Friday, January 15, 2010
I've had the topic on my mind quite a bit. I think many of us would like to be in better physical shape for better sex. Maybe not many of us blog about it.
I must put in a disclaimer before I proceed. My boyfriend is fabulous. The intimacy is wonderful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with us in that department.
...but...There is always room for improvement, right?
Most of my hang-ups with S-E-X come from my upbringing, I think. I was raised Catholic and my sexual education was mostly about the basic mechanics and a nice speech about saving yourself for marriage. In other words, no talk about pleasure and lots of guilt.
I believe I was a bit on the late end of virginity-loss; in that, I did not "pop my cherry" until I was in college. Actually, my partner and I were each other's first. And , well, like most first encounter's it was awkward, weird, and slightly uncomfortable. I 'loved' the guy. We were supposed to be together forever...
I'm not a "multiple partners kinda girl". I have to be in love and have to feel like we are serious. I can't/won't compartmentalize. Emotions are integrally tied to the physical for me. You can imagine the hang-ups that come with that.
So, loosing weight for better sex is just the physical part. For me, I also have to feel emotionally better too. If I don't feel sexy, loved, cherished, etc; "IT" just isn't as good. "IT'S" un-fulfilling.
Looking good/better has been a goal of mine. But then it occurred to me that when I was thin I wasn't comfortable naked either. I wasn't confident of my supreme sexiness. So, the big question has become: What will it take for me to know my own supreme sexiness?
Is knowing THAT what makes S-E-X better? Sure stamina and flexibility are a must. Then there's the whole "knowing yourself" part of the equation. (Didn't I mention I was raised Catholic--that's a no no.) It is definitely weird for me to communicate specific directions to a partner. Does that come with more confidence too?
From a "God made sex a beautiful, pleasurable, act between a man and a woman" perspective-- The woman focuses on pleasuring the man and the man focuses on pleasuring the woman--and THAT focus on other is what makes S-E-X good/great. That involves tons of trust. Tons of belief in ones own ability to be deeply loved by another. Loads of patience. Lots of practice ;-)
I hear tell that sex either gets better over time with one partner or it gets stale. I'm hoping for/working toward the former.
Okay, so my bottom line seems to be that getting in better physical shape will certainly help make sex better. But that better sex is just not so simple as a better physical body. It involves better emotional health, a fantastic partner, and better communication sparked by a feeling of confidence in ones own supreme sexiness. Would you all agree?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I am so sad for the earthquake victims in that country. It is such a poor country to begin with, and now, to have it be so utterly devastated by a natural disaster...
I have been involved with a foundation that works to give children there, in slavery, a life. They have opened their donations to go specifically to earthquake relief efforts. I feel I have so much compared to the people there and wondered if anyone else is feeling the same? www.restavekfreedom.org/ Please check out this foundation and consider making a donation.
THe Red Cross has a way to text and make a donation as well. Here's the info: http://newsroom.redcross.org/
Send a $10 Donation by Texting ‘Haiti’ to 90999
Editorial note: Call (202) 303-5551 to speak with an American Red Cross spokesperson.
Also, I have a friend who's parents were in Haiti on a mission trip during the earthquake. My friend has yet to hear anything about/from her parents. Please send them prayers or thoughts of positivity. Thanks.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The changes I am looking to face over the next 2-3 years are fairly monumental. I will be changing jobs, going to school, getting a daughter in high school, losing 40ish more pounds, possibly getting married, and possibly moving. Nothing much. Piece of cake, right?
Those are just the things I know are coming. As we all know, life has a funny way of jumping to attention and throwing some doozies in the mix.
How do we deal with it all?
Well, in the past, I have been crushed and paralyzed with fear. I have brought life to a screeching halt. And by doing so, I developed a tumor in my foot. I fell into depression. I became isolated.
I also fought my way out of depression. I took down the wall brick by brick until I reached the keystone--which brought the whole thing to a tumbling fall. The wall fell, not me. I stood tall. I stepped over that wall. I CRUSHED THE WALL!
The keystone, for me, was realizing that nothing in my world "just happens". I play a role in setting up my life. I don't control everything-but I do control how I re-act. I control my emotions and actions. NO ONE can make me feel anything! It is a choice I make.
I still can find myself in a "victim" mentality. The "woa is me" "the world is against me" crap. But I can't allow myself to live there. I won't allow it. My friends won't allow it. And, quite frankly, it feels good to take ownership of my life. To stand in truth is to stand in freedom.
I like to test myself. To challenge myself. To stretch. It is scary. But the feeling of accomplishing something I may never even have known I wanted to conquer is so utterly empowering. I may just be a addict. I want that feeling again. And again. And again.
School is a "safe place" for me-sort-of. I feel confident that I will do well, most of the time. My fears are about time management. Knowing is half the battle. I've been there before (worked and went to school) It all worked out. I can legally put the letters LMT after my name.
Picking schools for my kid, marriage and moving are total "poop my pants" scary! These are things that affect others, not just me! This is where "making aggressive mistakes" comes into play. I have to push past fear, make a decision, and then make a new decision if something isn't working. I refuse to get another divorce (so I'm not talking about making the choice to un-do a marriage). It's more like being brave enough to admit a mistake in order to figure out how to correct one.
I will play a role in my life. I will make decisions as they come. I will do the preparatory work that I can to make things easier. I will feel empowered! I already do!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
My fabulous daughter came home so sad today. She says a kid on the bus (same age as her) has been calling her, and others, names. She didn't even want to repeat what he said, but did say that he is just MEAN. And that she wanted to gouge his eyes out! Bless her for not doing it. I hugged her and consoled her and made sure she knew that NOTHING he said was true. And that he is a flawed person-not her. She feels torn about filing a bully report on him, she says it will do no good. I'm not even sure what to tell her. The kids around here (the bad ones) are really bad! I would be afraid for her if he seeks revenge. (I did not say this to her). I did tell her that he is in the wrong and that being a victim is not good. She has a right to stand up for herself, to protect herself, and to do what she feels is right. We also talked about what is right, and why.
All that being said--I just want to get rid of bullies! I want a world where people are kind. Where I can feel safe. Where I can trust. Where people do the right thing! This starts at home! I have a fear of having a violent temper; where I just go ballistic to ANYONE being mean, bad, violent, rotten, horrible, hateful, etc. I know that it wouldn't solve any problems--but it sure would feel good.
Some days it feels like the nice guy finishes last. I know it's not true. But it sure can feel like it. I guess that's why evil is so deceptive. I pray for a world where everyone KNOWS they are loved, cherished, and wanted. Where it is okay to make mistakes. Where being honorable and having courage are more revered than putting others down. Where supporting or helping one another is the norm, not the exception. Where the news is so filled with "feel good" stories we want to barf! Where battles are fought for justice and righteousness; not for things, power, and/or fame.
Thanks for reading my rant. I wish I could wave my magic wand and make everyone understand the power of love.
But secretly, I wish I could go gouge his eyes out...
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
A tree which is planted on Monday and doubles in size each day,is fully grown on the following Sunday. On what day is it half grown?
Does anyone know the answer?
Get An Email Alert Each Time STOPTHECRAVING Posts