Monday, November 16, 2009
Aunt Flow is visiting--so I'm a weepy mess. Had lots of gooey cheese this weekend. Was really rough on myself. *Big Sigh*
I have to cut myself some slack. I'm still losing. I'm still exercising. I'm still making great choices MOST of the time. I am capable of making some gooey choices and still remain within my calories. And--even if I go over--it won't be an everyday occurrence. Those days are long gone!
I started knitting a few years a go. I was a quick study, but wouldn't try anything really challenging. Scarves were easy and quick--so I stuck with that. Now I would try new patterns, but never wanted to make anything that required making two identical pieces. (socks, mittens) I had a friend who bought me the yarn and my first double point needles and picked a sock pattern for me. And then she plopped herself down with her knitting stuff until I started my first sock. I made mistakes. I cursed. I felt like giving up. She wouldn't let me! She gently showed me how to correct stuff, or told me to leave some in cause some mistakes are just not that big a deal. Well, I finished those socks--and I even wear them! I have gone on to make a few more pairs. My daughter and my Mom wear theirs, so they must not be too bad. I think the mistakes are what make a piece uniquely mine. And most of the time--I am the only one who sees them.
Ain't that the truth. I am my own worse critic. I have to stop looking for the flaws. I'll surely find them! But when I'm feeling down, or feel like I have messed up--maybe I should seek the good parts. They seem so much harder to find, and therefore a challenge. And, well, since I'm all about challenges these days... Seriously, there is always something good to find too. There is always something to learn. There is always something to love. (Sometimes, I love something even more once I realize it's not so perfect).
I have to share a knitting mistake too. I have been working on a pair of socks for some time now. (I get tendinitis in my wrist and elbow, so it takes me a long time to complete a project) I love the yarn, but it's a type I've never worked with before--it's got some elasticity in it. Well, I started one sock, got to a good stopping point and started the second sock (knitters can get into a second sock syndrome and not start the 2nd). I was doing really well and really liked the way it was turning out. I got out the first sock, and oops, they were vastly different sizes! I was perplexed about what to do. I had knit much further in the first sock and really didn't want to tear out all that work. But I couldn't bring myself to tear out the second sock either. After stewing on this for a couple of days I realized that I had to tear out the first sock. I had knit it too loosely and the sock was GIANT. I had the nagging feeling the entire time I was working on it, but I have such a hard time ripping out all that work. I finally ripped away. It was empowering. I know I made the right decision. I will have two socks, evenly matched, that are the correct size (but still have a fair share of mistakes in it too) --even though it's going to take me a little longer to finish them. I can't express how proud I am of myself for doing this.
I love myself. I eventually love, laugh, and learn from my mistakes. I enjoyed my weekend. I enjoyed the food. But I did pay a price. I felt so yucky after lunch yesterday. I do believe I wont be paying that price again anytime soon. Some mistakes are easier to correct than others. Some may not even need correcting. Some just need to be learned from. Some can be turned into something beautiful. Some are serendipitous.