Wednesday, September 23, 2009
ooooo- I am so sore today! My legs HATE me! I am going to stretch with yoga. Then I'm gonna make my arms hate me by doing a great upper body workout. I will not sabotage myself today!
I read a spark page where someone mentioned being scared to lose weight. That she runs to the cupboard if she gets complimented. It struck a nerve with me today. I feel that I have never gotten back to my "skinny" self because I have been sabotaging. I have lots of excuses not to exercise, why I'm unable to lose weight at this time, why I can't eat healthy... What is this about?
I remember a time when I was in college (20 years ago!) and I was wearing a form fitting dress, walking to class, and heard cat calls. I kept walking, subtly looking around to figure out who the ENTIRE baseball team was cat-calling; Only to discover that I was the only one around! I couldn't believe it! I was made fun of all through high school for being "fat"--and here I was being ogled by a BUNCH of guys. It scared me. I never thought of myself as 'sexy'. I was the 'cute' funny girl. No one really wanted me physically. And, even if they verbally told me they liked me/"wanted me"-I never believed them. At least that's the horrible self-image I had of myself at the time. I look back at pictures of myself then, and I wonder why I ever believed the jerks in high school. I was a babe! I've never been model thin and never will be, but the 'thin' I was then was absolutely beautiful (just ask the baseball team).
I am going to pray for some better self-image attitude. For some reality checking when it comes to my physical looks and my mental well-being. For a sense of comfort and acceptance in the body I have now (in all it's metamorphoses). For a blending of my inner and outer self. For truth.