that's pretty much how I am with myself about any mistake I make...)
I know from my past stumbles that the only way to start to feel better is by taking baby steps. Starting with really small goals. Drinking water. Doing some strength exercises and some cardio. Eating at least one veggie and one fruit per day. And, I must forgive myself!
Action WILL become motivation. I just gotta start the motion.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
We are hard wired from an early age to seek approval from others. To feel good about ourselves based on someone else liking us or liking something we did or said. Or, even to only like ourselves based on our own inner approval. But what if we lose all our money, our job, our house burns down, our loved ones leave us, we lose the use of our limbs? Are we no longer to love ourselves? Or able to be loved by others?
I believe that when we have a belief in something bigger than ourselves (God); that we already have our approval needs met. God made us and God is pleased with us. He loves us--and with that--who needs anything else?
I know some of you may be reading this and you don't believe in God. Or, at the very least, you despise religion. I wouldn't blame you. Religion has been and continues to be used for nefarious purposes. Religion is not God.
I just know that after having this inner belief in my inherent approval (by God), I have been more open to taking risks, to believing in myself, to allowing myself to love others and to be loved by others, and to feel good on even the worst of days.
I hope, and pray, that every one feels this type of love and approval in their lives.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Intestinal flu has hit me! My horribly bad kitty has been sweet as pie and has slept on my belly for two days. Maybe he's not so bad after all...
I have managed to eat a little today. Much better than yesterday. I guess I'm on the mend. But I sure do feel like I was hit by a truck.
So much for getting back on track.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
My friend, who has parents on a mission trip in Haiti, finally got word that they are indeed alive! She is so happy! She is also thankful for all the prayers and is asking that people keep praying for their safe return. No one knows when that will be. Her step-Dad is a doctor is is very much needed at this time.
Thanks for keeping their return home safely, in your prayers; and the need for Haitians to have a safe home, also in your prayers. Thanks, Jenn
Friday, January 15, 2010
I've had the topic on my mind quite a bit. I think many of us would like to be in better physical shape for better sex. Maybe not many of us blog about it.
I must put in a disclaimer before I proceed. My boyfriend is fabulous. The intimacy is wonderful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with us in that department.
...but...There is always room for improvement, right?
Most of my hang-ups with S-E-X come from my upbringing, I think. I was raised Catholic and my sexual education was mostly about the basic mechanics and a nice speech about saving yourself for marriage. In other words, no talk about pleasure and lots of guilt.
I believe I was a bit on the late end of virginity-loss; in that, I did not "pop my cherry" until I was in college. Actually, my partner and I were each other's first. And , well, like most first encounter's it was awkward, weird, and slightly uncomfortable. I 'loved' the guy. We were supposed to be together forever...
I'm not a "multiple partners kinda girl". I have to be in love and have to feel like we are serious. I can't/won't compartmentalize. Emotions are integrally tied to the physical for me. You can imagine the hang-ups that come with that.
So, loosing weight for better sex is just the physical part. For me, I also have to feel emotionally better too. If I don't feel sexy, loved, cherished, etc; "IT" just isn't as good. "IT'S" un-fulfilling.
Looking good/better has been a goal of mine. But then it occurred to me that when I was thin I wasn't comfortable naked either. I wasn't confident of my supreme sexiness. So, the big question has become: What will it take for me to know my own supreme sexiness?
Is knowing THAT what makes S-E-X better? Sure stamina and flexibility are a must. Then there's the whole "knowing yourself" part of the equation. (Didn't I mention I was raised Catholic--that's a no no.) It is definitely weird for me to communicate specific directions to a partner. Does that come with more confidence too?
From a "God made sex a beautiful, pleasurable, act between a man and a woman" perspective-- The woman focuses on pleasuring the man and the man focuses on pleasuring the woman--and THAT focus on other is what makes S-E-X good/great. That involves tons of trust. Tons of belief in ones own ability to be deeply loved by another. Loads of patience. Lots of practice ;-)
I hear tell that sex either gets better over time with one partner or it gets stale. I'm hoping for/working toward the former.
Okay, so my bottom line seems to be that getting in better physical shape will certainly help make sex better. But that better sex is just not so simple as a better physical body. It involves better emotional health, a fantastic partner, and better communication sparked by a feeling of confidence in ones own supreme sexiness. Would you all agree?
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