The Keystone

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The changes I am looking to face over the next 2-3 years are fairly monumental. I will be changing jobs, going to school, getting a daughter in high school, losing 40ish more pounds, possibly getting married, and possibly moving. Nothing much. Piece of cake, right?

Those are just the things I know are coming. As we all know, life has a funny way of jumping to attention and throwing some doozies in the mix.

How do we deal with it all?

Well, in the past, I have been crushed and paralyzed with fear. I have brought life to a screeching halt. And by doing so, I developed a tumor in my foot. I fell into depression. I became isolated.

I also fought my way out of depression. I took down the wall brick by brick until I reached the keystone--which brought the whole thing to a tumbling fall. The wall fell, not me. I stood tall. I stepped over that wall. I CRUSHED THE WALL!

The keystone, for me, was realizing that nothing in my world "just happens". I play a role in setting up my life. I don't control everything-but I do control how I re-act. I control my emotions and actions. NO ONE can make me feel anything! It is a choice I make.

I still can find myself in a "victim" mentality. The "woa is me" "the world is against me" crap. But I can't allow myself to live there. I won't allow it. My friends won't allow it. And, quite frankly, it feels good to take ownership of my life. To stand in truth is to stand in freedom.

I like to test myself. To challenge myself. To stretch. It is scary. But the feeling of accomplishing something I may never even have known I wanted to conquer is so utterly empowering. I may just be a addict. I want that feeling again. And again. And again.

School is a "safe place" for me-sort-of. I feel confident that I will do well, most of the time. My fears are about time management. Knowing is half the battle. I've been there before (worked and went to school) It all worked out. I can legally put the letters LMT after my name.

Picking schools for my kid, marriage and moving are total "poop my pants" scary! These are things that affect others, not just me! This is where "making aggressive mistakes" comes into play. I have to push past fear, make a decision, and then make a new decision if something isn't working. I refuse to get another divorce (so I'm not talking about making the choice to un-do a marriage). It's more like being brave enough to admit a mistake in order to figure out how to correct one.

I will play a role in my life. I will make decisions as they come. I will do the preparatory work that I can to make things easier. I will feel empowered! I already do!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POSITIVELY_EB 1/13/2010 2:38PM

Yes!! I am just finding out the great feeling that comes from pushing myself to do something I didn't think I could do! Keep up the great work! You are so much stronger than you know! Hugs! Beverly Report Inappropriate Comment

WANNABTHIN2010 1/13/2010 8:25AM

I LOVED THIS BLOG. IT IS SO INSPIRATIONAL. KEEP UP WITH THE GREAT ATTITUDE!! AND YES WE CAN OVERCOME OUR FEAR. JUST WALK AHEAD AND KEEP THEM BEHIND YOU!! Report Inappropriate Comment

Bullies SUCK!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

My fabulous daughter came home so sad today. She says a kid on the bus (same age as her) has been calling her, and others, names. She didn't even want to repeat what he said, but did say that he is just MEAN. And that she wanted to gouge his eyes out! Bless her for not doing it. I hugged her and consoled her and made sure she knew that NOTHING he said was true. And that he is a flawed person-not her. She feels torn about filing a bully report on him, she says it will do no good. I'm not even sure what to tell her. The kids around here (the bad ones) are really bad! I would be afraid for her if he seeks revenge. (I did not say this to her). I did tell her that he is in the wrong and that being a victim is not good. She has a right to stand up for herself, to protect herself, and to do what she feels is right. We also talked about what is right, and why.

All that being said--I just want to get rid of bullies! I want a world where people are kind. Where I can feel safe. Where I can trust. Where people do the right thing! This starts at home! I have a fear of having a violent temper; where I just go ballistic to ANYONE being mean, bad, violent, rotten, horrible, hateful, etc. I know that it wouldn't solve any problems--but it sure would feel good.

Some days it feels like the nice guy finishes last. I know it's not true. But it sure can feel like it. I guess that's why evil is so deceptive. I pray for a world where everyone KNOWS they are loved, cherished, and wanted. Where it is okay to make mistakes. Where being honorable and having courage are more revered than putting others down. Where supporting or helping one another is the norm, not the exception. Where the news is so filled with "feel good" stories we want to barf! Where battles are fought for justice and righteousness; not for things, power, and/or fame.

Thanks for reading my rant. I wish I could wave my magic wand and make everyone understand the power of love.

But secretly, I wish I could go gouge his eyes out...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTTERCUP76 1/13/2010 3:57PM

I went through an issue my daughter had last year at school and it killed me, it really tore her up. A boy at school had brushed a $5.00 bill around on her breast and said things to her like "you know you like it". Well I knew that we needed to report this, someone had to make sure this boy knew how wrong this was, and that you do not treat girls this way. So we did, and the boy did get suspended for about a month. After a few weeks my daughter told me she had been getting picked on in the halls by some of the boys friends and this had been happening for a while now but she was trying to ignore them. So I again went back to the school and had a very long talk with the Dean about this and how it was unacceptable. He did follow up on it and took care of the problem. I was actually very glad I did this, because it showed my daughter that this type of behavior was unacceptable and you need to stand up for yourself and put a stop to problems like this. I hope this helps and you may want to see if you can report it to the school without revealing your daughter's identification, if she was not the only one he was picking on he may not know who to seek revenge on. At my daughters school they treat retaliation (revenge) just as serious as they do fighting. Report Inappropriate Comment

HOLLYSNOWWOMAN 1/13/2010 7:20AM

I wonder if his parents were bullies too? Report Inappropriate Comment

POSITIVELY_EB 1/12/2010 6:39PM

AMEN, Sister! I'm with YOU! Hugs! Beverly Report Inappropriate Comment

LISANANCY 1/12/2010 5:25PM

This bully has something really bad in his life. He is acting out what is happening to him. If your daughter can, get her to stay out of his way. If this doesn't work, you report to the school his actions, Does he have a bully report already? Maybe you can get your thoughts to the school without letting them know who you are and not put your daughter in any danger. You are a good mom, let your daughter know that this bully is hurting himself. Do not respond to him. Report Inappropriate Comment

Contest: answer this riddle

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A tree which is planted on Monday and doubles in size each day,is fully grown on the following Sunday. On what day is it half grown?


Does anyone know the answer?

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HLTHYLIVNCCJ 1/12/2010 7:33PM

Cool riddle....I love riddles! Sadly, I saw the answer was Saturday, though was going to say Saturday, since it doubles every day. Report Inappropriate Comment

STOPTHECRAVING 1/12/2010 2:34PM

Man o Man--you Saturday people are GOOD! the answer is Saturday because the tree doubles in size every day! Comment edited on: 1/12/2010 2:37:33 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

KATHI0228 1/12/2010 2:33PM

I would say Thursday (night) Report Inappropriate Comment

ASOPA21 1/12/2010 2:24PM

Saturday? Report Inappropriate Comment

DIXIED88 1/12/2010 2:18PM

Going with Saturday! :) Fun! Report Inappropriate Comment

IRIE_KEY 1/12/2010 2:17PM

I'd say Saturday too. Report Inappropriate Comment

ENCHANTEDMAMA 1/12/2010 2:16PM

Saturday. I LOVE riddles! Comment edited on: 1/12/2010 2:16:31 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

SVELTEWARRIOR 1/12/2010 2:15PM

I'll say Wedsnesday Report Inappropriate Comment

BUTTERCUP76 1/12/2010 2:15PM

Saturday? So what's the prize??? LOL Comment edited on: 1/12/2010 2:25:37 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

Give me your 2 cents

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

My boyfreind and I have been dating for 3+years now. He owns a home. Built in 1929, 2 bedroom, has a living room, dining room and kitchen, unfinished attic & basement, no dishwasher, antique bathroom fixtures, still has knob and tube electric (in some places), actually can not run the TV while vacuuming or it blows a fuse. He lives alone. Doesn't cook. In other words, he has no idea how much we girls will be bringing to his life!

We have been discussing the idea of getting married. He refuses to put his house up for sale and says that my 12 year old daughter and I should move there. I live in a rented condo. 3 bedrooms, dishwasher, finished basement & upstairs, no problems ever with all my stuff plugged in and running. In other words, it has all the modern amenities. The only thing I feel I lack is a garage. But he doesn't really have one either.

The other thing about his home is that he lives in the city limits, which means putting my daughter in the city's public school system (not known to be good-at all). She is currently in 7th grade. Public school, but not the city system. I don't want her to switch schools until high school. At that point, private school may be an option. But, he says that living in his home would be temporary. I don't want her to have to switch schools after she starts. I'm not sure of what his definition of temporary means.

At any rate, I am tired of the living in two places thing. Feeling ready to 'rock my world' and get married, but have no idea how we can resolve the living/school issues. Got any thoughts for me?

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HLTHYLIVNCCJ 1/12/2010 3:39PM

Sounds like neither of you are willing to move. He has a place that is established, while you rent, though your place is modern and his not so great. A possibility would be instead of moving to one place or the other, try finding a new location that both of you would be happy with. If nothing else, try writing a pros and cons list for both places versus finding a new place and just see what each other is feeling in regards to each place. Maybe that would help each of you to understand what the other is thinking. Best wishes on getting this resolved. Report Inappropriate Comment

TIMEFORVACATION 1/12/2010 3:34PM

I read your reply and I personally wouldn't move into his house temporarily just to turn around and move again. This should definitely be resolved before you walk down the isle. Keep your chin up and keep praying....I know a solution is out there! Report Inappropriate Comment

TIMEFORVACATION 1/12/2010 3:24PM

I've been in your shoes and I know how difficult of a time this is in a relationship. I reached a point where I wasn't happy just staying stagnant. I like to keep moving forward and deeper in my relationships and when we hit that wall when major life changing decision had to be made it was hard! BUT I had a much easier decision to make than you because Dave already had a house large enough for all of us and in a good school district so compared to you it was a walk in the park. You two have some serious tough decisions to make. I would highly recommend Crossroads pre-marriage counseling. We also did the step-parenting pre-marriage stuff. It was good to hear everyone elses stories, hardships, successes, suggestions and get new perspectives on all different areas of marriage. All I know is you and your dd deserve the very best. Report Inappropriate Comment

DAISY_DYNAMITE 1/12/2010 3:02PM

This is a dilemma indeed. You might suggest starting your new lives together in a new place for both of you. It means two moves, but it can be a symbolic gesture of unity and sacrifice for both of you. Then perhaps you can find a place in a desirable school district, too. Report Inappropriate Comment

STOPTHECRAVING 1/12/2010 1:59PM

I have talked with BF. (I generally won't blog about something between he and I if I haven't already communicated it with him--seems wrong). I just don't have a definition of: temporary. We are pretty good communicators. The door will remain open about this topic until we can come up with a solution. Thank you to those of you who weighed in on this and who support me in putting my daughters needs in the mix. I totally believe that moving into a whole new place would be the best solution all around. That way both (all 3) of us can feel ownership. And that way, the biggest changes are not just on one or two people. It's just frustrating to know that we will not be able to live together until we get out of our current situations. But we will persevere! THanks again everybody! Report Inappropriate Comment

MAMAEAGLE 1/12/2010 12:01PM

I have to agree here, communicate! Tell him your feelings and ask his. Ask him to explain what he means exactly by temporary. Work on it together, after all, you are moving forward into a new life together so these things need to be discussed and agreed on together. Maybe his idea is to get you all under one roof to start on a home search together (mortgage people like to see only one housing payment going out before they approve you), but perhaps talking about what area you want to live in should help you decide where to live together in a mean time (so you daughter doesn't have to change schools). and I can't wait to see the wedding photos, what a gorgeous bride you will be!! Report Inappropriate Comment

MMEQUEEN 1/12/2010 11:42AM

I have to agree with everyone's points here - - Share your blog if need be to open the conversation, - Make a list of pros and cons for the scenerios - Get your daughter's feedback about schools etc. At 12 she should have some input too (not saying she makes the decision, but she can tell you what she feels) - Can he rent his house out if you buy/move into a more modern place and work on it for when it is just the two of you? (if that is a plan... not sure if you are going to have more little ones!) I love that your daughter comes first for you - so many women I have met are willing to put their kids in the backseat for a man, and it infuriates me... I admire you for putting her first. Report Inappropriate Comment

BUTTERCUP76 1/12/2010 11:00AM

That's a ruff one to figure out, but I can say tell him exactly what you wrote here, you have some really good valid points. (you could even have him read your blog, if that kind of thing works for you) Talk to him tell him you are really ready to take that next step, but for your daughters sake your hands feel tied. Maybe you both need to make some sacrifices, he sells his house and you stop renting and both of you buy a house together. Some place that you can start your new lives together, some place you can call YOURS!(meaning the three of you). Report Inappropriate Comment

MOMMY_IN_MOTION 1/12/2010 10:45AM

This is a definite tough one! As far as the house goes- I love living in an old house. Yeah, I miss a dishwasher- but we will get one eventually. Old houses have a lot of potential as far as "fixing up" goes- and can let a family really put their mark on a place. On the other hand though- schools are a big deal. We refused to look for houses in this city until we were certain we could send the kdis to private schools- if the public school system isn't any good, I would be reluctant to move there. So I know that was no help at all. Is there anyway to keep her in her school and not transfer her? Or would your boyfriend be willing to look for a new house- both of you giving up your respective houses and finding a home together? Report Inappropriate Comment

DIXIED88 1/12/2010 10:25AM

Ooooh toughie! I think more communication is necessary. What is temporary if he doesn't want to sell his house? My automatic thought is to go house hunting together to find one that suits all of the needs presented. Honestly the most important thing in my mind would be the school issue. 7-12 grade is hard enough without having to make a bunch of changes during that time. Good luck! By the way, I think you would be a beautiful bride! Report Inappropriate Comment

Procrastination--Stand behind me!

Monday, January 11, 2010

I have been waiting to do a bunch of stuff. FAFSA forms, taxes, CLEP prep info. But today--I have been moving towards crossing these things off my list. It feels good. I am at a standstill until I get a few answers, but that's okay. I got the ball rolling! Finally!

I went Mall walking this morning-the first time in about 3 weeks. I was ssssllllooooooowwwwww. It's gonna take some work to get back on track. But I feel good. I enjoyed my time there. My body thanks me.

I have food in my fridge already prepared, so lunch and dinner are ready! I love when that happens!

Now, off to budgeting! (I really need a kick in the pants about this. Procrastination is so appealing in this area...)

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIMEFORVACATION 1/12/2010 1:30PM

When do you take the CLEP? Report Inappropriate Comment

CANDICE_A 1/11/2010 4:24PM

Can't we just cross thoswe pesky things off our lists and go home now?? Good for you, planning your meals ahead! Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSJACQUE 1/11/2010 4:00PM

You can do it! If you feel like you can't here is that kick in the pants!! The "P" word is not longer part of your vocabulary. Report Inappropriate Comment

BUTTERCUP76 1/11/2010 3:04PM

I have stuff to cross off my list too, I just need to get motivated to do them. Report Inappropriate Comment

LORTHOM2001 1/11/2010 12:37PM

i send you a kick...POW, right in the kisser! there you go. You asked for it. No more procra..... that is now a dead word! We're rootin' for ya! You can do it! Report Inappropriate Comment