Monday, November 02, 2009
I do solemnly swear that I, Jenn Snyder, will do my best to love my belly this week!
First, I must say that I have never had a "flat" tummy. I have always had what I have affectionately called "the pooch". Even pre-baby I had a pooch. It is the area where I have the most excess. It has scars from gallbladder surgery, stretch marks from birthing a baby, and stretch marks from the a fore mentioned excess. I have an "innie" which, with such excess, has become more of a bottomless pit.
I find it interesting that the belly is the most sensitive area (ie. ticklish). This is probably due to survival, as the belly is the most vulnerable area on the body. Nothing protects it. It is the area on my body I least enjoy having touched. I reflexively pull in when someone tries to touch my waste/belly.
I have had my brave moments with my belly. The kids I watch don't care how big it is and often tickle me or ask to see my bellybutton. I also went through a phase of doing belly bumps like Jack and Karen from Will and Grace. I even sported a bikini while tanning in the privacy of my back yard while in high school.
I hold this weight like a weight. It's like it is waiting. It needs me to make some tough emotional correlations before it will become acceptably smaller. Last night I had my first break through. I was hopelessly awake at 3am and found myself thinking about my Dad. He passed away when I was 18 suddenly of a brain anyerisum (I can't figure out the correct spelling of this word). He was a short in stature, hold your weight in your belly, emotional time bomb kind of guy. I favor him in my weight distribution and stature. I just got on blood pressure medication, just like he was on. I have had my emotional time bomb moments. I worked a lot of stuff out in therapy. I'm proud that I finally did the right thing for myself medically. I am proud that I am finally leading a healthy life. But I still found myself thinking about him last night. And, I found myself unbelievably hungry. I thought about going and getting a snack-but stopped myself. A random thought came to me. I wasn't hungry for food. I was hungry for the love of a father. Almost as quickly as the thought entered my head, my hunger pangs went away. I am a believer. I prayed at that moment and thanked God for being the unconditional father I need. I prayed that He help me shed the weight and help me work through the problems I am holding on to.
I think I'll give belly dancing a try this week. Hula hooping. Buddah belly rubbing. Gently and tenderly being patient for my love to grow.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I'm sick. Head cold with horrible cough. I always try to be in total denial of these things. I simply can't be sick. Then it gets to the point where I must admit defeat. Crawl under the covers on the couch. Eat Lipton Chicken Noodle soup. Watch terrible amounts of crappy tv. And feel pity for my poor sick self. I am gonna go take a nap now. Will someone please tell me not to worry about my exercise, calories and sodium for one day? Thanks. Hugs, Jenn
Friday, October 30, 2009
This past weekend, all 191 pounds of me, hoisted myself into an unassisted back bend!!!
Yep! A back bend! I still can not believe it myself. I haven't done a back bend since I was young. It's scary to try at my 39 years of age. I was scared I would conk my head and break my neck. But, man-o-man- my arms are strong-my legs are strong-my core is strong! Yipee!!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
As I was walking this morning and all the dogs on my path were barking their hellos, I was remembering Polly the dog. I possessed Polly for all of 2 and half days. She was a doberman puppy. Cute! Smart! A spur of the moment possession. My brother and sister-in-law decided to get another dog**Polly**and had a week to decide if she was right for them. They figured it wasn't going to work about half way though the week and asked me if I would like her. I jumped at the chance. I'd seen how they were with their dog**Ziega**and I wanted a piece of that for me. And, the fact that my daughter was begging me to say yes didn't hurt. As I ran a day care at the time, I quickly found out just how scared of dogs parents can be. Many expressed immediate concern and threatened to put their kids elsewhere if I kept her. That was strike one against Polly. I was good about follow through on discipline and enjoyed walking her: the first day. The kids loved her and she them. But then, that night, I wanted to relax. Puppies don't relax. They play hard and they sleep hard--No in between. This was strike two for Polly. Crating her at night and having her cry was strike three. Then came the final blow--Rain! Walking a dog in the rain is not fun. It was not in the dog owning dream I had been having. You know the one--you and your dog are inseparable. The dog behaves and knows what you expect of it before you even command. Your dog is a miracle worker. Your dog saves your life and the lives of many others... Umm... Wet dog is horrible! Polly went back to where she came from. I'm sure some more loving family adopted her, 'cause she was sweet.
Flash back to my walk this morning. It occurred to me, in all my pondering, that none of my excuses were valid. I gave Polly back, Not because of relaxation, crying, crazy parents, nor rain. I gave Polly back because I had absolutely ZERO discipline myself. I was wondering if maybe someday I might try dog ownership again. And I kept coming back to the same phrase: "If you can be disciplined with exercise and change your life--then maybe you can handle dog ownership." How can I teach a dog to have repetitive good behavior if I don't have repetitive good behavior myself? What an inspired correlation! I do in-vision a dog as my own someday. I realize now though, that I need to be better behaved. Have better habits. Be in more control of me. And, folks, I'm on my way!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
In my thoughts about my knees, I couldn't help but notice the areas both above and below them. They all work in conjunction with each other. And, quite frankly, I love them all! I am going to have to change my body part from knees; to the entire leg. (for those who don't know, I pick one part to love each week) Last week I had a fat calf moment. I was hating boots that zip up! And the manufacturers who make them! But, I searched my closet for a fabu pair of boots I have and I put them on. I then faced the mirror. Hot Damn! I was S-E-X-Y! I was lovin' my legs, knees and thighs in those boots! I actually searched my closet to see if I had any short dresses or skirts that I could possibly wear with said boots. Alas, losing weight has not made me grow tall, so all my "short" dresses and skirts hit just below the knee. I really can't be walking around in heels anyway (bad feet-Podiatrist would kill me-and I would be in super pain). It was nice to try though. The image of me all sexy is still in my brain and I can conjure it up anytime I need it.
Yep--that's me this week--Sexy Legs Jenn!!!
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